Hold Me

by Alexa Verde

  Roman’s heart shifted as he flung the door open.

  How many times had he and Aileen talked about having kids, a boy and a girl? They’d been so naïve then, wanted to get married and start a family as soon as they could and would have married at seventeen if their parents had given them permission. Or at least, he’d been naïve. When Aileen moved to the big city with her parents at eighteen, saying she’d return as soon as she’d trained as a pastry chef, she’d apparently moved on from their relationship and their dreams.

  He pushed the sad thoughts out of his mind. “Hello, Jonah. I hope you slept well. Would you like to come in?”

  “Thanks, but…” Jonah waved behind him. “Hey, Mom made breakfast. We wondered if you’d like to join us.”

  Why didn’t she come over herself? Did she feel guilty over what she’d done at eighteen? Well, he was over it. His stomach twisted.

  Liar!

  He was mostly over it.

  Roman quirked an eyebrow. “Did your mother ask you to invite me?”

  “Nah. I came up with the idea.” The boy smiled sheepishly. “I kinda hoped we could play some of those video games after breakfast. And saying I’d invite you helped talk her into making ‘unhealthy breakfast’.” The boy winked.

  “Unhealthy breakfast?” Okay, this was interesting.

  Despite yesterday’s scary events and the possibility of losing a roof above his head, the child preserved his cheerfulness and even bore a mischievous smile. Compassion stirred inside Roman. Whatever happened between Aileen and her husband, no child should stay without a father. Ask Roman how he knew.

  “Her yummy cupcakes and scones. You’re going to like them. Healthy breakfast would be just oatmeal.” A quick sour expression showed what Jonah thought about oatmeal.

  “Sure. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be right over.”

  A grin lit up the boy’s face. “Great. At least one good thing out of this disaster was that school was canceled.” Looked as if he liked school even less than oatmeal.

  Well, a poor boy from the wrong side of town, Roman hadn’t particularly enjoyed school, either, until he’d won a fight with the boy who’d seemed to rule the school—and suddenly become popular. That had also been the day Aileen tended to his bruises and stopped shying away from him. After that, school had been fun.

  “We’ll see you then.” Jonah turned on his heels and hurried back, stepping carefully on the puddled-up sidewalk.

  In the bright sun now shining on muddy water, a hint of red glinted in his hair.

  If he and Aileen had a son, what would their boy look like? Roman winced beneath a stab of regret.

  Well, he needed to put on a fresh T-shirt, comb his hair, and brush his teeth. Brushing his teeth was only for hygiene purposes and not to have a fresh breath in case he and Aileen happened to stand too close.… His heart skipped a beat as he hurried back inside and furiously brushed his teeth, welcoming the mint-flavored toothpaste.

  Okay, maybe his silly heart didn’t want to listen to reason and Aileen still caused some of the old feelings.

  Just a tad.

  He shaved, combed his hair, then rushed to the closet and pulled on one of his dressier polo T-shirts. Dark brown, the color of her incredible chocolate cake. Not that he’d ever entered her store, but his sister was a regular customer. He had black slacks and a few white, crispy, ironed shirts for an occasional lunch with important clients.

  Hmmm… No, it would be ridiculous to dress up for a simple breakfast. He threw on a sand-hued jacket only because it was cool outside.

  His eyes narrowed as he walked out of the closet. Why would he care about Aileen now? She’d preferred a prominent Portland doctor to him. He could try to understand that. While Aileen had never been a gold digger, growing up in a household like hers, when they never knew whether they’d be able to pay the mortgage the next month, when her drunken mother could make a scene in the middle of town, she’d craved stability. The stability he, Roman, couldn’t initially give her. But he could give her love, and with time, he’d become successful in his profession.

  His rib cage squeezed as if fisting over his lungs. Wasn’t he at least worth a phone call, even a letter, instead of the wedding invitation sent to his mother to rip his heart apart?

  Lord, You’ve taken the resentment out of my heart once. Please do it again. I don’t want to remember this pain or experience it again, amen.

  Roman strode to the door, slipped his feet into shiny leather shoes—they were the closest to the exit, after all—and walked to the part of the townhouse Aileen now occupied.

  Conflicting emotions stirred his insides again.

  Before he even pressed on the doorbell, the door flung open. Aileen looked up at him, the same sadness and regret in her blue eyes as yesterday, but at least less tiredness weighed down her lovely features today.

  And she was lovely, he begrudged having to admit. Her azure-blue sweater brightened her eyes. Her red hair, pulled up in a bun the way she always had when she’d cooked, displayed her high cheeks. Her posture revealed a woman who’d grown comfortable in her own skin.

  “Thank you for coming.” She waved for him to enter.

  So he did. “And thank you for making breakfast.”

  Wow, this townhouse had never smelled so good. As the mouthwatering aroma of freshly baked desserts drifted to him, his stomach woke up.

  She’d started baking when she’d been eight, and by fifteen, she’d become an outstanding baker. As a teen, she’d been fun and pretty, and he believed her to be kind and caring, too, and loved all those things about her. But frankly, the delicious pastries and cakes she’d fed him every time she’d had a chance had solidified their relationship.

  Just like in their teens, the glow and softness around her drew him to her, though they’d been friends for a long time before becoming more. Just like her hair, she’d been the one bright thing in his life, the person who’d always known what to say to make him feel better.

  He’d imagined the house he built for her would be filled with children and joy and smell like her signature chocolate cake.

  Now his nose and his stomach led him right back where he’d started. His heart constricted as he followed her to the dining room. He needed to remember how it all ended, too.

  Dawg met him with a joyful bark.

  “Sit.” Jonah made a strict face, and the massive dark-brown dog plopped to the carpet.

  Roman couldn’t see any gnawed-on furniture, so the canine behaved himself. The turtle in the aquarium chewed on something, probably tiny pieces of lettuce.

  Aileen claimed a seat and peered up at him. Growing up at a place where kind words had been scarce—another thing they’d had in common—she’d always been hungry for praise, and he’d loved to shower her with compliments. More confidence shone in her gaze now, but he distinguished just a trace of the familiar eagerness to make people happy.

  His eyes widened as he saw the table he’d made and she’d set for breakfast. She’d put the groceries to the good use. Besides s’mores cupcakes—she’d even seemed to torch the marshmallows on top of chocolate cupcakes—there was double chocolate zucchini bread. His mouth watered at the scents and the memories.

  Some memories of tasting these delicious treats were more recent than over two decades ago. Kristina loved all things chocolate, frequented Aileen’s Pastries, and often brought desserts to him. According to his sister, he shouldn’t be deprived of such deliciousness only because he didn’t want to set foot in Aileen’s store.

  Three steaming cups of coffee teased his nostrils with a wonderful aroma. He guessed the cup with black coffee was for him. Aileen remembered the way he drank his coffee, and for a moment, warmth, as if he’d downed the whole cup in one gulp, sluiced through him.

  He stepped forward. “This is awesome. I like this kind of breakfast.”

  A smile bloomed on her face.

  Jonah, already sitting at the table, winked. “I told ya. I talked Mom into making double
chocolate zucchini bread because really, zucchini is a vegetable.”

  He’d love to have a son like Jonah.

  The thought slapped him in the face. During twenty-two years without Aileen, he’d dated a lot. Probably too much. But in all that time, nobody touched his heart to the degree that he’d want everything—marriage and children—with that woman like Aileen had.

  Which was probably for the best because it meant nobody had destroyed him like she had, either.

  “Please join us.” She gestured for him to sit.

  He claimed a seat and bowed his head. “Let’s say grace.”

  Silence was the response. He looked up.

  “Um, okay. If you tell me how.” Confusion settled in Jonah’s dark eyes.

  “Sure.” His glance shifted to Aileen as he said grace.

  What had happened to her faith? When they’d been teens, they’d gone to church together, the same church they’d dreamed to be married in. She was a Christian then. In fact, they’d both accepted Jesus after long evenings at Mrs. MacPherson’s place.

  Had Aileen shifted away from the Lord?

  Roman sent up a prayer for her. He’d prayed a lot for himself and for her during the first years after she’d married Dr. Krasinski. Praying for Aileen wasn’t easy, but it had helped him survive.

  He took a sip of hot, flavorful coffee and tried one of the s’mores cupcakes. His taste buds did a happy dance as flavors of rich chocolate—inside the cupcakes—mixed with the tenderness of marshmallows on top and the sweet crunchiness of crumbs on the bottom, erupting on his tongue.

  “Mmmm. This is delicious.” He remembered that taste well.

  And he remembered her scent well, too. He’d bought her that expensive perfume for graduation after driving to Portland, because the mixed scents of flowers, warm vanilla, and orange spice seemed to be so much her. She loved flowers, and a vanilla scent had seemed to cling to her because she’d put vanilla in many of her desserts. As for orange spice, he’d often told her that her bright hair reminded him of oranges. He’d never eaten his once-favorite fruit after that wedding invitation.

  That so much time later she wore the same perfume as the one he’d given her shouldn’t matter.

  Still, it made his heart shift.

  “Yeah.” Jonah bit into his cupcake, then flushed it down with orange juice. “My mom is the best.”

  Aileen sent her son a loving glance. “Thank you.”

  Roman sipped his coffee again. The grapevine pulsed with her divorce years ago. He hadn’t asked about her; Violet had told him the news.

  Raising a child on her own and running a business and taking care of pets, too, must be difficult. Despite painful memories, empathy touched his heart. “You did a great job with Aileen’s Pastries. The previous store was about to close down, and you made it the best pastry store our town ever had.”

  She blinked fast as if surprised. What, did she expect him to be bitter and angry? He’d been that way, all right, for some time, but he’d done his best to surrender it to the Lord.

  “You’re really too good to be true.” She ducked her head and scooped a spoonful of oatmeal as if she needed to busy herself with something.

  “I just give credit where credit is due.” He gave a one-shoulder shrug.

  Jonah looked from his mother to Roman. He polished off a small bowl of oatmeal fast and then did the same with two s’mores cupcakes with much more eagerness.

  Roman helped himself to a thin slice of zucchini bread, then drained his coffee. “If you’d like me to, I can call our automotive shop. They can take your car and check it for water damage.”

  “Thank you, but I already did that. I hope the sedan is still drivable.” She grimaced.

  Right. He didn’t need to take care of her issues, was ridiculous even to try. “We should wait until it dries up outside. Then I need to help out a few people, and after that, we can go by your house and see what needs to be done there.”

  Those blue eyes went big. “You’d do that for me?”

  “In this town, we help each other. Remember?” He tried to keep acid out of his voice and failed as he thumped the cup on the table.

  “I remember,” she whispered. “I remember too many things.”

  He did, too.

  How her long, red hair was smooth to touch when he ran his fingertips through it. How her lips tasted when he kissed her. How fast his heart beat when she’d said “I love you” for the first time. He brushed memories away.

  He’d surrendered his resentment to the Lord and thought he’d healed, at least somewhat. But now he was taking that resentment back.

  Of course, he could’ve driven them to the shelter yesterday. He could do so today. His heart skipped a beat. No, he couldn’t.

  He wouldn’t be a good Christian then.

  And let’s face it, despite her betrayal, her return awakened some of the old feelings. Feelings he’d kept deeply hidden inside. Bottom line, he couldn’t leave her when cleaning flood damage was something he could easily do.

  He’d do it for other people in town. Like Jonah, for example.

  Jonah finished his orange juice and jumped to his feet. “I’ll help clean up the table.”

  “Your mother raised you right.” Roman gave him an approving nod.

  Aileen sent her son a loving glance. “Thanks. But I think Jonah’s being so helpful from eagerness to play video games with you.”

  Jonah shrugged nonchalantly as he carried cups to the dishwasher, neither confirming nor denying that statement.

  “I’ll help, too.” Roman shot to his feet and carried a few more dishes and placed them in the dishwasher while Aileen took care of the rest.

  Working together brought back memories. To escape scandals at his place, he’d often ended up at Mrs. MacPherson’s house, telling his parents he and Aileen were going to study together. Of course, that wasn’t the only reason.

  “I’ll cook something for lunch then and make some batches of pumpkin spice cookies.” She placed the last dishes in the dishwasher.

  A twinge told him it was selfish to make her work while he’d be slacking off playing video games. “You don’t have to.”

  “I want to. I love doing it. And maybe you could take some cookies to the people you’re going to help. If it’ll make a rough day a little sweeter for someone, what else can I ask for?” The smile brightening her face was just as sweet as her words and her cupcakes.

  That was his Aileen.

  The thought knifed him. She hadn’t been his Aileen for a long time.

  But for a moment, he could see again the good-humored, kindhearted girl who’d baked cupcakes for her neighbors and organized baked-goods fundraisers for the local animal shelter, where she’d donated most of the items.

  She’d been pretty then, with large blue eyes and long red hair, tall and slim despite all her desserts. But he’d fallen in love with the beauty of her heart more than her external beauty and even more than her delicious baking.

  He stared at her for several moments.

  What had happened to that gentle soul? What had made Aileen forget everything they’d shared? If at least she’d cared enough to come back and explain things… But no, she hadn’t bothered.

  He swallowed a bitter taste. Yes, he was taking that resentment right back. He’d need to pray a lot tonight.

  Chapter Four

  ROMAN STUDIED Aileen as if he needed to commit her image to memory in case she left again. “Thank you. I hope you have enough products to make all you need. Jonah and I can help you cook.”

  “Um…” Jonah’s grimace said what he thought about that idea.

  “It’s okay. Please go have fun.” Her smile widened.

  Just like years ago, that luminous smile touched something deep, something he’d thought dead after her betrayal.

  Jonah didn’t have to be asked twice and marched to the living room, clearly expecting him to follow.

  Well, the less time Roman spent with Aileen, especially worki
ng in the kitchen’s close confinement, the better off he was going to be.

  As they started the video game, Jonah winked. “Don’t worry about not helping Mom cook. Since I dropped a few bowls, Mom doesn’t like having other people in the kitchen while she’s cooking.”

  That kid really was something. Roman sent him a sidelong glance while keeping his attention on the video game. “You didn’t do it on purpose, did you?”

  “Nah. Thankfully, I can be that clumsy—I mean, sadly. And Mom loves cooking and especially baking. It makes her happy. Glad it does. With the way my dad was, she needed it.”

  Something moved inside Roman. He shouldn’t be having this kind of conversation with Aileen’s teenage son. He shouldn’t succumb to the painful curiosity about the man who’d won her heart. But keeping his concentration on the game was difficult now. “All marriages have issues.”

  Jonah sighed as he steered his onscreen car past a few more obstacles. “Yeah. And I know he’s my dad and I should love him. I just hope he’ll treat his new wife better than he treated Mom.”

  Apparently, things went way beyond issues. His chest constricted, making breathing difficult. Once local folks had found out about Aileen’s divorce, a few talked about poetic justice and how she’d gotten what she’d deserved. Roman hadn’t been one of them.

  No matter how heartbroken he’d been, he hadn’t wished for her marriage to end in disaster.

  He managed to hold on so far, but clearly, Jonah was going to win this game. The teen’s skills surpassed his. “I’m sorry about your parents’ divorce.”

  “I’m not.” A struggle reflected on the teen’s face. He probably remembered that he was supposed to love his father. “He gave me expensive presents and such, but he was never there for me and Mom. And when he was, he’d treat her badly.”

  The tightness around Roman’s lungs increased. It was unfair to be treated like that.