Hold Me

by Alexa Verde

  She made an effort to scoot past his muscled frame. “Um, I need to pick up Jonah and Shannon from Tía Irma’s.”

  She wasn’t making excuses. She really needed to think about her son. And not about how much she’d love to find familiar and so-needed comfort in Roman’s arms.

  He shook his head, standing rooted to the floor. “I already picked them up and brought them here, and Kristina will take them to the amusement park. We’ve got that covered.”

  “What are you, going for the most-helpful-siblings-of-the-year award?” Aileen muttered.

  Well, she was out of excuses. She could claim tiredness—and that much was true—but she could still talk to him.

  She sank into the chair she’d recently vacated and gestured for Roman to take a seat. “Would you like something to drink? Also a pastry or a cupcake, maybe?”

  He took the chair opposite her. “As much as I love your desserts, I want to concentrate on you right now.” His gaze caught and held hers.

  Oh, how much she wanted to keep looking into his eyes and believe there could really be a future for them.

  “I received a great job offer in Portland,” she blurted and then proceeded to tell him the details.

  His eyes widened when she finished. “What are you going to do?”

  Her shoulders slumped forward. “I don’t know yet.”

  “Did you pray for guidance?”

  “I did. I mean, I tried, but I still don’t know which way to go.” Maybe God didn’t answer her prayers any longer. She’d distanced herself from Him, and almost everyone else she loved, for too long.

  “I hope you’ll know soon.” Pain flashed in his eyes, but it disappeared so fast she wouldn’t have noticed it if she hadn’t looked so closely.

  Pain sliced her insides, too. “I’m so sorry.”

  He reached for her hand, his touch gentle. “Stop apologizing. You need to live your life. Wherever that life is going to be. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? A job with a good, guaranteed income.”

  “I can’t leave you again,” she whispered as tears burned the backs of her eyes.

  “Maybe I could move to Portland later.”

  Hope stirred inside her, but she stifled it. “I don’t think you’ll be happy there. I know you well enough to say that. Chapel Cove is your home. It’s where your friends, family, and, let’s face it, clients are. As much as I want us to have a future, I can’t do it at the cost of your happiness.”

  Could she risk it all and hope it would work out for the second time?

  His fingers tightened around hers, sending delicious tingles along her skin. “Can I ask you to do something for me? Whether you decide to leave or not, please stop avoiding me. It’s killing me when I can’t see you.”

  “You know that the last thing I want to do is to hurt you again.” Though it was exactly what she was doing, and it was reopening the old wound. She pushed the words past the hard lump in her throat. “I hope you know that.”

  A sad smile touched his lips as he laced his fingers through hers. “I know. I wanted the best for you when I was a teen. I still want the best for you. I let the resentment go even before you told me your reason for marrying another man. Well, most of the resentment.”

  “Sometimes I think you’re too nice for your own good.” She let his caring touch reach her soul. “Now, when I hope you can let the rest of resentment go, maybe you can finally find happiness with someone else.”

  As for her, there’d always be only one person in the world for her. Be it in Chapel Cove, Portland, or Antarctica, she’d never love anybody like she loved Roman.

  “There’s no one else. For two decades, I tried so hard to find a woman I could fall in love with. I admit, I dated a lot of women here. But I have to see the simple truth. You held my heart in the palm of your hand when we were teens, and you still have it. That’ll never change.”

  In other times, such words would make her heart sing. Now a tear slid down her cheek.

  “Don’t cry.” He swiped his fingers along her face. “I’d never want to make you cry.”

  Her phone ringing saved her from responding. She fished it out of her pocket and glanced at the screen. Kristina? Was it something with Jonah or Shannon?

  Aileen’s heart sank as she hurried to swipe her phone to answer. “Kristina, are Jonah and Shannon okay?”

  “Well…” Her friend stretched the word, and Aileen’s heart sank further. “We’ve got an interesting situation here. Shannon got jealous when Jonah was talking to another girl, and, um… Greg is handling it at the moment. But I thought I should let you know.”

  Aileen shot to her feet. “We’ll be right there.” She disconnected and turned to Roman. “I’ll have to drive to the amusement park. There seems to another teenage drama going on.”

  “We’ll go together.” Roman marched to the door.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ON THE way to the amusement park, Aileen surprised herself by placing her hand on Roman’s.

  Maybe the reason the job in Portland looked so attractive wasn’t just about the great guaranteed income, stable hours, and more opportunities for Jonah.

  If she stayed in Chapel Cove, she’d have to deal with things painful to deal with. She’d have to forgive herself and stop feeling responsible for everything that had gone wrong in other people’s lives. When she’d been growing up, her mother had blamed her for all that had gone wrong in her life. Aileen had tried so hard to please her, but all her efforts only earned her more yells and reproaches. Then she’d blamed herself for hurting Roman.

  During her marriage, her husband had blamed her for everything that had gone wrong with Jonah or in the household until she’d finally started blaming herself, too. After all, those had been her responsibilities. Her worries.

  Now, look at the things happening to Jonah. She was a bad mother.

  Roman glanced at her as he turned a corner. “I know that look. Whatever we might find in the amusement park, it’s not your fault. Really, stop worrying. Do your best to hand that sense of hyper-responsibility to the Lord.”

  “I shouldn’t have let him date this young. It was irresponsible of me.” She sighed.

  He pulled up to the parking lot. “Then he would’ve sneaked out. You might even lose his trust. You’re a great mother. Stop torturing yourself for things you should’ve done. I talked to Jonah, a lot. He’s a happy, well-adjusted kid, despite neglect from one of his parents. You’ve done great.”

  “Thank you.” Her chest expanded.

  Roman always knew how to make her feel better, be it in the times when her mother had blamed her for a broken cup or when she’d ruined a cake, or now, in the difficult journey of parenthood.

  She’d missed his caring attitude, his wise words so badly in all the years apart.

  “Leave it all to God. Don’t try to be responsible for so many things.” He sent her a compassionate gaze as he parked and turned off the engine.

  She didn’t have time to ponder his words as she jumped out of the vehicle. Now, how was she supposed to find Kristina with her husband and Jonah with Shannon?

  “We’re here!” Her friend waved at her from near the Ferris wheel.

  Aileen rushed there, Roman right beside her.

  “You’re my best friend! How could you? You know Jonah is my boyfriend now.” Shannon chastised a teenage girl with shiny, shoulder-length chestnut-brown hair.

  This time, Shannon wore salad-colored boots matching her lipstick, fingernails, blazer, and leaf-shaped earrings. When that girl chose the color for the evening, she dedicated herself to it.

  The dark-haired girl who apparently had made Shannon jealous shrugged. “Don’t be such a drama queen. He was asking me what you liked. He wanted to buy you a present and for it to be a surprise.”

  “That’s true.” Jonah stepped forward.

  “Oh.” Shannon deflated. “Ooooh.” She blinked, then ran to Jonah and hugged him. “I’m sorry I caused this commotion.”

  �
��It’s cool.” Jonah placed his arm around her shoulder. “I don’t know why you’d even be jealous. You’re the prettiest girl in school.” He paused. “Well, no.”

  “No?” The salad-colored drama queen stiffened. “Not the prettiest girl in school?”

  “You’re the prettiest girl in the world.” He sounded totally sincere. “I hate that the surprise was ruined, though.”

  “Oh, don’t worry. I can tell you what to get me.” Shannon fluttered her eyelashes. “I’ll make sure to act surprised when you give it to me.”

  “Okay.” Jonah visibly swallowed, probably calculating how much the gift was going to cost him and whether he’d be able to afford it.

  “I’d like your mom’s snow cupcakes. The ones with chopped macadamia nuts inside and covered with rich white chocolate and coconut.” Then she leaned toward him. “But what I really, truly want is your company. Just you… with me. That’s all.”

  Aileen’s heart warmed. There was more to this girl than a drama queen like she’d started to worry.

  “Of course.” A smile lit up Jonah’s face as he hugged Shannon again. “I’m so happy when I’m with you. Haven’t you noticed?”

  And true, Aileen had never seen him happier than in that moment.

  Shannon stilled in Jonah’s embrace, her salad-green lips stretched into a happy smile, as well. Then she eased out of it and hugged her friend. “Sorry about that. I hope we can still be BFFs.”

  “Oh yes.” The girl smiled.

  “I’m glad it all got resolved.” Roman wrapped his arm around Aileen’s shoulders, and she couldn’t resist leaning into him. “Though next time, please get the situation straight before getting upset.”

  “I promise.” Shannon nodded, sending her leaf-shaped earrings dancing in her ears. “Could we go on one more ride before going home, please?”

  Aileen glanced up at Roman. She seemed to have gotten a second wind, and her limbs didn’t feel like they weighed a ton anymore. “How about we take a ride on the Ferris wheel, then drive Shannon home? So Greg and Kristina can have a proper date.”

  “Sure.” His eyes warmed.

  “Thanks. Hmmm, I think I’m in the mood for beef jerky. Or something sweet. Haven’t decided yet.” Kristina led Greg away.

  “Yay!” Shannon clapped, then turned to Jonah. “You have such cool parents.”

  Jonah beamed. Then it dawned on him. “Mr. Roman is not… You know what, you’re right. I do.” Then he leaned to his girl and whispered, “They just need a little push.”

  Those earrings danced again. “Or a big one.”

  Without waiting for Aileen to correct him, Jonah snatched Shannon’s hand, and they rushed away to the Ferris wheel.

  Aileen’s heart made a strange movement in her chest just from Roman’s close proximity. She should pull away, but she couldn’t do it.

  The wind picked up, and a cold breeze touched her skin. While the weather stayed surprisingly warm for the beginning of November, in the evenings, the temperatures dropped, and the light sweater she’d worn in the store wasn’t enough. She’d been so concerned, she’d left without putting a jacket on.

  Roman shrugged out of his jacket and placed it on her shoulders. She welcomed the warm fabric that still carried the scent of his spicy cologne.

  He took her hand like her son had done with Shannon, like Roman had done many times when they’d been teens, and they strode to the Ferris wheel, as well.

  It had taken him some time to talk her into going on the amusement park rides the first time. Being up in the air, even strapped down to a cabin hadn’t seemed safe enough. But once she’d tried it, the feeling was exhilarating.

  She kept an eye on Jonah and Shannon, whose cabin had already taken off while they’d been strapped down. Her heartbeat increased, and she didn’t know whether it was from the excitement of the ride or from sharing it with Roman again or most likely from both.

  “It’s going to be all right,” he whispered to her like he’d done when he’d taken her on the Ferris wheel for the first time.

  “I know.” She smiled at him. She kept smiling when the cabin took off, and excitement built in her chest with the incredible feeling of being in the air. “I’m with you.”

  And that was it.

  She always felt safe with him.

  She always found home in his arms.

  Not just because like Kristina, who was short in stature, Aileen had been picked on in school, and it had taken Roman’s interference in both cases to stop the bullying.

  It was where she belonged.

  But should her heart lead her or her mind? She had Jonah now to think about and not only her selfish desire to have a second chance with the love of her life.

  “What if my store won’t make it?” she said loud enough for Roman to hear. “Many businesses fail within three years of opening.”

  “Won’t make it?” His voice sounded incredulous. “Don’t you realize how popular Aileen’s Pastries is? You have lines to the counter nearly all the time. I heard you have orders for your cakes months ahead.”

  He was right, but self-doubt niggled at her still. Her mother and many acquaintances in Portland had told her she’d never succeed. Gary had always stopped her from opening a pastry store in Portland, confident she’d fail immediately. “I’m grateful for the way people have supported me.”

  He grinned and leaned to her. “Yes, and they love your desserts. You have a true gift from God. I knew your sweets would be a huge success.”

  “You believe in me that much?”

  “I always have.” An unidentifiable flash flared in his eyes. “In fact, I’d invest all I own into developing your business. That’s how much I believe in you.”

  Wide-eyed, she stared at him as his words touched deep inside her. Yes, he’d believed in her when they’d been in school. His encouragement was one of the reasons she’d finally dared to open her store, besides her father’s and Jonah’s nudging, even if she might not have realized it at the time.

  Her lips kicked up slightly. “What if I decided I wanted to be a famous actress, like my mom? Would you support me then?”

  “Of course. And I’d be going to all your premieres now.”

  Her heart squeezed.

  God had given her precious gifts indeed, but she didn’t think of baking desserts.

  Roman and Jonah were the best gifts she could ever ask for.

  As she looked out to the river, the dark water reflecting the brightly colored lights of the amusement park, her thoughts drifted away. The clock was ticking, and she needed to make the decision whether to take the job in Portland or not.

  Roman still hadn’t told her how he felt about her. Yes, obviously the attraction was there. And he helped her so much. But was he helping her because he loved her again or because of his caring nature, of learning at a young age that fixing things was the way to survive?

  He did say she still had his heart.

  The voice was clear in her head.

  What more could she ask for?

  But it could mean he cared about her, not that he still loved her. He’d held her close and he’d kissed her passionately, but he hadn’t said three important words that had once been imprinted on her very soul.

  Could she take a leap of faith and risk losing a comfortable life for love? But on the other hand, how could she not?

  Roman’s phone rang as he drove home from the amusement park, still thinking about Aileen.

  Kristina.

  “Hey, hermanita!” He answered on the hands-free phone.

  “Did you tell her you love her?” No pleasantries from his sister this time.

  His gut tightened as he made a turn. “No. She has the job of a lifetime waiting for her in Portland. I wouldn’t want to hold her up. Whatever her dream is, I want her to follow it.”

  Silence resounded for some time before Kristina came back on the line. “I was afraid this might happen. That she’d hurt you for a second time.”

  “Um, you don�
�t need to look out for me. I’ll handle this on my own.” He clenched his teeth. The prospect of losing Aileen for a second time was tearing him apart, but his twin didn’t need to know it.

  “I’ll pray for you. For both of you. You need God’s help, and you know it.” Kristina’s voice didn’t leave room for argument.

  His twin might be becoming bossy, but he was glad she was getting her confidence back after nearly becoming a doormat thanks to her manipulative ex-husband.

  Had Dr. Krasinski and Mr. Langley taken lessons from each other on how to mistreat their wives?

  “You’re right. Thank you for praying.” He stopped at the traffic light and breathed deeply. The truck still held the scent of Aileen’s perfume, that aroma that blended together the outdoors—blossoms and orchards—with the delicious smells of her kitchen. It raised sweet memories of holding her close. “I did sort of tell her. I said she still had my heart in the palm of her hand. That should’ve been enough, right?”

  “You’d think so.” Doubt tightened his sister’s voice. “But with some women, you really have to spell it out. And then repeat it again and again because somehow they might miss the message the first time.”

  “Um, o–okay.” Roman moved forward at the green light. He hoped Kristina didn’t mean herself, though she’d had to break up with Greg right after he’d told her he loved her. “I’ll let you go. I’m sure Greg can’t wait for you to get off the phone.”

  Kristina laughed. “I have a very patient husband.” She paused as if she saw something. “Okay, maybe not that patient. Good night.”

  “Good night. Thanks for everything.” He pulled up to his house, turned off the engine, and fished out his phone from his jeans back pocket.

  He started typing a text to Aileen. Of course, it was much better to tell her in person, but he might lose his resolve by the time he saw her again.

  I love

  His fingers lingered over the screen. If she really wanted that job in Portland, his words might force her to make a wrong decision.

  He deleted them and prayed instead.

  Two days later, Aileen still felt in limbo. A Thanksgiving dinner shared with Roman yesterday so his sister could enjoy her first Thanksgiving as a family with Greg and Chelsea hadn’t helped. Her thoughts bounced back and forward like a tennis ball. Love, or security? And what if the way to show Roman she truly loved him was to refuse to saddle him with her debts?