Reality Fix - Lucifer's Crown

by tantan

in amazement "I feel like I can lift up a horse now."

  "I shall teach you to lift mountains," He- Xiangu smiled at her. "Now watch these patterns and practice making them on your own. They don't do anything except make bright lights, but they are good for building up your spiritual stamina."

  Anne and Mary nodded excitedly.

  There followed swirls of colour, and finally a bright light which woke up everyone in the cave.

  "What's happening?" Lan-Caihe groaned. "I'm seeing lights. Even with my eyes closed. Not good! Need more wine!"

  "No more wine for you," Guan-Yu growled. "We're travelling today remember. Don't want you to get all sick on me today, like you did the last time."

  "I never ever ever get sick, darling," Lan-Caihe mumbled. "You must've imagined it. It happens sometimes, when you drink bad wine".

  "Get up you lazy lout," Guan Yu bellowed, "and if I catch you drinking another drop of wine I'll make your insides become your outsides."

  "That would be an improvement I think," Lan-Caihe mumbled, clutching his stomach and groaning.

  "All righty," Shorty said, irritating everyone with his early morning cheerfulness, "are we all set to go?"

  "In a minute," He- Xiangu said demonstrating the last twirl in the pattern to the girls.

  Hearthoff walked into the cave. "Time to go," he said.

  "I thought we were planning on leaving only by mid-morning," Lan-Caihe groaned. "I need some breakfast."

  "We'll eat at Cloud Palace," Hearthoff said. "A fine feast awaits us there. Might as well build up an appetite for it. The Jade Emperor sent a messenger last night. Heaven is under siege. We might just be able to make it inside if we leave now. Before the demons have their siege properly placed."

  Guan Yu nodded. "They will breach the south wall in three days if they go on like they have been doing. We must get there quickly."

  "These girls are not ready for a fight yet," He-Xiangu said. "I shall take them to Penglai Shan to train. I'm sure the rest of you can handle the siege."

  "I shall come with you. They will not need me," Akio nodded at He-Xiangu

  "All right," Hearthoff nodded at her. "That sounds like a plan. Now let's get moving".

  He- Xiangu unleashed her lotus blossom, wiping out fatigue and improving everyone's concentration. They then set off. He-Xiangu summoned one cloud which took her Akio, and the two girls to Penglai Shan. Lu Dongbin summoned another massive cloud that carried the rest away in the direction of the Cloud Palace.

  ---------------------------------------------

  They whizzed away through the sky, startling a much abused mocking bird that was in its way.

  "Wish I had talked more to Mary. I am such an idiot" Peter said to himself while they were flying. 'What do I say to her, what do I say to her', had been the thought that had nagged him all night long yesterday. '…' had been the eventual result. Peter was so upset with himself that as soon as they neared the southern gates he jumped off the cloud and carved a path through the demons to the gate. "Open up," he yelled, "or I'll break this gate down!"

  Guan Yu looked at Peter in amusement and turned to Hearthoff "Are you sure you're not related?" He scanned the area around the gate. "The damn force field is on. We won't be able to fly in." He then shouted out to the gatekeepers "Open this gate in the name of the Jade Emperor. Guan Yu has returned with aid." The gatekeepers peered out and eventually opened the gate.

  "Hail Guan Yu," they shouted, saluting with their spears, peering anxiously in the distance to see where the demons had gone.

  The Jade Emperor and the Monkey

  "Oh Most Mighty and Sagacious Emperor, Keeper of the Way of Tao, Lord of all…" Guan Yu bowed in front of the gigantic throne of the Jade Emperor.

  "Yes yes, get on with it," the Jade Emperor said impatiently.

  "How are ya, Jady?" Hearthoff grinned.

  "Still haven't learnt any manners I see," the Jade Emperor glared at Hearthoff. "If this wasn't a time of crisis I'd teach you some. I've learnt a few tricks since the last time you were here creating a ruckus all over the place".

  "Still the same old Jady," Hearthoff slapped the Jade Emperor on the back. "It's good to see you too."

  The courtiers gasped. A few soldiers readied their weapons, preparing for violence in the court.

  "Calm down everybody," the Jade Emperor raised his hand. "You should be used to his vile manners by now. Now then Hearthoff, I have been told that only you and your team," he raised his eyebrows at Thomas and Peter, "can save Heaven from this onslaught of demons. We would be eternally grateful to you if you would get rid of them as soon as possible. You wouldn't believe the backlogs we have in our paperwork. Yama's going mad. People are rising from the dead left, right and centre."

  Hearthoff stroked his beard, "I'll have to think about it."

  "What do you mean 'think about it'?" the Jade Emperor thundered.

  "Well, considering that you didn't use the magic word…"

  "All right," the Jade Emperor roared. "Please!"

  "You have to say it nicely, and like you mean it."

  "Please…?"

  "All right. We'll do it."

  "Guan Yu shall help you in any way you wish," the Jade Emperor added. "Personally, I'm still unsure if I would rather save Heaven than have your head on a dish."

  Hearthoff beamed at the Jade Emperor. "I sometimes have that effect on people. All right. Till we meet again Jady."

  Hearthoff bounded out of the throne room followed by Peter, Thomas and a very flustered Guan Yu.

  Demons and Cravats

  "You must not provoke Him like that," Guan Yu whispered to Hearthoff.

  "Ah, he's used to it. I've been doing this from before you were even an embryo."

  "Embry what?"

  "Ah, you're not much of a time-traveller are you? Well, never mind then."

  "He looked like he really would have had your head on a plate."

  "He wouldn't dare, unless the demons outside were taken care of."

  Guan Yu shook his head and went away.

  "Now then lads, I propose that we elect Thomas as Force Commander."

  "Wh...What? Me? Why?" Thomas mumbled.

  "Because, if you could last ten minutes with Mrs. Noggs then you can sure as hell get us out of this in one piece."

  Thomas blushed. "All right. I'll do my best."

  "I'm sure you'll come up with some brilliant tactics," Peter said, trying to encourage Thomas in his new role. "Just remember to put me in the thick of things. I never got to have any fun the last time, when that stupid Akio planned the strike."

  "Sure," Thomas said, already wondering if he could ask Hearthoff for a new set of clothes as befitting his new rank.

  "And lad… Get yourself some new clothes and a weapon… Take Guan Yu with you. You get some nice things here," Hearthoff said.

  Thomas nodded happily. Finally, he thought, I can buy a new cravat.

  Ssshocking Developments

  The Serpent strode into Sayonara's bedroom amidst the protest of the guards.

  "I can go wherever I want," the Serpent growled. "Try and stop me if you dare," the Serpent looked at the Guards, teeth gleaming, eyes shining bright with  a mixture of hunger and insanity. Sayonara woke up screaming as soon as he heard the voice.

  "You!" he yelled at the Serpent. "What are you doing here?"

  "I need control over the South District, and permission to recruit," the Serpent said softly.

  "Ha… And why should I..."

  The Midgard Serpent caught him around the neck with one hand, and lifted him off the ground.

  "Know this, insolent fool. You cannot stop me. I merely ask because it is protocol."

  Sayonara undid the hidden knife beside his right thigh and stabbed the Serpent through his heart.

  "Finally," he sighed, "I'm rid of that monster. It was a mistake hiring him."

  "Oh," said the Serpent, still standing, knife stuck into where his heart was supposed to be. "No mistake my friend. You recogni
zed me for what I am, and hired me because of it. You think yourself similar to me, but you are nothing. A mere shadow of what I truly am. Look into my eyes Human, and see me for what I truly am."

  Sayonara looked away, shuddering as he closed his eyes. He did not dare to look. Why wasn't this madman dying. It was a mortal wound. He should be on the floor spouting blood.

  "I SAID LOOK!" the Serpent yelled in a voice of command.

  Sayonara couldn't help himself. Some outside invisible force was turning his head and forcing his eyes open. He looked into the Serpent's eyes and screamed. The scream was so terrifying and so full of pain that the guards who heard it ran away as far as they could, never to be seen again. Sayonara himself fell to the floor, panting.

  Horrible, he thought. What manner of creature is this? Evil personified? I must flee before he devours me.

  "I have no plans of devouring one as worthless as you!" the Serpent hissed. "And yes, I can still read your thoughts... even if you cover your head with your hands. You shall give me command of South District and allow me to recruit as I will. You shall also leave Thor to me. In return I shall let you keep your worthless after-life."

  The Serpent plucked out the dagger from his chest which was not stained by a single drop of blood. He threw it at the wall and left Sayonara to cower alone, the dagger quivering in the wall. 

  Weapons of Ms. Destruction

  "All right Guan Yu, lets try this shop." Thomas and Guan Yu had been searching for a boutique store that sold Western clothing for hours.

  "Finally!" Thomas yelled in excitement, caressing the fabric of a finely cut coat that was hanging within.

  "Welcome to Ni Hao Boutique," a little old lady said, quickly measuring Thomas all over with her tape.

  "Why yes! Hello!" Thomas mumbled.