I can do this.
I can find a way to survive without Killian Hendrix.
I have to for the two of us. I touch my hand to my stomach and smile.
At least I have something beautiful to hold on to. Proof that it was real. Proof that there was a time he loved me.
**
“Uncle Cooper.” I smile and rush over to hug him when he gets out of the truck.
“There’s my girl.” He wraps me up in a bear hug, and his beard tickles me. “You’ve gotten skinny. Gonna have to fatten you up over Christmas.” He laughs.
I don’t tell him that there’s no need to worry I’ll be fat enough in a few more months.
“Thank you for coming.”
“I’ll always come for you, kid. Though I guess you aren’t a kid anymore. Can’t believe my little flower has been living with some punk.”
I roll my eyes. “Stop it.”
“I brought coffee,” Mom announces getting out of her car.
“Perfect.” I go over and grab a cup. I feel better this morning now that I have a plan. Killian isn’t here, and I’m thankful. I take a few sips of the caffeinated goodness. I know I’m not supposed to have it, but I need something to get me through this day. I didn’t sleep at all last night. Every time I closed my eyes Killian was there living and breathing in my dreams.
“Go on up and unlock the door, and I’ll start bringing the boxes in,” Cooper tells me.
I check the mail before I go upstairs. I flip through the envelopes quickly and shove anything with my name on it in my purse. I stuff Killian’s mail back in the box.
When I get upstairs my anxiousness returns. His car isn’t here, I remind myself then stick my key in the lock and it won’t turn. What the heck? I pull the key out and make sure I stuck the right one in the lock. I flip it over in my palm twice. It’s the right key.
That asshole did this on purpose. I try one more time but nothing.
Mom and Cooper get off the elevator.
“What’s wrong?”
“He changed the lock.”
“Let me try.” He props the stack of cardboard up against the wall.
I step back and fish my phone out.
Cooper is muttering under his breath. “Can you call the super or a maintenance man?”
“Killian did this so I would have to talk to him.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” Cooper growls and Mom smirks.
I am sensing some chemistry between the two of them, but I don’t say anything.
“I’ll call and he’ll get his five minutes and then we can get my stuff and go.”
“Fine. Call the jerk,” Mom says with a flicker of annoyance.
I should have known Killian would make this hard. I don’t know why. He doesn’t remember loving me, and he certainly had no trouble breaking my heart. He should be happy.
“…Lo,”
“Can you come unlock the door?”
“Are you going to be reasonable and give me five minutes?”
My pulse races, and I pinch my lips. “Fine. Five minutes.”
“I’ll be there in twenty.”
I don’t say anything. I simply end the call. “He’s coming.” I suck in a breath. I’m not ready to face him, but I don’t have a choice.
“While we wait, we might as well start putting these together.” Cooper picks up a few boxes and hands them to me. I stare at the boxes. This is it. I’m packing my life with Killian into boxes. It’s time to move on and let go.
By the time Killian shows all the boxes are lined down the hallway. His jaw ticks as he pulls his keys out. He opens the door, and I push past him. “Thanks.”
“Liri, you said we’d talk.”
“Fine. Okay. Mom if you and Uncle Cooper want to start in the living room with my art supplies, Killian and I will be in the bedroom. I’ll start with the closet.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll be right here if you need me.”
“You try anything stupid, boy, and I’ll have you shitting out your mouth,” Cooper warns.
I bite back my smile. Uncle Cooper takes no shit and doesn’t care to speak his mind. I’d love to see him and Diane in the same room together.
I grab two boxes from the hallway and hand one to Killian. “You might as well help since you’re here.”
He swallows hard but takes the box.
We walk into the bedroom. He shuts the door behind us and locks it.
“Open the door, Killian.”
“No. I don’t want them interrupting us.”
“There’s no us. You saw to that.”
“I’m going to say what I came here to say, and you’re going to listen.”
I bite my lip but nod. The sooner he leaves the better.
Chapter 18
Liri
“I deserve that. I know I fucked up. I know you don’t want to be with me, and I’m trying to accept that, but I was angry and confused. You have to know Jackie didn’t touch me. I know it appeared that way, but nothing happened. I need you to know that.”
“It would have gone a hell of lot further if I hadn’t stopped it. We both know that. It doesn’t matter. You had every intention of taking it there with her. I can’t forgive that, and you have no right to expect that of me or to ask it. It’s cruel.”
“I remember every moment.” I drop my box to the floor and wrap my arms around my middle. The words I’ve dreamed of have come too little too late.
“That’s really great, Killian. I’m glad. You remember, and I wish like hell I could forget.” I start grabbing anything that belongs to me and tossing it in the box. “If you can start with the dresser, that’d be great. I want to get out of here as soon as possible.”
“Baby…please look at me.”
Exhale.
Inhale.
“I don’t want to,” I whisper.
He steps up behind me, and his lips meet my neck. Fire surges through me at his touch. I want to hate him, but my body betrays me.
“Please don’t, Killian.”
My body jerks at the touch of his hand running along my stomach under my hoodie. “I’m so damn sorry, Liri. I’m begging you, please don’t give up on me. When I was in the hospital, I could hear you.”
“I don’t… I can’t listen to this. You’ve had your five minutes.” I try to break away from him, but he holds me tighter. His strong arms cage around me, and I want so badly to give in and say okay, but this isn’t about just me anymore. Bringing a baby into this mess would be wrong. Killian isn’t ready, and he doesn’t want the responsibility. He made that clear when he flipped out and accused me of trying to get pregnant. Joke is on him. I didn’t have to try very hard.
“I love you, and you can’t tell me you don’t love me.” His lips move along the shell of my ear, and a shiver travels up and down my spine, his words playing back at me like a favorite song.
I twist around in his arms and cup his jaw. “Look at me, Killian, and listen to what I say. I’m only going to say this one time.” I gaze into his dark and tortured eyes. “I love you. I love you so fucking much that sometimes it hurts simply to breathe knowing that you’re not mine anymore.”
“I’m yours, baby. You have me. You fucking have me.” He tries to kiss me, but I move my head, and his lips land on my cheek.
“Shh. I’m talking.” I trace my finger over his lips memorizing the shape. “I love you…” I kiss him softly, sliding my tongue against his for one last time to kiss him goodbye. I pull back, and I can see it on his face. He knows I’m done. “But I don’t want this. I can’t go through it again. I won’t. I will always love you. No one will ever measure up to you, babe, but you gotta let me go.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t accept that. You’re not leaving me.” He goes down on his knees but it’s not to beg. “Marry me, Liri. I want my ring on your finger. My name behind yours. We belong together.”
Tears slide down my cheeks when he pulls out a ring.
“Killian…please don�
�t ask me. You can’t ask me that.” I shake my head. “Get up.”
“I’m not asking. Marry me, baby. I know I’m an idiot. I fuck up a lot, but there is nothing I want more than to be with you. We can do it in Las Vegas with Dillan and Noelle.”
“Please stop.” I squeeze my eyes shut. He can’t be serious. He doesn’t mean it. It’s another one of his games to suck me back in so he can play with me some more, but I’m done playing his mind-fucking games. It’s time to grow up.
“Come on. Say yes.” He gets up and shoves the princess cut aquamarine colored stone surrounded with diamonds on my finger. “It’s the color of your eyes. I was going to propose on Christmas.”
“Stop. Just stop it. How dare you. How dare you think that you can simply shove a ring at me and that it can change anything. The girl who used to just roll over and accept your empty promises is dead and gone. I buried her. You killed her the moment you believed Jackie over me.”
“Liri, we belong together. You know we do.” He holds my hand to his chest and flattens my palm over his heart. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
“I want you to leave so I can finish packing.” I slide the ring off my finger and tuck it back in his hand. “I can’t marry you.”
“So that’s it. You’re done and leaving me for Paris.”
“You don’t get to push this off on me. You did this, Killian. You!” I shove at him, and he stumbles back falling onto the bed when he trips over the other box.
“Everything okay in there?” Cooper barks from the other side of the door.
“It’s fine. Killian is getting ready to leave.” I glare at him. He has his head down and buried in his hands. I stomp over to him and grab the top of his hair in my fingers. Forcing his head up, I nearly crumble when I see the tears in his eyes. “You need to go. Let me go, Killian. It hurts too damn much. I’m not going to survive you a second time.”
His arms wrap around me, and he buries his face in my chest. “Just let me hold you for a minute. Give me that much,” his voice cracks, and the smell of his cologne intoxicates me. “When are you leaving for Paris?”
“After the first of the year.”
“Are you still going to Vegas?”
“No. I’ll call Noelle later and tell her to ask someone else.”
“Give me Las Vegas to show you we belong together.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t and won’t are two very different things, Liri.”
“You’re right, but we both know that if one of us doesn’t stop this madness the cycle will continue.”
“It won’t.”
“We could go to Las Vegas and have a great time maybe. You’d get me to the chapel and in another month or a few weeks something else would happen. That’s not what I want, and you shouldn’t either.”
“I want to be with you.”
“I know.” I press my lips to his. “Je te veux.”
His hands smooth over my belly under my shirt, and I want to cry because he’ll never know this baby. He’ll never touch this body again.
“Let me spend the day with you. I’ll help you pack even. Please don’t make me leave right now.”
“Fine. But the door is getting opened.”
“Okay.” I stroke my fingers through his hair one last time, and a lonely tear slides down his cheek.
I open the door wide needing the reminder my mother and Cooper are here, so I won’t do anything stupid.
I go back to the closet finishing filling up my box. Killian goes over the dresser and starts tossing my socks in the other box. I go out for more boxes. Mom watches me closely me, and I give her a sad smile. Killian starts packing the boxes out to the truck wordlessly with Cooper.
“He’s really got that little boy lost look down, doesn’t he?” Mom observes.
“Yeah, but even Peter Pan had to grow up.”
“We’re almost done here. Did you have plans for dinner? You’re welcome to eat with Cooper and me at the hotel.”
“I’m going to take Killian to dinner.” Tears well up as the finality hits me. My side of the closet is empty.
“You sure that’s a good idea, sweetie?”
“No, but I think we both need to say goodbye and let go. I want him to be happy.”
“Okay. You know what’s best for you.”
“I only have a few small things in the bathroom. I’ll put them in my trunk. You guys should go ahead and go. I’ll meet up with you for breakfast tomorrow.”
“All right.” She squeezes my hand. “Text me when you get to the hotel.”
“I will.”
Killian and Cooper return. “Goodbye, Killian. Come on, Cooper. I’m starved.” Mom licks her lips at Uncle Cooper, and I oddly feel okay with it. She said herself she’s his one who got away. Good for them. If Theo is happy with someone else, then she should do what makes her happy too.
The front door closes behind them.
Killian stares at me. I’m the first to break the silence. “I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me since it is my last night in Crestwood?”
“Are you on the menu?” The hunger in his dark gaze makes me weak in the knees.
I roll my eyes at him. “If you can’t be serious then I’ll go catch up with my mom and Cooper.”
“Dinner sounds great.”
“What are you in the mood for?”
“Fuck, Liri. I’m not hungry.” He laughs but it’s humorless.
“Then what do you want to do?”
“Barricade you in the bedroom and lick your pussy until you change your mind.”
Flames shoot up my neck and warmth pools between my thighs.
“Would that change your mind?” He stalks toward me. Being alone with him is dangerous.
“No. You can’t use sex as a bargaining chip. I tried that with you. It didn’t work out so well. You still ended up with Jackie.” Her name burns my tongue.
“I wish I could take it all back.” He grabs my hand and laces his fingers with mine. I feel something cool and gaze down. The ring is back on my finger. “I want you to have it. I want you to think of me every time you wear it. I want you to go to Paris and do whatever it is you need to do, but when it’s over, I’ll be here waiting for you. You’ll come back to me. You always do.”
“Killian,” I cry. “We aren’t ever going to work.”
“I can prove it. I won’t even look at another girl. I don’t want anyone but you.”
“You say that now…” I smile. “But you’re Killian Hendrix, you’ve got a reputation to uphold.”
“I only care what you think about me.” His lips brush along my jaw. “I’ll only ever love you.” His mouth hovers centimeters from mine. “You’ll always have my heart.”
I want desperately to believe him and to tell him that I’m pregnant, but in the back of my mind, I know that I’ll never be enough for him. Not until he realizes that there is good in him and that he deserves happiness.
“And you’ll have mine.” I return his kiss.
Those magical fingers that have brought me so much pleasure slide up under my shirt.
“Will you give me one more night?”
“Killian…we can’t.”
“We can. One night. No bullshit. A proper goodbye, Liri. Paris is a long way from Crestwood, and I need this to hold onto. One night to pretend you’re still mine.”
I stare into those dark eyes that own me no matter what I tell myself.
I deserve one more night.
One more night to love him.
“Okay, but you gotta feed me first. I’m starving.”
Chapter 19
Killian
All I need is one night to remind her. One night to show her that her place is with me. “Where do you want to go?”
“To the store. You’re going to cook for me. You aren’t the only one who gets to be selfish tonight and demand things.”
“And what is it that you think I’m going to cook for you?”
“
I want deep dish pizza.”
“I don’t know how to make it, but I’ll try.”
“Good. Now give me your keys. I’m driving your car.”
I drop my keys into her palm. I’ll give her anything she wants.
My heart.
My body.
My soul.
They are all hers for the taking.
“One day you’ll regret this, and it’s going to be too late.”
One day is already here.
Tension crackles between us in the elevator. I want nothing more than to pin her against the wall and yank her hair out of that bun and feel it between my fingers as I kiss her stupid. Stupid enough to stay. I don’t know why I agreed to this shit. It’s pure fucking torture. I should have told her to just go ahead and go, but I’m selfish, and I’ll take every bitter second she’ll give me.
We get out to the car and she smirks at me when I go to the driver side out of habit. I open the door for her. “You sure you can reach the pedal, short stuff?”
“I’m not that short.”
“Sure you’re not.” She gets in and starts messing with the seat and mirrors. I slide into the passenger seat and the seatbelt gets stuck.
“Let me help you.” Liri leans across the console and practically crawls into my lap to yank it free. Her mouth is so close and tempting, but I hold back. I can’t push her…not yet.
Rob Zombie blares from the speakers, and I turn the volume down. “You played this to me when I was in my coma. You never left my side.”
“You said you remembered, but I wasn’t sure. I rubbed lotion all over your feet every day. I talked to you a lot. I played your favorite songs. Told you how much I loved you.”
“I heard most of it.” I reach across and place my hand on her upper thigh out of habit. She glances down but doesn’t push me away. “It was your sketchbook that made me remember. When you left, I felt split in two and everything came rushing back.”
“I’m glad you remember, Killian. Our story wasn’t perfect, but it was real.”
“It still is. I meant what I said. I’ll wait for you. As long as it takes.”
“I hear you.”
The Conclusion of Killian & Liri (Cruel Love Book 2) Page 10