Dreaming of Rome

by Dreaming of Rome (retail) (epub)

  ‘Of course I’m going to take it.’

  ‘We’ll miss you, princess.’

  ‘And I’ll miss the two of you so very much.’

  ‘Make sure you get a big place so we can come and visit.’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  * * *

  The following day she had arranged to go out to Oxford to see her parents. She didn’t sleep very much overnight, but as a result of all the thinking she did as she lay there staring up at the ceiling in the small hours, doing her best not to break down and cry all over again, she had taken a few decisions by the time she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower.

  Angie and Mario would be getting married next April and she knew Corrado would be there, as would she. There would be absolutely no way to avoid seeing him. She could no more miss her sister’s wedding than Corrado could miss his brother’s. Angie had probably been joking when she had threatened to feed him to the pigs if he broke her big sister’s heart, but Jo saw no reason to tempt fate. In consequence, she decided to play down the feelings she had been developing on the boat, and she would tell everybody – her parents included – that it had been a lovely holiday and they were good friends, but she had decided to do the sensible thing and accept the UN job as a level-headed, grown-up career move. After all, she told herself, she had set off on the cruise two weeks earlier with that stated intention.

  She didn’t feel up to speaking to Angie about this as it was all too fresh and raw. Instead, she sent her a short email just saying she had had a lovely holiday and was now back home safe and well, and about to accept the new job. After a considerable amount of internal debate, she then sent a short email to Corrado.

  I have arrived back safely.

  I have decided to follow your advice and accept the job in America. So as not to cause any friction in the family as a result of your behaviour, I intend to tell everybody we had a good holiday and that’s all. I see no need to make things any more awkward than they already are.

  Hopefully you and I won’t need to meet up again until the wedding and as little as possible after that.

  Jo

  As she pressed Send, her overriding sensation was one of bitter disappointment. The more she thought about it, Tennyson, however great a poet he might have been, didn’t know a damn thing about love.

  Chapter 23

  Jo flew across to New York on the fifth of October. As she sat in the aircraft on the runway at Heathrow, listening to the jet engines revving up, she didn’t cry, but her mood was far from cheerful. Her farewell party two nights earlier had been bittersweet and even the sight of Ronald visibly upset to be losing her hadn’t managed to cheer her up. September had been an awful month, or at least it would have been terrible if she hadn’t had so much to do, getting her affairs in order before flying off to her new life three thousand miles away.

  Her meeting with Professor Dietrich had been brief and Jo had been glad of that. Only three days after returning from Rome, she had still been feeling very fragile. Fortunately, she had managed to paste a smile on her face and drum up a semblance of enthusiasm for the new job, and she hoped Professor Dietrich had been convinced. Part of the generous relocation package had involved being able to send a certain amount of her personal possessions across to the States by courier, and the selection of what she required and the relegation of everything else to her parents’ attic had also helped to take her mind off Corrado and what might have been or, in her case, what had been until it had been firmly crushed by him.

  There had only been one communication from him, a reply to her email.

  Dear Jo

  I totally agree. As far as anybody needs to know, we had a lovely holiday together and that’s that.

  I’m sorry.

  Corrado

  She had cried when she read it and even now, a month later, the thought of it still could still bring tears to her eyes. After all they had enjoyed together, after all the love, how he could spare her just twenty-four measly little words? And, since then, there had been no contact of any kind between them.

  She had steadfastly stuck to her story of having had a wonderful holiday, but that nothing had developed between her and Corrado. In consequence she told everybody it had been an easy and sensible decision to accept the offer of the UN job, even though it meant a major upheaval for her. The only people who knew the truth of what had happened were Kevin and Justin and, of course, Victoria.

  Victoria, predictably, hadn’t taken it well.

  ‘What a miserable, scheming little sod! When you phoned me from that island or wherever it was, you sounded so happy, so blissfully happy. I remember telling George I thought you’d finally found what you’d been looking for.’

  ‘And I really thought I had done, Vic.’

  ‘And then he just calmly waits until you’re sitting outside the airport to drop the bombshell that he doesn’t love you after all and that all he’d been after was sex.’ Victoria snorted. ‘You’d better tell Angie it’s probably not a good idea to invite me to the wedding next year. If I see Corrado, I won’t be responsible for my actions, and I’d hate to spoil the wedding for them by smacking the bridegroom’s brother.’

  Jo had smiled at that. ‘I can’t do that, Vic. As far as anybody else is concerned, we had a great holiday and we’re just good friends. I can’t risk screwing things up for Angie and the family by telling the truth. She’d go ballistic with him and I’ve got a fair idea that Mario would blow his top as well. It could split the family. No, at the wedding, you and I will be on our best behaviour. A gracious smile, a few words – not the ones you’d really like to use with him – and that’s that. Hopefully, once the wedding’s out of the way, neither of us will have to see much of him ever again.’

  There had, however, been a lot of regret in her tone.

  Fortunately, October turned out to be even busier than September and Jo found she was able to settle into her new life in America without too much time for introspection. Her new office was in a very modern building on the outskirts of New York and she soon got to know and like the other people in her department. She was the youngest member of the team and, as such, she found that they all seemed to want to take her under their wings. Fortunately, with a couple of exceptions, this wasn’t just because they wanted to get her into bed. As far as that was concerned, she had absolutely no interest in any man. She was invited out for burgers, pizzas, bagels and a host of ethnic dishes from couscous to tacos. Consequently, it came as a great relief to find that one of the many perks of the job was that she had access to a stunningly well-equipped fitness centre with a gym and a pool where she managed to work off all the calories she was consuming. They also had a punch bag there and she found it excellent for those occasions when her mind drifted back to her handsome Roman chemist.

  In the middle of November, the weather took a turn for the worse, the temperatures plummeted, and she had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Coming from a warm English summer, as well as two weeks in the heat of the Mediterranean, she had seriously misjudged how cold it could get in New York and she soon added thick tights, fur-lined boots and a wonderfully warm, full length, down-filled coat to her armoury. The apartment provided for her was large and comfortable, and surprisingly not too expensive. She soon got used to American life and American language, buying milk in quarts, taking the subway, and making sure she didn’t stray off the sidewalk.

  One memorable evening, she was invited to dinner at Professor Dietrich’s house. There were just the two of them, along with three very affectionate cats who had an unfortunate, and unpunished, habit of jumping onto the dining table mid-meal. Clearly these were Waltraud Dietrich’s surrogate children, and very spoilt ones at that. Waltraud was a good cook and it was a delightful evening. Jo found her very easy to talk to and it was probably this, as much as anything else, that caused her to start talking about Corrado. She ended up recounting the whole sad story, mercifully without doing more than sniff a bit and blow her nose. It
turned out Waltraud had already had an inkling that something like that must have happened.

  ‘I felt sure when we met up in London that something bad had happened. You looked very worn, very unhappy… fairly depressed, to be honest. I’m pleased to see you looking and sounding much brighter now, but at the time I was concerned for you. So, have you spoken to him since then?’

  Jo shook her head. ‘No, no contact. Officially we’re just good friends – we have to be because of the family complications – but unofficially all links have been severed.’

  Waltraud listened impassively, her eyes tolerantly watching the fluffiest of the cats playing with a bread roll it had stolen from the table. ‘So, if he hadn’t broken your heart, would you still have come here?’

  Jo removed a cat hair from the rim of her glass and took a sip before replying.

  ‘To be totally honest, Waltraud, no. I had made up my mind to thank you, but to turn the offer down. I can see now that I was completely besotted with him. I hadn’t found an alternative job in Italy and yet I was all set to throw away this incredible opportunity you’d offered me, all for the sake of love… or what I thought was love.’ She caught the professor’s eye. ‘I’m sorry if that makes you sound like second best. I don’t mean it like that. I just wasn’t thinking logically.’

  ‘Love can do that.’

  Somehow, these four words really surprised Jo. She knew that the elderly lady was unmarried and had assumed her to be as firm in her belief that love was unscientific and unwanted as Corrado himself. Instead, she had used the word without disapproval and with more than a note of nostalgia. Jo listened, fascinated, as Waltraud then revealed secrets from her own past.

  ‘I had to make that choice myself a long time ago, Jo. I was about your age and working at the university of Graz in Austria. I was going out with a man at the time, Klaus, and I liked him a lot. In fact, I thought I loved him. Then, out of the blue, I was offered a job over here in the United States. Those post-war years in Austria were very tough and everybody said I should take it. When I told Klaus, do you know what he did?’

  Jo shook her head, touched to hear the great lady talking so openly about such a personal moment in her life.

  ‘He asked me to marry him.’ Waltraud took another mouthful of wine and gently persuaded the smaller of the two black cats to get off the table. ‘I thought about it. I thought long and hard about it and, in the end, I turned him down. I took the job and we split up forever.’

  ‘But then everything has worked out so well for you here, hasn’t it? Surely you have no regrets.’

  The old lady looked across the table at Jo and shook her head ruefully.

  ‘Every day of my life, Jo. Every day of my life.’ Jo was staggered, but she didn’t have time to comment before Waltraud continued. ‘He’s a very successful scientist in his own right. Or rather, he was. He’s now retired, I believe. He married a girl I knew from school and they had three big strong sons. He’s had a very happy life.’

  ‘But surely you’ve been happy too?’

  ‘Yes, I’ve been happy. I’ve accomplished a lot in my life and I have a lot to be thankful for. But I’ll always regret leaving Klaus.’ After a few moments of reflective silence, she looked up again. ‘At least your Corrado made the decision easy for you, didn’t he?’

  These words were still running through Jo’s head in the taxi on the way home. In a way, Corrado had made the decision for her. What was it he had said about feeling sure she would regret it if she turned the UN job down? Looking back on it now, after a little bit of time for reflection, she realised he had probably been right. Certainly, she was enjoying the job here more and more as the days went by. Here, at least, she had the opportunity to apply everything she had worked so hard to attain and maybe make a real difference. She wouldn’t allow herself to go so far as to describe her work as vital to the survival of the planet, but she knew she was doing important work all the same. In a funny way, maybe Corrado had done her a favour after all, even though it certainly hadn’t felt like it at the time.

  That night when she got home, she sent him an email. It wasn’t long, but it said everything she wanted to say.

  Dear Corrado

  I will always remember those idyllic days we spent together on your lovely yacht. I will always remember you and, of course, Daisy. And I will remember you both with affection.

  You were right. I should have known what I was getting myself into. You, yourself, were the first to warn me. I do not regret what happened between us although I will always regret the way it ended. In fact, I will remember the time we spent together as some of the very best days of my life. Thank you.

  I love my new job and I’m glad I took it.

  I am writing this to let you know that I don’t hate you. I thought I did for a while, but I don’t.

  I wish you a happy and successful life,

  Jo

  She pressed Send and sat there at the laptop for a few minutes until a single teardrop landed on the keys and she closed it gently, knowing she had done the right thing.

  Chapter 24

  Twenty-four hours later, she got a reply from him. It wasn’t long, but the tone was far less terse than his previous email.

  Dear Jo

  I was delighted, and relieved, to hear from you. I have been thinking about you a lot ever since I last saw you. Once again please try to accept my apologies for how it ended.

  I am really pleased to hear that you are enjoying your new job. I know you have a lot to offer and I’m sure the planet needs you.

  I do hope we can remain good friends.

  Corrado (and Daisy)

  She read it and re-read it a number of times. As she did, a host of memories were awakened yet again, but this time she didn’t cry.

  She came close, but she didn’t.

  At lunchtime next day she phoned her sister. They had only communicated by email once or twice since the summer and this was the first time they had spoken since her holiday with Corrado. Jo had been putting off talking to her, terrified she would end up in tears on the end of the line and spill the beans. Now, after her exchange of emails with Corrado, she finally felt strong enough to try.

  ‘Hi, Angie. Can you talk?’

  ‘Jo, hi. Yes, of course. What time is it with you?’

  ‘Just gone one o’clock. I’m having my lunch.’

  They chatted about the Country Club, the weather and the horses before Angie brought up the subject of her brother-in-law.

  ‘It sounds as if you and Corrado had a lovely holiday. He told us all about your visits to the islands. He was very impressed with your swimming, although knowing him as we do, that may just have been the bikini you were wearing.’

  ‘It was a wonderful holiday. Unforgettable. Have you seen him recently?’

  ‘Not for a few weeks now. Mario sees more of him than I do as they’ve been talking about the new spa we’re creating. He’s fine, though Mario said he seemed a bit quieter than usual. He thinks Corrado’s having a bit of a break from all his women. Maybe you made more of an impression on him than you thought.’

  Jo skated round the possible implications of this. ‘And his lovely dog? I’m totally in love with Daisy, you know.’

  ‘She’s as sweet as ever. Have you spoken to Corrado recently?’

  ‘Only a couple of emails.’

  ‘Has he told you he’s going to America?’

  ‘He’s doing what?’

  ‘California, I think Mario said. Some business thing, just for a few days.’

  ‘And when’s that happening?’

  ‘I’m not sure. Why don’t you ask him? Pretty soon, I think. Anyway, Jo, changing the subject, I was going to sit down and send you an email this week to talk about Christmas. Now that dad’s back on his feet again, I’ve managed to persuade them to come over here for a few days at Christmas. Is there any chance you can come over and join us? I know you’ve only just arrived in America really, but it would be lovely to get the family
together.’

  And the family would, of course, include her future brother-in-law.

  Jo prevaricated. ‘That sounds lovely, Angie. I’ll speak to my supervisor and see what she thinks. Americans aren’t big on holiday entitlement, but I know I should get a few days off. I’ll see what I can do.’

  When she put the phone down, she sat for a while, mulling over what her sister had told her about Christmas and about Corrado’s impending visit to the USA. Of course, California was four or five hours’ flight away so it wasn’t likely he would be coming to New York but, what if he did? In spite of everything that had happened, she found herself wondering whether they might meet up. If he suggested it, what would she say? On the one hand there was what Victoria had described as the open sore that would just get more and more inflamed by his appearance. On the other was the realisation that, in spite of everything, she couldn’t hide the fact that there was a part of her brain that would love to see him again, even if a more logical, sensible part deeply disapproved. As he would have put it, the limbic system wants what the limbic system wants…

  That evening she send him another email and got an almost immediate reply, even though it was past midnight in Italy. She mentioned that she had been talking to her sister and asked, casually, about his projected visit to California. The reply was disappointing, or satisfying, depending upon which part of her brain was doing the thinking.

  Dear Jo

  Yes, that was the plan, but things have changed. The man I need to see is coming across to Europe in a few weeks’ time and we’re meeting in Geneva. You maybe know him – Professor Richard Paris from UCLA. I believe he was at the Save the Planet conference in Rome with you.