by Blair Young
I knew she hated a lot of the things I chose to do, and it didn’t stop me. The only reason I had what she would call a real job was because I wanted to spend time with Dean, and I worked at the surf board shop he owned.
He’d taught me from a young age how to carve, wax, decorate, and otherwise maintain boards, and it was quickly becoming my passion as well. But, the fact that I got to see him nearly everyday was really the driving force behind me coming to the shop to begin with.
I knew how to make money. I had that figured out from an early age, too. Perhaps it was the fact that my formative years were based on violence, perhaps it was something else I didn’t want to dwell on, but I was a fighter, and I made some money doing my underground fights.
But, Susan hated the fact that I would engage in that sort of violence, and she would harp on me every time she saw the cuts and bruises on me the day after a fight.
“I can talk to her, but I’m not going to make you any promises,” Dean told me. “She was the one who broke up with me, and I’m not sure I can change her mind, no matter how charming I try to be.”
“But, if you know why she broke up with you, maybe you can make some sort of compromise,” I pressed. “Like I’m trying to do with Sutton.”
“And how’s that going for you?” he asked, flipping the subject back on me. I sighed.
“Not well, I have to admit, but I’m not going to give up on her. I refuse to believe she really doesn’t want to be with me. I think she’s just afraid of Susan and what Susan thinks,” I said fiercely. “She needs to realize Susan isn’t going to do anything.”
“Let’s not be so sure about that,” Dean warned. “Your mother can be pretty stubborn, and rather fierce when she’s angry. I mean, she did get me out of the house, didn’t she?”
I smiled, but it was a smile of resignation rather than humor. He was right. I had fought with my mother over and over through the years, and we were both just as stubborn as the other. She wanted things done in a certain way, and I was going to do them my way no matter what she had to say about it.
There were some things I couldn’t argue, but, for the most part, if there was any possible way for me to have my own say in something, I was going to do it my way.
I didn’t want to argue with her. I didn’t want to give in to what she had to say. I just wanted control in my life. Since my birth parents weren’t in the picture, I wanted to have some sort of say in my life's direction.
But, it was hard. I didn’t enjoy all the arguments she and I had. I didn’t enjoy the fact I disappointed her. I just wanted her to trust me enough to make decisions in life for myself. I might not be an official adult on paper, but I was sure close enough in my book.
In just a few months, I was going to be eighteen, and I would be out of school. She couldn’t tell me what to do when that happened. I would be an adult, and I would be able to make my own decisions.
And so would Sutton.
But, as it stood, Susan had all the power in life. She had told Dean to get out and he did. She told Sutton she didn’t want us seeing each other, and Sutton promptly broke up with me. She didn’t even talk about what we could do or how we could date without Susan’s input.
It was just over, like so many things in my life, and I was supposed to just accept it and move on as though Susan knew what was best no matter what.
I talked with Dean more, but I tried to steer clear of the topic of me and Sutton. I didn’t want to dwell on the fact I still hadn’t convince her to date me again. On the other hand, I could sense Dean didn’t really want to talk about my mother, either.
He knew that I wanted him back in our lives, and he knew I didn’t understand why the breakup had to happen in the first place. He knew I wanted him to ask my mother out again and see if there was a way for them to work things out.
But, talking about it wasn’t going to make it happen. In fact, there were some ways talking about it just made it more painful for us. It was hard to talk about, that was for sure, and it was hard to know that I had to leave him at the end of the day to go home to the woman who had kicked him out of our lives in the first place.
So, we focused on the topics at hand. We could talk about the things that were going on around town and in the shop, and I could be more open with him about my underground fighting than I could be with Susan.
“I’ve got another fight coming up at Louie’s,” I said near the end of my shift. “I’ve got to figure out either a way to just get hit in the torso, or to make sure Susan doesn’t see the cuts or bruises on my face.”
“You could ask Sutton how to do makeup so you can cover it,” he suggested with a shrug. I laughed. Though I knew he was serious, the idea of wearing makeup seemed so laughable to me. Then again, he did have a point.
“Do you think she could show me how to wear it and Susan wouldn’t be able to tell I was wearing any?” I asked.
“Girls are good with that kind of thing. I would at least ask her if you can’t figure out a way to keep your face from getting hit in the first place,” he said with a shrug.
I thought about it. he did have a point, that was for sure. Plus, it would be another way to get Sutton’s attention. Any time I had her alone, I could talk to her about us – about what we could really be if she would just give us a chance.
“I’ll talk to her,” I said at last.
“Good,” he said. “Now you better get out of here. I’m going to lock up in a few minutes and head home myself.”
I nodded. “Thanks for the pep talk.”
“Anytime, son,” he said. I tried to feel good at the mention of the title, and not think about how this man really wasn’t my father. I waved goodbye to him and headed out, walking toward where I’d parked my bike up the street when Chad came running over.
He had tried to apologize to me once already, and I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him again. But, with the urgent look on his face, I knew he was going to bring it up.
“Look, Damon,” he said when he nearly reached me. “I really want to talk to you.”
“Chad, I told you there’s nothing to say. You apologized, and I heard you. I don’t want to talk about it,” I said simply.
“But you’ve got to give me another chance. I apologized to Sutton,” he said. I was sure if that was true it didn’t go well, either.
“You should have apologized, and you shouldn’t have done it in the first place,” I said bitterly. “I know you regret it now, but I’m done with you and our friendship.”
I was nearly to my bike, and I didn’t stop when he tried to get my attention again.
“Come on, man. You and I have been friends for years. You’re really going to let that one incident be the ruining factor over what we had for all that time?” he asked. I could hear in his tone he was trying to make my feel guilty.
But, it wasn’t going to work. I took rape seriously, and even if it wasn’t Sutton, I wouldn’t continue a friendship with a man I knew had forced himself on a woman. It didn’t matter if they were both teenagers, he had been forceful, and if I hadn’t shown up, I didn’t want to think about what would have happened.
To make matters worse for him, it was Sutton he had targeted. I’d loved Sutton for as long as I could remember. It made me sick to think that he had done that to her, even if I had shown up to get him off before he was able to do more than kiss her against her will.
“It’s over, Chad,” I said. “I’m not friends with the likes of you. I don’t care how sorry you are or how much you wish you could take it back or who you apologize to for that matter. You screwed up, and now you have to deal with it.”
I’d reached my bike with him following me, and I now climbed on the back and put the key in the ignition. “I don’t want to talk to you again.”
He gave me a look that said he had a lot more to say, but I was done. I was done with the conversation, and I was done with him. I turned the key and gave the bike gas, speeding off and leaving him standing on the sidewalk.
It might be heartless, and I knew there were things I’d done wrong in my life, too, but that didn’t change the fact he had forced himself on Sutton, and he could have done a lot more to her than what I’d stopped. I wasn’t going to put up with it, and I didn’t care if he had been one of my best friends at one point.
This was something I would hold against him for the rest of his life, even if Sutton forgave him. He had to realize that wasn’t the kind of guy I would be friends with, and I didn’t care who I had to cut out of my life as a result.
It was one of the biggest lessons Dean had taught me since I started working for him at the board shop, and I was going to hang onto it with every fiber of my being.
If someone didn’t make me happy, then I was going to cut them out of my life. There was no purpose to them any longer, and I didn’t have the time or the energy to waste.
Chad had become one of those people, and as far as I was concerned, he was gone. Out of my life for good, and I was moving on. I had other friends, he could make other friends. Or not for all I cared.
I knew where my loyalties lied, and they weren’t with him.
They were with that young woman living in my house.
Chapter 6
Sutton
I went through the motions at school, not really focusing on what was going on around me, but getting through the day. I tried not to spend the entire day staring at the clock or my phone, but it was hard.
Once again, I found myself distracted in class. I knew I’d have to start paying better attention to what the teacher was saying if I wanted to keep my grades up, but, with so much on my mind, it was hard to focus on the blackboard and the boring lesson.
There was a part of me that just wanted to stand up in class and ask why it all mattered. After all, there were so many bigger things in life than just the high school classes I attended nearly every day. But, I wanted to be able to graduate, so I still went through the motions as best I could while keeping my head down.
Molly was still doing her best to rule the halls despite the fact she had lost a lot of respect from the other students when I beat her up at lunch that day. Although no one said anything to me about it, I could see it in the way they interacted with her in the gym and in the hall, as well as how she so desperately tried to hang onto her power.
I didn’t care. There was a large part of me that felt she had fallen below me. I didn’t care what she did or who thought she was hot or great. I just wanted to get through the day and go home. We had been friends at one point in our lives, but that was over, and it was time for both of us to move on.
I headed straight to my room when I got home. I could hear Susan working on something in the kitchen, and I didn’t want to talk to Damon. It seemed he was getting used to the fact that I was avoiding him at school, and he didn’t track me down like he had been.
But, it was a lot trickier when we were at home. I couldn’t just ignore him, he slept right on the other side of the wall. I didn’t have to engage with him either, though, and I didn’t plan to beyond what was completely required.
I closed the door to my room and sat down at my desk. I laid out all the homework I’d accumulated from the day in front of me, deciding how best to tackle the stack of paperwork. It was nice to have something to do when I was at the house, then I didn’t have to be out with Susan, and if I was busy, she didn’t bother me.
She, too, seemed to be sensing that I needed more space, and she was giving it to me. I was surprised, really, that she respected that. I already felt she’d invaded much of my life without my consent, and she was only going to continue to do so.
There was little she didn’t seem to know, and even less she didn’t feel the need to control in my life. Sure, she might tell me she was only trying to help me and it was for my own good, but I really wasn’t sure if that was the case.
There were times when I felt she was doing things that were for her own good – things that would make her feel better about the situation, things that would make her more of the hero and less of the woman who had just taken over my life when my parents were gone.
I sighed, sitting down at the desk and fidgeting with my pencil. I felt lonely, but I also wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to text Abby, though I had a feeling she would be ready to talk to me if I did. She was always ready to talk.
Then again, she was ready to talk about my problems, but we didn’t talk about hers. It still was annoying, and I wasn’t sure if I should tell her that it bothered me, or just let it go.
Suddenly, I heard Damon get home. It wasn’t at all unusual for him to head into the kitchen to grab something to eat when he got home from school. And, if he was working at the board shop in the afternoon, it wasn’t unusual for him to head to his room, throw on a different shirt, and head right back out the door.
I didn’t hear a lot of conversation taking place between him and his mother these days, and I wasn’t surprised, either. I knew he blamed her for the fact that I had broken up with him. And while he was right in the sense she was the one who planted the seed – no – demanded that I do it, I still felt it was the right thing to do.
After all, there was a lot going on in my life, and I didn’t know if I had the time to really dedicate to that sort of thing right now. Especially not with someone who was, well, Damon.
Whether he had been painted as more of a bad guy than he really had been, the fact of the matter was he was the first person to ever bully me, and I was still dealing with it, even now. It didn’t matter how sorry he was for it, or if he wasn’t ever going to do it again.
It didn’t even matter if he was going to stand by me now and make sure no one else bullied me, he had been the one to set this all in motion, and here I was, a high school senior, still dealing with the pain of what he had done to me all those years ago.
I heard Damon walk up the stairs, and I cringed when I thought I heard him stop outside my door. My doorway was right across the hall from the top of the staircase, and his was next to mine. But, I could always hear when he walked into his room, and when he headed for mine. And he definitely stopped right outside. I waited for the knock to come, and I prepared myself for telling him I wasn’t in the mood to even talk.
But, none came. I looked over at the door and waited, wondering if he was working up the courage, or if I should go open it and see what he wanted. I didn’t want to, that was for sure, and a bit of relief washed over me when he headed into his room.
Then, I soon found out why.
I could hear Susan’s footsteps on the stairway, and before long she was at his door. I didn’t get the impression he had closed it, but I could hear from the tone of her voice she was upset about something. With Susan, it was difficult to say what she was upset about, as it seemed to me she was usually upset about something in her day, but today, Damon seemed to be the focus.
“Are you going to be home for dinner?” she asked.
“Not tonight,” he said. There was something icy in his tone that put me on edge.
“Damon,” she said. “I know you aren’t going to be at the board shop.”
“Mom, I’m going out,” he replied. There was a flippancy to his tone I knew drove Susan insane. It was part of the reason why he chose to do it. And it worked every time.
“You aren’t going to go out fighting again? You know we talked about that,” she said. Though she had voiced her words as question, there was something deliberate about her tone that made me believe she was telling him rather than asking.
I stood and walked to the door, stopping a few inches away so Susan didn’t hear me listening in on the conversation. But, Damon didn’t answer.
“Damon! You know how I feel about you going out and doing that,” Susan tried again. But once more, Damon blew off her concern.
“I’m going out, Mom, I told you. I’ll be back later,” he said. Now, his tone clearly showed how annoyed he was, which only made Susan more upset.
“You’re going to regre
t this one day,” she warned. He said something I couldn’t make out as he stepped back into the hall, and I took a step away from my door. I knew they were too engrossed in their own discussion to really think about what I was doing, but I still didn’t want to be right against the door with them on the other side.
Susan continued to try to convince Damon to stay in as she followed him down the stairs and to the door. I heard the large front door open then close, then I listened as Susan made her way back into the kitchen. She was on the phone in an instant, and it seemed to me like she was once again arguing with whoever she was talking to, but I didn’t think it was Damon.
With a sigh, I headed back to my desk to try to focus on the homework I had in front of me. I knew I had to get through it, but it was so hard to think about anything but the drama in my life.
Why did Damon continue to do these fights? He didn’t have to, at least, from what I could tell he didn’t. On the other hand, there was a lot about Damon I didn’t know, and maybe there was some good reason for him to keep subjecting himself to the fights like this.
Either way, things were only getting worse between him and his mother, and I wondered how long it would be before Susan put a stop to it altogether – or if she would even be able to. Damon was getting close to being eighteen, and there wasn’t much longer she would be able to tell him what to do.
Not that he really listened to her as it was, but still. I hoped it wouldn’t get too much worse. I was sick of all the fighting in the house. I had to deal with enough stress at school, dealing with the fights at home only made me more stressed out.
My thoughts were brought back to the present when my phone buzzed and I saw Abby’s name on the screen.
Get to school as early as you can in the morning. I’ve got something I need to talk to you about
Confused, I replied.
What is it?
But, she didn’t answer. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach, and I tried not to think about what was going on. It was strange for Abby to want to talk in person and not answer her phone, but I knew I’d have to get there as early as possible to see what she wanted.