Too Hard to Forget (Romancing the Clarksons Book 3)

by Tessa Bailey

  Elliott drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Hadn’t thought of the bats. Maybe that’s why women get scared.”

  “What women?”

  “This is a bad idea, isn’t it?” He looked like he wanted to beat his head on the dashboard. “This is the last time I ask a kid for advice.”

  Something tickled the insides of her rib cage. “You asked Kyler where to take me?”

  “Yes,” he admitted, sending her a sidelong glance. “To be honest, though…you’re adventurous. You’re the kind of person who drives cross-country just to jump into the ocean. The kind of person who impersonates an acting coach.” His lips twitched at the same time as Peggy’s. “I kind of thought you’d be into it, but we can just go to dinner—”

  “You were right.” Those brushing wings near her heart were most definitely made of surprise. Since that morning, he’d managed to cause that same reaction half a dozen times. Agreeing to drive to Indiana at the drop of a hat, his speeches on the roadside and the bedroom…not to mention the way he’d stood up to the banker. Elliott couldn’t seem to stop flipping her expectations of him onto their ass. “You were right. I love stuff like this.” She turned to watch the truck’s progress eat up the path. “Everyone in the world right now is eating dinner. But I bet only a tiny little percentage are going exploring in a cave.”

  “Bats and all?”

  She put up her dukes. “Bring ’em on.”

  Elliott seemed to be having a difficult time keeping his eyes on the road. But in order for her to know that, she would have to be staring right back at him. Which she was. Hearing Elliott’s hands creaking on the steering wheel, Peggy forced herself to look away, but every inch of her felt…alive. Excited.

  They pulled into the small parking area, located on a slanted dirt hill, and Elliott crossed behind the truck and opened her door before she got the chance. He held out his hand and she took it, sparks racing up her palm and wrist. God, she could feel his energy, feel his thought crackling. His hunger was familiar as his gaze landed on her mouth, his hand braced on her hip to ease her descent. But that was where familiarity ended. There wasn’t a hint of stoicism in his expression, none of the usual tightness around his eyes. He was zeroed in on her, cataloging everything she said and did. His intentness told Peggy he wouldn’t be shifting that attention anytime soon.

  “I can’t think when you’re looking at me like that,” she murmured.

  “Can’t help it.” He splayed his hands above her on the truck, and his aftershave caused a rushing in her senses. “I never could. But I’m seeing so fucking much now, I’m just trying to take in as much as I can.”

  Everything registered in the space of a breath. The slight brushing of his belt buckle against her stomach, their height difference. His jacket was open and those impressively honed muscles were outlined beneath his shirt, tempting her fingers to slide under and play. “Again, I have to insist you’re doing the date all backward,” she breathed, her pulse racing under his scrutiny. So intense. So hot.

  “Yeah?” He eased forward, slowly crushing her body between him and the truck, pushing, pushing until she gasped. “I’ve done a lot of things backward,” he said against her ear. “But licking your pussy isn’t one of them.”

  “Whuuu?”

  His lips traced the sensitive skin of Peggy’s neck and her damn legs actually started to shake. “It occurred to me earlier when you were kneeling on the bed in that skirt…” A long, growling suck of her flesh. “That I haven’t had my tongue in your cunt since you were a cheerleader.”

  “Oh huh.” For the umpteenth time that day, she grew slippery between her thighs. Her head fell back, hitting the truck with a bomp. “I remember.”

  “So do I.” His fingertips slid down the car’s exterior, landing on her hips. She held her breath at the feel of those blunt digits curling in the waistband of her leggings, tugging her up onto her toes, sending her tummy into a somersault. “Your roommate was studying and wouldn’t leave. I couldn’t bring you to my house.” His cock fit into the notch of her thighs and both of them groaned. “Licked you for an hour in the stadium parking lot, didn’t I, baby? With your pristine, white cheerleader shoes dangling over my shoulders.”

  “Yes.” She could still remember the way he’d dragged her out the driver’s side of her car the second she arrived and pushed her down on the backseat, his head disappearing beneath her skirt. While devouring the sight of her wet panties like a starved animal, he’d confided that Peggy was the first woman he’d ever given head to. He’d been fantasizing about doing it with her. Only her. And once he’d gotten started, he’d loved it. God, after she’d lost count of her orgasms, it had taken pleading to make him stop, his tongue and lips having tested every angle, every speed, everywhere until he’d perfected the skill. A skill he’d honed constantly afterward until Peggy could get wet just looking at his mouth.

  “You were wearing your game clothes. That polo shirt with…with the team name on it. I loved it…because you looked just the same, but no one knew how you could be. Not like I did.”

  “No one.”

  His mouth claimed hers with voracious ownership, his tongue moving with such purpose, sliding over hers, his arousal pressed between her legs like an invitation. The rough maleness of his jaw and cheeks rasped over her smooth skin as he worked her mouth, slanting his head and taking, offering, giving, savoring. She had no need to hold herself up because his crushing body did it for her, elevating her just off the ground so her toes brushed the dirt.

  “Uh…excuse me, folks.”

  Elliott broke away from Peggy’s mouth with a frustrated sound, pegging the flashlight-holding newcomer with a look designed to kill. “Yes?”

  The beam of light lowered and Peggy saw their interrupter—who wore a bright orange Day-Glo vest and a hat—couldn’t have been more than seventeen. She tapped frantically on Elliott’s shoulder until he let her down from her perch on his erection as the newcomer shifted with obvious discomfort.

  “Is, um…” Peggy smoothed the sides of her pulled-up hair. “Is there still time for a tour of the cave?”

  “Well, the guided tours are over…”

  With a rumbling curse, Elliott reached into his pocket and approached the employee, the words they exchanged too muffled to hear. Then he reached a hand out to Peggy, winking at her when she took it. “He’s going to give us helmets and let us take a look on our own.”

  Heart still pounding in her head, panties now clinging far too much for comfort, Peggy fell into step behind Elliott, casting a suspicious look in his direction. “Not going to lie, this feels a little orchestrated.”

  The tension in his jaw loosened in degrees, his gaze sliding down Peggy’s front, proving that both of them had not recovered from the kiss. “I might have had some inside information about the effectiveness of a bribe.”

  Peggy clucked her tongue. “Elliott Brooks. You’re going to have one doozy of a confession this week.”

  His voice was ripe with meaning when he responded, “Right now, you’re the only one I care about confessing to.”

  They were brought to an office and given hard hats by Orange Vest, as well as a map of the cave and a quick tutorial on how to stay safe and operate the lights on their helmets. Before they’d even walked back out, the kid had already planted himself in front of the computer, probably to alert every single one of his friends he’d just caught two old people making out. “We’re totally going to be town gossip.”

  Elliott tugged her into his side. “A few more minutes and we’d have been using some of that fund-raiser money for bail.”

  A laugh tripped out of Peggy. “Kingmaker Jailed. I can see the headlines now.” She gave in to the urge to turn her face into his shoulder, catch some of his scent. “It would have been good for your street cred.”

  “You don’t need street cred when you have championships.”

  Peggy’s mouth fell open. “Oh my God. Such a Kanye thing to say.” She hip-bumped him. �
�Aren’t you going to ask me who Kanye is?”

  “I live my life inside weight rooms, locker rooms, and a football stadium, and you don’t think I know who Kanye is?” He cleared his throat…and rapped a few lines from a popular song about no one man having all the power.

  Oh God, it felt good to laugh. With Elliott. Stolen moments from the past reminded her this wasn’t the first time they’d laughed together. But tonight was the first time she didn’t fear him shutting down afterward. In fact, he didn’t even seem to realize he was laughing himself, he was so busy staring at her mouth.

  They stopped at the cave entrance and Elliott reached over to switch on her light, his fingers lingering at her neck a moment, before he turned on his own.

  “If we’re attacked by cave people, don’t suggest we split up to find the exit, okay?” she murmured. “That’s when people start to die.”

  “I’ll agree to that if you pretend to be just a little scared.” Elliott smiled and tucked a piece of hair beneath her helmet. “I have to get to second base tonight to make up for the street cred I’m not earning.”

  “Oh, there’s a whole manly point system in play? I had no idea.”

  “Now you do.”

  “Now I do.” The easy way they were bouncing off each other was making her thighs clench. “Quick tour of the cave, Elliott,” she breathed. “Then you take me somewhere and hit a grand slam.”

  A low growl from the depths of his throat. “Football coaches usually hate baseball metaphors.” He took her hand, bringing it to his mouth to French-kiss her palm. “But I’m getting over it.”

  Her laugh was unsteady. “So selfless.”

  Elliott’s fingers trailed down from her hair, over her collarbone and hip. Lower. Until he cupped his warm hand against the juncture of her thighs. “You have no idea how selfless I need to be tonight,” he rasped, bending down to swirl his tongue in the hollow of her neck. “You’re going to have to tap out when you’ve had enough of me eating you.”

  “Elliott.”

  “Good girl. Practice my name now.”

  Before she could respond to those arrogant instructions, Elliott took her hand and guided her down the sloping pathway into the cave. It was pitch black, damp, and smelled faintly of moss, stagnant water, and mold, but it wasn’t in the least unpleasant. Apart from their headlamps sending beams down side to side, there was no light until they turned a corner and saw an illuminated entrance on the left.

  Peggy stopped short when the massive cavern came into view. It was nothing short of extraordinary, with slabs of rock forming the nature-made structure. There was a huge spotlight set up in the corner of the cave, casting shadows in every direction. From the ceiling all the way down to the rocky floor, it seemed as if at some point in the past, the cave had started melting, dripping its earthy substance down, down…and then it had frozen halfway through. There was a sense of active movement all around, even though the walls were totally still.

  “Wow. This isn’t what I was picturing,” Peggy whispered.

  “What were you—” He broke off when Peggy shushed him. “What?”

  “You’re not commanding a football team. Try and keep it under a dull roar.”

  “Or I’ll wake the cave people?”

  “Exactly.”

  Peggy let go of Elliott’s hand so she could circle around one of the giant suspended drips angling down from the ceiling, examining all the crevices and mazes of rock decorating the sides.

  When she looked back to Elliott to say something, his easy smile was gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Elliott rarely went for two-point conversions, unless it was the only option. But every once in a while, a white zap of lightning singed his nerve endings. Maybe it was the energy of his players or the crowd, maybe some chink in the defense’s armor that no one had seen yet. When he got that down-deep gut roll and went for two points, he could never explain the reason behind the decision, so it was a good thing his assistant coaches and the post-game reporters rarely asked him for an explanation of any maneuver. They wrote down what he had to offer—and that was it.

  For all that evening’s lightness and the way Peggy had seemed—thank the Lord—comfortable with him, there he stood with his nerve endings on fire. This moment was urgent. The same sixth sense that encouraged Elliott to attempt two-point conversions was blaring a high-pitched whistle in the farthest regions of his mind, far more powerful than anything he’d ever encountered on the sidelines of a football game. Make an impact. Make it count. Don’t wait.

  As if some divine providence—or maybe the man upstairs—heard his mental gears grinding, the spotlight in the cave’s corner landed on the rings Peggy wore back around her neck on a defiant, makeshift chain of string, making them glint, sparkle. Across the distance separating them, he could hear the silver objects clang together, as if his hearing ability had been cranked up to ten.

  Elliott realized Peggy had stopped her journey around the cave’s interior and was watching him, somehow curious and…knowing at the same time. Which didn’t surprise him. Hadn’t she spoken to him in total silence, long before they’d ever exchanged so much as a syllable? Time fell away, leaving their connection locked and enduring, much like the very structure in which they stood.

  “What is it?” Peggy murmured, her gaze cutting down to where she toed the edge of a small pool. “Is this where you tell me a cave person is standing right behind me wearing someone else’s skin?”

  Fuck, he loved her. Loved her with the kind of intensity that he would never be able to describe in a million years. If someone else claimed to feel what was shifting and growing inside his chest, Elliott himself might have considered them insane. But not now. Now he understood.

  “I want you to tell me about the men you were engaged to.” Neither one of them moved or spoke for long, heavy beats. “Trust me, no one is more surprised than me that I just said that.”

  She curled her fingers around the edges of her jacket. “Why did you?”

  Elliott’s step was purposeful as he crossed to Peggy, skirting the pool’s edge to stop right in front of her. His pulse sounded like the rapid ticking of a wooden roller coaster as it dropped a car full of screaming people down a giant hill. Did he want to hear about Peggy’s ex-boyfriends? Hell fucking no. Already his skin was crawling with the idea. But that was the point, wasn’t it? “You wear the rings because you feel guilty,” he explained. “I know what that feels like. And I don’t want you to experience it anymore.”

  Peggy breathed a laugh, but her eyes were haunted. “Easier said than done.”

  “I know.” He stepped closed. “That’s why you’re going to give me the guilt. Right here, right now. You’re going to hand it over to me and I’m going to carry it for you.”

  “That’s not going to work.” She backed away, then stopped. “There won’t be an even balance unless you give me yours in exchange.” Waiting for her to continue, Elliott was wired, attuned to every emotion flitting across her face. “You still carry the rosary beads.”

  “Yes.”

  She set her chin. “When we broke up, you said when you looked at me, you saw your own guilt. Your sins.” Her gaze cut to the ceiling. “Are you sure you don’t feel that way now?”

  Remembering the shocked horror on her face when he’d said those words, he wanted to roar his anguish. “What I said that day was the wrong half of the truth, Peggy. I was guilty, yes. I’d been absent when my family needed me. I still haven’t been good enough for Alice.” He took a step forward. “If you’d come along later, the shit in my head might not have dragged you down with it. We’ll never know. But after feeling…less for the person I failed, then falling straight into crazy for you right afterward, I couldn’t accept what you made me feel without the guilt. So I fought it. It’s no excuse for driving you away. Jesus, I’ll want to take back that day for the rest of my life. But I need you to understand, the failure was mine. You didn’t deserve any part of it.”

  She
pressed her knuckles to her mouth a moment, clearly processing everything he’d said. “When I came back, though, you were still angry with me.”

  “No.” His voice was two knives sharpening. “I was terrified. I spent the years without you playing defense against feeling a goddamn thing. And you walk in and find every hole in my resistance, just like you always did.”

  “Brought it right back to football metaphors, didn’t you?”

  When she let out a shaky laugh, Elliott’s relief almost knocked him over. He wasted no time reaching into his pocket, removing the rosary beads, and handing them to Peggy. “You’ve always had every single part of me. Good and bad. From here on out, I’m going to make sure it’s so much damn good, Peggy. Try and trust me.” Not quite ready to give her a breath to say no, Elliott moved closer. “Your turn.”

  She tried to slide past him, but he halted her progress by gripping her arms. He hated the trapped vibe she was giving off. But he was learning that progress never came without some kind of sacrifice. Some kind of work. Hoping she didn’t try to make a dash for the exit, Elliott slid his hands up to Peggy’s nape and untied the haphazardly repaired necklace. Truthfully, there was a huge part of Elliott that wanted to take those rings and throw them far as he could, listen to them clatter and roll, never to be seen again. Someone besides him had put those symbols of commitment on her finger—something he’d been too stupid to do himself—and he hated the sight of them. Instead, though, he placed the jewelry in her palm and closed her hand around it.

  She blew out a long, stuttered breath and removed the first ring from the string. A plain silver band with a modest diamond that winked at Elliott, as if to mock him, but he squeezed Peggy’s shoulder and waited, despite the pain burrowing into his stomach. “This one is from Peter the accountant. Small in stature, but…huge on his dedication to the Padres.” Her swallow was audible. “He wore his Padres jersey everywhere, even restaurants. And he ran up and high-fived anyone else wearing their gear. Really nice guy.”