Reality Fix - Lucifer's Crown

by tantan

bright and early, fully prepped to wipe off the usual smug smile Hearthoff always wore on his face. They suited up and practiced against each other, trading blows that put dents in their shields. A few shields later, Hearthoff walked in.

  "Lads," he said glancing at the shields quickly and then back at the two boys, "I'm glad to say that you've both passed. After a lot of deliberation I have deemed the final test to be unnecessary. Watching the fantastic work you both did yesterday (especially you Thomas), I'm sure that you shall be prepared to face anything that comes in our way."

  "You're scared," shouted Peter with glee. "Ha ha! You're scared of us".

  Hearthoff lost his cool reserve. A vein on his forehead started throbbing. "Scared?" he shouted, "Of two mere mortals? I am Thor. Slayer of giants. Feared adversary of the Midgard Serpent himself."

  A blue glow enveloped him.

  "Scared?" he shouted again. Peter cowered behind a stone wall as shields and suits of armour whizzed past him, thrown presumably by some kind of electrostatic force.

  "Scared?" he shouted again. Thomas felt himself being lifted off the ground as bolts of lightening struck all around him. Thomas was then held upside down, and forced to do a jig on the ceiling.

  "I do not fear anything!" Hearthoff bellowed. "I am Thor!"

  On saying this he seemed to lose some of his pent up rage, and the room regained some peace. Thomas was put down with a bump and Peter came out of his hiding place, looking pleadingly at Hearthoff with his big eyes.

  "I'm sorry lads," Hearthoff said finally calmed. "It's just my wife Sif, you know. She's been putting me under a lot of pressure to settle down. And I'm not the type of man who settles down. When I'm with her she just makes me explode, you know? Like I did just now. I used to be like this all of the time when I was living with her. After a bit of counselling, she got off my back a little. And when I was transferred to the mortal realm I only got to see her once a year, which was all right. But now, she's back at it again. Shouldn't have quit my anger management classes. You understand don't you?"

  Peter and Thomas looked uncomprehendingly at Hearthoff.

  "Ah! I guess you don't. You're just lads. Well. All that's left to tell you now is to pack up. We'll be leaving in an hour," Hearthoff said, now quite calm.

  "A few hours?" wailed Thomas. "That's not enough time. I need to take a bath and get dressed, which will take about two hours. And pack too!"

  "Well, an hour is all you have," Hearthoff snapped.

  "Yes sir!"

  Death by Banana

  Hiraku was one of the Overseers. By birth he had been entitled to things most of the Japanese in the Afterlife would have given anything for. As one of the twelve Overseers he was given the fiefdom of Ōgon No in the Afterlife they called Uso.

  The word Uso means lie. Most of the Japanese who had come there had come either expecting a paradise where they could watch down on their living family. Some had even coming expecting rebirth. Instead they had found Uso, a mere mirror of what they had gone through on Earth.

  Of course, on Uso they were never hungry, except the ones who practiced the magic arts of the after world, which was a plus. But overall, they were tired of living the same old life they had lived in the real world. In the real world a peasant could withstand great pain, always thinking that he would be rewarded in his next life for what he had suffered in this. This belief was especially rampant in the ones who sought rebirth. But, that was not to be.

  Hiraku had been a samurai in the real world. He had been tortured by countless enemies. His scarred face told of countless wars he had fought in, a testament to the few defeats he had suffered. Each defeat however had not broken him but made him stronger in his resolve to win. On the eve of one of the most famous battles in Japanese history he had slipped on a banana peel and fallen into a river. If he had been a little faster in removing his armour he could have made it into the history books as one of the greatest samurais ever seen in Japan. The banana however had made it plain that it had other plans for Hiraku.

  Another Banana Peel Victim

  As soon as Hiraku entered the Afterlife, years of training in meditation and calmness abandoned him.

  "This is not as it is supposed to be," he shouted. "I demand to rejoin my ancestors or rebirth at the least," he shouted up at the sky, banging his fists against a thick bamboo shoot. His aquiline nose, which was an oddity amongst the Japanese, had broken as he tried to break his head open to release his soul from the body. He went on like this for days until a Chinese monk, who had been an initiate of the Shaolin Temple while alive, came across this desolate man and forcibly carried him away to his master, the legendary Loong.

  Loong! Most people thought he only existed in children's stories. So fantastic were the stories, and all of them true. Loong was a wizened old man with a long flowing white beard and slits for eyes. He was short compared to most other men. Most women as well. His size had fooled most of his opponents into underestimating him. He had died in a similar way to Hiraku. He had slipped on a banana peel, while being chased by a whole legion of enemy troops during a battle; Slipped onto the naked blade of his disciple who had immediately killed himself and rejoined his master in the after world.

  Loong, on seeing Hiraku, had immediately glimpsed a potential in him that was invisible to everyone else.

  "You can go far," he said, "with the right training. Don't let death stop you".

  A forlorn Hiraku, who had nothing better to do (seeing as he was dead) agreed to be a pupil of Loong. Then followed fifty years of training in all the martial arts as well as meditation techniques, and everything else the master had amassed so far during his lifetime and deathtime. There finally came the day when Loong bid farewell to his Hiraku.

  Hiraku, bereft of any purpose went back to Uso. "A man is always drawn to his roots" he said to himself one day, wondering at this strange determination of his to go back home. "His roots represent a safety and security he imagines to be true".

  The adventures he had on his way created the legend he was denied during his life. This drew the attention of the Emperor of Uso, who immediately ordered that Hiraku be found and brought before him, rewarding Hiraku with the position of Overseer of Ōgon No.

  Uso, in the after world, was ruled by an Emperor. Under him were the Overseers who managed their fiefs for the Emperor. Below them in administration were the local magistrates. Each of the twelve fiefs was obliged to provide troops for the Emperor. No other tithe of any kind existed. The Emperor left the fiefs alone for the most part. His only concern was with the regular supply of army troops for his generals. Hence, there existed a lot of infighting between the different overseers for control over territory and power.

  The previous overseer of Ōgon No had been found compacted into a wine jar. No one knew how. He had been a short man, but not that tiny. And thus, Hiraku entered into a life only few could dream of in Afterlife Japan. The first law he proclaimed throughout his land was to ban the growth of the banana plant, and the consumption of its fruit. This puzzled his people greatly. However, he carried out his duties diligently, eliminating corruption in the system completely, and soon made Ōgon No the most prosperous region in Uso. And then he fell in love.

  A Fragrant Romance

  Her name was Etsuko. Hiraku had seen her in the local market where everything from weapons to spiritual food were sold. Never had he seen a creature so lovely. She was a fragrance seller. Her stall was next to the one selling fish. Her perfumes were so fragrant and wonderful that it did not matter where she was located. The manure stalls on her shop's other side made no difference to her sales. She was an expert at her craft. Hiraku didn't need Etsuko's perfume to intoxicate his senses. The sight of her was enough.

  "Hello," he said, in a voice that seemed like he was in a trance (which he was). "What do you sell?"

  "Fragrance, my lord," she answered with a bow.

  "I'll buy everything you have to offer," he said indicating to his two servants to take the perfumes back to h
is palace.

  He continued in this manner for the next week and the week after that as well. Finally, Etsuko invited him to tea at her house. They had their first real conversation that evening (one that didn't involve perfume costs and storage requirements), and Etsuko found herself falling in love with the lovelorn Hiraku.

  The entire populace of Ōgon nowas invited to their wedding. It was a grand celebration involving much feasting, and buckets of wine. Lavish entertainment was provided for the populace. The celebration lasted three days, after which people went back home to their mundane afterlives. For Hiraku and Etsuko however this was a new beginning.

  [Note: You have perhaps wondered that, since people can eat if they want to (even if they don't have to) could they also procreate and die in the Afterlife as well. The answer is yes. They can. The lives people lead in the after world are remarkably similar to the lives we lead in the real world. Except that there is no starvation as people no longer need to eat food or drink water. They look on eating as merely a pleasurable past time, except for the Norsemen who eat the meat that regenerates them every evening. Nobody knows what happens in the After-Afterlife]

  Etsuko gave birth to a boy the next year. They named him Akio. There was a huge three day celebration at Akio's birth. The populace, who by now were used to the Overseer's grand celebrations, came