Worth the Weight

by Eileen Palma

  “Maybe she wanted you to find out she was engaged the same way she found out who you were.”

  “Or maybe that shady publicist Dana cooked this whole thing up.”

  “You think this is a fauxmance?”

  “Her camp had to get the attention off me and Kate.”

  “Dude, how would she get this guy to pretend to be engaged to her? And why would she pick him in the first place? He’s a tool.”

  “You don’t know Kate. There’s no way she could carry on a conversation with a jackass like that, let alone marry him.”

  “Dude, he’s less damaging to her career than you are.”

  “A Big John’s moving truck was spotted outside Kate Richards’ building with Alex Lombardi supervising the crew. Alex’s one must-have item? His spray tan machine.”

  dirtylaundry.com

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  “Not happening,” said Kate.

  “You want everyone to think you’re pulling a Kim Kardashian?” asked Dana.

  “Where’s he going to sleep?”

  “The couch is fine,” said Alex. “I’ve been living with five roommates in an Alphabet City studio.”

  “Remember to keep the curtains closed at night,” said Dana. “The last thing we need is a photographer getting a picture of you sleeping in the living room.”

  “Plenty of couples get engaged without moving in together.” Just Kate’s luck. Now she finds a guy who wants to commit right away.

  “The more the gossip sites have to print about Ali-Kat, the quicker everyone will forget about you and Jack.” Dana busied herself scrolling through her iPad for a moving company.

  “You don’t need to hire movers,” said Alex. “I don’t really have that much stuff.”

  “We won’t catch anyone’s attention without a moving van.” Dana handed him her business platinum card. “Pick up a few things and have them delivered to Big John Movers. They’ll cart everything over here at once.”

  “Sweet!” Alex pocketed the card quickly, as if he was scared Dana would change her mind.

  “We really should set some ground rules,” said Kate. “I mean, if you and I are going to be living together.”

  “Yeah, like can you keep the pooch off my bed?” Alex looked pointedly at Sarah Jessica Barker, who was nestled into her corner of the couch with a slimy rawhide bone.

  Kate opened her mouth and quickly shut it when Dana shot her a vicious look. She picked up the bone and tossed it over to the armchair by the window. Sarah Jessica Barker leaped off the couch and made a beeline for the chair.

  “Also, can you like put your dirty clothes in a hamper or somethin’?” Alex stepped over the pair of Kate’s underwear that Sarah Jessica Barker had carried in and abandoned by the breakfast bar.

  “Kate’s just been overwhelmed with cookbook editing. She’s usually much neater than this.” Dana scooped up the pile of plates and cups off the coffee table and brought them to the sink.

  “There a gym in the building?” asked Alex. He moved from the bar stool to the couch as soon as Sarah Jessica Barker vacated it.

  “No. But you should go to the Chelsea Equinox, since that’s where you and Kate supposedly met.” Dana rolled up her sleeves and started loading up the dishwasher.

  “Right. I gotta write this stuff down so I don’t forget.” Alex pulled out his iPhone.

  “You can’t take notes in your phone. What if it gets hacked or stolen?” Kate tried to catch Dana’s eye to make sure she also recognized what a moron Alex was, but she was focused on Alex, who had spontaneously thrown himself down on the ground and started doing push ups as soon as he put his phone back in his pocket. Kate was beginning to realize this guy needed to be in motion constantly.

  “Don’t stress about the details. You just need to smile and look hot for the cameras,” said Dana. “You can let Kate do all the talking.”

  “I think I can handle that,” said Alex, smacking his hands together mid push up.

  Kate’s phone rang. “It’s Jack.” A tingling sensation moved through her hands and she felt her chest tighten like it did back at Mrs. Fink’s.

  Kate took two deep breaths before picking up. “Hi.”

  Alex looked up and Dana scooted closer to Kate on the couch. Kate got up and walked into her bedroom where she could have some modicum of privacy.

  “I guess congratulations are in order.” Jack breathed loud and heavy into the mouthpiece.

  “I should’ve told you last night.” Kate shut the door firmly behind her as soon as Sarah Jessica Barker scooted in the room. “But I guess I was just acting like my typical narcissist self.”

  “Sorry about that. I wanted to make it clear we weren’t together like that.”

  “Oh, you made it abundantly clear.” Kate could hear her own voice slicing through the airwaves like a knife.

  “What else was I supposed to say? That we can’t keep our hands off each other?”

  “You certainly didn’t have to call me names and rip on my livelihood.”

  “If you and Dana had kept me in the loop, I wouldn’t have had to say anything. Not a bad idea, but I don’t know about her choice in a bogus fiancé.” Jack’s voice sounded confident with uncertainty bubbling up beneath the surface.

  “Jack, my engagement to Alex is real.” Kate was glad she couldn’t see his face. She squeezed her hands together to relieve the numbness in her fingertips.

  “Yeah, right. There’s no way you would be engaged to some guy who got famous for being an asshole on a Jersey reality show.” The uncertainty was gaining on the confidence now and there was a slight waver to Jack’s voice.

  “Those shows are complete fabrications. Alex isn’t really like that.” Kate popped two antacid pills and crunched them with her incisors as soon as they hit her mouth.

  “Then how come you haven’t said one word about him to me until now?”

  “It’s not like you were an open book with me either. At least you knew my real name!”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Jack’s voice had an edge to it that cut through the phone line.

  “Alex and I’ve been on and off again for awhile now. I met you when we were off. There was nothing to tell.”

  “And now?”

  “This whole thing put things into perspective with Alex and me. I finally said yes to his proposal.”

  “You didn’t have wedding plans on your mind last night.”

  “I’m sorry Jack. I don’t know what got into me. Maybe it was pre-wedding jitters.” Kate could actually feel her stomach turning at her own words.

  “Pre-wedding jitters? Seriously?”

  “I’m sorry for leading you on. But it can never happen again.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. It won’t.” Jack’s bitter voice sliced through the phone connection.

  “Jack.”

  “I have to go.”

  Jack hung up. Kate pressed the phone to her cheek and held it there, not wanting to break the connection with Jack.

  The sound of the doorbell broke the silence. Kate shuffled back into the living room not eager to find out who was waiting on the other side of the door.

  “What’re you waiting for? Answer the door.” Dana sat back on the couch, her iPad in hand, while Alex continued his push-ups.

  “Mrs. Fink! What are you doing here?”

  “We got big problems Katie. The 411 is saying you’re engaged to that creep from The True NJ.” Mrs. Fink leaned on the Swarovski-coated cane she reserved for walks longer than a block. There was a glisten of sweat on her upper lip and her left eyebrow was painted on a little crooked.

  “Come inside.” Kate reached out a hand to Mrs. Fink who shakily accepted it. She guided the woman into the apartment supporting her back as they walked. Sarah Jessica Barker knew Mrs. Fink well enough to trade in her typical jumps for sedate licks on the ankle.

  Alex popped up mid push up to an instant stand at attention position
and reached a somewhat sweaty hand toward Mrs. Fink.

  Mrs. Fink backed away. “As if you didn’t already do enough damage to that poor Tammy! What’s going on here, Katie?”

  Alex walked over to Mrs. Fink and leaned down to her level. “You can’t believe everything you read about me. Kate, tell your grandma how we met at the gym.”

  “Grandma? Is he kidding me?” Mrs. Fink pointed her bedazzled cane at Dana. “I should’ve known you’d be mixed up with this somehow.”

  “Mrs. Fink, why don’t you sit down and I’ll get you a cup of tea.” Dana couldn’t stand Mrs. Fink, ever since the time she told her she wouldn’t find a man until she tapped into her own femininity. But you wouldn’t know it by the way Dana smiled and spoke in a soft tone.

  “Sit down and relax for a minute. You’re going to have one of your spells if you don’t calm down.” Kate grabbed hold of Mrs. Fink’s arm again and led her to the couch.

  “I’m not going to calm down till you tell me why ‘The Instigator’ is sitting in your living room like he owns the place.”

  Alex walked over to the couch and sat down. “You see Mrs. Fink, Kate and I were taking the same spinning class at the Equinox down by Chelsea Market and I…”

  “Enough, Alex.” Kate held her hand up. “This isn’t real. Dana got in touch with Alex’s agent and asked him to pose as my fiancé just long enough to get the focus off Jack and me. Before you know it we’ll be having a very public break up.”

  “All I need is for the old woman to leak this and I’m finished in this town.” Alex stood up rolled his shoulders back with a resounding crack.

  “I don’t think you ever really got started in this town, young man.” Mrs. Fink jerked her head back and forth like a teenager in a schoolyard fight.

  Dana walked back in with a cup of tea. “Mrs. Fink, we need you on board with this. For Kate. That means you can’t tell Mrs. Finklestein or Mrs. Levis or anyone else you know.”

  “It’s Mrs. Feinstein and Mrs. Levi. Don’t you have any Jewish friends?”

  “I don’t care what you call them as long as you don’t tell them about all this.”

  “Katie, I can’t believe you think lying about being with someone like this is better than being with Jack. This just doesn’t make any sense.”

  “I came this close to losing it all. The network was ready to replace me on KidFit and Mini-Munchies II was never going to see the light of day.”

  “There’s always another way, Katie. You didn’t think this through.” Mrs. Fink pounded her cane into the floor for emphasis.

  “That’s what I’m here for. No offense Mrs. Fink, but your secret powers were off on this one.” Dana’s face was frozen in a half smile; the sneer was all in her voice.

  “Katie, I taught you to think for yourself!” Mrs. Fink’s voice gravelly voice echoed through the apartment.

  “Look where that landed me! I’m not letting another man get in the way of my success!”

  “None of that success is going to matter when you’re old and alone like me one day.”

  “While out walking his niece to Chelsea Prep, Jack Moskowitz reminds us there’s nothing hotter than a millionaire who loves kids. That’s hot in a Jonah Hill kind of way.”

  grapevine.com/photogallery

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jack headed up the street hoping when he picked Lauren up she would actually be on speaking terms with him. Diesel started barking and pulled him forward.

  “Diesel and Jack! What a nice surprise!” Mrs. Fink gave Morty’s leash some slack so he could climb all over Diesel. Today she was wearing leggings that made her legs look like black lollipop sticks and pink ballerina slippers à la Amy Winehouse. She leaned on a sparkling silver walking stick.

  “Good to see you, Mrs. Fink.” Jack was a little nervous how she would react seeing as he hadn’t seen her since Kate found out he was a big fraud.

  “Get over here. You know I’m a hugger.” Mrs. Fink took baby steps toward Jack and reached up to give him one of her warm hugs. Jack didn’t want to squeeze her too hard for fear of breaking a rib. But Mrs. Fink gripped him tight followed by two hard smacks on the back.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you who I really was when I first met you.”

  “You, Jack Moskowitz, are a good egg and that’s all I needed to know.”

  “Is Kate keeping you busy with wedding plans?” Jack tried to crack a smile but his lips wouldn’t cooperate.

  “Those two will never walk down the aisle. They would end up with little orange babies wearing muscle tees.”

  “The kids will probably come out fist pumping.”

  “I don’t know what fist pumping is. But it sounds pretty painful for poor Katie.”

  Jack laughed for the first time since he had seen the Gossip Matters article. “I’m so glad I bumped into you. You know how to keep it real, Mrs. Fink.”

  “Don’t give up, Jack. In all my years of match making I’ve never been wrong.”

  “You didn’t technically set us up. We met by accident at the dog park.”

  “On the Jewish Valentine’s Day and ended up at the best matchmaker’s apartment in New York. Coincidence—I think not.”

  “When we see Kate’s wedding photos on the cover of US NEWS, maybe you’ll give up hope.”

  “You know Bill and Hilary Clinton.”

  “Not personally. But if you were the one responsible for setting those two up, that’s not something I would brag about.”

  “Hilary’s cousin Beth was in New York during Clinton’s first campaign and one of her friends had a match making party. It was filled with all of New York’s most eligible single people and they paid me to come and make some matches. I brought some of my most hopeless cases that night and they left with future spouses. It was amazing.”

  “Let me know if you go to another party like that.”

  “Anyway, as soon as I met Beth, I knew she was the perfect match for one of my favorite clients. The problem was he was working on George W. Bush’s campaign. I told him to keep that little tidbit hush hush until he could get the girl…”

  “In bed?”

  “No, you animal. Get the girl to go on three dates with him. If she was still around on the fourth date, I figured she would’ve gotten to know what a great guy he was even though they didn’t have the same political ideals.”

  “Did it work?”

  “Let’s just say it got a bit messy. Accusations about stealing campaign secrets, secret service agents going through my client’s underwear drawer.”

  “Okay, this story isn’t making me feel any better.”

  “Twenty years of marriage later, with four kids and an adopted Somalian.”

  “That’s crazy!”

  “I don’t mess around when I make matches. You remember that Jack Moskowitz.” Mrs. Fink wagged her crooked finger at Jack.

  “Okay. I have to get going. Lauren’s waiting for me.”

  Mrs. Fink reached up for another hug. “You’re a good egg, Jack. Just don’t give up.”

  When Jack got to the school Lauren was sitting on the stoop alone reading something on her phone. Jack steeled himself for more of the silent treatment but Lauren jumped up as soon as she saw him.

  “OMG! I’m so sorry, Uncle Jack!”

  “Glad to hear you finally feel bad for being so rotten to me.”

  “Oh, you’re totally still in the doghouse. But I do feel bad about the Kate stuff. I mean how could she be engaged and not tell you?”

  “Oh, that.”

  “It seemed like she really liked you. And ‘The Instigator’? He’s the worst. He cheated on his girlfriend from home with Tammy and then dumped both of them as soon as they left the Jersey house.”

  “How do you know all this?”

  “I have The 411 app on my phone.”

  “Enough about the Kate situation. Let’s just get through filming this week and then we don’t ever h
ave to see her again.”

  “Are you sure she still wants to film with me? She canceled yesterday.”

  “Kate didn’t cancel. She rescheduled till tomorrow. That’s what she said in the text right?”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “But nothing. Kate’s not dumb enough to pass up on Manhattan’s most talented gymnast just because her uncle fucked up.”

  “What’re you going to say to her tomorrow? This is going to be totally awkward.”

  “That’s the thing, Lauren. Can Madison’s mom take you?”

  “What? Why?”

  “I have a meeting on the East side tomorrow. There’s no way I can make it back crosstown in time to take you to the gym.” Jack had been relieved when the perfect excuse to avoid seeing Kate was dropped in his lap.

  “You’re like the president of the whole company. Can’t you just reschedule?”

  “I’m trying to take care of things so I can take you to California.”

  “So you’re not going to watch at all?”

  “Hold on, it’s Matt.” Jack held up his finger and grabbed his phone.

  “You didn’t book your flights yet, did you?”

  “No, why?”

  “The steel guys I told you about are coming in from Detroit this weekend. They want us to show them the town; you know a real New York weekend, Scores and maybe see a Rangers game.”

  “You really expect me to stick around this weekend to take those guys to a strip club? Can’t you entertain them without me? Bring Doc.”

  “I didn’t close yet.”

  “I thought it was a done deal.”

  “Not quite. I can’t tell if they’re yanking my chain or not. We need to corner them and get them to sign on the dotted line this weekend.”

  “Shit. I can’t get that undercarriage made without the extra steel. If we can’t guarantee their lower price, we’re screwed.”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to stay if I didn’t think we needed to double team them.”

  “I know. Count me in. Maybe Lauren can miss school on Monday and we can fly out then. I’ll see what Harper says.”