Nothing but The Sheets

by Stacy McWilliams

  I jogged from the room and made my way quickly towards the elevators, glad that I didn’t bump into anyone from the band, because how the fuck would I explain where I was going? My fingers shook as I pressed the button to get to the ground floor, after swiping my card and the elevator began to descend. I didn’t know where I was going, only that I needed to get out. I stormed around for a while and then began heading downtown. Within an hour, I was standing outside of her tiny apartment, pacing around as I tried to decide whether to go in or not.

  What the fuck are you doing here, dipshit? What good can possibly come of this? You’ve hurt her enough for one lifetime, don’t you think?

  I asked myself as I walked toward the door to her building.

  Blake, go back to the fucking hotel. Right now. My head commanded me, but my heart was begging me to go and see her, to apologize and ask her to please, not come on the tour.

  I opened the door and climbed the stairs slowly, pausing outside of her apartment. I wanted to both knock and run away, but I had to man-up and ask her to let me explain, so I knocked on the door. There was nothing, no answer or movement inside. I decided to try again and if she didn’t answer, I’d try and speak to her in the morning, because I told Yani I was going in with her to rehearsal.

  No way was I letting her face that snake that was Laurie alone. She would eat her alive. My knuckles rapped against the wood and then I heard a soft scuffling noise, before the lock was twisted and her face appeared in a crack in the doorway. My eyes watched as her face paled in surprise, I waited on her to speak, to chew me out, but she did neither and we both stood staring at each other for a moment.

  “Hey,” I muttered, wondering if she’d even want to hear me out.

  “Blake, what are you doing here?” She asked in a low, throaty voice that had my insides melting.

  My legs carried me towards her, and I stopped just beside her. Her face was clear of makeup and her natural beauty was like a punch to the gut. With makeup she was absolutely stunning, but without, she had this quiet, understated beauty about her, that brash people like Crystal try for but can’t pull off.

  “I came to talk to you. I need to explain and fuck …” I muttered as I tried to get my thoughts in order. She wasn’t going to make this easy for me, or let me smile at her and get off the hook. I ran my fingers over my face, scrubbing at my jaw, before dropping them to my side and speaking again.

  “Can I come in please?” I asked her, praying she’d say yes. I didn’t want to keep standing out here, someone could recognize me, then there’d be a whole shitshow and I’d have to explain what I was doing here. She surprised me by opening the door wider and stepping aside to let me pass by her.

  “Thanks,” I muttered in a low voice as I stepped inside her tiny apartment. It was the size of my bathroom back home on my ranch in Georgia. My eyes darted around the room as I quizzed her, wondering why her parents let her live here.

  Had she fallen out with them?

  Did she not have money?

  Her dad was an internet mogul and she grew up in an amazing house with a pool, so surely, she could do better than this.

  “This is where you live?” I asked and then chastised myself for sounding like a dick. My heart hammered loudly in my ears as she answered, and her voice caused an eruption of emotions inside me.

  “Yeah, this is my home.”

  Her voice was low, but I could hear a hint of challenge in it and I turned to face her, taking my sunglasses and ball cap off, holding them in my hand. After a moment of staring at her, I asked her if we could sit and she nodded, watching me as I walked over and sat down on a loveseat that had seen better days.

  Once she was sitting, I leaned forwards and placed my cap on the small coffee table in front of me. I wrapped my hands around my knees, not sure how to begin to speak to her after all these years. She didn’t speak but feeling her thigh brush against mine, made it hard for me to concentrate on anything, other than the feel of her body touching mine. We sat in silence for a few minutes and I tried to organize my chaotic thoughts around into some semblance of order, so I could give her an apology she deserved.

  “Cara,” I breathed, and I turned my head to face her, still leaning over my knees. “I’m sorry about today. I was a dick, but your appearance completely threw me.” That was a total understatement. In fact, it was a total lie because it hadn’t just thrown me, it had caused long, dormant feelings to flash through me. I took a breath in and watched as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger as she watched me.

  “I could tell,” she muttered, and I bit back a laugh at her sass. It was one of the things I’d liked about her when we were young, and it was good to see that she still had it.

  “Yeah, could you?” I asked her, lifting my eyebrow and she gave me a small grin that caused warmth to burn through me.

  “Yep. You’ve not changed that much, Mr. High and mighty sex god.”

  Her smirk and the smile I heard in her words helped me to relax, and for the first time in a long time, I was just Blake. Not Blake the lead singer of Discord, or Blake the sex symbol, but Blake the person and I smirked back at her.

  “You think I’m a sex god?” I pressed and I watched as her cheeks flamed.

  “You don’t think you’re a sex god?” she probed as I laughed at how embarrassed she looked.

  It was a proper, deep laugh that I hadn’t had in years. I laughed again as she smiled at me and then her low laugh made my heartbeat speed up again.

  “Cara,” I said when I finally stopped laughing.

  Her green eyes met mine and for a beat there was no need to speak, but I had to give myself a shake. I didn’t do complications and having her on the biggest tour of my career was a massive distraction that I didn’t need.

  She watched me and squared her shoulders, as though she knew what I was going to say before I even opened my mouth. My eyes darted around her small living space and wondered what would happen to her if I got her kicked from the tour.

  Would she still have a job?

  Would they give her a different assignment?

  I didn’t know and I could tell from her home that she needed this job desperately.

  “Can you change assignments? Is there someone else who can do the tour?” I asked her with a plea in my voice as my eyes drifted back to see her face going blotchy with fury.

  “No. I can’t and no, there isn’t. I was the last choice and if I lose this assignment, then I lose my job.”

  Her words came out in a rush and I nodded when she finished. My pulse was racing as I watched her. I wanted to reach out and touch her, make sure she was real, but I couldn’t make my hands move.

  “Fuck.” I muttered and ran my fingers back through my hair.

  I couldn’t have her lose her job because of me. What happened with us was ancient history, I just needed to not let it affect the present.

  I sucked in a breath and then muttered, “Okay, fine.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, but it didn’t help that her scent was everywhere, surrounding me, suffocating me.

  “Don’t sound so enthusiastic about it, Blake.”

  She muttered as I pushed up from the sofa and had to wait until she moved so I could get away. I didn’t even answer her because I had to get out. I had to get air that didn’t taste like regret over a girl I’d slept with, when I was in high school.

  She moved aside and I went to brush by her, focusing on breathing in through my mouth and not my nose because I couldn’t take the smell. Her hand brushed my abs and I froze as a deluge of sensations overwhelmed me, lust, desire, pain, sorrow, and guilt. I didn’t do feelings, so I shook them off, burying them deep inside as I glared at her.

  I did, fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em. I always had. It was my motto, my modus operandi. The only person, ever, that I didn’t do it with was standing in front of me, stopping me from leaving her apartment with her hand gently pressed against my chest.

  “Move,” I hissed at
her and she instantly dropped her hand as she stepped back away from me.

  I didn’t care. Coming here was a mistake. Trying to get her to understand was a misjudgment on my behalf, I had to get out before I lost my shit and trashed her meagre possessions or broke her heart and mine all over again.

  On my way to the door, my eyes caught sight of the red dress, carelessly discarded on the floor. An image of stripping her out of it almost threatened to overwhelm me, but I forced my feet to move and flew out of the door, down the stairs, and running back towards the safety of my hotel room.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Opening Up

  Blake

  Halfway back, the rain started and by the time I returned to my hotel room, I was soaked through and shivering. I stripped off and wandered over to the minibar, cracking open the bottle of scotch I’d put in there the day before and pouring myself a large measure. I could still feel her touch burning through my skin. It was as if she’d left an imprint there and I couldn’t get the feeling to go away. I dragged on some new boxers and then instantly took them off. I needed something to distract me, before I screwed up and texted her to come here. I wanted to go to the gym, but it was always so busy, but the steam room wasn’t. I quickly changed into my swimming shorts. My hotel robe was by the door, slung carelessly across a chair and my spare sneakers were there too. I shoved my feet into them and left the room so quickly I didn’t take my room key, cell, or anything.

  When I reached the elevator, I realized that I’d stupidly left my room key in my room and I wanted to scream at my own idiocy, but before I could, a door opened at my back and Ryder appeared at my side moments later.

  “Hey, dude, what ya doin’?” He asked and I glanced to my side to see him and the latest Broadway starlet, Leah Anders standing there. His arm was carelessly slung around her shoulder and he had a satisfied smirk on his face.

  “Nothin’.” I bit out as I waited for him to call the elevator.

  He looked at me, then glanced between me and the elevator.

  “Did you call it already?” he asked when I didn’t move and I turned to look at him, angry with him, even though he’d done nothing to annoy me.

  “Yeah, of course I fucking did. That’s why I’m standing here like a dick waiting on it to arrive.” I snapped at him and his eyes widened. He knew me well enough by now to know that something was really bothering me.

  “Dude, what the fuck is up with you?” he asked in a low voice, as his date eyed me hungrily.

  “Fuck, nothin’, sorry. Can you call the elevator?” I asked him because there was no way I was telling him anything with anyone listening in.

  He simply nodded and called it with his key card, and we all climbed when it arrived, a few moments later. I pressed the button for the ground floor and the basement where the gym, sauna and steam room were located. Then I turned and watched in the glass reflection as Leah leaned up and whispered something in his ear. He smirked, running his hand down her top and tweaking her nipple as he pressed his lips to her neck. We had, for this tour, implemented a no date rule. We could find and fuck someone, if it wasn’t a tour night, but it couldn’t be a groupie and we’d made a deal that we’d keep it to the nights we were in hotels. Everyone had agreed, even Ryder, though he’d done so reluctantly. He kissed her neck and she caught sight of me watching them and smiled widely, but before she could speak, we reached the ground floor and he held the door open for her to step out.

  “So tonight, come back and bring a few friends,” he told her in a carrying whisper as she stepped away from him and he stepped back into the elevator.

  Her eyes moved from Ryder to me and he laughed as the elevator doors closed. He stood beside me without speaking and followed me into the locker room, where I stripped my shoes and shorts off and placed them in a locker.

  I waited for Ryder because I knew he wanted to talk to me. His eyes darted to mine frequently and then away. He took a large towel from the shelves and stripped, tossing one to me, before following me from the locker rooms to the steam room. As soon as we were in and sitting in there, he turned to face me in the dark room.

  “Okay Blake, spill. What the fuck is up with you today?”

  I glanced at my best friend and wondered what to say, whether to say anything about Cara at all, when he took the ball right out of my court.

  “Is it that hot chick who showed up today? You were fine before her, but after you saw her, you played like shit.”

  His eyes appraised me, and I nodded slowly, “Yeah, it’s her.”

  “Do you know her or something? Dude don’t tell me you fucked her and chucked her? Should I remember her?”

  His excited words bounced around the steam room and I was thankful we were alone.

  “Yes, I know her. I kind of did that and no, you shouldn’t remember her. You don’t know her.”

  I answered his questions and his mouth dropped open.

  “Holy shit, is she the girl you met in Idaho when you stayed there? The one you wrote Autumn Dreams about?”

  My eyes widened because I’d never told Ryder about Cara, but he knew.

  How did he know?

  Was I that obvious?

  “She is, isn’t she? Fuck, Blakey, does she know that you loved her?”

  My breath caught in my chest and I choked, barking out a cough as his words hit me.

  “I didn’t love her, but no, she doesn’t know that Autumn Dreams is based on her.”

  “You fucking did love her. You were a miserable fuck when you got back from Idaho, the only time I ever saw you smile was when your cell chimed with a message from her.”

  I leaned back and wondered why he’d never said anything to me about her. Things in the band changed so quickly after we played a gig in a bar, one Friday night during the summer. We’d been playing every weekend, practicing all week and between that, football, and school, I was exhausted, but I missed Cara, her messages always cheered me up. I didn’t realize Ryder knew, I leaned forwards and opened up to him about how I was feeling.

  “So, you don’t want her on the tour, but you don’t want to kick her off it, either?”

  He clarified when I was finished, I gave a groan because I was fucked either way. I didn’t want to cost her job, but I also didn’t want to have to see her every single day either. Ry paused for a moment and then leaned forwards, tapping me on the arm.

  “Why don’t you ask her to keep her distance from you while she’s there. Tell her that her presence is a distraction and you are worried it will cause friction in the band. Fuck, you can say I have the hots for her. That you’re worried that I’ll play like shit if I see her, to keep her away, then she gets to keep her job, you get peace of mind and we all keep our shit together.”

  I nodded because that was perfect. I would ask her in the morning, before anyone else got to practice.

  “Perfect. Thanks man, but I’m warning you now. You, or any of the other douchebags in the band, go near her and I’ll lose my fucking shit.”

  My words were forced, but I knew what the boys were like and since we’d made the deal that if anyone lost, they had to pay the other band members ten grand each. He laughed and then stood up.

  “Come on, pre-tour party in my room. Come and find a willing pussy for you to stick your cock into and forget about her for a while.

  That sounded like heaven and I definitely needed a distraction from her, before I fucked everything up by texting her. I was still itching to do it as we walked back to change, even on the ride up from the steam room, I had to shove my hands in my pockets and clench them into fists. When we reached our floor Kerr and Doug were standing in the corridor speaking to someone I couldn’t see, and my heart leapt hopefully in my chest, but as we neared them, I heard the overly nasally voice and my heart sank like a stone. Crystal was standing there in a trench coat, that was neatly belted around the waist and Kerr and Doug eyed me suspiciously, as I stopped wondering what the fuck was going on.

  “Hey guys. C
rystal,” I said and nodded towards her, asking Kerr with my eyes what was happening.

  “We came out and found Crystal outside your room, trying to get in.” Kerr told me and I stared at him blankly, before turning to Crystal, who was nearly as red as the plush, red velvet carpet we were standing on.

  “I uh… I wanted to surprise you.”

  Her voice was small and quiet as I stared at her nonplussed for a second, then she stepped up to me, putting her hand on my chest. I glanced down at her hand and then took a small step back but instead of taking the hint, she followed me.

  “I felt like we had such a connection and that maybe you would want to see where this could go.”

  I gazed around at the boys and they all stood trying hard not to laugh at my expression. Which was somewhere between complete disgust, because no freaking way was, she my type. With her filled lips, fake tits and long dark locks, and complete surprise that she would be so bold after only knowing me for a few days.

  “I’m sorry, but no. We don’t have a connection, darlin’. I don’t shit where I sleep and since you’re on our tour, that means you are totally off limits to everyone, including me.”

  Especially me, I thought because she wasn’t who I wanted. Not by a fucking mile. Doug met my eyes and shrugged his shoulders as Kerr and Ry, shoved their fists into their mouths to stifle their laughs.

  “Oh, okay. Maybe after the tour is over?” she pouted at me as I backed further away, feeling the wall at my back. There was nowhere else to go and she followed me again. My eyes narrowed as Doug began to laugh, then covered it with a cough.

  “Uh… eh… maybe…” I told her and she gave me a wide smile, leaned up and pressed a small kiss to my lips that made my dick want to shrivel up, pack up his balls and move away.