All That Matters

by Sadie Rose

  "No, you look like a girl who’s been groped in a dark corner" he winks at me. How am I gonna go allllllll day without Mason? Seriously? I'm not even kidding, the idea of it doesn't sit well with me. I think I'm having abandonment issues; I feel kinda clingy and teary. I've gotten so spoiled to having him around. I give myself a little mental pep talk. Ok, Ava. you're a big girl, stop being a big baby, it's only for a couple of hours. I tell myself. Nope, didn't work. I'm really gonna miss him. Right before we walk into the kitchen, he gives my butt a final rub and grins down at me.

  Everyone is already here. The twins are eating massive stacks of pancakes. Anson has a plate full of bacon and a scary amount of eggs piled next to them. He's texting on his phone. Erica is sitting across from him eating a bowl full of fruit and drinking bottled water. She's like super serious about her diet and she goes running every morning. Having the media camped outside our door really hindered her morning run routine which made her kinda grumpy. She's giggling, texting on her phone too. Every now and then they exchange a look. I can't believe that it's not glaringly obvious to everyone how into each other they are. Mom is standing in between Andrew's open legs as he sits in a chair. Her hands are on his shoulders and she's smiling down at him. His hand his dangerously close to her rear and I look away because no one wants to see all that. She leans down and kisses his mouth. Everyone starts moaning and complaining. Anson throws a dishtowel at them.

  "Stop! We are trying to eat here!" He groans.

  "Seriously, gross!" Jack agrees.

  "I think it’s kinda sweet," Erica says. "But ya so gross, go do that somewhere else. There are innocent eyes here" Erica leans over and starts trying to cover Oliver's eyes. He laughs yanking away and nearly falls off his stool. Mom just rolls her eyes laughing.

  "Why don't you'll all go to school already?" she grins as Andrew gets up and PATS her butt! We all make gagging noises and look away.

  "I gotta get to work. Bye, pretty girl, I'll call you later." He says kissing moms’ cheek and walking out the door.

  "Finally, maybe now I can eat without puking" Oliver grumbles.

  "Brat," mom says, ruffling his hair and kissing his head. He swats her hand away but grins up at her. Mom comes over and sits by me. I'm sitting by Mason watching him shovel pancakes and bacon in his mouth like he hasn't eaten in a week. Seriously, how does he eat that much food?

  "You want to come ride with me today Ava?" Mom asks.

  "Sure, I'd like that. When?" She smiles at me.

  "After I take the boys to school. You could ride with me if you wanted to." I nod my head

  "Ya ok" I agree.

  "Great! You boys hurry up, we need to go soon." She gets up and refills her coffee cup. A few minutes later Mason squeezes my knee under the bar and says.

  "I gotta go" I try not to pout because I know everyone is watching.

  "Ok. I'll see you later." I say. Anson is watching us with narrowed eyes so Mason just grins and grabs his bags and walks away. I go upstairs to change into jeans and riding boots and hurry back to Mom. On my way back down, I text Mason.

  Me: I love you. Text me later.

  Mason: Love you too. I will.

  Me: Be careful on that bike.

  Mason: Yes ma'am! Bye!

  He sends half a dozen little kissy faces after that and I laugh, tucking my phone in my pocket.

  I'm quiet taking the boys to school. Mom talks to them reminding them of tests or quizzes and telling them good luck. She reminds Jack not to get any demerits or he won't get any media time tonight. She's really a great mom. Someday I hope I'm as good of a mom as she is. I chew on my lip thinking. After we drop them off, she says

  "You're quiet. Is it because you have something on your mind, or you just can't get a word in edgewise with those two" we both laugh because that's really true? They are definitely high energy boys.

  "I'm good" I answer.

  "I'm glad that everything is kinda back to normal." She laughs

  "Me too! Oh my God, that was just a little too much!" she carries the conversation talking about the horses, she just bought two new ones that she's really excited about and chatters about Halloween coming up. Mom loves holidays. I mean she really, really loves holidays. She's planning a Halloween party after she takes the boys trick or treating, and we are all dressing up. It's gonna be fun. Oliver and Jack are inviting some friends from school and so is Erica. Anson isn't inviting friends, but he is going out afterward to some haunted houses. He's trying to get Me, Mason and Erica to go with him.

  When we get home, we go right to the stables. As we saddle the horses Mom asks me if I'm ok with the Halloween party.

  "There won't be a lot of people Ava only maybe 20-30?" She frowns over at me. I laugh

  "It's fine Mom, if they get to bugging me, I'll just go upstairs." she tosses a grin over at me

  "It's really gonna be fun! Do you remember the parties we had when you were a little girl?" I laugh

  "Of course! They were always so much fun. I'm excited mom honestly, it's gonna be great." She smiles at me. This year we all are dressing up as superheroes, Mom's idea. I'm surprised she got everyone to agree to it, but everyone is actually really looking forward dressing up. We have all been shopping online and picking out costumes for weeks. We saddle up our horses and ride out. I look over at Mom and she's quiet now. I know she's concentrating on her horse; on his movements and she's probably doing a mental checklist of his strengths and his weak areas. my mind wonders to Mason. I'm so into him, really, really into him. I worry sometimes that it's going to fade away. He never seems to have any doubts about us. He's always so sure that we are gonna be together forever. But how can he know? I chew on my lip. The reality is we are young and so many things are going to happen. He's gonna go away to college next year and I can barely leave the house. Can I even really expect that I can have any sort of normal relationship? With him or anyone?

  "You look like you’re thinking pretty hard Ava" Mom interrupts my thoughts. I look over at her. I wish I could just talk to her about this but what if she gets mad? What if she says we have to break up?

  "No, I'm good" I answer.

  "What are you thinking about?" She presses. I think a few minutes.

  "I guess just about life and stuff," I say.

  "Like what kind of stuff?" she asks.

  "How do you know you are in love? How did you know with Dad and with Andrew?" I ask. Mom looks at me a few minutes before answering.

  "I think it's different with different people. With your dad, it built slowly over time. I knew the minute I saw him that I was into him. He had so much charisma and was so handsome! But I didn't fall madly in love on our first date. I fell in love gradually over time as I got to know him. He was such a great person, a great man. So full of laughter and fun. He was so carefree, and we were both so young. Life seemed like it was ours for the taking." She smiles remembering. It's a sad smile though.

  "Do you still miss him?" I ask.

  "Yes, I do. I'll always love your dad, Ava. I wish he could be here to see you now. He loved you so much." She sniffs back tears. "It was different with Andrew. With him, I loved him before he ever spoke to me. I knew the second I saw him that we were meant to be together. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. It was a whirlwind with him the connection was intense and immediate, for both of us." She laughs. "Neither of us was looking for it. It just happened. You just have to follow your heart Ava and trust yourself." She looks at me and lifts her brow.

  "Why are you asking baby?" I fiddle with the reins.

  "I think I'm in love Mom but I'm scared, I'm not sure it can last" I'm too scared to look up at her.

  "With Mason?" She asks quietly. I look up at her and I feel tears stinging my eyes.

  "Ya." I whisper, "Are you mad?" I ask.

  "No, I'm not mad, Sweetheart. I am a little worried, it's pretty obvious how you feel about him and just as obvious how he feels about you." She says. "It's complicated since he's your stepbrother and lives
with you. I don't know what's the right thing to say or do." she admits. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she asks

  "Have ya'll told each other how you feel?" I'm not sure how much I can tell her, but I say

  "Yes, we have. Mason doesn't seem to have any doubts at all, but it scares me." She smiles over at me.

  “It's ok to have doubts to be afraid Ava. Just don't let fear hold you back from life." She thinks for a minute then says, "Let's put aside the fact that this could be risky and cause problems for a minute ok?" I nod. "Life is uncertain Ava. You can't know any relationship will ever work out. People change, life changes, circumstances change but you can't hold back in fear that something may not last. Relationships aren't always as complicated as people make them out to be. They are about 20 percent feelings and 80 percent work. If you want a relationship to work, you have to work for it. Not just on the relationship but you have to continually work on yourself too." She looks over at me "Does that make sense?" I nod but to be honest I'm not 100 percent sure I know what she means.

  We both get quiet as we think.

  "Do you think Andrew will be mad?" I ask. Mom frowns seriously.

  "Not mad but concerned. I warned him this was happening, but he didn't believe me." That worries me.

  "Do you think he will say we have to break up?" I ask, mom levels me with a serious look.

  "Are ya'll together?" she asks. I hesitate a little too long. "I guess that answers that." She sighs. "I'll have to talk to him, Honey, like I said I don't know the right or wrong thing to do in this situation. He's your stepbrother, if things go badly between the two of you it's going to affect the whole family." I never thought of that.

  "How?" I ask. She looks at me frowning.

  "He's not just some boy from school Ava. If things go bad you are still going to have to see him and live with him. He's always going to be in our lives and honestly you have come such a long way in your therapy and recovery but being in love is very emotional and stressful, like I said its work. I'm not sure you are ready for that. That either of you is." Every time I glance at Mom after that she’s frowning, and I feel a knot forming in my stomach.

  After our ride, I go back upstairs to my room. I'm worried now that I said anything, i wish I hadn't. And I'm worried that Mason is going to be mad at me.

  Me: I told my mom about us.

  Mason: Really? What did she say?

  Me: I don't know. It's complicated.

  Mason: Was she mad?

  Me: No, not mad. She said she was concerned. I wish I hadn't said anything.

  Me: Are you mad I told her.

  Mason: No, they had to know eventually. They will adjust.

  Mason: Don't worry about it Ava.

  Me: I kinda am though.

  Mason: I know but don't be. They can't change our feelings for each other. It's gonna be fine.

  Me: I love you.

  Mason: I love you too. I gotta go back to a class. I'll call you at lunch.

  Me: Ok bye.

  Mason: Bye, Baby.

  Mason: Stop worrying! :)

  I toss the phone down, but I can't stop worrying. I feel like I just made a really bad mistake.

  Chapter 44

  Mason

  I slip my phone in my pocket and walk into the classroom. As I sit down Jemma walks up. I roll my eyes. I seriously can't stand this girl and she just doesn't take the hint. I don't know if she's really determined or just stupid or what. I've given her exactly zero encouragement but still every day she flirts with me. She's batting her fake ass lashes and twirling her hair between her fake ass nails.

  "Hi, Mason" She says in her husky, breathy voice. Even her fucking voice sounds fake. It's like a cross between an overacting porn star and a sailor who smokes three packs a day. It's not sexy or cute. It's annoying. I don't answer her. I'm not in the mood to fake politeness today. My mind is on what Ava just told me and even though I told her not to worry, I gotta admit I'm a little bit nervous about Dad and Kate's reaction. "Are you going to the haunted house next weekend?" She asks sitting her ass on my desk. Just gross.

  "No," I say glaring at her very short skirt. I'm pretty sure that is not regulation length. She gives this really exaggerated sigh.

  "That's such a shame." She breathes out. "I'm going as a slutty nurse." She leans over and whispers in my ear. "And trust me it's very, very slutty" Ok I'm done being nice. I push her off my desk, not hard enough for her to fall but enough that she gets the point.

  "I have a girlfriend," I say louder than necessary, but hopefully that will put an end to her and all the other girls too. This girl is too much though she just laughs her creepy porn laugh

  "Oh, baby don't you know. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. And I never kiss and tell" She looks back at me over her shoulder as she walks away and winks. Who even does that? Whore. I look over and Anson is glaring at me. I glare back. Fucker.

  Me, announcing I had a girlfriend didn't help at all with the girls. I wonder what they put in the water here in Texas. Girls here are bold and hot. Which I maybe would appreciate if I wanted anyone other than Ava. Which I don't. So, it's just annoying as hell. I called Ava on my lunch break and we spent the hour chatting. I know I'm not really making friends here at school, but I don't care. I'm not here to make friends, I have friends back home. After school, I hurry home to my girl. She's waiting for me in the garage when I ride up. I don't even get off before she's running up to me. I laugh and take off my helmet.

  "I lied," she says throwing her arms around me and kissing me "I did miss you." I kiss her and taste the sweetness that is Ava and the whole fucking day melts away.

  "I missed you too," I say as I climb off the bike. I slip my arm around her waist and pull her close. She smells so damn good. Like cotton candy and strawberries. We go upstairs to my room and spend the next hour making out.

  Things are getting pretty heated when Anson comes crashing in. Literally, he flings the door open and crashes in pissed as fuck. Ava jumps off my lap, pulling he skirt down and straightening her clothes and I jump up because if I’m about to be punched I’d rather be standing up for it.

  "I fucking knew something was going on" he snarls at me.

  "Look man I'm not gonna fight you," I say he shoves me and I'm already rethinking that last statement.

  "Oh ya? You're not? Fuck you!" And he punches me in the face. Ava screams and runs over to Anson.

  "Stop it, Anson! what’s wrong with you!" She yells.

  "Go upstairs Ava" He tells her. I'm actually impressed that as pissed as he is, he doesn't raise his voice to her, but I don't like him bossing her around either.

  "No way! I’m not going upstairs so you can beat Mason up!" She hisses at him. Ok, that hurts a little. My girl should have a little more faith in me than that. I'm going to be sure to mention that to her later. He ignores her and turns his attention back to me. Anson grabs my shirt and shoves me against the wall.

  "You fucking asshole, she's fifteen!" He shouts.

  I snort. "Seriously? That’s your problem? Her age? We're just kissing." That's kinda a lie. We are doing a whole fucking lot more than kissing but I don't think he needs to know that right now. I guess he doesn't like my logic because he punches me twice more in the face. Now I'm fucking pissed off. I gave him a free one because I'm trying to be the bigger man here, but he can't be surprised by this. He has to know what’s been going on between us. I mean we all know him, and Erica are fucking so why is he so mad? I shove him off me.

  "Sorry Ava" I say just before I punch Anson in the mouth. She screams again and I hear Erica running. Anson and I are going at it pretty hard while they both shout at us. Erica is trying to pull me off Anson. It looks like I've got the upper hand cuz I'm on top, but this guy is fucking huge and strong and his punches aren't coming any lighter just because I'm the one over him. I've never lost a fight but I'm a little worried I might lose this one. Finally, the girls manage to separate us, and we fall back on our asses with Ava and Erica on the f
loor in between us with their arms out like they are holding us back. I let them think that cuz my face hurts and I didn't want to fight anyway.

  "What the hell is wrong with you two?" Erica hisses at me.

  "He started it" I say lamely waving over at Anson.

  "Why the fuck are you kissing my sister!" he yells at me. I laugh and wipe the blood from my lip.

  "Why the fuck are you kissing MY sister?" I mock whisper back. Erica gasps loudly like I just announced she secretly kicks puppies or something.

  "What are you talking about dude," Anson says very unconvincingly. Ava and I both roll our eyes.

  "C'mon ya'll aren't as discreet as you think you are" I say. But now I feel like an ass because Erica looks like she's gonna cry. "It's no big deal Erica" I say.

  "I mean your taste in guys obviously suck but I'm not gonna tell or anything," she says

  "Really? You're not?" Ava laughs

  "We have known something was up with ya'll for a while" she says.

  "Ya, well I'm not making the same promise" Anson says glaring at me. Because he's a fucking douchebag. Ava just laughs again and shrugs.

  "Too late. I already told Mom so there!" Then she sticks her tongue out at Anson.

  "Fucking hell Ava! Are you serious? I was fucking bluffing! Why the hell would you tell her?" Anson yells, almost redeeming himself. But not quite. Ava's the one looking like she's gonna cry now. the four of us are sitting on the floor in my room. Anson and I are bloody, and two pictures got broke in the fight. There's broken glass shattered everywhere; we are really a mess.

  "It seemed like a good idea at the time." She whispers miserably.

  "It was a good idea" I defend her because she's mine and I don't want her feeling bad. "They had to know eventually this way they found out our way, not on their own." I say pointedly.

  "What did she say? Was she mad?" Erica ignores me and asks. Ava tells us all about the conversation she had with her mom.

  "That doesn't sound so bad" Erica says.