My head rose and fell with his breaths, the movement slowing as he came back down from his high and returned to normal. He didn't let me go, though, keeping his arms wrapped around me. I had never felt so warm, satisfied, and safe.
Neither of us spoke as we regained our senses. A part of me hoped I never would.
But as reality crept back in, the consequences of my actions did too. Now that we had each gotten what we wanted for the moment, I was once again able to remember everything that had led up to this point. As much as I didn't want to think about it, I had to.
I had temporarily lost my sense of responsibility and reason twice now with Alec. He had a way of doing that to me. And I couldn't allow that to happen. I had to look out for myself, and Alec was a dangerous man. Not in the sense that he would harm me physically but he had the power to do much worse to my fragile heart.
Alec Slade was never going to be a reliable man, or a trustworthy one, even if he wanted to be. Even if he tried. Supposedly, he had tried and instead of being responsible, he ended up with a naked woman in his room last night. If all his attempts to do the right thing ended up like that, I was going to be in for a world of hurt.
Tears sprang to my eyes and I rolled off of him, pulling a blanket up around me and suddenly feeling shy.
"I can't do this, Alec," I said, turning away from him. "This was a mistake."
"That’s what you said last time," Alec reminded me, reaching for me.
I moved my arm. I didn't want to touch him right now. Because if I did, I would end up on top of him again. And my self-respect would go down the drain. Again.
"I'm serious, "I said, turning toward him, unable to stop a tear from rolling down my cheek. "I never should have done this with you, this…this was not part of the plan."
"Well, sometimes deviating from the plan can be a good thing," Alec said.
"Like what happened last night?" I snapped.
"You're going to throw that in my face after what we just did?" Alec shook his head, not bothering to sit up or cover himself.
I sat up on one elbow, turning so I could look him in the eye. "Alec, I'm sure you have good intentions sometimes, but you and I would never work out in the long run. We are just too different on every level, and I'm sorry but I have to protect my own heart first and foremost. This was a business arrangement, and I think it should stay that way." I grabbed my clothes, pulling them close. "It's not healthy for me to live like this. I can’t deal with the constant confusion, the worry, and the jealousy when I don't even know if I have a right to be jealous or not. And if you were my real boyfriend, I would never put up with any of this. The lines are too blurry and I need them be clear."
Alec finally sat up, watching me get dressed.
"If that's how you really feel then I respect that," he said. "I don't want you to be miserable. I'm sorry."
He sounded hurt, and his apology seemed genuine.
"It's okay. This was my fault too." I laughed bitterly. "You didn't see me resist."
Alec smirked. "Well, I want you to know that I have thoroughly enjoyed all that we've shared together, but if you aren't comfortable with it, then like I said, I will respect that. Professional only from now on."
I nodded my head toward him. "Um, you're still not wearing any pants. I don't think that's very professional."
"Ah, right," he said, standing up and stretching first, his cock out in the open. He casually pulled on a pair of sweatpants without bothering to look for a shirt.
"So, if we have a professional relationship from now on, then I take it you'll still be my fiancé? Professionally, of course?"
I nodded. "That was the agreement and I plan to stay true to my word. You've been putting me up this whole time. It's the least I can do."
"Thank you, Myra. That means a lot to me." He walked over to the window, looking out at the cloudy day. "The proposal will need to happen soon. Just to warn you, it's going to have to be really big and public. You're prepared for that?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I said, "Do what you got to do. I'm just an employed actor." I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"Well, you're a little more than that. At least a friend, I'd say. Anyway, I'm going to buy a ring tomorrow. Do you have a preference? I mean, you're the one who will wear it, so you might as well get something you like."
I tried to force a laugh, but it came out sounding overly sarcastic. "No, get whatever you want. It doesn't matter. It's not like it means anything."
He chose to ignore my poor choice of words and my nasty intonation. Suddenly, I felt worse. I wanted my wedding proposal to be…genuine. Is that really too much to ask from life?
"Okay, then. I'll pick out something that I think will suit you. If you change your mind, let me know."
"Just do me a favor," I said, heading for the door. "Don't tell me anything more about the proposal." He looked at me with confusion and I explained myself, regaining my footing. I didn't want him to know how upset I really felt.
"I just want to seem genuinely surprised. If I know everything, it's going to look staged. I'm not a great actress when it comes to stuff like that."
"Right that makes sense. Mum's the word." He smiled at me and I felt a crack forming in my heart.
14
Alec
How was I supposed to be professional with Myra when every time I looked at her face, I fell just a little harder for her? How did she expect me to stay professional when she had shown me what she looked like in the throes of an orgasm as she rode me?
Did she have any idea what kind of feat she was asking of me?
I had to respect her wishes, though. Myra was a good woman and she was right - we were too different. She was a decent human being and I wasn't. I stared at the closed door that she’d just walked out of. I wished she were still in my room with me, naked in my bed, but this was a typical Sunday afternoon for me, once again.
Hot sex, and then I was just alone.
Only this was different. I didn't tell her to leave. I wanted her to stay for once. The one woman who I didn't feel was crowding my space was the one who was running away now, and for a good reason.
I laid back down on my bed, the scent of her still all over my sheets. That was nice.
At least she was still going to be my fiancé for show. If I couldn't have a stable love life, at least maybe I could have a stable career for once. I was capable of handling the business, I knew that. Nobody else believed in me, though, except maybe Myra. She wasn't the type to be a part of something she didn't believe in and that's what made me admire her so damn much. She was upfront with me, and even though it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, I admired her for sticking to her principles.
It's just too bad her principles told her that I would be a piece of shit boyfriend.
I sighed, pulling on a t-shirt. I needed to get it together and get over it. The show must go on or else I would neither have a woman nor a career.
I picked up my phone and dialed Amanda, Marcus' girlfriend. I needed a woman with good taste to come to the jeweler with me and pick out a ring for Myra. Amanda had met her at the party and she was the only one Myra had actually seemed to enjoy talking to.
Come to think of it, they were similar. Amanda was also a hardworking and level-headed woman, not at all pompous and arrogant like the rest of the high-society women.
"Hi, Alec," she answered. "How's it going?"
"Oh, it's going. Listen, I had a favor to ask of you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"
"I think so. What for?"
"I, uh, need your help picking out an engagement ring."
Amanda gasped. "Wait a minute, is this a prank call? Who is this? Grant, is that you messing around? Are you still drunk from last night or something?"
I laughed. "No, it's me. I promise I'm not pranking you."
"Is this for that girlfriend of yours you brought to the party last week? Myra?"
"You remembered her name. Yeah it's for her."
"Ju
st making sure you weren't trying to marry some hooker you found at the club."
"Amanda! I'm offended."
She laughed. "You know I'm messing with you. I can do that too sometimes, you know. Anyway, we'll talk more about this tomorrow. I'd love to help you pick out a ring. Maybe I can teach you a couple things about jewelry selection and you can teach your brother. He doesn’t listen to me."
"I'll see what I can do. Thanks Amanda, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks again for taking the time to meet me here, Amanda." I gave her a quick hug.
"No problem. You know a girl like me wouldn't pass up a chance to go shopping for diamonds. Even when they're not for me." She laughed good naturedly.
We were standing outside on the sidewalk in front of a string of boutique shops. The most upscale jeweler in the city was on this block, and I hoped to find something suitable there.
"I take it we're going to Albertson's then?" she asked, referring to the famous jeweler.
"Yeah, I figured we'd go right to the source."
Amanda's eyes got big. "If we don't find anything there I'd be shocked."
"I'm willing to do what I have to in order to get something perfect. I want this whole thing to be perfect."
That was the truth. I also wanted it to be real, but Amanda didn't need to know that part.
"That is so sweet, Alec. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you've been abducted by aliens and switched or something. This is just so unexpected."
I shrugged, secretly glad that I had her do this with me. She would surely tell Marcus everything that happened today and it would definitely add to the credibility of my story.
"I was just passing the time before, you know? When I met Myra, all of that changed. I knew she was special, and I don't see a point in waiting any longer. I'm going to be turning thirty soon. I'm ready to settle."
"I think that's great, Alec. I am so proud of you. I have to admit, I never thought I'd see the day that you got married. To be honest, I'm a little selfishly disappointed that it's happening for you and Myra before Marcus and me."
I rubbed the back of my neck, guilt nagging at me a little bit. I didn't want my little charade to get Marcus in trouble with his woman. "You know Marcus," I said, defending my brother. "He's just so slow at making decisions and terrible at reading people. You really have to spell out what you want from him or you'll never get it."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah tell me about it. I'm sorry, though, I don't mean to talk badly about your brother. He's great." She smiled. "You're all great. You just move at different paces and there is nothing wrong with that."
We started walking toward the store. She continued, "I liked Myra when I met her. I think she'll be the perfect balance for you. She's sweet and I can tell she's smart, too. It's a beautiful thing when two people can complement each other like that. Don't ever let her go, Alec. I know you have a history of…sampling the spices of life, but I can tell she is worth giving that up for."
"Oh, she is," I said. "She really is. I'm ready for stability. I just wish I could have the same stability in my career that I have in my relationship now."
Amanda scrunched her nose. "Is your dad still being…difficult?"
I nodded. "Yeah, but I think he'll come around."
"He's a tough cookie, that's for sure."
I pushed open the door to the jewelry store and all conversation ceased as Amanda rushed in like a kid in a candy store, excitedly pointing at our options.
It didn't take long to find a ring for Myra. It did take a long time to pry Amanda from all of the shiny objects, though. I bought her a pair of simple earrings as a thank you gift for helping me, and then we went out to lunch before she left to go to work for the afternoon.
I was relieved to be alone again after talking to her all morning about how I was so glad to be settling down.
However, my work wasn’t over yet.
I phoned my father and he answered, sounding like his usual somber self. "Hello, Alec."
"Hi Dad. How are you feeling today?"
He grunted. "Like an old man," he replied. "But like a sharp old man."
"Good good. Listen, can I stop by? I have something important to share with you and want to do it in person to get your advice."
"Stop by whenever you'd like. I will be home all day."
"Great, thanks. I'll see you soon." I ended the call, feeling somewhat sick to my stomach.
The guilt from lying to everyone was starting to set in, but I couldn't let that happen. Not now, not when I had come this far. The worst part was the praise I was getting. From Amanda, and from some of the people at the parties I had taken Myra to. It was like having a steady, respectable girlfriend was the only good thing I had ever done in their eyes. And I hadn't even done it. The one thing they now respected me for was a sham.
That made me feel…not so great. It also didn't make me feel great that the "respectable girl" wanted nothing to do with me on a personal level.
But there was no turning back now. By the end of the week, the public would know about our engagement, and I was going to tell my father in a matter of hours.
I reminded myself why I was doing this. I needed that spot as a partner in the company. Without it, I would truly have nothing, except my giant empty house and Grant's immature parties.
"What news did you have for me that was so important?" My father asked, looking up from his newspaper. I sat down in the armchair next to him. He put out his cigar and looked at me curiously.
"You seem different," he said, looking me over. "Your eyes look…clear for once."
I pulled the small box out of my pocket and opened it, flashing the large diamond.
"You're proposing to me?" My father asked sarcastically.
"No, Dad. I'm proposing to Myra. Very soon. I wanted to tell you first. She's the one, and I want to be with her. I hope I have your blessing."
"When has my blessing mattered so much to you?" He asked.
"It always has mattered," I said, trying to keep my cool.
He sighed, leaning back in his chair.
"You're serious, aren't you?"
"I am."
"I can tell you're in love. I saw the way you looked at her. To be honest, I wasn't impressed when I first met her, but I’ve been hearing good things. About her, and about the way you've been behaving since she has been around. Often times it takes the love of a good woman to get us men to see the folly in our ways. I know your mother made me a better person. I hope Myra opens you up in that same way."
I nodded, feeling a pang of sadness in my chest. "She's really opened my eyes." I thought of my mother, and I wished she were still around to meet Myra, that is, if Myra were actually getting married to me for real.
"Good," my father said. "You needed that. I'm very proud of you, son. I wish you the best with your new fiancé. Providing she accepts of course."
"She will," I said. "I'm sure of it. We’ve discussed our future together often," I lied.
"Good." My father turned back to his newspaper. "I am happy for you and frankly I am a bit shocked, in a pleasing way. I wasn't sure I would live to see the day that you stopped acting like a tomcat. However, I hope you don't assume that just because you're about to be a married man that I am making you a partner in the company."
My face fell. "Why not?" I blurted out.
My father's eyes met mine. "I see you haven’t changed so much after all. You're still self-absorbed Alec, thinking that because you do one thing, take one step in the right direction, that it erases all the years of slacking off." He shook his head. "It wouldn't be fair to your brothers who have put in triple the amount of time that you have. I can’t just hand you the reigns." He stood up. "Let me know when you schedule the wedding."
15
Myra
Two Weeks Later
"I'm just so happy for you two!" Amanda smiled.
I was at another social gathering, this time held at a swanky country club. It was some benefit that w
as full of philanthropists masquerading as actual good people, but it didn't take a detective to figure out that most people who’d paid the five hundred dollars to get in and made a heft donation on top of that were in it for the good publicity and the tax write off.
But what did I care? I was just as seedy as the rest of them, playing this game with Alec to deceive his ailing father.
At least Marcus had brought Amanda. She was one of the only people I’d met so far at any of these functions who seemed at all genuine and friendly. And here I was lying to her.
"Thank you," I smiled back.
"It all happened so fast between you and Alec," she continued, sipping on a drink. My stomach had been upset, so I’d opted out of the bubbly, which was making this function even more of a chore to slog through. "You're so lucky. I have been with Marcus for what is starting to seem like forever and he still hasn't proposed or even given any indication that he is going to. I keep trying to hint at him that I'm not going to wait forever." She sighed. "What's your secret? How'd you get a man like Alec to commit to you so fast? I mean, no offense, but he used to be kind of hard to pin down. The way he looks at you, I wouldn't be surprised if he proposed to you sooner. You'd better be prepared for that." She suddenly looked uncomfortable and finished off her glass of champagne. She’d already had at least two before this one. I fought the urge to laugh. Maybe Alec had already told his brother that he was going to propose. Little did she know that she wasn't giving anything away at all.
I felt a jab in my chest as I prepared to lie through my teeth again. It should be getting easier. "I don't think I have a secret. I guess when it's meant to happen, it'll just happen. People move at different paces I guess. I'm sure Marcus is just waiting for the perfect moment to propose to you. He seems like a calculated sort of a man."
"He is," she agreed. "But I'm impatient."
Alec came up behind me, putting his hand lightly on my hip and setting me on fire with his touch. The only thing that made these outings thrilling for me was the fact that it meant Alec and I would be forced to engage in a fair amount of touching and public displays of affection throughout the evening. Ever since we had agreed to keep our interactions professional, we’d somehow managed to do just that.
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