Heaven's Loss (Hell Yeah!)

by Sable Hunter

Bending near, he kissed her tenderly. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  “I didn’t go anywhere,” she whispered, her heart hammering. “You did, though. I thought I’d lost you.”

  Canyon dipped his head. The knot in his throat kept him from speaking and the odd liquid in his eyes kept him from seeing.

  “Are you all right, Canyon?”

  After swallowing once or twice, he cleared his throat and raised his head. “You saved my life.”

  “I couldn’t let anything happen to you.” She lifted her hand to touch his hair. “Do you feel better now?”

  “I’m good. I feel strong. How do you feel?” He wanted to ask about the baby, but he didn’t know how.

  “Better now that I’ve seen you.”

  “I’m sorry this happened.” He brought her hand to his lips to kiss her palm.

  “Diego tried to sink the boat,” she muttered a bit urgently. She brought her other hand up to rub her forehead as if trying to remember the details. “You’d gone to the restroom and to get something to drink. Did you try to stop him?”

  “Yea. When I was coming out of the bathroom, I heard a noise. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew something was wrong. He’d set off two explosions. When I found him, he was about to light a fuse to ignite the fuel tank. We got into a struggle. At least I was able to prevent the boat from blowing up.” He shook his head as if the rest didn’t bear repeating.

  “Why would he do something like that?”

  “He said his family died in one of the earlier duck boat accidents. His mother, his brothers, and his sisters all were killed.”

  “Oh, how awful.”

  “Don’t feel sorry for him.” Canyon’s voice grew gruff. “There’s a lot of people who suffer loss who don’t try to take their grief out on other people.”

  Seren caught his hand. “I know. You experienced great loss and you only became a better man because of it.”

  “I’ve pushed people away.”

  “I understand how you feel. No one can take the place of the one you love.”

  “Yes, but you can open your heart to love someone else too.”

  His soft admission made waves of hope and regret collide within her breast. She loved him so much. If there was any way they could be together, she’d grab onto it with both hands. She’d been over this and over this in her head. Analyzing every nuance of Gregori’s edict.

  You are strictly forbidden from revealing any of the past to him. If you break this commandment, the punishment will be multiplied beyond what you can bear.

  Technically, if she took Gregori at his word, she could be with Canyon if she never told him the truth. But what about the baby? She could never tell him the truth about the baby. Pushing aside the hopeless argument, Seren asked, “Did Diego survive?”

  “Thanks to you.” His tone wasn’t condemning.

  “I couldn’t leave him to die.” When she’d been Canyon’s watcher, her love for him had been so focused, she could only see him. Now she knew the lessons to be learned about the full nature of love were incalculable. “At least it’s over with Diego.”

  “If you mean he’s out of our life and will soon be behind bars, yes.” As he held her gaze, a shadow passed over her beautiful face. “I know what you’re thinking. Just because things are over with Diego, doesn’t mean things are over between us.” Again, he saw a hint of surprise and this worried him. “Do you want them to be?”

  This was her chance to walk away. This was an out.

  One she was far too weak to take.

  “I only want what’s best for you.”

  Relief allowed him to release the breath he’d been holding. “Good. Because you’re what’s best for me.” He kissed her hand again. “I say we have a chance to see where this is going. After all, we have a shared responsibility. Someone who is going to depend on us both.”

  “Who?” she asked softly a hint of surprise in her voice.

  She was thinking about the baby. He knew it as well as if he could hear her thoughts aloud.

  Almost. He almost told her he knew about the child. Instead, he said, “Buster Scruggs.”

  “Oh, yea. How could I forget about that little guy?” She laughed a little, but her facial expression told him she was feeling a bit guilty, maybe for keeping something from him?

  “Well, you’ve been through a lot today.”

  “You’ve been through more.” She worried. “I can’t believe I’m in this hospital bed and you’re walking around.”

  Canyon scoffed. “I’m too hardheaded to let a little thing like death get me down, angel.”

  Seren felt tears dampen her eyes. “You need to go home and rest. You need to go see about Buster, Canyon.”

  “No way. I’m not leaving you,” he said emphatically. As she protested, he held up one finger while he phoned Bull. In a few moments, after speaking to his friend, he ended the call. “He and Isabella are going to drive over and take care of him.”

  Before Seren could respond, a nurse came in to check her vitals and to bring a tray of food. Canyon stepped out of the way, but watched everything carefully. When the nurse raised Seren’s bed and leaned her forward to look at her back, Canyon moved closer to see the bruises. “How did you get those?” The nurse gave him the eye, but he didn’t care. “Did Diego attack you?”

  “No,” she told him. Diego was unconscious when I found him. Debris fell from the ceiling and hit me just as I was leaving the flooded stairway.”

  After the nurse gave her a sedative to help her sleep, she left them alone. He closed his eyes and shook his head, anger filling him once again. “I should have never insisted we go on that stupid duck boat ride.”

  “No. Don’t say that.” Seren reached for him, leaning so far out of the bed that Canyon rushed over to make sure she didn’t fall out. “Can you imagine how many people would’ve died if you hadn’t been there to keep him from blowing up the boat?”

  Canyon gritted his teeth, knowing she was probably right. “Eat your jello.”

  Seren tried some, but found jello wasn’t to her liking. “I’m not hungry. I ate the BBQ on the boat.”

  Feeling a little weak himself, he took the jello and the spoon before reclaiming his seat beside her.

  “If you stay, where will you sleep?”

  As he ate, Canyon pointed to a rather small recliner in the corner of the room. “Right there.”

  “That looks very uncomfortable.” She measured the width of the hospital bed.

  Canyon chuckled. “As big as I am, there’s no way we can both fit on that bed, not unless I lie down and you just use me as a mattress.”

  “The idea has merit, I doubt the nurses would approve, however.”

  “You’re probably right.” He gave her a tender smile. “You sound tired. I was about to suggest we talk until you fall asleep, but I think the sedative is kicking in now.”

  “I can talk awhile if you like.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” This wasn’t the time. She wasn’t well. His idea of asking her a bunch of questions like – what’s on your bucket list? what’s your favorite book or band? – none of that seemed vital now. After all, he knew the most important things about Seren. The woman had risked her own life to save his. Even more significant, she made him happy.

  The rest would come in time.

  If he had his way, they’d have a lifetime to learn everything about one another there was to know. “How about I tell you a bedtime story?”

  “Okay. Tell me the one you used to tell Matty. The one about the little rabbit and his father.”

  “Guess How Much I Love You?” he asked in a whisper, wondering how she could possibly know.

  “Yea, that one.” She gave him a sleepy-eyed contented smile. “I always liked that one.”

  “Me too. Okay, here goes.” He began the story, repeating it line by line from memory. He’d read it so many times to his little boy that he knew it by rote. Someone must’ve read it to Seren when she was a little girl because
she always filled in the younger rabbit’s lines at the proper time.

  As she lay there with her eyes closed, they went through scene by scene until he came to the last one. “Remember how it ends?”

  “Yea. The little rabbit says he loves his father to the moon.” She smiled and yawned really big. “I’ve been to the moon, you know.”

  “Oh, you have?” The sedative was making her cute and loopy. Standing up, he pulled the covers up to her chin as he leaned over and kissed her goodnight. Then, he settled in the recliner and smiled a satisfied smile. “I don’t just love you to the moon, Seren Whitewing. I love you to the moon and back.”

  * * *

  Back at Canyon’s

  “Buster!” Seren bent down to pick up the little dog. “He’s ecstatic to see us.” The pup licked her face over and over as she giggled happily.

  “He’s glad we’re home.” As they moved from the front path to the porch, Canyon hovered near enough to catch her if she stumbled. “Watch your step. You don’t want to fall.”

  “I’m good. I need to call Avery and tell her I can return to work tomorrow.” She waited while he let them in, then moved forward as he held the door wide open.

  “Are you sure you feel well enough to go back to the club?”

  Seren gave him an amused glance. “We’ve been over this several times. You’re the one who should be taking it easy. My heart didn’t stop.”

  Canyon didn’t back down. “In your condition, you can’t be too careful.”

  “What condition?” Seren placed Buster on the floor before following Canyon into the kitchen.

  “Oh, you know.” He busied himself finding a frozen entrée to put in the oven for their supper. “You just need to take it easy.”

  “Well, I want to put all of this behind me. We’ve looked over our shoulders long enough. I just want to…start my life.” She went to the dining table and pulled out a chair.

  “Start your life,” he repeated. “Sounds like you didn’t have one before.” He turned on the oven. “Is frozen lasagna okay for lunch?”

  “Yes. Lasagna’s good.” She picked up a paper napkin and folded it a couple of times. “You know what I mean. We’ve lived with a cloud hanging over our heads which forced us to do things we wouldn’t normally do.”

  “Like move in here with me.” He faced away from her, staring down into the sink.

  “Yea. I’ve been thinking about our conversation at the hospital and how you said we should see where this is going between us.” She suddenly ripped the paper napkin in a dozen pieces.

  Her reaction caused Canyon to pull out a chair to sit by her. “What’s wrong? You agreed with me at the time. What’s changed?”

  Knowing she’d just been putting off the inevitable, Seren swallowed and chewed on her lower lip. “You’ve been amazing…but we need to talk.”

  Boom. His heart felt like somebody had punched it. “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Can I say something first?”

  Seren’s hands were shaking as she piled the tattered strips of paper into a pile. “Yes, of course.”

  After Canyon made his bid to speak, the words didn’t come easy. This was so important. He didn’t want to fuck it up. “Meeting you has changed my life.”

  She couldn’t take her eyes from his beautiful face. “Canyon…” In light of what she knew she had to do, Seren didn’t know if she could stand to hear what he had to say.

  Hearing the hesitancy in her voice, he reached out to take her hand. “No, please. I have to say this. Before I met you, I wasn’t really living. I was existing from day to day. I had my friends, but no one to call my own.” He began to stroke her palm with his thumb. “I love being with you. I never thought I could welcome anyone into my life, not after…”

  Bringing his hand to her chest, she held it against her. “You don’t know me.”

  “I do,” Canyon insisted. “Maybe not all the details, but I do know you. And what I don’t know, I’ll learn. We have time. All the time in the world.” He didn’t like the defeated look in her eyes. “Seren, I want you to stay here. In my house. In my bed. I want us to date. Officially.”

  “Officially? What does that mean?” Seren would’ve laughed if she hadn’t felt so hopeless. “Canyon.” She dropped his hand, then covered her own eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something you need to know.”

  “I know.”

  For a moment, she didn’t hear what he said. Or if she heard the words, she didn’t process them. “I haven’t known very long. I should’ve told you…”

  “I know, Seren.”

  Seren froze. “You know what?”

  Canyon held her gaze, doing his best to convey all the hope in his heart. “I know about the baby.”

  Seren visibly deflated, her back bowing as she bent her head. “They told you at the hospital?”

  “No. You told me when I found you in the flooded stairwell.”

  “Oh, my God,” she keened. She remembered speaking to Gregori. “I was hallucinating. I can’t even trust myself.”

  “You can trust me,” Canyon told her softly. “I’m happy about the baby.”

  His tender consideration was her undoing. Seren began to cry. “I am too. I love the baby so much. But…you have to know I was pregnant before we met that night at the club.”

  “I know.”

  She heard him this time and raised her head to look at him as he continued to speak, “I know you’re almost twelve weeks along. The baby isn’t mine. I know it belongs to…George,” he said the name with the proper level of disdain.

  She wanted to scream that the baby was his! He was the father of her child! “And it doesn’t matter to you?”

  “I want you in my life, Seren.” He cupped her face, holding her head still so she’d hold his gaze. “You and the baby are a package deal. Of course, I want you both.”

  Seren felt like she was in a vortex. The world was spinning around her. “Why? Are you sure?”

  Canyon went to his knees at her side. “I love you, Seren. I love you so much. I know we haven’t known each other long – but I feel like I’ve known you forever. You make me smile. You thrill me. You make me whole. Please say you’ll give us a chance.”

  “But you said you didn’t want…”

  Canyon cursed under his breath. “I said a lot of things. I was hurt and there was a point when I didn’t think I’d survive.” He bowed his head. “Once, I even considered taking my own life…but something stopped me.”

  “Someone was watching over you. Someone who loved you so much.” Going to her knees in front of him, she put her arms around Canyon’s shoulders. “I need you to know this. No matter what happens…” She framed his face and kissed his lips. “I love you. I love you dearly.”

  “Oh, hell yeah! Thank God.” He pulled Seren close to cradle her against him. “I am so relieved. I was so afraid you were going to walk away from me.”

  Seren clung to him, her face buried in his neck. “I’ve loved you from the very first.” He was so dear to her. If she made sure he never learned the truth of their past - could this work? “The only reason I’d ever walk away from you would be to protect you.”

  “I can protect myself.” He claimed her mouth for a possessive kiss. “And you.”

  “I know you can. You remind me of Atlas, able to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.” As he cradled her in his arms, Seren vowed that if he would love her, allow her to be part of his life – she would protect the secret of their past with every bit of strength she possessed. She’d never be more than plain Seren Whitewing.

  Seren the Watcher was gone forever.

  * * *

  One day led to another and they were happy. Ecstatically happy. Work returned to normal, Canyon finished the project at Hardbodies and returned to Tebow. Seren continued her job at the club and when she’d come home after a hard day, Canyon would spoil her with foot rubs and shoulder massages. They spent countless hours sitting in front of the fire, talking a
bout anything and everything. When he’d question her about her past, Seren did the best she could to answer without giving anything away. “My life started when I met you,” she told him several times and he didn’t press her for more.

  On this night, after they’d eaten a meal Seren was quite proud of – a chicken pot pie – he placed Buster on the couch next to her. “Here’s the remote. Sit here and relax for a bit. I’m headed out to the studio. Give me an hour’s head-start, then join me. I have a couple of surprises to show you.”

  Seren gave him a sidewise inquiring look. “I’m finally going to see the finished product?”

  “Yep, it’s time.” His expression was full of mischief. “I can’t wait for you to see what I’ve done. I’m excited.”

  Glancing at the clock on the wall, she grinned. “I’ll be there with bells on.”

  After giving her a kiss, Canyon took off – whistling. Watching him go, she couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m so happy,” she whispered, pinching herself lightly. Everyday was perfect. Oh, they fussed sometimes. What couple didn’t? They worked things out, like her tendency to worry about every little thing, and his going overboard getting ready for the baby. “The spare room is all ready for you.” She rubbed her tummy, then frowned. “I just wish he knew you were his.”

  For the next hour, she made a to-do list while idly petting Buster. Things she wanted to accomplish. To change. To learn.

  Learn how to drive.

  Go to college to get a teacher’s certificate.

  Marry Canyon.

  Plant a flower garden.

  Get my hair styled.

  Yea, #3 just snuck in there among the others. Seren bit her upper lip, wondering if Canyon would propose to her soon. He made no bones of the fact that he loved her and wanted her with him. Perhaps, he was finding it difficult to take the last step toward full commitment. “Just be patient.” They had all the time in the world. “Just think how far we’ve come.” Somehow, the miracle she’d prayed for had been granted.

  A woof from Buster caused Seren to look up and note the time. Excitement surged through her as she put the dog on the floor and jumped to her feet. “Time to go see our surprise!” With her heart feeling light in her chest, she turned the notepad bottom side up on the couch to hurry out of the house and over to the outbuilding that housed his welding shop and art studio. “Canyon! I’m here!”