Shadows of Jane

by Amy Hale

  Is it so bad that I want to be happy? With him?

  She looked back down at her eggs and forced herself to eat.

  Colt waited until she finished, and then he took both their plates to the kitchen. He placed them in the sink and then turned to look at her.

  His odd expression made her nervous.

  “What are you thinking?” she asked.

  He studied her for a moment and then pushed himself away from the counter. “I’m thinking, you need a day of fun. Can you swim?”

  “I’m not sure.” She looked worried about the idea.

  “If you get in the water and decide you can’t, we’ll just enjoy the shallow area. I promise, it’ll be fun.”

  Jane eyed him with a hint of suspicion. “And just what am I supposed to wear? I don’t have a bathing suit.”

  “No? Well, that’s too bad.” He gave her a wicked grin. “You do have a birthday suit though. I’m told those work just as well.”

  She opened her mouth, and nothing but a squeak came out, so she snapped it shut again.

  Colt laughed. “I’m teasing you, beautiful. Shorts and a T-shirt work pretty well when you have nothing else.”

  She blushed a little, thinking about the nothing-else part. Mostly, she was wondering what it’d be like to see him in his birthday suit. That was not a path her thoughts should travel, so she stood and walked over to her duffel bag. Colt had taken her on a short shopping spree earlier in the week, and she now had a few more changes of clothes, including shorts.

  She grabbed a pair of tan shorts and a yellow T-shirt. “Give me a few minutes to change.”

  Thirty minutes later, Jane and Colt were sitting on the bank of a large pond. Although it was early in the day, it was already getting hot, and the cool water was inviting.

  Colt explained that the pond stayed pretty clear, thanks to an underground spring. He wasted no time with diving in, but Jane was hesitant. He surfaced to find her still standing at the edge of the water. She dipped one toe in and shivered, despite the heat.

  “It’s cold at first, but you’ll quickly get used to it. It feels amazing. I promise,” he said.

  She nodded but still looked unconvinced.

  Colt swam over to the shallow end and slowly made his way toward her. She swallowed as each inch of him came out of the water and into clear view.

  He reached her and took her hand. “Would you rather just hang out here on the bank? We could just dip our feet in, if that makes you more comfortable.”

  She smiled at him. “No, it’s okay. I just want to wade in first in case I don’t swim well.”

  “I’ll go with you.” He took her hand and led her to the area where he’d just emerged.

  Step by step, Jane cautiously entered the cool water. Once it reached her hips, she doubted her decision to try swimming. The water was pretty cold, but Colt hadn’t lied about adjusting quickly. She let go of his hand and took a couple more steps until the water was past her waist. Then, she dunked herself under. She popped right back up and gasped at the sudden temperature change. She must have looked ridiculous because Colt was trying to suppress his laughter.

  Jane slanted her eyes at him. “Oh, was that funny to you? What about this?” She cupped her hand and started splashing water directly into his face.

  Colt sputtered for a moment, spitting out the water that had entered his mouth, and then he openly laughed. He gave her a taste of her own medicine. His splashes were much bigger, and she went from offense to defense in a matter of moments.

  He stopped his water assault and waded out to a deeper part where he could actually swim. He showed her how to move her arms and legs as he crossed in front of her a few times. She was still nervous about trying, but he assured her that he would be right there if she needed him.

  Jane tried to relax and let her arms and feet do the work, but after the first couple of strokes, she found herself sinking. She panicked, causing her body to go under for a moment. As she kicked back up to the top, she felt Colt’s arms wrap around her waist. He pulled her to him with one arm and used the other to get them to a shallow spot. Her eyes closed, she clung to him as they settled near the bank.

  Colt wanted to let her know that it was okay to relax, that she was safe, but his traitorous voice wouldn’t work. All he could feel was her warm body pressed up against him while her arms wrapped around his neck. His reaction to her being so near was taking over any rational thought he might have had. Because she was soaking wet, he was noticing more of her than she’d probably appreciate knowing about.

  Jane opened her eyes and looked up at Colt. His gaze was intense, and she felt herself struggling to breathe for an entirely different reason than the cool water that had terrified her just moments before. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, and his attention shifted from her eyes to her lips. That did nothing to help her relax. She cleared her throat and looked at the bank just a few feet away.

  While she was looking away, Colt took the opportunity to move in a bit closer. She always smelled like flowers. He wasn’t sure if it was body wash or perfume, but he immensely liked it. Even after she’d been immersed in the pond, he could still catch the faint scent on her skin. He was so drawn to her in that moment that he almost nuzzled her neck. He’d gotten close enough that when she turned to face him once again, her cheek almost collided with his nose. He pulled back, loosened his grip on her waist, and then took her hand in his.

  He led her out of the water and over to an area that was flat and covered in soft grass. He spread out their towels and motioned for her to have a seat. She sat down next to him and smiled as the sunshine warmed her slightly chilled skin. He leaned back and closed his eyes, so she did the same. The mutual silence was interrupted only by the occasional birdsong.

  Within moments, Jane had gotten so comfortable that she fell asleep.

  Colt rolled to one side and watched her. The sun played on her hair in waves of brilliant orange that almost looked like fire. Her pale skin was dotted with light freckles that seemed to make her all the more enchanting. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her.

  As he watched her, he wondered how her life would play out. He would do all he could to help her, but what then? Would she live a normal life? Would she find a husband, raise kids, and have the picket-fence life so many girls dreamed of? He wished that he could reassure her that all would end well. He wished that he could reassure himself. When it came down to it, he didn’t really know what their next move was. He just knew he needed to protect her for as long as he could. And he needed to keep his damn hands to himself.

  Colt started to wonder how long he was capable of doing either.

  He was still watching her when he saw her flinch. She seemed to still be asleep, so he wondered if she was dreaming. She flinched again, and he moved closer.

  Jane was in the throes of a dream.

  She was running, but she didn’t know why. She looked back and felt nothing but fear. When she looked forward, she saw the girl who always appeared during her visions. She seemed to be running from the same thing Jane was.

  “Wait, little girl! Please wait!”

  The girl stopped for a moment. Then, she shook her head and kept running.

  Jane tripped over a root and landed face-first onto carpet. “Carpet? Why is there carpet in the forest?”

  She stood up and realized she was in a small room. Several children were playing with toys, completely unaware of Jane’s presence, except for the little girl. She turned to Jane and smiled but said nothing.

  Jane was puzzled. “Who are you?”

  The girl looked sad. “You’ve forgotten me.”

  Jane felt guilty. Was this her little sister or a friend from her past? “I didn’t mean to forget you. I was hurt. I just can’t remember things.”

  The girl nodded and motioned to the others. “You’ve forgotten them, too. But they remember you, Jane. They are waiting for you.”

  “Why are they waiting for me? What am I supposed
to do?”

  The girl took Jane’s hand. “Just don’t be scared. You can’t be scared anymore.”

  Jane was confused. She was about to ask what that meant when she heard a man’s voice. It seemed oddly familiar.

  Fear shadowed the faces of the children in the playroom, and Jane felt the fierce need to protect them. The door to the room swung open, and Jane put her hands out to protect them all.

  “Jane! Jane, sweetie! Wake up!” Colt placed a hand on Jane as she writhed on the ground, trapped in her horrific nightmare.

  Jane’s eyes opened, and she defensively put her hands out in front of her, just as she had in the dream. “No!” she screamed.

  When her hand touched Colt, he was violently thrown backward, landing in the pond with a huge splash. His shout and the jolt of power she felt rushing from her hands were enough to fully wake her. She watched, horrified, as Colt surfaced and gasped for air.

  Colt splashed around for a moment to get his bearings, and then he looked at Jane. She was visibly shaking, and despite the initial shock of the moment, he needed to comfort her.

  He rushed from the water and wrapped his arms around her, not caring if she might throw him backward a second time. She buried her face in his neck and tried to control her sobs. He smoothed her hair and rocked her.

  “I’m so sorry, Colt! I’m so very sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

  “Shh…I know, Jane. It was an accident. I’m okay.”

  She pulled back and looked into his eyes. She worried that he’d fear her, but no matter what had happened, Colt had been supportive and affectionate. She didn’t know why, but she had the distinct feeling that this level of care was something she hadn’t had in a long time. She was determined to enjoy it while it lasted, but deep down, she knew it couldn’t last long.

  FORGIVENESS FLOWS FREE, AND FEAR ABATES.

  I CLING TO HIS DEAR SOUL.

  Once they came back from the pond, Jane took a warm shower and tried to relax her tense muscles.

  Now, she stood before the bathroom mirror, wondering just how abnormal she really was. Physically, she appeared to be just like everyone else, but inside, something was drastically different. This particular something was dangerous and out of her control. She wondered if these so-called gifts were really a curse. Maybe her abilities had created the accident that caused her amnesia. It certainly seemed possible.

  She stared at her reflection and found that she loathed her gifts. Colt might not be scared, but she was. These abilities might have separated her from her former life forever, and now, they would take away any chance she had at happiness in the future.

  She knew what she needed to do. She just hoped she had the strength to do it.

  She walked out of the bathroom, still towel-drying her hair, when she saw Colt sitting on the bed. He’d changed into dry clothes, and his damp hair still clung to his face and a little to his neck where it was starting to grow out. He smiled at her, and she felt her resolve weaken. When he patted the spot next to him on the mattress, she almost ran back into the bathroom, but she knew now wasn’t the time to be a coward. She sat next to him, making sure there was a decent amount of space between them.

  Colt looked down at his hands. “We need to talk.”

  Jane smiled, but it wasn’t her normal optimistic smile. “I was about to say the same thing.”

  He turned his body toward her slightly, so he could look her in the eyes. She thought he seemed tense.

  “Ladies first.”

  She let out a shaky breath. “I’m not sure where to start.” She twisted her hands, something she’d realized was a nervous habit. “I’ve been having nightmares, but I don’t always remember them. I’m also getting weird visions or something like visions, and they always have the same little girl in them. These so-called gifts are popping up more and more, creating damage wherever I go. I have no control over any of it. It scares me, Colt. And I worry about hurting you.”

  Colt reached for her hand, but she pulled back.

  “You probably shouldn’t touch me. It’s not safe.”

  He frowned. “I don’t believe you’d ever hurt me.”

  She stood up and started to pace. “Not intentionally, but this”—she made a gesture, indicating her entire body—“is unpredictable and dangerous.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t give a rat’s ass. I’m not staying away from you.”

  Her frustration grew. “Why not? Why can’t you just walk away?” She was yelling now. “You need to let me go and never look back, Colt!”

  He stood up and blocked her, so she couldn’t pace anymore. “Why? You want to know why?”

  She crossed her arms and nodded.

  He grasped her upper arms and pulled her close. His face was just inches from hers as he looked deep into her eyes. When he spoke, his voice was soft, “Hell if I know why, Jane. But I can’t walk away from you. I can’t. I won’t.”

  Jane tried not to melt against him. It took every ounce of willpower to pull out of his grasp. “What do we do then? Because I can’t keep playing guessing games over what will trigger the next outburst. I could never live with myself if something happened to you.”

  “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

  She didn’t say anything, and he knew that she didn’t believe him.

  She cleared her throat. “What did you want to talk about?” She wanted to change the subject and hoped he would drop it for now.

  Colt closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he walked back to the bed and sat down. “Can we sit again?”

  She sat next to him but didn’t say a word.

  “I wanted to talk about that kiss we shared at my house.”

  Jane blushed a little and looked at her lap, hoping he wouldn’t notice her bashfulness over the subject. He put a finger under her chin and raised her face to meet his.

  “I can’t stop thinking about it. And to be honest, I want to kiss you again.”

  Jane tried to will her heart to stop beating so loudly. Just the mention of that kiss had it pounding, and she wondered if he could hear it. She parted her lips but really had no idea what to say. Colt must have read her feelings through her expression because he smiled.

  He gently placed his hands on either side of her face and leaned in close, looking into her eyes. “I’m going to kiss you again. If you don’t want me to, all you have to say is no.”

  She knew she should say it. It was a simple two-letters, just one syllable, yet she couldn’t form the word. Instead, she looked at his lips as if they were the most fascinating things she’d ever seen.

  He smiled even more and closed the distance between them.

  This kiss was gentle. He touched his lips to hers and held them there. Then, he pulled back ever so slightly and placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth. He continued with small kisses across her cheek until he reached her ear.

  He whispered, “You’re all I think about.” He licked her earlobe. “You’re all I want.”

  Jane closed her eyes and sighed. There was no way she could say no now. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her.

  Colt moved one hand down to her waist while the other moved behind her neck. He carefully leaned her back on the bed and moved over her. He lowered himself just enough that their bodies touched but not so much that his weight would crush her.

  Resting on his forearms, he looked into her eyes again. “You know, I’m not exactly a role model for happy relationships. I’m not really a boyfriend type. But God help me, I wish I were. If I could change for anyone, it’d be you.”

  She reached up to brush a lock of hair from his forehead. “Why are you telling me this?”

  He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Because I need you to know that I care. I just don’t know if what I can offer will be enough.”

  She shook her head. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

  He kissed her again, but this time, it was with an urgency that they both felt. Suddenly, they couldn’t g
et enough of each other. He moved from her lips to her neck, lightly sucking on the tender flesh, before making his way to her shoulder. She reached one hand up and threaded her fingers through his hair. She moaned as he ran his hand underneath her shirt, caressing her skin and causing small shivers of pleasure to run up her spine.

  He moved back to her mouth and deeply kissed her once more. Then, he pulled back to look at her. Her hair was fanned out beneath her, and her lips were swollen from his kisses. He could see his desire reflected in her eyes.

  “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He swallowed hard. “I can hardly believe I get to touch you.”

  She started to protest when he placed a finger over her lips.

  “I’m not blowing smoke. I mean it.” He glanced down at their touching bodies and then back to her face.

  He started to say something else when she shook her head. “Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?”

  Colt gave her a wicked smile. “Would you rather I do something else?”

  For the first time since waking up in that hospital bed, Jane felt confident about one thing. She belonged to Colt, heart and soul, and she always would. That wouldn’t change the future, but they had now, and that would have to be enough.

  “How about you show me what you want instead of telling me about it?”

  His smile disappeared. “Are you sure? This is a big step. You need to be absolutely sure.”

  She didn’t hesitate. “I’m absolutely sure.”

  It took a second or two for Colt to register her answer. His grayish-blue eyes darkened with a hunger that thrilled her to her core. He took a moment to memorize the way she looked in that instant, in the midst of her desire, and then he moved in closer, his lips almost touching hers.

  “I’m gonna make this, us, something you’ll never forget. When you’re old, sitting in a rocker on a porch somewhere, I want you to think back to today and smile. I want you to feel me, even then.”