Hold Me

by Alexa Verde

  Dawg ran inside the room, giving Roman the chance to change the conversation. He patted the large dog. “Hmmm, when your mom and I talked about having a dog, she was thinking more in terms of, well, a Chihuahua.”

  “Dad didn’t want me to have a dog, even a little one. He barely agreed to Speedy. But when I was leaving Portland after my parents’ divorce, one of my friends asked me about taking his pet. His new stepdad wasn’t fond of the puppy, so he wanted to get rid of Dawg.”

  “Sorry to hear that.” Roman could see where this was going.

  “My friend said the puppy shouldn’t grow too big and should stop chewing the furniture soon enough. I knew better, but then Dawg looked at me with his sad eyes. What could I do? I took Dawg to Mom, and we both looked at my mother with sad eyes, and…”

  Roman chuckled. “The rest is history. I see.”

  “I won!” Jonah nearly jumped on the sofa as the game ended. “Okay, I’ll see if Mom needs any help. If she does, I’ll be more careful with the dishes.”

  “Good idea.” Roman smiled.

  “Besides, judging by the smell, a batch of cookies should be just about ready.” Jonah grinned.

  If he and Aileen had gotten married, they might have a son Jonah’s age or, most likely, several children. The longing intensified.

  Until yesterday, he was fine with his bachelor lifestyle. It allowed him to take a lot of extra repair work, polish his woodworking skills, go out with the guys on weekends, spend time with his twin and her family, and do what he wanted when he wanted. Many of his married friends—thankfully except Kristina’s husband—said they envied him.

  But now… Now an emptiness told him how much he missed all the things he’d once wanted.

  The aromas of roasted potatoes, meatloaf, and freshly baked pumpkin spice cookies drifted to his nostrils. This morning, he’d thought this place never could smell better. He was wrong. It smelled even better now. It also brought back the longing and dreams of family dinners.

  He walked to the kitchen.

  Aileen straightened out after checking the cookies in the oven. The delicious scent intensified. “They’re ready. But don’t even think of grabbing one, Jonah. They are way too hot.”

  The boy deflated, his shoulders curving in over his chest. “Oh. Okay. Do you need my help with anything?”

  Aileen eyed bowls on the counter. “No, I’m good. Just go watch Dawg.”

  “Sure.” The teen scooted off, making himself scarce.

  “Let me assist you.” Roman snatched a mitten, put it on, and took out the tray from the oven. Then he placed it on the stove.

  Their gazes met and collided, and his temperature seemed to increase. She looked cute in his gray apron, which, of course, was too big for her slim frame. That slimness bothered him more than it should, as well as the dark circles under her eyes. Did she have enough time to eat and to sleep?

  Townspeople were impressed by how hard she’d worked to turn the pastry store around.

  A small wisp of red hair escaped her bun, and he barely resisted the urge to tuck it behind her ear.

  He removed the mitten and placed it on the counter, and his fingertips accidentally brushed against her forearm. Something akin to an electric current—a pleasant one—rushed through him.

  Her eyes widened, and she eased toward him. As if drawn by a magnet, he leaned toward her, too. Looking into her beautiful blue eyes, their twenty-two years apart—and the reason for it—seemed to disappear, and he was again a lovestruck teenager whose heart beat wildly just at the sight of the prettiest girl in school.

  He’d been desperate to kiss her then, and the subtle scent of her strawberry lip gloss had driven him crazy. After he’d tasted her lips once, he couldn’t wait to kiss her again and again. His gaze drifted to her mouth, and his pulse skyrocketed.

  So. Not. A. Good. Idea.

  Jonah cleared his throat, making Roman jerk back. When had the teenager gotten back in the kitchen? “Well, I’ll just go and clean Speedy’s tank while you’re here, um, taking care of the cookies.” He turned on his heels and rushed out of the kitchen.

  “Jonah, it’s not what you think,” Aileen called out after him.

  The teen glanced back, and a teasing smile quirked his lips. “I’m fourteen, not five. I know a thing or two about…” He waved in the air and disappeared without finishing the sentence.

  Roman shifted from one foot to the other.

  So many questions he ached to ask her, so many things to say. And now was his chance. How many times had he wanted to drive to Portland and find out what went wrong? How many times had he started on that road and then turned back?

  But bringing up the past meant causing himself new pain. The past was best left where it belonged.

  He needed neutral ground.

  He stepped aside, breaking the connection, putting much-needed distance between them. “I know you’ve done all the work making lunch. But if you think there’s enough for two extra people, I’d like to invite my cousin and Mrs. MacPherson. My cousin is not fond of cooking, and I want Mrs. MacPherson to have a good lunch.”

  Mrs. MacPherson was another person, besides Aileen, who’d brightened his childhood. At the time, her husband was still alive and had given Roman lessons in carpentry, tiling, and roofing. And while Mrs. MacPherson’s baking skills didn’t rival Aileen’s, the lady had always had a glass of sweet iced tea for him, fresh fruit, and a smile. And an oven Aileen could use, which was important, too.

  Something dimmed in Aileen’s eyes, but then she nodded. “Good idea. There’s plenty for everybody.”

  For a few moments, they just looked at each other. He should walk away, look away.… But he couldn’t. Regret and guilt dimmed her blue eyes, but something else lurked there, too. He knew her well enough to distinguish attraction and longing. Or were they a reflection of what he felt?

  “Mom, I’m going to take Dawg out to do his business.” Jonah’s voice brought Roman out of his stupor.

  He must be really a sucker for punishment if, even after all that had happened, he was still attracted to Aileen, still cared about her, and still wanted to kiss her senseless.

  Incredible.

  “Good idea. I took him out in the morning, but that was hours ago. Be careful!” she called out.

  Roman needed to get out of here, and some fresh air should help. Her scent of flowers, vanilla, and orange spice must be affecting him too much. Besides, the worry in Aileen’s eyes spurred him on. Not likely that something should happen to Jonah while he was in his yard, but the flood could’ve brought some sharp debris and such. Not good for a teen or a dog. “I’ll go with him, to be on the safe side.”

  “Thanks.” Her eyes softened. “I seem to be saying that a lot, don’t I? But really, I’m grateful.”

  Her obvious gratitude smoothed the sharp angles left inside him after her betrayal. But it didn’t erase them completely.

  “You’re welcome.” He hurried to the living room. “Jonah, wait for me. We’ll take Dawg outside together.”

  Jonah, already dressed in a blue blazer and boots, stared at him. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Why not? Let me just grab a blazer. Why?”

  “Well, nothing.” With the toe of his boot, Jonah picked at the invisible speck in the carpet. “Dawg, come here.”

  The dog rushed to them, nearly knocking down a chair. Roman patted the dog, the short fur slightly rough under his fingertips.

  Jonah put Dawg on a leash, and they walked outside into the fenced-in backyard.

  “Let me go first, please.” Roman stepped down from the porch and inspected the yard. Thankfully, whatever little water had been here had already receded and hadn’t left many objects in its wake. Nothing dangerous, for sure.

  The air felt muggy and humid, but it wasn’t raining like yesterday.

  “It’s just you’re a grown-up like Dad,” Jonah said quietly. “And Dad barely ever spoke to me. He was a very busy person. I can’t imagine him walking a dog with me.
Not that he ever allowed me to have a dog like I said.” He sighed. “Wish I had a dad like you.”

  Poor kid. Must’ve been tough growing up like that.

  “Wish I had a son like you.” Roman’s heart squeezed as Dawg ran around.

  Maybe some responsibility for what had happened with Aileen was on him, too. Yes, he’d called her several times after receiving that wedding invitation, and she hadn’t answered. So what? He should’ve gone to Portland and talked her out of marrying that guy. But he couldn’t survive seeing indifference in her eyes, hearing her say some other man’s name with the same affection she’d once said his.

  What was done was done.

  Despite the mud, the three of them played Frisbee to give Dawg a good run around, until Roman nodded toward the house. “Let’s go inside. I’m sure lunch is ready by now, and I need to pick up my cousin and Mrs. MacPherson.”

  Near the door, they paused to remove their muddy boots. Jonah frowned. “Mom is going to feel bad if Dawg leaves paw prints all over your carpet.”

  “You’re right.” Roman lifted the large dog and carried him inside. “I’ll take him straight to the bathroom.”

  Jonah followed him inside. “I don’t think you should use that word—”

  Dawg squirmed in Roman’s arms, and before he knew it, the dog was on the floor.

  “In his presence,” Jonah finished as he caught the leash. “For some reason, he doesn’t like to be washed.”

  Roman took the leash from the boy’s hands—the carpet was already dirty anyway—and tried to drag the canine toward the bathroom. Dawg dug in with all fours.

  “Hmmm, I see your point.” Roman picked up the heavy dog again. This time, he held onto the pet when the critter squirmed in his arms.

  While Roman was used to carrying heavy materials, he was glad the distance to the bathroom wasn’t far, especially as Dawg squirmed and barked, clearly expressing his protest.

  “Um, I’ll go get the dog shampoo.” Jonah scooted past him, grabbed the bottle with shampoo from the bag, and then opened the bathroom door for Roman.

  “Well, we’re almost there.” Air whooshed out of Roman’s lungs. How did Aileen do this on her own?

  “I wouldn’t be so sure.” Jonah drug out the words as he placed the bottle with shampoo on the counter.

  Dawg stretched, and Roman wished his house had wider doors.

  “It’s for your own good.” The boy did his best to move the dog’s paws.

  The pet didn’t budge.

  “Okay, I’ve dealt with folding chairs, tables, and ladders, but how does one fold a dog?” Roman made another attempt with the same result. Nothing. He could see now the advantages of a Chihuahua.

  Aileen rushed out of the kitchen. “What’s all the commotion?”

  “Mom, you know how Dawg dislikes water, and we’re just trying to get him inside the—the you-know-what room” He broke off to incline his head toward the bathroom. “Mr. Roman, maybe we can move him, well, vertically. You’ll hold the top part, and I’ll hold the bottom part. Or vice versa.”

  “Hmmm, interesting idea.” Roman pondered it. One good thing about Dawg stretching this much was that he wasn’t squirming in his arms. “I mean, how difficult could it be to wash a dog?”

  “We didn’t get to the washing part yet.” Jonah stepped forward.

  Yeah, no kidding.

  “Hold on. I’ll be right back.” Aileen hurried to her bag on the floor, grabbed something, then marched to the bathroom, and ducked under Dawg.

  The canine sniffed the air. Then his entire body shifted toward her, and he stopped stretching, letting Roman carry him inside.

  “What did you do?” Roman’s eyebrows shot up.

  “He loves these biscuits more than he dislikes water.” She fed the dog a biscuit.

  “Oh, I forgot about that.” Jonah smiled sheepishly.

  Washing the dog after that wasn’t too difficult.

  After they were done, they all headed outside the bathroom.

  “Is it okay if I use the tablet?” Jonah ruffled Dawg’s freshly washed fur.

  “Sure. If it’s okay with your mother, of course.” Roman picked up his car keys from the counter. Maybe once the rest of Chapel Cove dried out enough, he, Dawg, and Jonah could go to the park. Would Aileen want to join them?

  Whoa. He was getting too far ahead of himself. By then, this little family would most likely be gone to their own place. He’d return to his bachelor life without the woman who’d crushed his heart causing turmoil in his soul.

  He strode to his truck, slipped inside, and turned the key in the ignition.

  He drove off. Was it his imagination, or did his truck still hold a subtle scent of Aileen’s perfume, as delicious and irresistible as her baking?

  About an hour later, after cleanup at his cousin’s place and lunch at the townhouse, he returned Mrs. MacPherson and his cousin to their place.

  Roman walked them to the door, holding up the old lady’s elbow. While his cousin disappeared inside, Mrs. MacPherson lingered.

  Today, she paired a sand-colored pantsuit with cowboy boots, so much unlike her regular outfits of long dreary skirts. Her new haircut, a bob in place of a bun, made her look younger. She’d started wearing subtle makeup and a different expression lingered in her blue eyes—surprised expectation, not resigned sadness.

  Townsfolk speculated there might be a new man in Mrs. MacPherson’s life. Somebody out of town. Curiosity begged him to speak, but he didn’t ask.

  She patted his hand. “I know what happened with Aileen twenty-two years ago.”

  Roman suppressed a grimace. “Yeah, nearly the entire town does.”

  “She seems sweet, and I like her. Just… try not to get hurt again.” With that, the lady wobbled inside the house.

  Easier said than done.

  As he drove to his place, memories appeared in front of his eyes. How he and Aileen had studied together and he’d accidentally—okay, most of the times not accidentally—touch her hand. How he hugged her often to comfort her when her parents’ bickering got too unbearable and they teetered on the edge of divorce. Comfort or not, she’d fit so well in his arms, and as he stroked her fragile shoulders, love grew stronger and stronger inside him.

  That first time when, at thirteen, he’d seen her in a new light as she’d dabbed at his broken lip and cleaned the cut on his cheek with an antiseptic solution. She couldn’t do anything about his partially chipped-off tooth, but she’d taken care of the rest. She’d touched him then, so gently.

  The sunlight filtered through the window until the red in her hair shone brighter. “You’re like sunshine,” he’d whispered then.

  “What?” Her eyes had widened. Then she’d muttered, “He must’ve hit you harder than I thought. Oh, you mean my hair.”

  “I mean you. It’s like you… glow.” They’d been friends for years already, but this was the first time he’d seen her like this.

  Despite the burn from the cuts and the noise in his head, he’d sensed then something was about to change between them. Something was about to change inside him.

  He shook his head free of the memories as he slowed around a curve. He didn’t want to remember those things.

  Neither did he want to forget about them.

  After he got back, Aileen and Jonah helped him carry cupcake and cookie trays to the truck. Aileen sent worried glances her son’s way, and Roman remembered about “a few broken bowls,” but everything made it inside the vehicle.

  As he went about his day, he wasn’t sure if his friends and family were happier to see him or the baked goodies. Probably him, but by not a big margin.

  He worked fast, speeding through the cleanup. Not because he wanted to get back to Aileen as soon as possible. He just liked working fast, that was all.

  Hours later, near his townhouse, he stopped his truck, turned off the ignition, and rushed toward the front door. He forced himself to slow down. There was no reason to hope they could patch up their
relationship. He was only there to help, that was it. Still, his heartbeat increased.

  He had the keys, of course, but intruding on Aileen’s privacy didn’t feel right. So he lifted his hand to press on the doorbell.

  Her voice inside and especially the gentle, loving tone made him pause. Well, great. He wouldn’t stoop to eavesdropping, would he?

  “Of course, I wouldn’t stop loving you. I will always love you.” Her voice was tender and sweet.

  Something froze every bit of him. Was she talking to her ex-husband on the phone? Or was there a new guy in her life? Everyone said she’d refused all the guys who’d asked her out in town, but maybe she’d managed to keep her private life private.

  Jealousy sucker punched him.

  Ridiculous.

  He drew a sharp breath and pressed the doorbell. He didn’t have her back in his life. He didn’t want to have her back in his life. No reason for jealousy.

  It didn’t matter if she went back to her ex in Portland or met someone new—or reconnected with an old acquaintance—in Chapel Cove. Or that she was in love with that person and promised to love him forever, like she’d once promised to him.

  Shouldn’t matter.

  She opened the door, and the loving expression on her face—not because she saw him, but because of the traces of her conversation—made his rib cage constrict.

  It did matter.

  He did his best not to let jealousy reflect on his face. “I’m sorry to interrupt your conversation.”

  “It’s okay.” She moved aside to let him pass. “It’s your house, anyway.”

  As he entered the house, he caught the whiff of her flowers-vanilla-orange-spice perfume. Why oh why, did the sweet fragrance still make his head spin?

  And why did he want her to say those words not to some other guy but to him?

  Chapter Five

  AILEEN CLOSED the door behind Roman. “I’m sorry, Jonah broke a plate. Excuse me while I help him clean up. I’ll pay for the damage, of course.” She marched toward the kitchen.

  Roman followed her. “No need to pay.”

  “Can you imagine? He can be such a kid sometimes. He thinks I might stop loving him just because he keeps breaking things.” She threw the words over her shoulder as her heart warmed.