Once it was perfect, he began hammering in the nails one by one, tainting it with holes, destroying it. Because that’s what he’d done to her. One nail for every vile comment.
“We’re not friends.”
“You’re socially inept! It’s no wonder no one wants to be around you.”
“The concept of we doesn’t exist.”
He hammered each one a little deeper.
“The fact that I indulged you in a pity make-out session before doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.”
“I only fuck real women. Not little girls who are just pretending.”
He was breathing harder now, pounding with more fury. The wood splintered and broke with the force. It was the same thing his words had done to her.
“…the worst thing that has ever happened to you in your entire sheltered existence was finding out that a woman you don’t even know doesn’t love you.”
“…you deluded yourself into thinking I care. I don’t. I don’t give a fuck about you.”
A deep breath was needed for this last one and he tasted the remnants of blood in his mouth before he even started hammering.
“You were just a convenient fuck when no one else was around.”
His arm went wild, smashing it in until the nail was completely embedded in the wood. It would be impossible to get it out, a symbol of how deeply that comment had hurt her.
She hadn’t deserved any of it. The entire trip, she’d been nothing but nice to him. And yesterday, all she wanted to do was help. She should have left when he asked her to. He wanted her gone before the inevitable implosion and instead she got caught in the blast.
He’d made a royal mess of his life and he needed to start picking up the pieces and make amends. Not in a million years would he ever be able to make it right with Jasmin, but she wasn’t the only person he’d hurt. Maybe it was time for a little redemption and it needed to start with one woman.
The backdoor was still locked, but his mother would have left the front door open for Dom. Kevin walked to the front of the house again and entered as quietly as he could. He dropped his bags at the entrance of the dining room and headed for the kitchen. She was there, going about her morning chores with little enthusiasm. Her shoulders sagged and she looked as distraught as she did the day he left.
“Mom.”
Although it was barely a whisper, his voice startled her and she spun around to face him. Tears immediately filled her eyes, but she was wary to approach him, scared he might pull away like he always did. That gesture alone was enough to confirm the damage he’d caused. He didn’t know if it was irreversible, but there was only one way to find out.
He swallowed hard, bracing himself to take the first step to reach out. “I think I’m ready for those cookies now.”
And just like that she forgave him. She didn’t need any more than that to overlook everything he’d said and done over the last few months. Her heart was big enough to take all that abuse and still love without boundaries.
“Okay, baby.”
She swiped away a stray tear and busied herself, getting out all the ingredients as he sat down at the table on the other side of the large kitchen. Carrying everything in a mixing bowl to the table, she set them down in front of him. She remained quiet as she stirred the batter and then she slowly lifted her eyes to meet his.
“How was your trip?”
“It was…hard. I saw glimpses of what my life could be like…but it was just a dream. Yesterday I had to wake up.”
She still seemed wary that he might snap and didn’t push for more details. “Did you do what you needed to do?”
“No.” He shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know what I need to do to get over this, Mom.”
Time. Distance. Keeping it in. Letting it out. Nothing worked.
As if she couldn’t take the space between them anymore, she stopped mixing, walked towards him, and pulled him into a tight hug. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, one hand against his head and the other pressed to his chest. She didn’t tell him it was going to be okay. She didn’t try to comfort him with words. At that moment, all he wanted was to feel like he hadn’t lost everything and she gave him that. There were only three things in this world that one could never have too much of. A mother’s love was one of them.
Her tears moistened the top of his forehead, as if mere contact was enough to make her feel what he felt. Her hand caressed his chest, rubbing it like she knew it hurt. She always knew. She couldn’t take away the pain, but he wouldn’t keep punishing her for trying. It was time for a little redemption.
* * * * *
Jasmin paid the cab driver and lugged her bags out of the car. She was back at the South Star in Yellowstone County and felt completely drained. Montana didn’t look the same. Snow covered the ground and tree branches were draped with thin layers of white. Crystals of dew glistened in the early morning sun, beautiful in its serenity. A winter wonderland. So much can change in a month. It was hard to believe that such a drastic transformation could happen in such a short time and yet she had undergone the same process. Nineteen years’ worth of experiences had been condensed into one month.
First time being on her own. First taste of freedom. First taste of alcohol. First kiss. First love. First heartbreak. The rollercoaster of emotions a person would normally experience during a two-year relationship was what she’d experienced with Kevin in just one month.
She’d tried to keep herself numb, not think about what he’d told her, but he’d always had a way of making her feel things she didn’t want to. She’d cried enough in the last few hours to compensate for every tear she hadn’t shed in the last few years. There was no one to blame but herself. She knew he couldn’t be trusted, but she went against every instinct. She hadn’t expected a relationship to blossom after their road trip, but she had been hoping that they would keep in contact, call once in a while. She foolishly thought that he cared about her enough for them to part ways as friends.
But he wanted nothing to do with her. She was just a distraction. She put a stop to her thoughts there because if she had to replay all the other things he’d said to her, she would burst into tears again. The trip as a whole had been amazing and she just needed to focus on all the good things that had happened instead of tainting it with the bad.
She lugged her bags back to her room and as she opened the door, she froze. She hadn’t been expecting to see him there. They were still two weeks away from Christmas Eve, but he was there, looking tired and weak. Dark rings encircled his eyes and they were heavy with exhaustion, as if he hadn’t slept in days. His black hair was disheveled and untidy, a sign of being ruffled too many times by impatient hands. His unkemptness was unfamiliar, making him look unrecognizable, not at all like the man who’d raised her.
There were two chairs in the room that weren’t there before and when his sad brown eyes met hers, he gestured to the empty chair in front of him.
“Sit down,” he said.
She declined with a quick shake of her head and moved her bags along the corridor to get to the bedroom.
“Jasmintha, sit down.” His voice was soft and calm, but the authority in his tone was an indication that he still saw himself as her father. The fact that she listened and nervously went to sit down on the chair in front of him confirmed that she felt the same way.
She didn’t know how this discussion was going to play out. This was her storm and she had to face it alone, but Kevin had taught her a few lessons during their time together.
Being different wasn’t a bad thing and she didn’t feel the obsessive need to be accepted anymore.
Despite her flaws, she had learned to love who she was, inside and out.
The validation of other people was nice, but not really necessary.
Feelings were there because they needed to be felt.
And this last one wasn’t an easy lesson to learn, but it was a vital part of growing up—she was strong enough to handl
e even the harshest form of rejection. She was ready for this talk, regardless of the outcome.
“You had me worried,” her father said. “I understand that you didn’t want to talk to me, but to not answer your phone for days was—”
“What difference does it make?” she cut in curtly. “If I didn’t call you, you wouldn’t have even known where I was or what happened because in the last month you only called once. Don’t pretend that you care.”
He cast his eyes to the floor, looking ashamed and hurt, and she realized that rude, abrupt retorts were another thing she’d learned from Kevin. That wasn’t the type of person she wanted to be.
She took a deep breath to get rid of the edginess. “I’m sorry for snapping…but I would appreciate it if you told me the truth now. Why did you keep me away from my mother?”
He sighed heavily and still seemed reluctant to tell what really happened. It took a few minutes before he spoke. “Twenty years ago, I was working at a small hotel in Georgia. I was just an assistant manager then. It must’ve been about ten o’ clock at night when a woman came in. She was soaking wet from the rain and she looked like she’d taken a beating—black eye and a bloody nose. She wanted a place to stay for the night. We were fully booked so I couldn’t help her. She burst into tears, told me she was five months pregnant and her boyfriend just found out about the baby. He smacked her around a few times and then kicked her out. She had nowhere else to go, so I told her she could stay with me for the night.” He ran a hand down his face and the reminiscent look in his eyes showed that he remembered it like it was yesterday. “One night led to another and before I knew it we were…living together. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fall for her. Your mother…was an extraordinary woman. I see so much of her in you. She’s resilient and strong, always positive, and she also has a sense of humor that very few people understand, but…she’s easily blind-sided, especially by material things. Before she fell pregnant, she used a lot of men for money.”
Jasmin’s eyes widened. “She was a prostitute?”
The term made him cringe. “No, not a prostitute. More like…a gold-digger. She and your father were con-artists. They manipulated and stole from rich men. She did…a lot of things to get what she wanted.”
Jasmin could see that he knew the details of those things, but he still wanted her to preserve a decent image of her mother. It started to make sense why he never wanted to talk about her.
“Your father got what he wanted with hardly any effort. She did all the dirty work, so he never complained. You ruined all their plans when you came along. She was confused and torn at first, but as the months went by…she changed. She told me she was done with that life, she wanted us to be a family and I believed her.” His voice cracked with the hurt and disappointment he clearly still felt. “I went to every doctor’s appointment. I set up a nursery. I loved you like my own before you were even born. I loved her…and I thought she loved me back. But your mother is obsessed with financial security. She goes where the money is and, unfortunately, at that time I didn’t have much. After you were born, I went to the hospital to pick her up. I was going to bring home my baby girl and I was…I was going to ask her to marry me. I couldn’t give her the best, but I was ready to do whatever it took to make her happy…give the two of you a good home. When I got there, she was gone. She left you there and disappeared. I found out a few months later that she went back to your father, so…I guess I was just a free meal ticket until she had you, no different from any of the other men she used.” He shrugged. “I didn’t even have a chance to be heartbroken, because as soon as the nurse placed you in my arms, I just…I realized there was someone more important than me. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t know the first thing about raising a child, but I bought every book, I spoke to every mother I knew and—”
“You didn’t have to take me in. You could’ve gone to social services and told them you weren’t my real father, or you could’ve put me up for adoption. You never asked for me, so why did you take on the burden of raising a child that wasn’t yours?”
His jaw tightened, irritation showing plainly on his face. “I told you that you were never a burden to me. I had a lot of options. I could’ve done any of those things. Even when I found out where your mother was, I didn’t confront her. I could’ve taken you back and forced her to take responsibility, but I didn’t want to.”
Jasmin tried not to get antsy for more information. “She did try to take responsibility. She said she tried to contact me and you didn’t allow it. You blackmailed her.”
“She’s so manipulative,” he said with a groan. “Bhajia, I always knew you were special. You were solving equations at the age of two, but I still wanted you to have a normal life. As you got older, everyone told me that you were too advanced for playschool. I enrolled you anyway. It was your first week and one of the teachers called a reporter to tell him about this math genius she had in her class. By the time I got to the school to pick you up, it was a fiasco. Reporters and cameras—all of them shouting questions at you. It scared the hell out of you. You were screaming and crying because you didn’t understand, but that didn’t bother them. They wanted a story. You made the seven o’ clock news that night. Needless to say, it was enough bait to draw your mother out. She just saw the dollar signs. TV shows, exclusive interviews, magazine articles about her daughter, the child prodigy. That was the only reason she wanted you. It was four years later and she comes back demanding full custody. I wasn’t going to allow her to waltz back into your life and then leave again as soon as the fifteen minutes of fame were over.” He sneered and shook his head with disgust. “I knew she didn’t have enough money for a decent lawyer. It was an idle threat. I had just bought my first hotel and things were starting to look up for us, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want the media hounding us and I didn’t want her anywhere near you. I sorted out the paperwork and we moved far away from all the drama.”
The pieces were starting to fall into place and it was dawning on her that everything he had done was to protect her. “Is that why you didn’t send me to a normal school?”
He nodded. “Your tutors told me that it wouldn’t have benefited you anyway. And maybe I shielded you too much, but I didn’t want you to ever go through that again.”
“I still don’t understand why you blackmailed her,” Jasmin said. “She wanted to make it right, have a relationship with me and now she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me because you threatened to expose her past. People make mistakes and you used her mistakes against her. You didn’t even give her a chance to see if she had changed.”
He was silent for a long time, rubbing his jaw pensively. “You have such a big heart, my child,” he said softly. “Always ready to forgive. You see the good in others…and sometimes there is none. I may have been wrong, but I don’t think I was. In the last nineteen years, your mother has only contacted me three times. The day you were on the news. The day my picture appeared on the cover of Business Weekly with an article of how I became a self-made millionaire. And maybe it was just a happy coincidence that the third time was this year…the day you were on that talk show. She has the perfect life now. Married to a rich man. Great job. Big house and fancy cars. Having a daughter whose innovative ideas are going to shape the future…it makes for a perfect picture to the public, doesn’t it?”
She nodded, finally seeing the truth. Accepting the malice actions of her mother came quite easily when Jasmin had seen firsthand how callous she could be.
“It was just another grasp at fame. I couldn’t stop her from seeing you. You’re an adult now. But I knew she would end up manipulating the situation. She would have told you and her husband that I had custody because I had the means to take care of you. She wouldn’t have told either of you about your real father…or how she just left you at the hospital for me to find. She would’ve spun the perfect lie and you wanted a relationship with her so badly, you would’ve fallen for it. I should’ve told you…but I
was selfish. You’re mine.” His voice became thick and raspy. “You have always been my daughter. She didn’t change one diaper. She didn’t read one bedtime story. She wasn’t there when you took your first step, or when you started figuring out fractions. She wasn’t there for anything and then she wants to come back after nineteen years and take you away from me…I wasn’t going to let that happen, so I stooped to her level. I threatened to tell her husband everything and she backed off…I’m sorry, Bhajia.”
Leaning forward, he lowered his head into his hands and she watched him fall apart in front of her. He wasn’t like her. He never tried to hide his emotions and he openly showed his remorse. All the animosity that she’d held against him for weeks, months, years, it melted away at that instant. She slowly stood up, crossed the small space and knelt down on the floor in front of him.
He cupped her face with both hands and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and the worst one was not being around when you needed me. Somewhere along the way I got my priorities messed up. I got sucked into my work and I always just assumed you were okay. As you got older, I thought you were pulling away because that’s what teenagers do. They stop thinking their dads are cool. You were with your cousins a lot and you were becoming your own person. I didn’t want to hold you back when I kept you sheltered for so long. You were always happy and smiling…I didn’t know how much it affected you until that call.” His fingers tightened, curling behind her neck. “I’m so sorry. I tried to compensate for all the things I couldn’t give you and ended up taking away the only thing you truly needed. I haven’t been the best father…but I promise I’ll do better.”
She was crying by then, because this promise was one she actually believed.
He gently wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “The only family I can give you is me. It’s always been the two of us and that’s how it’s going to stay…I don’t know if that’s enough for you, but—”
“It’s enough,” she replied shakily.
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