Dreaming of Rome

by Dreaming of Rome (retail) (epub)

  ‘And how’s it all going?’

  ‘It’s unbelievable, mum. I’m having the most amazing time.’

  ‘I’m so pleased. And how are you getting on with Corrado? He’s behaving himself, I hope.’

  ‘He’s wonderful. There’s just one huge problem.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I know I’m falling in love with him, and in seven days’ time I’m leaving him. Another few weeks after that and I’ll be off to America…’ Her voice tailed off and she waited for her mother to pounce with a hearty ‘I told you so’. But she didn’t.

  ‘And is he falling in love with you, dear?’ Her mother’s voice was unexpectedly soft.

  ‘I really think he is. He has.’

  ‘And you don’t think he sees you as just another one of his conquests?’

  ‘Definitely not. It’s much more than that, I’m sure.’

  ‘Well, I’m very happy for you, Joanne. So, does this mean you won’t be taking the United Nations job?’

  ‘No, mum, I have to take it. Even Corrado’s telling me I have to take it.’

  ‘He sounds like a very sensible boy.’

  ‘He’s sensible, sensitive, I can’t tell you, mum… he’s perfect.’ In spite of herself, Jo felt tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. Daisy must have noticed something in her voice as the next thing Jo felt was a heavy Labrador paw landing on her lap. She looked down into the big brown eyes and summoned a smile. ‘And as if leaving him isn’t bad enough, it’ll mean leaving his lovely dog as well.’

  ‘You know what they say, Joanne – love me, love my dog.’

  ‘That’s what he said, and I do. Both of them.’

  ‘So, are you sure you’re going to America?’

  ‘What do you think I should do, mum?’ This was a first. Jo couldn’t remember ever asking her mother for advice about men before.

  ‘That’s not up to me to say, dear. You’re the one who’s got to decide.’ There was a short pause. ‘But all I would say is there are thousands of jobs in the world, but very, very few perfect men. If you really think this is the right one for you, then maybe you should choose him over the job. I did, you know.’

  ‘You did?’

  ‘When I met your father I was just finishing my degree, but you already know that, don’t you? My plan was to go on to do a history PhD and become a university lecturer. Instead, I married your father and the result was you, followed by Angela, and I’m not complaining. You’ve both turned out so very well. And of course, I got the job teaching at St Margaret’s. It wasn’t Oxford University, but it was a good job all the same.’

  ‘So you think I should choose him?’

  ‘I’m just telling you what I did, Joanne. It’s up to you now.’

  * * *

  Jo had arranged to meet Corrado at three o’clock at the boat. As she and the dog walked back downhill through the crowded little side streets, she was barely concentrating on where she was going, her mind fully occupied with the conundrum of what to do. She was only vaguely aware of her surroundings until she emerged once more onto the quayside and it was then that she gradually came to a decision. The idea of leaving Corrado was just too brutal for words. Her mum was right, good men were so very hard to find. She couldn’t abandon him.

  There had to be something she could do here in Italy. She would sit down tonight and scour the internet for something in her field. Rome was home to a number of international and European organisations, after all, from the FAO, the United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organisation, to the WFP, the World Food Programme, and a host of environmental charities. Surely there had to be a vacancy in one of these that would allow her to use her skills to help the world and stay by Corrado’s side.

  Corrado arrived back a quarter of an hour late, very apologetic. He told her the lunch meeting had lasted longer than expected and he had only just got away. From the expression on his face, it had been a fairly stressful few hours, so she made him a cup of tea and then sat down with her arms around him and the dog at their feet. She thought about telling him she had made up her mind to say no to Professor Dietrich, but then decided to wait at least until she had had the chance to see what jobs were available online.

  Tired of the crowds, they stocked up with food and headed back out to sea again, anchoring for the night in another spectacular, and unpopulated, little bay a few miles to the west of Porto Santo Stefano. As they sailed round the rocky coastline to get there, they were joined by a pod of dolphins who swam with them for almost half an hour. Jo couldn’t have been happier, although she noticed Corrado still looking a bit glum. After they had anchored, she went to the fridge and poured out a couple of glasses of Prosecco to help cheer him up. She joined him and Daisy outside on the sundeck and settled down beside the two of them.

  ‘So, how did the meeting go? Everything all right? You’ve been a bit quiet.’

  He switched his gaze from the cliffs back to her. The deep blue eyes were smiling, but there was something else, maybe regret, in there. She wondered if this was because of his meeting or if he, too, had been thinking about their imminent separation.

  ‘Sorry if I’ve been a bit distant. No, everything’s all right. We were just going through the figures and I was hoping we might have a bit of leeway to expand, but the advice is to wait.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s a pity.’

  ‘Never mind.’ She reached over and caught hold of his arm. ‘Angie told me your business has expanded amazingly fast. I suppose it’s inevitable the curve will have to level out a bit.’

  He summoned a smile. ‘You’re right, of course. It’s just that I was hoping…’ He swallowed his wine and set the glass down. ‘Anyway, I had a good lunch, so that’s something, and Paolo, the head of accounts, is a good friend. Let’s forget about business for now. I can think of far more interesting things we could do.’

  As he rolled towards her, Jo laid her half-empty glass carefully to one side and pulled herself up on top of him, straddling him and resting on her elbows. As she looked down into his eyes from very close range, she decided there were various ways of cheering him up. The first was verbally. The next would probably involve going down to their cabin, even if this was a very remote place.

  ‘I spoke to my mum today, Corrado. You know what she said? She said there are thousands of jobs in the world, but very few good men.’

  ‘She sounds like a very sensible lady.’

  ‘And you’re a good man.’

  ‘You’re sure about that? My track record isn’t so great.’

  ‘You’re a good man. So good, in fact, that I made my mind up an hour ago that I’m going to ditch the UN job and look for something here in Italy, hopefully Rome.’ She reached down and kissed him. ‘It’s quite simple really. I can’t imagine life without you.’

  He hugged her so tightly she almost couldn’t breathe for a moment. When he released her, his eyes were sparkling and his voice was heavy with emotion.

  ‘I can’t imagine life without you either. But think long and hard about what you’re giving up. This is your life’s work we’re talking about.’

  ‘But it’s also you I’m talking about. There has to be something suitable here in Rome. I’m going to spend the next few days on the internet checking out what’s available. We’ll see. Now…’ She kissed him again and then whispered in his ear what she was proposing as a more practical way of cheering him up. He reached up and crushed her to him.

  ‘I love you, Jo, I really do.’

  Chapter 22

  The bad news was that over their final week together, in spite of all her best efforts, it soon became clear that there were very few job opportunities for environmental scientists in and around Rome. As their carefree days on the yacht gradually counted down and the end of their holiday approached, Jo trawled the internet from top to bottom, but was no nearer to find a suitable position. She discussed it with Corrado every night and he wasn’t surprised.

  ‘Ever since the financial crisis of 2008, Italy’s been in dire straits. Unem
ployment’s soared and young people are leaving the country in droves to look for work elsewhere. To be honest, that’s what the accountant told me the other day. My company’s doing okay, but we have to be prudent. I wanted to expand but he persuaded me not to. He’s a good guy and an old friend. He knows what he’s talking about.’

  ‘Yes, but the Italian government and the big international organisations must be taking people on, surely?’

  ‘Of course, but for every job that’s advertised, there are hundreds of applicants, and don’t forget we’re in Italy.’ He tapped the side of his nose with one finger and sighed.

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means that the jobs don’t always go to the best candidates, if you know what I mean. People know people. Strings get pulled. Favours get called in. It stinks, but it still goes on.’ He turned those hypnotic eyes of his upon her, now very serious. ‘Think really hard before giving up the chance to work for the UN. It’s a great opportunity for you.’

  ‘But it would take me away from you.’

  ‘Not necessarily forever. Maybe just for a year or so until you move on to something even better back here. And, besides, I can come and visit you in New York in the meantime.’

  ‘But it’s you I want, Corrado. I’ve thought it through and there’s no doubt in my mind. The idea of being separated from you is unbearable.’

  He smiled and kissed her, but his eyes showed how worried for her he was.

  They spent their penultimate night, once more, back in the little bay on the south side of the Argentario where he had had his epiphany. It was a bittersweet evening. Once again, they barbecued on the beach, once again, they swam, sunbathed and played with the dog. But both of them knew that tomorrow would be their final night together, at least for now.

  Jo was becoming increasingly concerned. Next week she had her appointment with Professor Dietrich and although she had decided not to take the UN job, however enticing it appeared to be, she would have been far happier if she had at least been able to compile a short list of possible jobs in Italy. Once back in London she could then apply for them and fly across to Rome for interviews if requested. The trouble was that there was virtually nothing. The closest she found was a position as receptionist at a small charity in the suburbs of Rome, but it was far from what she had been doing and was capable of.

  She and Corrado talked it through over and over again, but she found herself on the horns of a dilemma: take the job and lose the man – the man she had waited her whole life to find, of that she was certain – or take the man and give up on her career.

  Their final night together was spent at the marina in Porto Ercole. They ate in the same little restaurant overlooking the harbour and chose the same bruschetta followed by prawns and squid. Afterwards, they took Daisy for a long walk along the shore before returning to the yacht in solemn mood. Their lovemaking that night was even sweeter and more all-consuming that at any time and she fell asleep drained in body and mind, salty tears drying on her cheeks.

  The next morning, they barely spoke as they breakfasted and Jo packed her bags once more. Corrado was coming back up to Porto Ercole the following weekend to collect the yacht, so they both said farewell to what had been their very comfortable home for the past two weeks. In Jo’s case, it was with very real tears in her eyes. She clung to Corrado’s arm as they made their way along the pontoon and back to where the car was still parked, now covered in sand and dust.

  However, it wasn’t until they reached Fiumicino airport that she started crying properly. This was still because of Corrado, but for all the wrong reasons. He found a parking space right opposite the terminal building once again, but made no attempt to get out. After switching off the engine, he turned towards her, his suntanned face unusually serious and drawn.

  ‘Jo, we’ve got to talk.’

  She smiled at him, but it was an unexpectedly nervous smile. She had never seen him like this before. His fingers were drumming nervously on the steering wheel and he seemed incapable of looking straight at her. A sense of foreboding descended upon her.

  ‘Jo, I really don’t know how to say this. There’s no easy way, so all I can do is to tell you straight.’ His eyes met hers momentarily before dropping once more. ‘Jo, the whole love thing, I’m afraid I fooled myself… and you.’

  Jo sat bolt upright, barely daring to breathe.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You knew before we set off on this holiday what sort of man you were getting yourself involved with, didn’t you? Everybody told you. I told you. You knew.’ He paused for a moment and she saw the muscles of his jaw clench and unclench nervously. ‘I honestly didn’t set out to deceive you, I promise. I really believed things were different this time. I genuinely thought this might be it… love.’

  He stopped again and Jo saw him take a couple of deep breaths. As for her, she felt as if somebody had kicked her in the stomach. A cold chill enveloped her as he continued.

  ‘We’ve had a great time, Jo. I’ve had a great time. And sex with you was the best I’ve ever had.’ As Jo did her best to digest this remark, he went on again and her heart shattered in her chest. ‘But it was just sex. I realise that now. There’s no point trying to kid myself, or you. I’m afraid I’m still the same old hedonist. I haven’t changed, however much I would like you to think I have. I want what I want, and I can’t give you what you want and deserve. Jo, take the UN job. Go to America and forget about me. I’m not worth it.’

  ‘So it’s all over…?’ Her voice sounded croaky, like an old lady. She cleared her throat and tried again. ‘But after everything that’s happened…’

  ‘I know, Jo, and I’ve tried. Believe me. But it’s no good. We want different things, we want to lead different lives. I’m not the man for you and even if you don’t realise that now, you will, trust me. Forget me and go and live your life in America.’

  Of course she argued, pleaded even, but he remained stubbornly convinced that what she had interpreted as love blossoming between the two of them was nothing more than lust. She tried to remind him of all the good times they had had together, but all that achieved was to bring tears to the corners of her eyes. In the end, rather than break down and sob like a little baby in front of him, she scrambled out of the car, hugged the visibly troubled dog and grabbed her heavy bag. Shaking off Corrado’s attempts to carry it in for her, she lugged it into the terminal by herself, leaving him standing by the car. And she didn’t turn back even once.

  The time she spent waiting at the airport was a blur. She sat in the toilet for half an hour doing her best to stop crying, but with little success. When the tears finally stopped, it must have been because she was dehydrated. Certainly, she didn’t feel any better. She heard her flight being called and followed the signs to the departure lounge where she queued up with all the other passengers, most of them happy and cheerful, while all she felt deep inside was a void.

  In the space of two or three minutes, he had kicked away her foundations and she felt herself close to crumbling. Even after Christian’s sudden departure she hadn’t felt as bad as this. Over the past two weeks she knew she had developed deep and lasting feelings for Corrado and she had been totally convinced that he felt the same way about her. She knew she loved him with all her heart and yet, in a few short sentences, he had consigned all that to the waste bin and had trampled all over her.

  The aircraft was only half full and she was fortunate to find herself with three seats to herself. This was probably just as well for any passengers who would have been unfortunate enough to find themselves seated next to somebody sobbing into her handkerchief for most of the way back to Luton. Upon arrival, she manhandled her luggage through the terminal and onto the train to the centre of London. From there she felt too drained to struggle down into the Underground, so she took a very expensive taxi ride home.

  By the time she got back, she was barely coherent and it was very lucky that Justin and Kevin arrived back at almost the sa
me moment. They met downstairs in the lobby and her appearance must have given her away. Justin immediately relieved her of the heavy bag while Kevin took her by the arm and marched her upstairs to their flat. He sat her down on the sofa and settled down beside her. When Justin appeared with a pot of tea and three cups, he sat down on the other side of her and added his support. Their kindness was so touching and sweet, it tipped her over the edge once more and she cried her eyes out yet again.

  A mug of hot tea and one of Justin’s brownies finally succeeded in staunching the tears and slowly and painfully, she told them all about it. Both men were visibly shocked. When she finally lurched towards the end of her tale, Kevin voiced his opinion.

  ‘The man’s an utter, utter bastard. How could he? And you genuinely didn’t realise it was all a sham until the very last day?’

  ‘Until the very last few minutes of the very last day. I thought everything was going so well. Yes, he was a bit strained towards the end, but then so was I, knowing that this wonderful holiday – and it really was a wonderful holiday – was about to come to an end. It came as a bolt from the blue.’

  The boys insisted that she should stay there with them and they ordered in a curry. They opened a bottle of wine, but Jo shook her head. The way she was feeling, alcohol was the last thing she needed.

  They bullied her into eating, and by the end of the meal, she was feeling a little bit better. Kevin then asked her the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question.

  ‘So, what about the job in America? Are you going to take it?’

  Jo sat back and reflected. Only a few hours earlier she had been rehearsing in her head what she would say to Professor Dietrich in three days’ time to break the news that she wouldn’t be accepting the UN job offer after all. Now, suddenly, it had all changed. With Corrado revealed as little better than a deceiver – or, at best, a self-deceiver – there was nothing to keep her on this side of the Atlantic. Her last words to the boys before leaving two weeks earlier had been her decision to take the UN job as an important and exciting step forward in her career. Now there was no reason not to. She nodded to herself.