Worth the Weight

by Eileen Palma

  “The less offensive term is overweight.” Kate spoke through gritted teeth. She debated letting her dog out of her arms and dealing with the consequences later.

  “Doesn’t really matter what you call the kids as long as they watch your show, right?” asked Alex, with an exaggerated wink at Dana.

  “You and I are going to get along great.” Dana flicked several ropes of dreads off her face with a flick of her hand, exposing her regal cheekbones and angular jaw.

  “You really need to at least watch a few episodes of the show, so you know what the reporters are talking about if they bring anything up in an interview,” said Kate.

  “Did you watch The True NJ?” asked Alex.

  “I was too busy watching Jersey Shore reruns,” snipped Kate.

  “This is an easy fix,” said Dana. “Give me an hour and I’ll have DVDs for both of you.”

  “But my show’s not on DVD yet,” said Alex.

  “Don’t you worry,” said Dana. “I have friends in all the right places.”

  “You really are my kind of woman.” Alex fixed a dramatic wink at Dana.

  “We need to take advantage of this photo op.” Dana walked over to the floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked 23rd Street.

  “No, problem.” Alex stood up and pried off his tee-shirt and carefully draped it over a chair. His body was the same tangerine hue as his face but with accents on his abs and chest as if someone had outlined all his muscles with an orange sharpie. His skin had a thin sheen that Kate hoped wouldn’t rub off on any of her furniture.

  “What’re you doing?” Kate could hear the shock and horror magnified in her own voice.

  Before Alex had a chance to answer, Kate hissed at Dana, “What is he doing?”

  Alex stood in front of both of them, doing some kind of flexing exercise with his pecks. The acrid smell of spray tan mixed filled the room and Kate understood the need for so much cologne. “What kind of photo opportunity were you talking about?”

  Dana picked up his tee-shirt, when she got close enough to hand it to him her eyes were chest level and she didn’t seem bothered in the least by the smell.

  “Of course Dana didn’t mean that kind,” said Kate.

  Dana stood frozen with his tee-shirt in her hands.

  “Right Dana?”

  “Oh no. It’s too early for that.” Dana finally handed Alex his shirt.

  Alex shrugged, “That’s better for me anyway. I’m having a bad pec day.”

  “They look pretty good to me,” said Dana.

  “Can we get back on track here?” asked Kate. “I just want to get this over with.”

  “Okay. At first I was thinking you could stand in the window making out. But then I thought that would look too staged,” said Dana.

  “That would definitely be too much,” agreed Kate.

  “You both need to stand in the frame of the window and look into each other’s eyes and pretend to be saying something really romantic and meaningful,” said Dana.

  “How am I going to pull off romantic and meaningful with some guy I’ve known for like two minutes?” asked Kate.

  “You managed to do that just fine in those pictures of you and Jack from the dog park. These pictures have to be even hotter.” Dana tore herself away from Alex’s chest and looked right at Kate. “Or else no one’s going to buy it.”

  “Don’t worry, I got this covered,” said Alex. “I had a lot of practice with Tammy last season.”

  “You mean that was fake?” shrieked Dana.

  “Let’s hope he does a better job being discreet this time around, or I’m screwed,” said Kate, even though it didn’t look like Dana was listening to her.

  “Relax, I’ve got just as much at stake here as you do. Do you know how much those Jersey Shore kids made in endorsements and spin off shows? We’re talking millions,” said Alex.

  At least the guy was motivated, thought Kate.

  “Do you want to practice a pose?” asked Dana.

  “No, let’s just do it,” said Alex. “It’ll look more realistic that way.”

  “Yeah, but how do we end up there in the first place?” asked Kate.

  “Why don’t you go stand in the window and act like you’re on the phone, and Alex can join you in the frame,” said Dana.

  “You better get rid of the dog first. She looks like she’s gonna go straight for my balls the second you let her go.”

  “Maybe she just needs a chance to get to know you better.” Kate took a step closer to Alex and the dog erupted in full sized growls.

  “Or maybe not. Stick her in the bedroom so we can get this show on the road.” Dana kept her voice sweet for Alex’s sake, but she fixed her eyes on Kate to show her she was dead serious.

  “It’s okay, Sarah Jessica Barker. We’re going to look back a few months from now and it will be like this never happened.” Kate tucked her dog in her bed against the mounds of pillows and resisted the urge to climb in and bury her head under the covers. She took a deep breath before heading back to the living room.

  Kate walked over to the picture window and pretended to send an email. She tried to keep her eyes trained on the small phone keypad, but the late afternoon sun was reflecting off the cameras below and making her see spots. She was so busy trying to act natural that she didn’t notice Alex till he sidled up behind her. He was so tall that Kate’s head rested against his chest muscles, which had all the comfort of leaning against a concrete wall. It made Kate miss Jack’s softness.

  Alex lifted Kate’s ponytail off her neck and buried his face in the hollow above her collarbone. Kate wasn’t sure if she should keep typing, but she didn’t want to turn to face him for fear that he would try to stage a make out session. Right now they probably looked like a scene right out of a Nicholas Sparks movie.

  “That’s perfect,” said Dana. “Kate look up from the phone, but don’t turn around. Alex, wrap your arms around her.”

  Alex moved his face down her neck towards the small space of skin exposed from her slightly unbuttoned shirt. She felt his lips brush against her skin as he enveloped her in his thick arms.

  “Perfect. Once these pictures get out, everyone will forget all about you and Jack.”

  “TEAM JACK OR TEAM ALEX?”

  nytoday.com

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Jack quick-stepped to close in the gap between him and Lauren. She had spent the whole ten-block walk to Chelsea Prep at least a full sidewalk square ahead of him. All attempts at conversation were met with either complete silence or if he was lucky a mumbled one word answer.

  “How bout a doissant?” Jack pointed to the white food truck that sold hot coffee and doughnut-croissant hybrids.

  “It’s a cronut. And no thanks.” Lauren didn’t turn around but she did grant him a flick of her hair in his general direction.

  “You never ate dinner last night.”

  “Not hungry.”

  “You drool every time we pass the pastry guy. Are you really going to pass up the one time I cave and offer you straight sugar for breakfast?”

  Lauren shrugged her shoulders. Jack closed in on her when she was stuck waiting for the light to change at Ninth Avenue.

  “Did you talk to your mom?”

  “Why? So she could lie to me some more about how awesome filming on the beach is going?”

  “I know you’re mad at your mom and me right now, but shutting us out isn’t going to make you feel better.”

  “The only thing that’s going to make me feel better is seeing my dad.”

  “Let’s shoot for this weekend. I just need to stay here the rest of the week to finish these new designs.”

  The walking signal lit up and Lauren bolted across the street. She ran up the school steps without even a backward glance Jack’s way. He had a feeling the days of the secret handshakes were officially over.

  His phone rang as soon as Lauren walked through the double
doors.

  “You just missed her.”

  “Shit. Lauren declined all my calls last night. I was hoping she would be less pissed by now.” Harper sounded like she was in the hospital cafeteria and Jack took that as a good sign that at least she was eating something.

  “She’s just like you that way. The more time passes, the madder she gets.”

  “I know. But I thought maybe by this morning she might be ready to talk.”

  “You did the same thing to mom. Remember when she finally told us she had cancer? You gave her hell for not telling us sooner. The poor woman was dying and you wouldn’t talk to her for two weeks.”

  “Poor Mom. I was horrible back then.”

  “You got your pay back now.”

  “Seriously, how bad is Lauren?”

  “She hasn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. I got her favorite salad with that peanut dressing from NY Burger for dinner and she didn’t touch it. She even turned down one of those croissant-doughnut things from the truck by school.”

  “Shit. She begs me every time we pass the Break Fast truck and I never let her get anything.”

  “I know.”

  “Is there any way you can bring her here?”

  “I’m planning on it. I just can’t get away till the end of the week.”

  “Maybe it would be good for you to get away from all the reporters.”

  “I’m pretty sure California has its fair share of reporters too.”

  “Shit, we’re both a fucking mess.”

  “I know. The pre-orders keep coming in and I don’t have a test model even ready yet.”

  “At least this drama hasn’t hurt your business.”

  “Kate’s the one who got screwed over here.”

  “Flowers aren’t gonna fix this one, big brother.”

  “I don’t think anything’s gonna fix this mess.”

  Jack hung up with Harper and headed to the office. He rarely worked anywhere other than his backyard, but at least he had security guards at the office. He had caught two paparazzi trying to scale the fence yesterday and another one digging through the trash.

  Harmonie, the college intern, was already sitting at her desk typing away at her laptop when Jack walked in. Jack had a feeling she spent just as much time on her own Facebook updates as the company page, but Jack was getting used to this new generation who texted and Facebooked at work.

  “Hey Harmonie.”

  “Hi Jack. You know, you actually look pretty hot on TV.” Harmonie finger-combed her blond highlighted hair extensions.

  “Thanks. I think.”

  “Our social media’s been blowing up since yesterday. I’ve been trying to keep up with it.”

  “Good. You know I hate that shit.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got you covered.” Harmonie winked and her fake eyelash stuck to her bottom lid for a second too long.

  “I have to finish these designs. So try not to let anyone know I’m here.”

  “No prob. I’ll keep it on the DL.”

  Jack closed his office door and got settled at his desk with his laptop. He got right to work on the new designs. Their presales in one day had already surpassed their first month sales with the last line.

  He was listening to his favorite design music—the Beatles Pandora station—and working through the most underappreciated part of his design—the undercarriage—when Matt burst through the door.

  “The undercarriage is a bitch this time around. The extra weight means we need heavier steel, which might drive the price higher than we originally budgeted. Which is a serious problem since all those people just pre-ordered at what could be a low ball number.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I found these steel guys from Detroit who can save us a shit load.” Matt laid a slim wooden box on the table and slid back the top to reveal a perfect stack of Cuban cigars.

  “You know my mom died of lung cancer and she didn’t even smoke.”

  “Quit being a pussy. Aren’t you even going to ask what the cigars are for?”

  “I’m assuming they’re for our crazy pre-sale numbers?”

  Matt pulled out a thin sheet of paper with the unmistakable black whorls of an ultrasound.

  “It’s a boy!!!”

  Jack jumped up and Matt pulled him into a crushing bear hug so hard he couldn’t breath.

  “Congrats, man! That’s unbelievable!”

  Matt loosened his grip and Jack could see tears at the corners of his eyes.

  “We came so close to this not happening. Now, Anne has this healthy baby boy growing inside her. This is just insane.”

  “Just wait till we get him his first long board!”

  “I was just thinking that. This kid’s gonna ride before he can walk.”

  “Unless Anne has anything to do about it.”

  “I don’t think she’s gonna give a shit. I’ve never seen her like this.”

  “Fuck it. Give me one of those cancer sticks.”

  “A few puffs won’t kill us.” Matt pulled two cigars from the box and handed one to Jack.

  Jack pulled the cigar to his nose and inhaled the sharp musty tobacco that smelled like an old attic. He put it in his mouth and Matt held the lighter up to the end while Jack pulled his breath in. It took a few puffs to get the thing lit. As soon as Jack really inhaled, his chest was caught in a paroxysm of coughing. He pulled the cigar away and grabbed the water bottle from his desk. Matt thumped him on the back with two big wallops and Jack stopped coughing.

  Matt stubbed the cigar out. “Classy shit is wasted on you. Next time I have good news we’re just going to have to do some shots.”

  The door opened suddenly and Harmonie walked in.

  “Are you guys smoking blunts in here?”

  “No. Just cigars. How would you know what blunts smell like anyway?” asked Matt, with an eyebrow raised.

  Harmonie shrugged. “You can’t walk in the West Village without getting a contact high.”

  “Matt found out he’s having a boy!” Jack held up the box of cigars.

  “Congratulations! That’s awesome.”

  “Thanks. Now what were you interrupting our little celebration party for?”

  Harmonie stood in front of Jack’s desk finger-combing her hair with her jet-black nails. She opened her mouth then shut it again without saying anything. She reminded Jack of one of those fancy goldfish with a large head and tiny body gulping for air.

  “Did you break the printer again?” asked Jack. “You know you just can’t ram the paper in there like you always do.”

  “The printer’s fine. But you really need to go on the Gossip Matters website.”

  “I don’t know what else they could possible print about me and Kate.”

  “Oh…it’s… It’s not about you and Kate this time. Just Kate.”

  Matt grabbed Jack’s iPad off the desk and was on the website in seconds.

  Cover Story: Kate Richards: How I Found Love When I Least Expected It: Kate Richards opens up to us about how she fell madly in love with twelve years younger The True NJ star Alex Lombardi, how Alex popped the question, and their dream wedding plans.

  If it weren’t for the picture, Jack wouldn’t believe it. A ridiculously over muscled spray tanned guy with blond hair gelled up at least five inches stood in the middle of Kate’s living room with Sarah Jessica Barker sitting at his feet and Kate in his arms, literally. He held her in the air, her dangling legs ending in skyscraper black heels. Kate was barely recognizable with her wavy hair flat-ironed pin straight and hanging back in the air as she tilted her head back—the camera catching her mid-laugh. The gigantic diamond ring on her finger stole the shot. The square diamond in a platinum setting glinted in the light and took away all attention from Kate and her orange gladiator.

  Jack looked at the iPad with Matt and Harmonie leaning over both sides of him.

  “Thanks for letting us know about this, Harmoni
e. We’ll see you later.” Matt walked her to the door and shut it firmly behind her before she could say anything.

  “What the fuck? She never even mentioned having a boyfriend.”

  “Looks like you weren’t the only one lying the past few weeks.”

  “Look at this guy. Does he even look like someone Kate would talk to, let alone marry?”

  “She obviously didn’t think you looked like someone who would own a stroller company for fat kids.”

  “This just doesn’t make sense.” Jack scrolled down to read the article.

  After speculation that Kate Richards, host of ABC’s highly rated KidFit was dating Jack Moskowitz, the CEO of Considerable Carriages, a company that manufactures high chairs, strollers and car seat for obese children, she came clean to Gossip Matters about the real man in her life.

  “I never thought I would be engaged to a man so much younger than me, but I knew the day I met Alex that he really was an old soul,” Richards says of Alex Lombardi, best known for his role as “The Instigator” on last season’s The True NJ. The ultra fit duo met at a spin class at the Equinox in Chelsea.

  “We started talking one day after class and I realized that we had a lot in common,” says Richards.

  “And I realized she was hot. Why else would I always take the bike behind her?” cuts in Lombardi.

  The high-ranking TV star and best-selling author plans to get married in a classic wedding gown surrounded by antique roses and a harpist. She wants a small wedding with just close family and friends. But Lombardi has other plans in mind, with a five hundred person guest list and celebrity musician Danger Mouse mixing tracks at “the after party”.

  For the rest of this exclusive story pick up a copy of the latest Gossip Matters, which hits news stands Friday.

  “You got played.” Matt grabbed the iPad from Jack and quickly closed out the Gossip Matters website.

  “This has to be some kind of mistake. I was just there last night. Trust me. There’s no way Kate’s with someone else.” Jack grabbed the iPad back and Googled Kate. Sure enough there were several more stories about Kate and the orange meathead.