“Hey guys, did you have fun at the casino?” Her voice was sleepy, she was so beautiful standing there, that nausea rose in me because of what she’d done. I growled and stepped right into her face, glaring down at her as her eyes widened in alarm.
“How could you?” I asked her in complete fury, and she took a step away from me surprised as she rubbed at her sleepy eyes.
She opened her mouth to speak and I stepped back into her space because I couldn’t understand why she would do it. What did she gain from it?
“How. Could. You. Sell. Me. Out. Like. That?” I screamed in her face and she shook her head in apparent confusion, but I didn’t believe her. Why would I, when all the evidence was pointing to her?
“Blake, what?” she asked in a small voice and reached out to touch me. I yanked my arm away from her touch and spat out my next words.
“Don’t fucking touch me. I can’t fucking believe that you told some of your journo friend’s things I told you in private. How? Why? Why would you do that to me?”
I watched her face pale as she took the words in and shook her head, as she stepped closer to me, keeping her hands by her side.
“Blake, I didn’t tell anyone anything you told me. I swear.”
I couldn’t stop the cold laugh that erupted, because who the fuck else could it have been. No-one and I mean absolutely no-one knew what happened between Krissa and me, other than her. Her eyes glazed over as I stared at her with hatred and anger, I quizzed her, pushing to find some reason, some explanation as to why she did what she did.
“Did you want revenge because I didn’t kiss you? Or was it deeper than that? Was it because I took your virginity and then didn’t call you afterwards?”
I was screaming at her by the end and I fought to reign in my temper as she backed away from me. Then I realized it didn’t fucking matter what she’d done it for, the point was she’d done it and had fucked up my life for money, fame or whatever. I was done. My eyes roamed over her and I hissed at her.
“I hope the payout was worth it. Get your shit and get the fuck off my staff. You are done. I won’t have people working for me, that I don’t fucking trust and I. Don’t Fucking. Trust. You. You told my darkest secret to the journos and now my grandma isn’t speaking to me and Kerr is leaving the fucking band…”
I watched as it dawned on her exactly what I’d accused her of spilling and her whole face dropped, because she understood why I’d be so pissed at her. Why I would never forgive her for telling that to someone else. It was my darkest secret; my biggest shame and my life was in tatters because she couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut.
Her next words added fuel to the fire raging inside me and I wanted to hit something. Not her, but something, anything because nothing could hurt worse than knowing the girl you were fucking, head over heels in love with, had sold you out.
“Blake, I didn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I watched as a tear fell from her eye and I wanted to shake her and hurt her like she had me. I hissed out my next words and watched as devastation washed over her.
“Yeah well, you’re the only fucking person I ever told about Krissa and me, now the whole fucking world knows. Is that why you came back into my life, so you could hurt me like I hurt you?”
Her body jerked back from me and she almost tripped, but I stormed after her. I didn’t care if she fell, but I wanted her to hear my next words and know I meant them with every single fiber of my being.
“I. Fucking. Hate. You.” I screamed at her and watched the anguish that washed over her face. I looked into the eyes of the only girl I’d ever given my heart to and saw a stranger there. I wanted her gone. No. I needed her gone and I needed to get away from her, before I did something I’d regret.
“You’ve got fifteen minutes to get your shit and to get the fuck out of my life. I. Never. Want. To. See. You. Again.”
As soon as I finished speaking, I spun around and stormed out of the door, breaking into a run, and throwing open the stairwell door, before I collapsed onto my knees and tried to breathe. After a few minutes, I composed myself enough to climb the stairs back up to the suites we were staying in and I shot over to Drew’s door, pounding on it with my fist.
“Get Cara gone. I want her gone right now or I. Walk.” I half screamed; half cried.
My eyes shot behind him to see Doug and Kerr standing there. Drew stepped aside and I walked steadily into the room. I glanced back and saw that both he and Yani, who was standing a foot away from him, were staring at me, in surprise.
“She did it. She sold the story. I want her gone. I want her gone NOW!”
My words were breathless, and I turned away from them, towards my bandmates. Doug gazed at me with a tired expression, but Kerr’s expression still showed his fury.
“Kerr, I know nothing I can say will make this any better, but I am sorry. I truly am and I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. Please don’t leave the band. I’ll do whatever I can to make it easier for you to stay, but you’re one of my best friends and I don’t want to lose you.”
I was still out of breath, and my voice crackled as I spoke, but his gray eyes stayed hard as flint.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have slept with the girl I was going to propose to. Friends don’t do that. Fuck, Blake, I’d never had thought you could do that.”
Guilt rose up inside me as I stared at him and he glowered back at me.
“I’ll stay until the end of this tour, but you and me, we’re done. Once the tour is over, you guys find another drummer, cause I’m out.”
He turned and left the room without another word and Doug followed him a moment later. My eyes stung and my heart was aching, as I went back to my suite and let myself into the room, closing the door at my back.
Fuck my life, I thought as my legs gave out and I crumpled to the floor and sobbed into my hands. I’d lost one of my best friends, and the girl I loved all in one day and it was all my own fault. I should never have told her that story.
I should never have opened myself up to her, because look at where it’d landed me. I crawled over to the mini bar and opened a bottle of Jack, that I’d bought for us all to drink after the casino. I drank straight from the bottle and passed out on the floor, holding the bottle in my hands.
The next day, I wanted to bury my head in the sand, but Drew called an emergency meeting and we all met up in his suite at three in the afternoon. He ushered us all onto the sofa and he and Yani sat on a chair each. Janie was on the couch beside us and for some fucking reason, Crystal was there sandwiched beside Christine and Kerr.
“Okay, so a lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. I think it would be a good idea to talk and to let you know what is happening.” Drew started in a formal voice and everyone nodded.
“Right, so Cara has been fired, effective immediately and Christine is going to fill her role for a while, in addition to her own. Greg, Cara’s replacement will be out in three days and meet us here, before we go to San Francisco. Mr. Michaels will have a meeting with you all there.”
His eyes went around the whole room and everyone nodded.
“Now no-one is to speak about what happened and only the people in this room know the ins and outs. You will play it off. Act like it’s a made-up story. Kerr and Blake, you will act like friends in front of people, or you will lose the tour commission. That’s from Mason. He doesn’t want to detract from your new album and Blake, you and Ms. Chalmers will be seen out together tonight at the club opening.”
My stomach rolled as I glanced over at her. I didn’t want her, I wanted nothing to do with her, but it was a good way to change the record.
“You will act like a couple and pretend for one night and we can give the journos something else to talk about.” He broke off as Yani stood and he stood up with him.
“Stay here. We’ve something to sort out. We’ll be back in ten minutes.”
They left and everyone sat in silence. No-one looke
d at each other and we all avoided eye contact. When they returned, I caught a whiff of Cara’s perfume and my stomach rolled. It chilled me how much of a visceral reaction her perfume could create within me. Once Drew and Yani were back, everyone was dismissed. I went back to my suite and was lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, when there was a knock at the door. I didn’t want to answer, but whoever it was, knocked again. Well, they were persistent. When I opened it and saw Crystal standing there, I wanted to immediately close the door, but she reached out and put her hand on it.
“Blake, I think we need to talk about tonight.”
Her words made my balls retreat, but I stepped aside and let her into my room. She perched on the sofa and I sat on a chair opposite her.
“Okay, so if we are pretending to be a couple, shouldn’t we talk?” she asked me in a babyish voice, that made my skin crawl.
“No.” I answered bluntly, and she glanced up, catching my eyes. Her dark brown eyes narrowed as she watched me. I was completely disinterested in her, but she was tenacious, and she wanted me.
“Don’t you think…” she began, and I shook my head.
“Look Crystal. I have no interest in you. None. Zero, so if you think by acting like my girlfriend tonight, that you’ll somehow end up in my bed, you’re so fucking wrong.”
Her face fell and I could tell that was exactly what she was thinking.
“Crystal, listen to me. I’m tired, I’m grumpy and I can’t do this right now. I need you to leave so I can order some room service and try to shift this hangover for tonight.”
She nodded and stood, walking towards the door. She paused with her fingers on the handle and I watched, desperately waiting for her to leave.
“What if I try to be your friend instead?”
My heart sank because I thought about what I’d just done to my friends and what I always did. I was selfish. I took what I wanted without regard for the consequences and I hurt those I cared about.
“I’m not a good friend.” I muttered in a low voice and I closed the door, praying that she’d finally leave me in peace.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Drowning
Blake
The club opening worked exactly like Drew envisioned. Kerr and I stood at the bar, cracking jokes, and laughing, but only those who knew us well, knew how hard it was for us to maintain that façade. Crystal hung on my arm like a koala and I found myself going to the bathroom more often, just to get away from her overpowering perfume.
I missed and hated Cara in equal measure. I wanted her and loathed her. My head was a fucking mess, but the press soaked it up and the next day on every gossip site, were pictures of me with Crystal. The shows went off without a hitch, but only because we had been together so long. We weren’t a team. In private no-one was speaking to me and I was struggling to sleep.
As the weeks passed, I began to throw myself into songwriting to ignore the constant ball ache of missing someone, I also hated. Part of me always wanted to text her and find out if she was okay, but the other more furious part of me, always won out.
Eventually, I snapped my old cell in two, so I wouldn’t be tempted to speak to her again. Yani and Drew went everywhere with me and the new guy Greg was good at his job, but not as good as Cara was. Most of the success he had, was on the back of her hard work and that killed me. Crystal still kept trying to hit on me and three times I found her in my hotel room naked, but I made her leave each time. I wasn’t going to sleep with her. I didn’t fucking want to, and she seemed more and more unhinged as the days passed.
We flew up to Toronto on December the first and played our dates across Canada for the month, finishing up on December twenty-first. With Christmas approaching, we all flew to our respective homes and for the first time ever I had nowhere to spend Christmas.
My Grandma and Grandpa were out of town, Ollie was with her in-laws and Kellie was with hers. I thought about calling my mom, but she still lived in Idaho, across from Cara’s parents. I couldn’t face the thought of going there, so I was spending it alone. My band mates were starting to come round and Ry and I were okay. Doug was tentatively forming a friendship with me again and Kerr had been convinced to stay in the band by the other two, but still barely spoke to me.
On the last day of the tour, I was in my hotel room getting ready to fly home, when Yani came to the door. He helped me load all of my things into the car. As we drove to the venue, he asked me a question that I hadn’t thought about, at all, because thinking about her hurt. I was trying to forget about her and all the pain she’d caused me.
“Blake, if Cara did sell that story, why didn’t she run? Why did she stay?”
My eyes closed because he knew I hated to talk about her but talking about her when we were on our way to soundcheck, was unbelievable.
“I don’t know. Maybe she wanted to see her devastation in action. Maybe it gave her a kick to see me hurting and knowing she was the cause of it…”
My words were like whips and he turned to face away from me, staring out of the window at the snowy landscape, as we drove towards the arena.
“Or maybe she was innocent?” He pressed and I shrugged.
She wasn’t innocent. She was the only person I’d ever been honest about that with, so it had to have been her.
“She’s the only one who knew. How did it get out if it wasn’t her?” I asked in return and he turned to stare at me for a beat. His intense gaze and his furrowed brow, told me that was exactly the question he was trying to figure out for himself.
“Yani, don’t worry about it. It’s done now. You’ll give yourself a stroke if you try to figure out why she did it, because there isn’t a good enough reason and there’s no other explanation for it.”
I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes until we reached the venue. We did the soundcheck, chatted with the fans and had dinner before the concert. Normally, we’d arrange a kick ass party for us for the end of the tour and while there was one, not one of us was attending. The show was almost amazing, almost the perfect end to our Broken Strings album, but one thing was missing. It was the usual feeling of accomplishment that we used to have. I didn’t know how to try and fix things with us. I just had to hope time would do it and I watched as my friends all walked away from me after the show, with a painful feeling in my gut.
Two days later, I was at home and was sitting out on the deck when Yani appeared. I watched his sleek, silver car drive down my winding drive and stop at my front steps. I wasn’t expecting him. I was sitting and sipping on a Bud as he stepped out of his car. I stood up and walked towards him, wondering what on earth he was doing on my ranch, two days before Christmas. He climbed the steps and I motioned for him to join me on the deck. We walked across the wooden floor together and he sat down on the egg-shaped porch swing. I sat on the sofa and watched him for a moment, as he gazed around my red stone ranch.
“Yani, what are you doing here?” I asked him, he leaned forwards clasping his hands on his thighs.
“Blake,” He began and then his cell rang. He quickly took it out, glanced down at it and then silenced it, before pocketing it.
“Yani, what’s going on?” I asked him impatiently and he gave me a small smile. He watched me for a moment and then spoke in a low steady voice.
“Cara, didn’t sell you out.” He told me and I totally zoned out, as my ears started to ring.
“Come again?” I asked him and he moved from the egg chair to the seat next to mine.
“Cara didn’t do it. I’ve found out who did, and it wasn’t her.”
His voice was low and eager, I stared at him, completely frozen, before I started to speak again.
“No. She did. She had to have. No-one else knew.”
Yani nodded and then took out a small black thing, about the size of a paperclip and placed it onto the table in front of me.
“You know what this is?” He asked and I shook my head, because I had no idea at all what it was, or why he was showing me
it, when he was telling me how Cara didn’t betray my trust.
“What does this have to do…” I began and he cut me off.
“This is a miniature recorder. Now I want you to think about who benefited from Cara being gone? Who had the most to gain from pointing the finger at her?”
My head was swimming and my throat was burning with a nauseated feeling.
“Cara didn’t do it?” I asked him as my guilt threatened to swallow me whole.
I met his eyes praying that he was having me on because the alternative was just too horrifying to accept. He shook his head and my ears began to ring loudly. My vision blurred and I felt as though I was going to pass out from the sensations.
“She didn’t do it.” Yani told me calmly and waited until my breathing had returned to normal, before he spoke again.
“Who did then? Why did they do that?” I asked, puzzled, and disturbed in equal measure.
“Because she wanted you and with Cara gone, she thought she had a better shot.”
Oh. My. God. Crystal.
It was as if a light went off in my head and I turned to face him, horror struck at what I’d done. I’d blamed Cara. I hadn’t believed her when she’d told me she was innocent and I’d fired her, kicked her out of our hotel and ruined her career.
“Fucking Crystal.” I hissed under my breath and Yani moved his head in a jerky nod.
“Yep. She bribed one of the hotel staff to let her into your room and she planted this device. She was doing it the whole tour, but when she saw how close Cara and you were; How much you were beginning to fall for Cara, she decided to take action and sold the device to the highest bidder.”
My body wretched and I leaned over the side of my sofa and vomited up the bottle of beer I’d drunk, off the deck. I was glad I was sitting against the railing. Yani sat impassively as I continued to retch for a few minutes and then sat back, wiping my mouth with my hand. My head swam as I thought about Cara. I missed her so fucking much and I had to hide my credit cards and lock away my phone, so I didn’t book a flight to Idaho to see her. As much as I’d hated her for what she did, I also fucking missed her. It was tearing me apart, but now I knew she was innocent. I wanted to see her, or speak to her, but what could I do? I didn’t even have her number anymore to call her, not that she’d even answer. She deserved more from me than a fucking phone call, after what I’d put her through. Yani sat watching me as my thoughts struggled to comprehend what he’d just told me. He didn’t speak until I put my head in my hands.
Nothing but The Sheets Page 27