Kiss the Stars

by Jackson, A. L.

  Couldn’t stand the prick. One of Krane’s crew who’d been sent to make sure we were square on our end.

  Oversee.

  Watch.

  He was nothing but a pompous ass who didn’t give a fuck about anyone. Had only worked with him a couple times. Barely knew him. It didn’t take a whole lot to get the gist.

  At least I had Brax at my side. The one guy in this disaster that I could trust.

  It was close to dawn.

  In the most wicked hour when no one remained awake except for the demons that roamed the earth.

  The truck followed close behind, and we veered off the desolate two-lane road onto a dirt path carved through the desert, city lights making Los Angeles look like it sat within a dusky snowglobe in the far distance.

  Our bikes bounced on the rough terrain. I gritted my teeth, fighting the feeling of unease that kept sweeping through me.

  Disquiet a zephyr that hissed and moaned.

  We came to a stop where three Mercedes SUVs were parked facing out.

  Krane’s men stepped out.

  Soldier’s carrying huge fucking guns.

  Sweat gathered at my temples, and I swallowed down the fear. I hated this shit. Hated it with every fiber of who I was.

  I was done.

  So damn done.

  Climbing off my bike, I gave a signal for our guys to get out. They followed instructions, quick to move the product from the hidden compartments in the truck, and Krane himself handed over the money.

  We were nothing but middle men.

  Moving product from one fucking monster to the other.

  The devil in between.

  I took it.

  “Good?”

  He patted my shoulder like a prick. “Good.”

  * * *

  Dawn broke at the horizon. A blazing burn of golds that outlined the mountains and shot rays of pinks and oranges into the coming day.

  It felt like earning a medal.

  An award for making it to the end.

  A race I hadn’t wanted to run.

  But I knew way down deep that I’d been easy to sucker in.

  Greed a concept that had been ingrained in me long ago. Going without made you that way.

  Hungry.

  Jealous.

  Thinking it was just fine if you reached out and took what you wanted no matter who you hurt.

  You deserved it, right?

  But I’d seen enough to know I’d rather starve than be a part of this sleazy, disgusting world.

  Had seen homes shattered.

  Families split.

  Had seen men slaughtered.

  Their blood spilled on the ground because that greed just kept going round and round.

  Done.

  I was so done.

  I eased over a sloping hill, and the city came into sharp, plain view. My heart raced toward the good. Toward what was right. Swore in that second that I would never lie to Maddie again.

  Phone kept going nuts in my pocket, so I pulled off to the side of the two-lane road, pulled it out, flinching when I saw the name on the screen.

  “Keeton,” I said, gruff when I answered it.

  Done.

  Done.

  Done.

  He had to fucking know. I wasn’t going to get pushed around any longer.

  “What the fuck happened last night?” he growled.

  That knot of unease tightened. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He didn’t even laugh. It was venom in his voice. “Krane claims ten-percent of the delivery was scraped.”

  That unease bloomed into a discord.

  A jarring of dread.

  I swallowed hard. “Weighed it myself.”

  “I know.” It was an accusation.

  Fuck.

  I roughed a hand through my hair that was suddenly dripping with sweat.

  Money I had in my pack weighing a million pounds.

  “It was there, Keeton. All of it. Before we packed it into the truck. Nixon was there. He oversaw the entire thing.”

  “Seems like the perfect opportunity for you to take a little parting gift.”

  “Fuck, Keeton. Last thing I want to do is get indebted to you or anyone else. Wouldn’t touch it. Want out. Not to dig myself deeper.”

  “Someone did it, or Krane is lying.”

  “And you trust that piece of shit?” I spat.

  Guy was a savage.

  Didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone who got in his way.

  “He’s a businessman.”

  Agitation blistered across my skin. A red-hot knife of fear. “Wasn’t me, Keeton. I swear to you.”

  “Yeah? Well someone is lying to me.”

  He ended the call without saying anything, and panic had me on my bike, racing back toward the city.

  We were leaving.

  Getting the hell out of this town.

  Wasn’t even going to take the time to pack.

  I was dropping this shit at Keeton’s door and was gone.

  Phone went crazy again, and I tried to ignore it, pushing my bike faster around the curves in the road, about five minutes from hitting the freeway.

  Finally gave in when it would stop only to start ringing again.

  I pulled off, ripped my phone free, almost breathing out in relief when I saw it was Brax. “You hear this bullshit?” I asked the second I put it to my ear.

  Braxton had connections on every side. Always in the know.

  He didn’t say anything for a beat. Morbid energy held.

  That dread slicked and shivered and sent my pulse slugging with fear. “Someone pegged this on Nix. Can’t locate him, but I got word that Morgue was sent. Krane doesn’t want repayment. He wants blood.”

  Morgue.

  Wasn’t a person.

  Just a reference to any man who was sent for a hit.

  Vomit lifted. Thick in my throat.

  “Goddamn it,” I hissed. Sickness clawing. “That idiot.”

  A disturbance burned through the line. “Word is, Nix has got a girl who’s pregnant. Another kid who’s seven or eight. Think he’s heading their way. Krane is pissed. Wants to set an example.”

  “Fuck.” It was a shout. Disgust. Horror. I knew I hated that prick. Knew he couldn’t be trusted.

  “Where are you?” I asked. “One of us has to check this out. Make sure his family is safe.”

  “About forty-five from the shop.”

  I sighed. Struggled. Battled with this feeling that rose up in me. I couldn’t just . . . turn my back.

  Ignore this.

  “You have an address?”

  “Think I can get one. How far away are you?”

  “About twenty minutes from the shop.”

  Which meant no matter where in the city Nix’s family lived, I was going to be closer. He didn’t say anything. We both knew this had become my duty.

  Krane was brutal. Didn’t matter if I hated that fucker Nix or not.

  Couldn’t sit aside and let this happen.

  “Text it to me. I’m on my way.”

  “Be careful, brother. Know you want to help, but don’t get in the line of fire.”

  “His kids don’t deserve what he has coming to him. I will warn them. Head off anything that might be coming their way. Until Nix can get there to get them out or this blows over.”

  I ended the call and hopped back onto my bike, and when I hit the highway, I hit it at a way too high rate of speed for the load I was carrying. Darting around cars. Cutting lanes.

  I didn’t care. I had to get there.

  Stand in if someone came for his family. Doubted he really gave a shit.

  But I did.

  I fucking did.

  Guilt clotted my throat.

  What I’d put Maddie through.

  The worry.

  The fear.

  Dragging them into a life that they didn’t deserve.

  This was a motherfucking bad life.

  I only stopped to get
the address when it came through.

  Was barely breathing by the time I made it down into the city streets. Stop-light after stop-light. I was almost there when my phone started going manic again.

  There was no ignoring it.

  This feeling that consumed.

  Vile and distorted.

  Gripping me everywhere. I took a turn into a neighborhood that was nicer than what I expected, eased off to the curb, and pressed my phone to my ear when I saw it was Braxton.

  He was shouting before I even got it there. “Nix went to Krane. Said it was you. Said he had proof that it was you. You need to get home.”

  I didn’t even respond before I was flying down the street.

  Taking every turn too fast.

  Too reckless.

  Too careless.

  But that was what I’d always been.

  Careless. Thinking I could keep two separate lives. Protect my family and please my piece of shit stepfather.

  I turned the last corner onto our street.

  And that was the moment every lie that I’d ever told caught up to me.

  Thirty-Four

  Mia

  Agitated voices flooded my room, drawing my attention from my book. One second later, something banged against the wall before I was startled upright to the sound of glass shattering on the floor.

  My pulse spiked, and I scrambled to get off the bed to find out what was happening.

  The door flew open before I had the chance to go out.

  Penny was there, shaking in the doorway. Worry written on her face.

  “Penny. Sweetheart . . . what’s going on? Are you okay?” I rushed, my attention darting everywhere. Trying to find out what was happening.

  She struggled for an explanation. “I . . . I don’t know. Leif got here and I asked him if he wanted to go for pizza and then Dad called and then Leif ran out. He seemed really, really upset, Mom. And Dad was saying really mean things and then he just hung up.”

  Unease billowed.

  Leif had to have heard Nixon on Penny’s call.

  Shit.

  Moisture welled in her eyes, and apprehension blew up like a balloon inside of me. I hadn’t been looking forward to talking with Nixon about Leif, or vice versa, really.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay.” I peered over her shoulder. “Do you know where Leif went?”

  Her lips pressed thin. “I don’t know. He wouldn’t talk to me. But I’m worried about him. When I looked at him, I got this feeling . . .”

  My knowing child shivered and touched her stomach that I knew was twisted in knots.

  Empathy and compassion and warmth.

  I ran my fingers down her cheek. “Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. Your brother is with Auntie Tamar in the main house. Why don’t you go in there with them? I’ll go talk to Leif. I’m sure everything is fine.”

  Her nod was shaky, and I dropped a kiss to the top of her head and followed her out into the hall. She went to the left, and I went to the right, my steps quickened as I rushed for the door.

  Trying not to panic.

  But with every step, the air shifted.

  This feeling taking me over.

  The energy he’d left behind thick and ugly and distressed.

  I pushed the door open to stagnant, muggy heat, and I tried to talk myself down from the ledge. Convince myself not to freak out as I crossed the yard to the guest house.

  It wasn’t like I’d had some delusion that Leif and Nixon were going to be friends. Or even civil. Their personalities had already promised they were going to clash.

  But this was the last way I’d wanted them to meet.

  I bounded the two steps to the small porch, not even knocking before I tossed open the door.

  I nearly got knocked onto my butt with the frenetic energy that blazed back.

  Heavy footsteps pounded from the bedroom at the back, the walls trembling and the air screaming with pain.

  Warily, I inched that way, my breaths coming short and my pulse ratcheting in anxiety. By the time I made it to the bedroom doorway, my head was dizzy, and my heart careened in a manic beat when I found Leif there.

  As hard as he’d ever been.

  Every muscle in his body stone.

  Jaw grit.

  Hatred in his movements as he frantically stuffed his things into a bag.

  Horror etched every cell in my body.

  “Wha-what are you doing?”

  He didn’t even flinch. Already well aware I was there.

  “Leaving.”

  It didn’t matter that his intention was already plain as day, the word jolted me back.

  Like I’d been impaled by an arrow.

  All the way through.

  “What? Why? What happened?” I stumbled into the room. Knees weak. Trying to hold it together.

  He zipped up the bag. He refused to look at me as he slung the backpack over his shoulder. “Just time to go.”

  He shouldered around me.

  Was he kidding me?

  Anger surged. A crashing wave that slammed against the heartbreak that sliced through my chest.

  I reached for him, my hand curling around his wrist. Fire streaked up my arm. This man who I was connected to in some intrinsic way. “Don’t you dare walk out on me, Leif Godwin.”

  He jolted like he was shocked, his voice haggard, refusing to look at me. “Don’t make this any harder than it has to be, Mia.”

  “Any harder than it has to be?” My head shook. Frantic. Disoriented. “I trusted you. Put my faith in you. Took all your reservations because I could see that you were haunted by your demons. I took on that pain, Leif, and I let it break me.”

  I touched my aching heart. That place that he held in the palm of his hand.

  I angled around, trying to get him to look at me. To listen. To hear me. “And you know what, it was worth it. It was worth it because we met there. In the middle of it. In a place that was just for us. And from it, you promised we were going to build a life together. That we were going to make this thing work.”

  He whirled around, spite on his tongue as he released the foul-words into the bitter air. “Yeah, and I also promised you that I was going to ruin you.”

  “You’re a liar.”

  His face blanched at my accusation.

  White as a ghost.

  Grief curled around me. Terrified of whatever was happening in his dark, bleak mind.

  I pressed on, refusing to let him just walk out.

  “You’re a liar,” I repeated, “if you say this doesn’t mean something. You’re going to stand there and pretend like you don’t want me? That you don’t feel me? Pretend like you don’t know that we belong together?”

  His sorrow darkened the atmosphere.

  Finally, he looked at me.

  Those sugar-brown eyes held nothing but torture.

  His soul slaughtered.

  “You’re right, Mia. I am a liar. I’ve been lying to myself. Telling myself that I could possibly have this. That I could have you. That I might in some small way be deserving of those kids.” He pointed aggressively in the direction of the guest wing. “Time to give up the ghost. Because guess what, those ghosts are here for me.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Means I can’t fucking have you, Mia.”

  “No.” My head shook, and a sob crawled up my throat. “No. I . . . I know you’ve experienced the worst kind of sorrow in your life, and I know the kids’ father was on the phone and that’s going to be hard to navigate, but—”

  He had me pinned to the wall in a flash.

  I gasped. Words silenced beneath the potency of this man.

  Gloom covered me whole.

  An eclipse.

  But this darkness? It was vile and depraved.

  He pressed his hands to the wall on either side of me as if he were trying to hold himself back, his nose pressed to my cheek as he grunted the anguished words, “You don’t have the first clue, Mia. Don’t
have the first clue what I’ve done or what I’m getting ready to do. And I promise you, when I’m done? You’re going to hate me.”

  He ripped himself back.

  Torment and malice written in his expression.

  Then he turned, nothing but a storm that thundered through the house as he moved for the front door.

  Despair ravaged through the middle of me.

  Violent.

  Fierce.

  Overwhelming.

  I ran after him.

  It didn’t matter that it probably made me a fool.

  That I was desperate.

  Pleading.

  We’d come too far, experienced too much, shared too much hope for me to let him just walk out.

  Without an explanation.

  Without a reason for the poison he was spilling on our lives.

  I was a foot behind him when I rasped, “Then tell me you don’t love me. Tell me that was a lie.”

  Leif whirled around.

  I nearly hit my knees when his hands landed on my face in the same second his mouth crushed against mine.

  He kissed me. Kissed me in a way that sheered through my heart. Cut all the way to my soul.

  I could taste it. The guilt on his tongue and the surrender in his spirit.

  He pried himself away, hands still holding me tight. “Doesn’t matter how much I love you, Mia. It won’t change who I am. And me pretending that it will? It’s only going to hurt you more in the end. And that’s my honest.”

  Then Leif pulled his hands away as if he’d been burned by the shame, turned his back, and banged out the door.

  “Leif . . . please, don’t leave me.”

  He didn’t turn back.

  Didn’t stop.

  And that was the moment when Leif Godwin finally brought me to my knees.

  Ruined.

  Just like he’d promised.

  * * *

  “Hey.” The bed sank down at my side as Tamar’s worried voice filled my ears. Gentle fingers brushed through my hair where I was curled up in a ball.

  My face buried in the pillow.

  As if it might stand the chance of burying the heartbreak.

  But I didn’t think there was enough dirt on Earth to fill up the hole Leif Godwin had left.

  My falling star that had burned out far too soon.

  I guessed I’d been the fool who’d tried to catch him.