Heaven's Loss (Hell Yeah!)

by Sable Hunter

  To further complicate matters, after arriving at work, she and Canyon had a spat. It wasn’t much of a spat, but knowing she’d disappointed Canyon broke Seren’s heart. The situation arose when he was taking care of what he called a simple matter, forging a knife blade on the anvil. As instructed, she kept her distance. Sort of. Seeing him work with the red-hot iron over an open flame made her nervous. Easing closer, she tried to stay near enough to help if she was needed. All would’ve worked well if he hadn’t turned quickly to fetch an additional tool and almost knocked into her with the scorching hot iron.

  “Seren! Back up, honey. You’re going to get us both injured!”

  “Sorry.” She immediately moved a few feet away.

  The near-miss unnerved Canyon and he couldn’t let it go quickly. Giving her a harsh glare, he continued to lecture Seren. “You’ve got to give me space. You can’t constantly be underfoot. You’re going to cause an accident rather than prevent one!” He pointed to the corner. “Just get out of the way! Okay?”

  “Okay.” Tears gathered in her eyes. He sounded so mad.

  Canyon wasn’t mad. He’d almost burned her. “It’s fine. Just keep a safe distance away so I can work.”

  Seren didn’t like it, but she kept her distance.

  Lunch was a tepid affair, she felt hesitant and unsure. They were sitting under a tree, eating Chinese takeout when she made her apology. “Canyon, I apologize. I didn’t mean to get in the way.” Only when he gave her a smile and pulled her close for a kiss did she breathe deeply once more.

  “Don’t worry about it, doll. It just scared me, that’s all.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll do better,” she assured him.

  The rest of the work day passed without incident until just before they were scheduled to leave. Seren had occupied herself gathering nuts from the trees behind the blacksmith shop. Near enough to hear Canyon whistling, she managed to fill three five-gallon buckets with large paper shell pecans. When she returned with the last gallon, almost over-flowing with fruit, Jacob greeted her. “Make sure you carry those home with you, Seren. We have more than we can say grace over here.”

  “Oh, I didn’t pick them for myself,” Seren assured him. “I just needed something to do while Canyon worked.”

  “Take them. Make Brady a big mess of fudge,” Jacob insisted. “I’ll load them in the back of his truck for you.” He carried two of the buckets out into the parking lot. Seeing her glancing around, he offered up some information, “Canyon will be back shortly, he rode off with Noah to rescue Skye.”

  “Oh, no. Is something wrong?” A sense of panic was rising within her. Except for the few times another watcher covered for her, this was the first time she’d been separated from Canyon – ever. And she hadn’t even realized he was gone! “Where did they go?”

  Jacob waved his hand. “Just down the road. She had a flat. No big deal.”

  No big deal? Anything could happen to him and she wasn’t there. “I need to go to him.” She started to walk away when Jacob’s voice stopped her. “Hey, Seren, it’s okay. He told me to tell you to stay here, that he’d be back in a jiffy.”

  “Okay.” She hugged herself, suddenly feeling chilled. “I guess I can wait.”

  Jacob came alongside her. “Sure, he’ll be fine. So, Canyon tells me you went by to see Jonah yesterday morning. Did you meet John’s new caretaker?”

  Seren realized Jacob was trying to take her mind off Canyon’s absence. “I did. Delaney Ellis. She seems very nice.”

  “You’ll still be here for the power-lifting competition, won’t you?”

  Staring down the road, Seren stood on tiptoe watching for Canyon. “Oh.” Would she still be here? “I…hope so.”

  “Where did you meet Canyon?” Jacob asked as he loaded the last of the pecans.

  “Oh…I’ve known him forever,” she answered evasively. “Oh, look! There they come!” Her heart lightened as she saw two familiar vehicles making their way to the ranch.

  “Brady’s a big boy, Seren. He can take care of himself.” Jacob seemed amused at the level of concern she was experiencing just from him being out of her sight. “If you’re this worked up at him driving down the road with Noah, how will you manage being separated from him when you go home?”

  Go home. Heaven didn’t seem like home any longer. “I don’t know.” She couldn’t bear thinking about it. “Thank you for the pecans, Jacob.” Seren tried to gather her wits and be gracious. After all, Canyon was back and all was well.

  As if he knew what she’d been experiencing, he came to her as quickly as he could park and climb out of the truck. Noah and Skye gave them a wave as they passed by, rolling down the window to say they were headed to Jonah’s shop.

  “I look forward to lunch on Friday, Seren!” Skye called out the window.

  Seren waved back. “Thank you. Me too.”

  “Sorry I left without telling you where I was going.” He put an arm around her, surprised to find her trembling.

  “She did get a little antsy.” Jacob clapped Canyon on the back. “You’ve got your own personal guardian angel in this little girl.”

  “I know.” Canyon rubbed Seren’s back. “Believe me, I know.”

  “If you’re finished repairing the cattle panels I’ll move the trailer,” Jacob offered as he dusted his palms on his jeans.

  “Almost.” Canyon squeezed Seren’s shoulder in a silent message of apology as he turned to deal with the trailer. “Let me attach the last panel and she’s yours.”

  Seren hung back, trying to resolve her feelings.

  He was okay.

  She just hadn’t realized how out of control it would feel to be separated from him. From outside the gooseneck, she could see inside the trailer where Jacob and Canyon were holding up one of the large steel panels to slip back into its place.

  And then it happened…

  “Watch out!” Jacob called as the panel began to slip.

  Seren gasped as her feet began to move. “Canyon!”

  “Hell!” Canyon exclaimed as the heavy gate gave way, clipping his shoulder as it fell.

  “Canyon!” Seren arrived at his side…too late. “Oh, my God! Are you okay?”

  “Dammit!” he groaned, rubbing his bruised deltoid. “How in the hell did that happen?” Shutting his eyes, he breathed through the pain. “I’m not usually so clumsy.”

  “I’m so sorry. This is my fault.” Seren was near tears. “I didn’t get here in time.”

  “Oh, Seren. What could you have done? He’ll live.” Jacob tried to calm her. “It would take more than that little swipe to bring down this big brute.”

  Canyon could see the hurt in her eyes. Always before, she’d been there to save him. “It’s okay, honey. I won’t even bruise. This was no big deal. Promise.”

  “No big deal?” She’d been worried when he was out of her sight. Now, the truth devastated Seren. This time, she’d been near him – and was still unable to keep him safe. Spreading her hands, she stared at them. She was weak. Flesh and blood. Fallible. Unable to fulfill her purpose.

  While they returned to work, she slipped away. As soon as she was out of Canyon’s sight, Seren began to run. With tears streaming from her eyes, she darted behind the shop and through the pasture gate. She was a failure. In the way. This accident was minor and she’d been powerless to stop it. How could she possibly protect him against something more serious?

  As she ran, a blazing flash of light struck her in the eyes. The glaring beam blinded her, causing Seren to fall prostrate to the ground. Along with the unearthly bright glow, the air vibrated with the flapping of mighty wings. The heavy weight of intimidation pressed her down. Even though she was shocked and scared, Seren didn’t have to be told what was happening. She was in the presence of a powerful being. One who outranked her tenfold.

  Gregori.

  Above her, a booming voice broke the sound barrier and made her shake with fear.

  “Seren! Seren! What have you done?”r />
  CHAPTER TWELVE

  What had she done?

  Seren wasn’t sure of the answer, but she knew the question was momentous. She was in serious trouble. “Gregori. Have mercy, Gregori.”

  “I’m not sure you are worthy of mercy, Seren. You have committed a most grievous sin.”

  At the high angel’s declaration, Seren knew. She didn’t have to ask. She didn’t have to be told. In her euphoric state of mind with Canyon, she’d been in denial.

  The truck driver’s death was her fault.

  Gregori didn’t wait for a confession, he began to speak. His unwavering, authoritative tone sent chills through Seren’s veins.

  “A watcher never endangers the life of an innocent in the performance of her duties. You played God. You are not equipped to choose. The responsibility you owe your charge does not extend to the judgment of others. A life has been cut short because of your selfish choices.”

  “It wasn’t selfish. I was saving Canyon.”

  “If you’d been more focused, purer in your intent, there was a way to protect Canyon Brady and still preserve the life of Raymond Poe.”

  “My intent was pure, Gregori.”

  Even as Seren stated her belief, questions arose in her heart.

  “Over time, your feelings for your charge have changed, Seren. They became more than allowed. We are instructed to love our charges in the way we are loved. Agape. Selfless. Sacrificial. Unconditional.”

  “I did. I do.”

  “No!” he shouted and the hills shook. “Your love became more. Eros. Passionate. Sexual. Selfish!”

  “No,” Seren protested. In vain.

  “Yes!” he thundered. “You endangered Raymond Poe. Your mistake caused him to lose his life.”

  “Why didn’t you correct my mistake? It was in your power!” With little forethought, Seren fired back at Gregori.

  When she did, the very air around her vibrated with his fury. “Do not question me! You set this into motion with your rebellious disobedience. You have been tested in the fire and found to be impure. Your deeds are not gold, they are dross!”

  “Tested?” Seren felt as if she were standing on the edge of a high precipice. One misstep would send her careening over the edge into oblivion. “I wasn’t aware.”

  “No, you weren’t aware. You were distracted. Placed in the path of temptation, you succumbed. Given the frailties of humanity, you did not rise above. Instead, you were caught in the snare of forbidden lust.”

  “Love. Not lust!” she protested, knowing she was putting her very existence into peril. “I cherish Canyon. What I feel for him is not dirty, it’s…sacred.”

  “Rise!” The booming edict lifted Seren to her feet.

  With terrified certainty, Seren knew judgment was about to be passed upon her. And for what? For protecting and loving someone who’d been placed in her care? An emotion she felt to be righteous rebellion rose in her breast. “You made me human! You gave me the natural desires of a woman. Are those desires wrong? Are these feelings unclean?” She didn’t wait for Gregori to respond. In reckless revolt, she stood her ground. “Forever we have wondered after humanity. Amazed at their freedom. In awe of their capacity to feel…love. Desire.” In a very unwise move, she lifted her hand and pointed an accusing finger at an immeasurable force of strength and wisdom. “You did this to me…and I gloried in it! For a brief, amazing moment, the blessings of mankind were mine! I learned what it is to truly love!”

  Out of a clear sky came a bolt of lightning as the ground shook beneath her feet. In front of Seren’s eyes, Gregori grew to a monstrous size until he towered over her. “Seren, Watcher of the Lord, you have been weighed in the balance and found wanting.”

  Part of Seren wanted to cower before the majestic angel. However, the greater part demanded she face him without fear. Lifting her eyes, she stared into his face as it burned with a radiant holiness. “I regret the death of Raymond Poe. But…I will never regret loving Canyon. What I feel for him is the greatest miracle I’ve ever witnessed!” She could see the cloud of fury in Gregori’s expression. Closing her eyes, she waited for the final blow.

  The waiting proved interminable.

  Finally, his voice came to her on a still wind.

  “Seren, by all rights you should be spoken out of existence or cast into Tartarus with the others who have fallen.”

  Knowing she was defeated, Seren hung her head. “Do with me what you will, Gregori. Just give me one boon, one brief moment of mercy.”

  “What is your request, child?” Gregori asked.

  “Let me say goodbye to Canyon. Let me tell him how much I love him one last time.”

  In his righteous indignation, Gregori looked down upon her. “Your request is granted.” Before Seren could breathe a sigh of relief, he clarified his judgment. “However, the terms of your punishment will be in accordance with your crime. You have left your first estate to embrace the frailty of humanity and in this frail state you will remain.” He raised his hand in testimony. “When next the sun rises, you and everyone who knew you will have their memories wiped clean. It will be as if you were never in their lives. You will permanently take upon yourself the tent of human flesh and lay aside your former glory, embracing all the sorrows and weaknesses of this Earth, never remembering who and what you once were.”

  Horror struck Seren like a bullet from a gun. “I won’t remember Canyon?”

  “And he won’t remember you. All traces of your former existence will be wiped away. To not remember what you have forfeited will be the only form of mercy you will receive. Transplanted memories will take the place of the ones you now possess and all the secrets of the universe you revealed to your charge will be blotted out.”

  A feeling of desolation swamped Seren. “I could lose anything. Everything. But not my memories of Canyon. Please.” She fell down on her knees. “Do anything to me you will. Deprive me. Punish me. Bring me low. Just don’t take away my memories of the one I hold most dear. Please let me remember. I can’t lose him this way, I just can’t!”

  Gregori seemed to think for a moment, to consider her request. Finally, in a roar as loud as a rogue wave, he called forth his sentence, “Very well. Your petition has been granted. Not out of mercy, however. You do not deserve mercy. What you think will be a blessing, will turn into the cruelest curse. To forget would have been compassionate. To remember will be torment.”

  “So, I’ll remember everything, but he will remember nothing.”

  “Thus is the judgment.” He knelt and drew something on the ground that Seren couldn’t see. “After the cloud has been drawn over his eyes you are strictly forbidden from revealing any of the past to him. If you break this commandment, the punishment will be multiplied beyond what you can bear.”

  “Is there no recompense, Gregori? No reparation?” She knew better than to ask for mercy.

  He sadly shook his head. “Redemption is not meant for such as we. Mankind is granted the leniency of deliverance because they walk by faith, not by sight. They have not beheld the face of God as you have. Even after living in the divine light of His presence, you chose to walk in the path of the unrighteous. There will be no reconciliation.”

  Seeing all hope vanish before her eyes, Seren closed her eyes in defeat. “Was what I did so terrible?” she cried, then shook her head. “I never intended Raymond Poe to be hurt. I would’ve given my life for him as quickly as I would’ve given it for Canyon. I know we are mere servants of God. But what I did with Canyon?” Her whole body stiffened with resolution. “That wasn’t wrong. It was beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced – on Earth or in heaven.”

  Before the last word slipped from Seren’s lips, a flash of lightning struck nearby, making the bright sunshine all around her seem pale and dull in comparison.

  “What’s done is done,” Gregori proclaimed – and then he vanished in another flash of blinding light, leaving Seren standing alone.

  * * *

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nbsp; “There, that does it,” Jacob murmured as he held the panel steady for Canyon to tighten the last screw. “Good job.” He patted the side of the trailer. “I think this old gooseneck has another hundred thousand miles on her, what do you say?”

  “I think you’re right,” Canyon agreed. “I’m just glad that job’s over.” He winked at Jacob as he rubbed his sore shoulder. “Maybe next time you ought to give some of those big bulls of yours a good dose of Benadryl to calm them down.”

  “That’s a thought.” Jacob took off his gloves and stuffed them in his back pocket. “Wonder where your little girlfriend got off to?”

  Canyon glanced around, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I don’t know. Not far, I’m sure.”

  “Canyon! Jacob! Help! Help!”

  The insistent cries for aid put wings on both men’s boots.

  “That’s Nathan’s voice,” Jacob muttered. “Something’s wrong.”

  They both ran outside to see the youngest McCoy brother heading toward them. “Where’s your phone?” he yelled at his older brother.

  Jacob looked blank. “I don’t know. I guess I left it my truck. What’s wrong?”

  Canyon stood close by, trying to read the concern on the younger man’s face.

  “There’s been an accident on the lake. A duck boat with fifty passengers has gone down. The first responders are paging all rescue units. Aron and I are going along with you to see if we can help.”

  “I’ll go too,” Canyon announced as he took off after Jacob. He’d no more than made a few steps before he saw Seren making her way in from the pasture with a dazed look on her face. “Hey, where did you disappear to?” When she didn’t answer, he pointed ahead of him. “I’ll be back in a while, there’s an emergency on the lake. A boat sank with fifty people on board. I’m going to help.” Knowing she couldn’t drive, he suggested, “You can either wait for me here or ask one of the McCoy ladies to take you home. I’m sure they won’t mind.” Even though he was in a rush, he expected her to make some form of protest, to argue about going with him. When she didn’t, he almost told Jacob he wouldn’t go. “Are you okay?”