Diary of a Wimpy Czarovitch
Page 10
cheese smell which permeated his bathroom from a small piece of cheese which we hid under the lid of the throne. It smelt terrible, just like toe jam or a peasant’s dirty feet rather like Rasputin’s dirty socks before Auntie Annya washes them for him in her tiny cottage.
"I believe there's a dead mouse in here. Would you see to it dear?" said Papa to Mama as he exited the bathroom swiftly plugging his nostrils. Anastasia and I almost died laughing but we were still able to shout joyfully: "April Fools!
The older pair would not be out done and put clear tracing paper under the toilet seat which Anastasia and I shared. We both had to clean up the nasty mess when it ran on the floor, because Shura refused to clean up the filth from the prank. Am I becoming lax to servants as I near adolescence, or has Mama’s politeness to servants begun rubbing off on me? Derevenko took one look at the mess and simply walked away quickly to talk with the faux Ethiopian.
We had Mama called to the phone with a message from a prankster (our chaffeur we bribed with a gold bracelet) stating that Auntie Ella had left her monastery and run off with an English Lord. Mama was not amused when we yelled, “April Fools.”
Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable, fun day which I shall always cherish and remember. Days like this make my severe pain more bearable.
2 April 1914, 15 April 1914 – Monsieur Gilliard is making me write in cursive which I detest. He uses copper plate writing and insists that I write in this fancy handwriting. I prefer printing and always manage to smear my letters with the ink. M. Petrov states that one can tell much about a person from his handwriting while insisting that I form my letters correctly as did Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president of the United States. Therefore, I am trying to make my signature more attractive with embellishments like Mama uses. She has beautiful writing. The capital A in her name is something beautiful to behold. Papa’s signature is rather boring and Anastasia’s handwriting is crude and looks like something that a plump, short person with fat fingers would write. I practiced signing my compositions: Alexei the Great with several flourishes underneath the lettering. Perhaps people will collect my handwriting and study it someday. Imagine, maybe my diary will be a bestseller some day as are other diaries from the French Revolution. Elizabeth I kept many diaries, and so shall I. I shall have to be careful what I write about. Mama says that she plans on burning all of her letters and diaries. Her life shall be her own. I think that is a waste of history and I want to be well remembered. Papa agrees with me, but still continues to write only about the weather and mundane, everyday things. Boring!
3 April 1814, 16 April 1914 – Papa and the older pair took a long walk and I played on the beach with my cousins. Nikita and I made a sand sculpture of a large beached whale with tiny rocks for its eyes. The water is still freezing. Mama and Auntie Annya shared our sandwiches and we drank brown ginger beer which I happen to love. I relish the fizzy brew pretending it to be German lager drinking several bottles. Nikita and I pretended we were both drunk. It’s even better than lemonade. Anastasia laughed but matronly Olga said we were uncouth boors.
3 April 1914, 15 April 1914 – This leather bound diary was given to me by my papa. One Christmas, he gave all of his children each a diary and told us that he expected us to keep them and to act as if we were constantly being viewed by a multitude of people. We were all making history. That’s what he always tried to do, however, some things in his life, were embarrassments for him: the night he and Mama danced together at a ball when thousands of Russians had been trampled in a muddy field had been an excruciating event for him. Dancing was not a wise thing to do after that tragedy and both he and Mama regretted making that decision that night. Papa's uncle had advised him incorrectly and he died because of it in another ruthless assassination.
"Alexei, always try to gather the real facts before you make your decisions when you are Czar, don’t trust anybody and always follow your heart. I did not feel comfortable going dancing and should have listened to my own feelings. Julius Caesar trusted people who slew him on the ides of March, be careful about those near you, Alexei, and keep your own counsel."
Easter Day 1914, - At midnight, my cousins, sisters, and extended family gathered in the darkened church. “Christ is risen.” said the white bearded bishop, and the congregation shouted back: “He is truly risen!” Three small candles which the bishop carried when he entered the building were passed around by the holy priests and everyone lit their own candles until hundreds of candles illuminated the darkness. The scene was beautiful and I felt a feeling of reverence that I had never sensed before. I felt the symbolism for the first time in my life that Christ is the light of the earth. My faith and knowledge increased. Mama’s eyes were watering and she smiled at me tenderly.
Afterwards we returned to the palace and had an incredible feast. Lent was over, and I was so glad, forty days of deprivation were over. I ate so much sweet pashka cheese that I had to unbutton my trouser button and so did Papa. We had roasted leg of lamb surrounded by onions and carrots and mashed potatoes, hams, chicken, and slices of all kinds of cheese. My cousins and I tried bits of everything and loaded our plates and ate until we could not eat another bite. My sisters and I gave our fancy decorated eggs in their baskets of new grown grass to Mama and Papa and Papa gave Grandmama and Mama their costly eggs designed by Monsieur Faberge. Mama's egg was an elaborate mosaic covered with gems in delicate floral designs. OTMA and I were displayed in a photograph which stood on a small stand when a hidden button was pushed. Monsieur F. had done it again. Mama was enraptured and could hardly speak when she saw her beautiful egg. Mama displayed the egg that I made for her in her boudoir and Papa put his in his library. Mama and Papa kissed all of us and were much pleased with all of our artistic efforts and then kissed each other. They still act as if they are newlywed which vexes my fastidious Grandmama who thinks Mama's sitting on my Papa's lap in family gatherings and photographs is indecent. Olga thinks it proves they are still madly in love and intends on keeping up the tradition when she marries. I agree with Olga. There are certain family traditions which need to be followed.
7 April 1914, 20 April 1914 – My cousins and I rowed out on the Black sea in a row boat and dived off into the water. Nagorny helped haul us back into the boat. It was fun jumping into the water, but the water was still freezing. Papa swam nearby and tried to tip over the boat. I pretend that my cousins are my brothers, and I join their fights and bickering, too. I will be sad when they leave. Papa built a bonfire on the beach and we toasted bread and bits of melted cheese on sticks. Everything tasted delicious.
8 April 1914, 21 April 1914 – We had a picnic on the beach and laid down on the blankets and imagined shapes in the fluffy clouds. I saw a cloud shaped like a sword and it bothered me.
“Papa, what will become of us?” I asked. Mama crossed herself and said a quick prayer.
“Alexei, you make me feel uneasy. Our rasputin has told me that as long as no Romanov sheds his blood that we’ll be safe, and so we have nothing to fear. The dynasty will continue for another three hundred years. All will be well for who would dare harm him when he has your Papa and Mama's protection?" Nevertheless, despite her words, I felt uneasy and could not shake off the dismal feeling.
9 April 1914, 22 April 1914 – We said farewell to our cousins. I kissed them all in the Russian way and they kissed me back. I will truly miss my brother cousins. Anastasia was glad to see them go. She did not like the tricks that we played on her and said: “Good riddance to bad rubbish.” Of course she said it quietly so that Mama wouldn’t hear her. Had they actually tied her pigtail with its white ribbon to her chair as she was posing for a photograph Papa was taking of all of Grandmama's grandchildren for a surprise for Grandmama? Anastasia complained that she'd suffered from whiplash when she stood up. It was rather hilarious to see proud Ana tethered to a chair for once unable to move.
Now, I shall have to play with my sisters again. Papa and the girls w
ent for a long walk and Mama and I made up stories on the beach trying to entertain me since I couldn't walk with them. She would start one, and I would make a surprise ending. Auntie Annya was much amused. Perhaps Mama and I can publish our stories abroad one day under a pseudonym. I would like that. Auntie Annya took them down in short hand. They are very Russian.
17 April 1914 30 April 1914 – Today papa received a letter from his English lookalike cousin, King George. It's final: The Prince of Wales has not offered for Olga’s hand after all, and Mama is very upset. She wanted one of her daughters to be the future Queen of England. Olga was much relieved. Perhaps she really will be a spinster. Auntie Olga said that she wished she'd remained a spinster rather than marry the nearly dead aristocrat her mother had chosen for her. Grandmama had said: "Love came in my marriage and I'd never met my big bear of a husband before my wedding." Auntie Olga's eyes rolled up in her head. "What's this new generation coming to?" asked Grandmama rolling her own eyes mockingly to nobody in particular. "Doesn't anybody do their duty any more? Divorce within the family is bringing down the