All That Matters

by Sadie Rose

  "I'll uninstall my social media until this blows over." I tell her. "I can't avoid it all together baby, but I'll do my best ok?" She looks relieved.

  "Ok thank you. I don't know why it matters" she mumbles. I kiss her

  "It doesn't matter why, Ava. If it's important to you I'll do my best."

  The whole family is already downstairs by the time we get there. No one's really eating and everyone is just kind of sitting around. The atmosphere is subdued and quiet. Ava and I sit down and halfheartedly put food on our plates. Dad sighs,

  "We already told the others, but I think it's best if we all avoid our phones and the TV until this whole thing blows over. There are going to be a lot of disturbing images that none of us need to see right now." Ava and I both nod in agreement.

  "We will just try to wait it out" Kate says quietly. Dad adds,

  "I'm sure I don't need to say this, but no one talks to anyone about any of this. Not to the reporters obviously, but also not to your friends. The quieter we are and the less we give them the faster they will lose interest and move on."

  And while that sounded great, things didn't really work out quite that way.

  Chapter 41

  Ava

  It's been a week, a week of media vans, of reporters, of chaos and tension. One reporter was actually able to get past security and through the gate! We found him lurking around the house, hiding in bushes, taking pictures through the windows! Anson and Mason had a fit when they found out and Mom insisted that we hire extra security. A week of not being allowed on our phones or TVs, a week of being trapped in the house. Mason, Anson, and Erica tried going to school but gave up after the first day. The principal decided them being there was too disruptive for the rest of the school. Mom didn't want to let the twins out of her sight, so they stayed home too. It's been great having so much time with Mason, Anson, and Erica, but the tension is really getting to us. I love that Mason is home so much though, he sneaks into my bed or I sneak into his every night now. Nothing ever happens, except a little bit of light making out but it’s nice. It's wonderful just being able to be with him.

  Dr. Avery came by the day after the game and Dr. Brinkley was here a few days ago. Both agreed that I handed the situation very well. I know I've made a lot of progress. I can feel a difference, it's difficult but I'm beginning to realize that if I'm ever going to get better, I've got to face the hard things, the painful things. With everything that is going on Dr. Brinkley wanted to see me more frequently and so he's on his way now. In fact, I'm sitting in the classroom waiting for him. During his last session we focused mainly on how everything was handled Friday night, areas for possible improvements and goals for moving forward. Sometimes, while I'm waiting, I try to figure out what will happen during our sessions. I let my mind wonder to different things he may bring up and how the conversation could possibly go. That's what I'm doing when Dr. Brinkley walks in the room.

  "Good morning Ava. How are you today?" He asks cheerfully.

  "I'm ok" I answer, smiling at him. He goes through his routine of pulling out his notepads, pens, pencils, and recorder and setting everything up just so. I smile watching him. He is so precise, fiddling with things and lining stuff up. He does it every visit. Once he has everything the way he wants it he says

  "Ok so has anything happened since our last visit that you would like to discuss?" I shake my head no.

  "Any dreams that you want to talk about?" I shake my head no again.

  "No Dr. Brinkley" I say. This is also part of our routine and he very rarely strays from it.

  "When we were here last time you were a little upset about all the media and the fact that there was so much coverage over your disappearance. We didn't get a chance to touch on that much so let's start there today ok." He gives me a serious look, which tells me he knows that I'm not going to want to talk about this.

  "Ok" I say slowly. When I don't go on, he says

  "Why does it bother you?" I think a few seconds before answering.

  "I guess because I don't want people to know what happened to me." Dr. Brinkley says

  "Now that is something we have avoided in the past. I know there has been much discussion over the years concerning whether or not you remember anything of your time in captivity?" He pauses and looks at me. I stare silently back at him. "Do you Ava? Do you remember what happened?" I hesitantly nod my head. This is the first time that I've admitted to anyone that I remember. Except that night with Mason, Anson and Erica I've always refused to admit it. Right after I was found I remember everyone swarmed me with questions, doctors, cops, strangers, family, everyone wanted to know what happened, what I remembered. Everyone wanted to talk about it and I just wanted to forget the whole thing.

  "Ok let’s start there" Dr. Brinkley says. "Can you tell me what you remember?" I don't answer at first then I mumble.

  "What do you want to know?"

  "Do you remember being taken?" he asks.

  "Yes" I answer. He waits, but I don't say anything else.

  "Can you tell me about that day?" I don't want to do this, but I know he won't keep letting me avoid it.

  "I remember that I had gone to a park with my friend Isabella, and her new nanny. May wasn't able to come with me. I remember I was wearing a little, red dress with a big, red bow in my hair." I still consider red an unlucky color. I don't think I own any red clothes. Other than the color white, red is my least favorite color. "Isabella and I were playing hide and seek, and she was winning. I went into the woods to hide." My lips tremble remembering but I continue. "I was so focused on the game and watching Isabella that I didn't hear anything until I felt a hand clamp over my mouth and nose. I couldn't breathe. I thought that I was being suffocated." A few tears spill over my cheeks, but I wipe them away.

  "You're doing fine Ava. I know this is scary." Dr. Brinkley says gently. "Do you remember where he took you?" I nod.

  "He carried me deeper into the woods. I was kicking and trying to scream but i couldn't. He sat me down and there was a bag under the trees. He talked to me and said that he had been watching me and my friend playing, he said that if I was good, he would take me back in a few minutes but if I was bad, he was going to hurt me and then go get Isabella and hurt her too. I knew he was lying though so I kept fighting him and trying to scream. He put tape over my mouth, and he put a bag over my head. It was dark and smelly in the bag." My breath is coming fast so I stop and take a few deep calming breathes. "After that he tied my hands behind my back and tied my feet up. Then he carried me away. We didn’t go very far though. I remember hearing doors open and he put me in a car or something." Dr. Brinkley jots down a few notes and nods.

  "What happened next, Ava?" He asks me.

  "We drove a long time. I was really scared, and I kept crying, I tried to kick my feet but there wasn't room. I really needed to go pee too and I got so thirsty, but he never stopped. I remember it felt very hot and stuffy. After a long time, he stopped. I couldn't hear anything at all or see anything." My hands are shaking so I tuck them under my thighs. "Then he pulled me out and carried me a short distance. I thought maybe he would take the bag off and give me a drink or let me go pee, but he didn't. I sit quietly for a few minutes remembering. Dr. Brinkley just waits for me to go on. "Then we were driving again. We didn't go very far." I started crying remembering. "I wet myself. I was so ashamed and so embarrassed, but I couldn't hold it any longer" I cover my face with my hands remembering the humiliation. My whole body is shaking as I sob. Dr Brinkley says gently

  "It was a long trip Ava and you were a little girl; you have nothing to be embarrassed about. But it's completely normal for you to feel that way"

  It's awful remembering. I want to STOP; I want to run out of this room and go back up to my room. I want to go find Mason and cuddle up next to him. But I take a deep breath and continue.

  "After that he stopped again, and he carried me somewhere else. Then he untied my hands and walked away. I heard a door shut and lock. I was s
o scared. I took the bag off and at first I couldn't really see anything but after my eyes adjusted, I saw that I was in a room." He nods slowly.

  "Could you describe the room Ava?" I breathe in and out slowly. Dr. Brinkley hands me a glass of apple juice and I take a drink. "It was pretty small and dark, there was only one bulb in the middle of the room. There were dirty mattresses spread out on the floor with blankets and pillows were tossed on them. Everything looked dirty and messy, I didn't want to touch anything. I was all alone and I wondered if other people were coming since there was more than one mattress. The room had only one door and no windows. In one corner there was a toilet. It was just out in the open though, there wasn't any doors or walls around the toilet to give you privacy. And it was so dirty, I mean just filthy and smelly. Next to the toilet there was a sink." I take another sip of juice and set my glass back down with shaky hands. "I couldn’t believe how dirty it was, that really stood out to me even more than my fear it was just so gross." I shudder remembering my initial impression of that horrible room. Dr Brinkley smiles sadly at me.

  "Pictures of the house and the rooms you were kept in came out after you were found and that was one of the things that stood out to a lot of people. The inhumane conditions that you and the other girls were forced to live in. Are you at all curious about anything that happened after you were found?" He asks. I shake my head no.

  "No, I don't want to talk about that. My mom already told me everything I wanted to know. I don't want to talk anymore about it." I tell him defiantly. I look him in the eye, almost daring him to press me on this. I mean it, I don't want to talk about it and if he tries to make me, I'll leave.

  "You have done very well today Ava. We are almost out of time and I know that you have other things that you want to do besides sit here and talk to me about bad memories all day." He says, dropping the subject all together. I sit back and exhale with relief. Then he says

  "But I'd like to talk to you about one more thing before I leave." It's always bad when Dr. Brinkley warns me that he wants to talk about something. It means it's going to be something that I don't like. "Your mother's lawyers are advising that the family issue a statement and maybe even do an interview. The details haven't been worked out yet, but it's pretty obvious that keeping quiet isn't working. She is being advised that giving them what they want is the next logical step. How do you feel about that" I'm shaking my head no before he even finishes his sentence?

  "I don't want to do that, and I don't want her to either." I say angrily.

  "Even if it means your life returning to normal?" He asks.

  "No!" I shout. Dr. Brinkley sighs again. He sounds and looks frustrated

  "The fact is that it may be unavoidable Ava. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's just the truth of the matter." He doesn't say anything and neither do I. "Some things happen, and we can't control them, all we can do is control how we react to them. you know better than most that this is true Ava. Your mother is going to have to talk to the media. You can participate in the decision of how much is said, you can participate in how involved you are in the statements, but you can't make the situation go away and by hiding from the press you are only prolonging the inevitable." I sit back thinking. "This situation isn't going to just go away because you want it to, Ava." He insists. I know that he is right, but I don't like it.

  "What do you think I should do?" I ask.

  "What do you think needs to be done?" He turns the question back around to me.

  "I guess I should try to cooperate." He nods. "What do they want me to do?" I ask.

  "Ideally the lawyers want the whole family to make a public statement. Only your mother and Andrew would speak, the rest of you would just be there. Pictures and videos will be taken. They will announce that a private interview is scheduled. Ava, the press wants to hear from you, as much or as little as you are comfortable sharing. The lawyers along with your parent’s publicist are pressuring Kate and Andrew to encourage you to speak some at that interview. How much or how little depends on what you are comfortable with." I hate the idea of doing this, but I do see that he is right.

  "Will you be there too?" I ask.

  "I can be" He answer immediately. "If you think that my presence will help then I'm very glad to be there with you, Ava" I thought that I hated my doctors but I really don't and I kinda feel like Dr. Brinkley will shield me from questions that I don't want to answer.

  "Ok I guess I can do it." I mumble. He smiles

  "Great! We will talk more about it as we figure it out, sound good?" It didn't sound good, in fact it sounded horrible, but it also sounded needful.

  After Dr. Brinkley leaves, I go to find Mason. He's sprawled out in Erica's room with Erica and Anson. They are all sitting around glaring down at their books. I laugh when I walk in because they all have the exact same annoyed expression on their face. Mason and Anson still don't really like each other. I think it's because they are so much alike. Of course, I'm not stupid enough to suggest that's the reason. Anson and Erica are still secretly seeing each other, and Mason and I are still pretending it's not totally obvious. I wonder if we are just as obvious. Erica and I have super gotten close over the last few weeks, I'm surprised by that. I didn't think she liked me when she first moved here. It's nice having a friend again, especially a girlfriend.

  We spend a lot of time talking about makeup and clothes, painting each other’s nails or doing each other’s hair. It's funny because in a lot of ways we are nothing alike. We don't really dress the same or like the same shows. Erica is super into the latest fashions; she loves horror movies and is obsessed with her body and exercise and I don't care about any of that stuff. But she's also sweet and funny and as loyal as anyone I've ever met. Once she's your friend that's it, she's your friend for life. The four of us usually hang out in Erica's or Mason's room, but every once in a while, we will hang out in Anson's room. I feel like a different person than I was even six months ago. I thought having new people in our house and our family was a bad idea but now I think it was a good thing. Having the Blairs move in has changed my life, honestly, they have changed all our lives. Even though I know that Mason is actually not a Blair since he has his mom's last name, I usually lump him in with the other Blairs.

  "What's so funny?" Anson asks looking up glaring.

  "Ya'll all just look so serious." I answer.

  "We're doing homework," Erica says, stating the obvious. Mason closes his book and shoves it aside. His black hair flops over his forehead and he looks so good sitting there, it seems like it's been forever since I've kissed him. My eyes drop to the ring in his lip and his tongue flicks out playing with it. I swear he just does that to mess with me.

  "How'd it go with Dr. Brinkley?" He asks. I sit down and tell them what he said about the interviews. I'm still mad about the whole thing. Anson flips out of course. He throws his book across the room.

  "Fuck those fucking assholes! It's none of their damn business! Why don't they just fuck off and leave us alone?" He yells jumping to his feet. He's really pissed off. Erica and Mason exchange a look that makes me think they already knew this was coming.

  "He's right though" Mason says reasonably.

  "It's not going to go away by ignoring it. If we don't want to stay trapped here forever, we gotta do something" Erica nods her head in agreement.

  "Nosy fuckers" Anson grumbles. I laugh and go get his book.

  "I guess at least this way we do it on our terms, not on theirs." I say.

  "Do you feel like you can handle this Ava?" Anson asks seriously.

  "Ya, I can do it. I'll hate it, but I can do it." I answer. Mason grins at me proudly.

  "Of course, you can Ava! And we will all be with you, so you don't have to face anything alone." I smile over at him. Mason always has my back. He always thinks I'm stronger than I am, which makes me want to be stronger to prove his faith in me is justified. I look around at the three of them and realize how much my world has grown and how lucky I a
m to have so many people that care so much about me. I feel stronger today. I can do this; I can do anything.

  Chapter 43

  Ava

  I wake up to warm hands everywhere. Running over my back, gliding over my tummy, rubbing between my breasts and a warm mouth kissing down my neck over my shoulder. I turn over and Mason kisses me. His arms wrap around me. I feel his hard cock pressing against me. This is the best way to wake up I sigh as he slides my panties down.

  Later we shower and dress and head downstairs. We aren't being careful anymore and it worries me but part of me is just too full of love and all these new feelings to pretend they don't exist. We did the statement and the interview, and it worked, the media left. Which means now Mason has to go back to school. I've gotten used to him being home and I don't want him to go.

  "Are you gonna miss me today?' he asks reading my thoughts.

  "No" I answer. "I have too much to do to miss you." I tease smiling up at him. He pulls me around the corner out of the view of anyone walking by and presses me against the wall. I'm not gonna miss you either, Brat" he grins before kissing me breathless. The kiss gets heated way too fast and his hand slips under my skirt. He slides his finger in beneath my panties. Oh God, that feels so good. I moan and he breaks away chuckling. Mason removes his finger and I watch wide-eyed as he brings his wet finger to his mouth and sucks it. Oh, holy hell. The sight of him doing that kills me.

  "You're so fucking wet Ava; I could fuck you right here." He starts kissing me again and I reach for his cock rubbing it through his jeans. My fingers move up to the button and I start to unfasten in but he grabs my hand.

  "C'mon we can't. I have school" he says.

  "Fine" I huff out, frustrated. I don't know why I'm so frustrated we just had sex a couple of hours ago. "You started it" I remind him in a grumble.

  "Ya, I know, I was gonna teach you a little lesson for saying you wouldn't miss me. That obviously backfired." He grins straightening his hard cock in his pants and laughing. Mason helps me straighten my clothes. "Look ok?" I ask.