Diary of a Wimpy Czarovitch

by JG Hampton

Tatiana has been following Mama's orders to talk some sense into her. This betrothal needs to come off for diplomatic reasons. I am so glad that I'm not a girl. I'll be relieved when this life game we're all engaged in is over. I would not want to be in Olga's shoes. Mama is fit to be tied saying continuously: "Olga, you must do your duty."

  16 May 1914, 29 May 1914 - The Standart sails out of the harbor with all of us on board. I don't know why Olga is so nervous; she's met Carol before at her coming out ball two years ago and should know what to expect. After all, he's hardly a frog prince. Marie would marry him in a minute thinking him quite handsome, but he has not asked for her and Mama demands that the eldest daughter be married first which makes sense. However, my Grandmama has told her that she was married before her older sister Dagmar who is now Queen Alexandra of England and said that Mama is being foolish. This incensed Mama making her more determined than ever.

  Olga wants a sober, studious helpmate, not someone who takes thing lightly as Prince Carol does. She just know that they will not suit each other.

  Mama raised her voice saying: "Olga, try being positive for once in your life. Learn how to give a little." Olga looked angrily at Mama and stamped her foot. Papa only shrugged his shoulders not wanting to take sides.

  "My darling daughter," said Papa. "Nothing is set in cement, but do try for your parents' sake to be subjective instead of objective for once. Let your heart rule rather than that practical head of yours but. don't wear your heart visibly on your sleeves wear it can be broken. Remember to smile Olga. You're so beautiful when you smile. Remember that I have four daughters to marry off, not just one; you can be so winsome if you want to be."

  Anastasia is trying her best to make Olga better humored, but nothing amuses my nervous older sister who has entirely lost her sense of humor. Mama says that she'd better find it quickly.

  17 May 1914, 30 May 1914 - The Romanovs all danced after the sun went down aboard the ship to the strains of Papa's Military orchestra. Papa and Olga danced together, maybe for one of their last times. Papa was nostalgic. Could this beautiful vision of loveliness possibly be his first born daughter who'd had such an immense head at birth which had caused more than a few comments at both courts. Of course, that head was loaded with brains. Nevertheless, the baby had charmed her persnickety Great Grandmama, Queen Victoria, when presented to her at Buckingham Palace. How time had flown on wings of lightening. Soon she'd be having her own babies.

  18 May 1914, 31 May 1914 - My sister Olga was as cold as ice to Prince Carol, I had never seen her so tense and stiff before. What had happened to my charming, sweet sister? I peeked in her diary to find out what was wrong. Her words struck my own heart: "I could never leave Russia, nor Mama or Papa. I would rather enter a holy order like Auntie Ella or remain a spinster at home. I'd shrivel up and die if I left my country." Here, her writing was smeared with her tears. Then I realized how my sister felt. I felt the same way. We were a very closely knit family. Papa would have to find a wealthy Russian for her, but I couldn't think of anyone except for cousin Dmitry, who Mama couldn't stand who was our first cousin. Recent scientific articles have been written about the danger of inbreeding within families which Mama read aloud with alarm.

  Nonetheless, I enjoyed the firework display that night on board the deck of the Standardt. Imagine, the Chinese who'd tried to kill Papa were the first ones to invent fireworks many hundreds of years ago. The noise was loud and Mama said her excuses early because of a headache. The color and the fireworks lit up the night sky and were something that my young eyes will never forget. The exhibit was magnificent. I shall have fireworks when I am betrothed.

  19 May 1914, 13 June 1914 - Our arrival at Constanta in Romania was noted by a great turnout. King Ferdinand and Queen Marie were gracious hosts and the celebration began. Mama and papa were happy to see their cousins and everyone but me chatted away in French at the banquet they gave us at their palace. I am Russian and will speak only Russian; Mama was peeved at me, but had more pressing concerns since Olga refused to warm to Prince Carol. Marie and I both liked the prince but it doesn’t matter if we like him, Olga must and she refused to be more than polite to him, despite Mama’s fervent pleas. Olga can be very obstinate. I enjoyed the fireworks from the deck of our yaught, but they only gave Mama a headache. Mama did not win this battle of wits and there will be no wedding. We sail off tomorrow, much to Olga’s relief.

  20 May 1914, 3 June 1914 - Early in the morning, the Romanovs sailed away quietly on the Standart. Mama and Olga are avoiding each other trying not to break each others hearts by saying inexcusable words. Papa is chain smoking and has buried himself in state papers. Auntie Annya is trying to soothe things over. The only one who is acting normal is Anastasia who is roller skating on the deck and running into people whenever she can. Thank Heavens for her antics and her joie d'vivre. Things will soon be back to normal, whatever normal means. We are headed back to Livadia. Olga and Mama are licking their open wounds.

  Marie is writing a letter to Grandmama dear who is probably dying to know what happened in Romania, but who will be upset at the news. She thinks that my sisters should do their duty without complaining and marry whomever is selected for them as if they were chess pieces on the game board of life. Grandmama married her husband Alexander III sight unseen, but love came. However, Auntie Olga, her daughter, was required to marry an old Russian aristocrat and the marriage had been a true disaster. Papa had absolved their marriage.

  "Why should the younger generation think that love is necessary?" asked the dowager Empress. My Grandmama thinks we're all too spoiled. But I feel that their needs to be some chemistry there. for a successful marriage.

  A tale told about my ancestress, Anastasia, for whom my youngest sister is named proves this. Czar Ivan had all of the beautiful girls of the land paraded before him and he selected his bride from them. Anastasia, who was a member of the Russian nobility, was his choice. They wed and both grew to love each other; however, she died in childbirth. Czar Ivan went crazy with grief and turned into a monster killing many innocent people.

  Perhaps Papa should select several young men and parade them in front of Olga and let her choose a Russian noble since he's the czar of all the Russias.

  20 May 1914, etcetera continued.– Doctor Botkin examined me carefully this morning and said: “Alexei, at present you’re condition is stable, but you must do nothing to upset your Mama. Sometimes my own children, Gleb and Tatiana, cause their mother undo alarm.” I looked at his large head with the few hairs that he had remaining on his head which he parted and combed over to cover his bald spot and then at his concerned dark eyes through his thick lenses in amazement. Did he think that I caused my bruises? I hadn’t done anything to upset Mama. Olga had upset her. I will never understand adults nor my sisters.

  Soon I will be back in the Crimea lying on the beach soaking up the sun for the winter. Mama calls me her sunbeam because I'm so much like her. I admit, I've been anything but sunny during this vacation. Mama's nickname as a child was Sunny and she was happy before the death of her mother from diphtheria when she was eight, but then she never smiled again until her betrothal day when she was almost twenty-two, at least that's how it appears in the family pictures. I have not felt well, but the warm climate and sunshine will recharge my batteries.

  Father Grigory told Mama that as long as he's alive that I will recover and live to an old age. Mama said that her grandmother Queen Victoria, her gangun, told her that her youngest son, Leopold, lived to marry and have children and he was a bleeder like I am. I should not despair, but sometimes I cannot stand the pain. To take my mind off of al of my worries, I asked some of the officers if they'll bait several fish lines for me so that I can trawl off of the back of the yaught. I thought that this would amuse Papa if we happened to catch anything. To my amazement, we caught a sea turtle which had eaten the meat when he swallowed the hook. The cook made delicious turtle soup enough for the Romanovs and the crew. />
  21 May 1914, 15 June 1914 - Dr. Botkin examined me this morning and told me not to do anything that might upset my mother, because she's distressed enough and doesn't think she can take much more. Does he think that I cause my bruises?

  I looked at his big head and the funny way he combs his hair over his bald spot and made direct eye contact with those dark eyes through his thick glasses saying: "I love my Mama and worry about her heart as much as you and Dr. Dervenko. I don't know what I'd do without her. I pray continually for her health do you?" He didn't answer me.

  Dr. Botkin told me not to mention our conversation to Mama or Papa. I won't. He gave me some cod liver oil to drink and I plugged my nose and swallowed the nasty stuff like a good soldier must. Then I asked him if he was punishing me. He didn't say a word, merely stalking away. Next time he gives me the nasty stuff, I shall give it to Joy who eats anything when he's not looking.

  Auntie Annya has begun to patch things up between Mama and Olga. I heard her say: "My dear Alexandra, you'll live to see that this event is a blessing, just as it was a blessing that you didn't marry Prince Eddy." Where would we all