“So what’s your plan?” Cooper turns to me.
“Well…I’ll need help getting my apartment and getting on my feet, but after the publishing house opens, I’ll be earning a salary. I’ll be able to make it work.”
“Who’s going to keep the baby when it’s born, and you have to work?”
“I’ll do daycare I guess.”
“Daycare isn’t safe.” Theo shakes his head. “We’ll get you a nanny.”
“I don’t need a nanny.” God, can they let me decide one thing for myself?
“Sweetie, a baby is a lot of work and you’re a child.”
I rub my temples. “I think I’m going to go to bed, and you all can plan out my whole life for me and even decide where my kid will go to college while you’re at it.” I shove back from the table and start to stand.
“We’ll move to Chicago,” Cooper states and shifts his attention Mom. “That way Liri isn’t alone, and she can lean on us if she needs to. I’ll be flying there often until things are off the ground anyway.”
Mom beams at Cooper. “I love you.”
“I know.” He winks at me and then grins at Mom.
Theo is evidently going to blow a gasket. “Looks like you have it all figured out, Cooper. First you steal my wife and now you want my daughter and grandchild too.”
“Dad. It’s not like that, and you know it. You were cheating first apparently. So I think you and Mom need to go through with your divorce and move on with your lives. You’ll always be my dad. You raised me, and my baby will be your grandkid if you want that.”
“Of course I want that.”
“Okay.” I sniffle.
Somehow, we end the night with everyone on good terms or close to it.
If only things could be so easy with Killian.
Can I go to Chicago and depend on my mom and Cooper? I want to go but part of me is worried they will swoop in like always and want to control everything. I don’t know what to do.
I want Killian.
I want him back, but he won’t want me or our baby. Chicago seems to be my only option at this point.
**
“My baby is having a baby.” Mom swipes at her eyes. “I thought you were on birth control.”
“I was, but I guess when I was on antibiotics for strep throat it messed with my birth control.”
“And you’re firm on not telling Killian? I don’t particularly care for him, but don’t you think that’s cruel?”
“I thought you were on my side? You don’t even like Killian.”
“There are no sides. I will always do what is best for you. I only want your happiness.” Her brows knit together. “Was he abusive?”
I scrunch my nose. “No.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“Before he got his memory back, he found my birth control pills. I had fallen behind taking them when he was in the hospital and he um…well he accused me of missing them on purpose. He said I was trying to trap him.”
“Oh, honey. He has to know you wouldn’t do that.”
“Maybe but maybe not. He made it clear he doesn’t want a kid.”
“Everyone says that until faced with the reality, my precious girl. I understand, but I still think you should tell him.”
“I can’t. Maybe one day, but right now he needs to focus on himself.”
“And what about you? You want to be a young single mom? My offer still stands. Cooper and I can adopt the baby, and no one will ever know.”
“I’d know, and I think I can handle it. Sure, I’m scared but you managed with me.”
“Chicago is what you really want?”
“I think so.”
“Then I guess I can show you this.” Mom hands me her phone.
“What’s this?” I start swiping through the pictures of a gorgeous apartment with big windows and gorgeous views of the Chicago skyline.
“It’s Cooper’s penthouse in Chicago. He wants you and the baby to stay there. We’ll be there for the first year or as long as you need me.”
“You guys have really thought about this.”
“Of course we have. There is nothing more important to me than you and if having this baby and living in Chicago are what you truly want then I’m going to make it happen.”
“You’ll just pick up and move with me? I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. Cooper was going to be going up a lot anyway because he has invested a lot of money and wants to see this venture succeed.”
“I’m glad you are being so chill.” At the word chill my heart skips a beat, and I think of him. Of Killian. One day I hope he can understand.
“Chill is one way to describe it. I guess I know what it’s like. I’ve been in your shoes, and I wish my parents would have supported my choices more. I know you are probably thinking I will be all up in your business, but I won’t. I have my own life and problems to deal with. This divorce won’t be easy.”
I’m not giving Killian a choice, but it’s the right thing to do. I know it is. He doesn’t want this.
“I need a kid like I need a hole in my head.”
He wouldn’t want me, and I don’t know if I could survive him rejecting us both. I just miss him. I want his arms around me. His mouth on mine. His voice in my ear telling me he loves me, that we’ll be okay, and we can do this together.
That’s not my reality though.
The reality is I’m alone.
Chapter 23
Liri
“I’m so glad you’re here. I am seriously bored out of my mind.” Hayley hugs my neck and about squishes me with her big boobs. She flew out a few days before I did. Mom made me get in to see an OBGYN as soon as possible. I measure at seven and a half weeks. Everything was good and my mother is already on the hunt for a new doctor for me in Chicago.
“I’m happy to be here.” I pull my rolling luggage behind me and through the front door.
“Dad’s at work so we have the house to ourselves.”
“You were right. It doesn’t feel like Christmas here at all. I almost miss the snow back in Crestwood. Almost.”
“I bet that’s not all you miss. Killian was blowing my phone up for like a week straight after you changed your number.”
“I had to.”
“I know I shouldn’t tell you this because you want a clean break but he’s miserable. Liam said he’s never seen him like this before. He’s like super depressed. He keeps lashing out at everyone. He’s drinking and fighting a lot.”
“Things always get worse before they get better, right?”
“I think you think you believe you did the right thing for you.”
I change the subject. I came here to get away from the drama back home. “So, you’re talking to Liam? I thought you were dating Woodrow.”
I follow her through the tan stucco single story home to the guest room. “You’ll sleep here, and I’m across the hall. Dad’s on the other end of the house. Are you hungry?”
“Not really. But you didn’t answer me about Liam and Woodrow.” After I put my luggage in the closet, we go into the kitchen. Hayley starts making herself a sandwich.
“Woodrow isn’t serious about me. I have fun with him, but he’s not Liam. We talk on the phone through text, but I think he’s started dating that Beth or whatever her name is.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t like it, but I want him to be happy even if it means it’s not with me.”
“How mature of you.”
“Well you and Killian kind of wrote the book on how not to break-up.” She smirks, and I roll my eyes.
“Ha.”
“Have you spoken with Hunter?”
“No. No way. He’s not who I thought he was.”
“I wasn’t really all that surprised. You had to know he had a thing for you.”
“I thought he was past it, but it doesn’t matter. It’s over. He’s a jerk, and Killian still fucked up.”
; “I guess that’s true.”
My stomach churns. “Hey, do you have any pickles?”
“Pickles?”
“Yes. I am dying for a big juicy pickle.”
My cousin laughs. “Help yourself.”
I open the fridge and happily find a jar of dill spears. Hayley gives me a fork to get one out with. The juice runs down my chin as I crunch down on heaven. “Mmm. So good.”
“You’re so weird.” She hands me a paper towel.
“Why am I weird?”
“I’m pretty sure you hate pickles.”
“Well now I don’t.”
Her shoulder lifts. “If you say so. I thought tonight we can kinda chill here at the house. Dad makes this amazing sangria. You have to try it.”
“No drinking for me.”
“Oh, come on. We’ll get drunk and paint our toenails.”
“I wish I could. I just can’t.”
“Why?”
“I want to tell you, but I’m afraid you’ll tell Liam, and I simply can’t chance that.”
Her mouth falls open and she stares at me. “Are you…no way.” She taps her chin, and I look away. “Holy shit, you’re pregnant. That’s why you left Crestwood.”
“I was already leaving before I knew. You have to swear to me that you won’t tell anyone. Killian can’t know. He already accused me of trying to get pregnant on purpose, and with the way you say he’s acting I just…I can’t be around him. We bring out the worst in each other. You’ve seen what happens.”
“I was going to say I think you’re doing the right thing for you and your baby. Killian has his good moments with you for sure, but he’s not a stable person. Dude is a time bomb, but what if the baby could be what saves him from himself? Maybe you should tell him.”
“Or what if it pushes him straight over the edge of no return.”
Hayley sighs. “You still going to Paris?”
Indecision weighs on me. I don’t want to lie to Hayley, but what if she lets it slip to Liam who then tells Killian and he shows up in Chicago and finds out I’ve kept this from him? Then what? I don’t want to be the one who pushes him too far.
“I’m not. I’m moving to Chicago.”
“Good. Cause I don’t want to have to learn to speak French so I can come visit you and the baby in the future.”
We move into the living room, and I tell her about the new illustrator job and the gossip on my mom and Uncle Cooper. “I guess he’s no longer Uncle then, huh?” Hayley giggles, and I smack her with a throw pillow.
“Are you thinking of staying here with your dad?”
“He really wants me to reconsider. He can get a discount on tuition because he works for the college.”
“That’s cool and all, but would you be happy here?”
“I’m not sure, but it kinda feels good to have a change of scenery and distance from all the drama back home. So in a way I envy that you’ll be leaving it all behind, but I miss Liam. Which is no reason to stay, but I don’t know. I want him back. You could always move here with me. We can raise your baby together.”
“I’m not going to give an opinion either way other than do what will make you happy. As far as me moving here, you don’t even really like it here. You’d end up moving home, and I’d be here all alone.”
“You’re a lot of help.”
“I can barely help myself. I’m a flipping mess. Does Liam know that you’re thinking of transferring?”
“I haven’t told him yet.”
“What are you waiting for?”
Hayley shoots me a sideways glance. “Um excuse me? I know you ain’t gonna give me grief because I haven’t told Liam when you aren’t telling Killian that he’s going to have a child.”
“Point taken.”
“I need a drink.” Her lips curve into a smile. “I think I’ll have one for you too.”
The front door opens and closes. Hayley’s dad strolls in. He goes to his bedroom in a suit and returns appearing so different. He’s nothing like I expected. My Aunt Sandy is curvy and gorgeous, and I suspected that Hayley’s dad would be average, but dude is a total silver fox. His hair is going grey at his temples with flecks of black giving him a salt and pepper look. He’s wearing a Harley Davidson t-shirt and has muscles and tattoos. He’s got a DILF vibe going on.
“You must be Liri.”
“That’s me.”
“Call me Bill.”
“It’s so nice to meet you, Bill.”
We talk and giggle some more and her dad drags a fake tree and some ornaments in from the garage. The three of us set it up and get the lights on. Hayley and her dad are going above and beyond to include me, but my heart isn’t in it. I don’t feel very festive. I was looking forward to spending Christmas with Killian and our trip to Las Vegas for his brother’s wedding. I felt like the biggest turd on the planet when I told Noelle I had to back out. I told her the same lie I gave everyone else. That I was going to Paris. I am such a miserable liar that I even photoshopped a picture of me standing in front of the Louvre and posted it on my social media.
I blocked Killian though it killed me to do so because it means that I can’t see his posts either. I am sure if I asked Haley would let me be nosy from her account, but I have to stay strong. I have to stick to my plan of a clean break for the two of us.
I excuse myself to the bathroom and sit on the side of the bathtub holding my cell in my hands. I deleted Killian from my contacts, but I still have photos of him saved to my gallery.
I swipe through them and send them to my cloud before I delete them all. The last picture is one he made me take of us standing by his car. I was trying to hold the phone away from us, but he kept kissing me and somehow, I captured the perfect shot of us. My finger hovers over delete. Zooming in on our faces I trace the outline of his. My bad boy. A tear slides down my cheek. I’d give almost anything to see him one more time. To feel his lips on mine. My finger hovers over the delete button once more. Sucking in a breath I close my eyes and press erase.
Erasing him from my heart isn’t as simple.
**
“Get up, bitch. It’s Christmas.” Hayley shakes me and I grumble.
“Bah humbug.”
“Oh, come on. Dad made pancakes just for you and you don’t want to hurt his feelings,” she whines.
“Fine. Give me like ten minutes to feel human.”
“As opposed to what an alien?”
“Stop it. You’re so cheerful I can’t stand it.”
“Okay, Grumpy McGrumperson.”
Hayley shuts the door behind her, and I throw the covers off. Groaning and stretching, I get up and grab my stuff for the shower. It’s going to take me a lot to get moving since I can’t have coffee anymore in the mornings. Shuffling my way to the shower my head snaps up when the doorbell rings. Hayley didn’t mention that they’d have company today.
“I’ve got it, Dad,” I hear her call out. I pause at the bathroom door. “Oh. My. God. What are you doing here? Liam!”
My heart pounds in my chest.
“I wanted to surprise you. And this idiot came along for the hell of it.”
“Hey, Hayley.” I let out a breath. Is that Woodrow? What the hell are him and Liam both doing here? It’s Christmas. Shouldn’t they be with their families? What’s going on?
“Um. I’m seriously confused right now. Why are you here together?” I hear the panic in her voice, but I can’t see them right now. I close the bathroom door and get in the shower, taking my time. Maybe by the time I am finished washing my hair for the third time they’ll be gone.
The hot water has long disappeared, and I know I can’t hide in here forever. I get dressed and wrap my hair in a towel. When I come out of the bathroom, I can hear Haley giggling. I can slip back into the guest room to hide a while longer, but what if they stay all day? I war with myself over what to do. Hayley sounds like she has things under control. She doesn’t need me to come to her rescue, but I’m hungry, and I have to take bett
er care of myself.
I creep down the hallway and peek around the corner. There are three heads with their backs to me on the couch. The floorboard creaks and everyone turns to stare at me. Liam, Woodrow, and Killian.
“Fuck,” Liam mutters, and I freeze in place.
Killian does something completely unexpected. He turns around and ignores me completely.
I stare at my feet and enter the kitchen. I help myself to breakfast and carry my plate out onto the back patio where Bill is drinking coffee. I let my damp hair down from the towel and hang it over the back of my chair.
“Thanks for breakfast.”
“My pleasure. Them boys not friends of yours?”
“Something like that.” I stab at my pancakes and shovel a forkful into my mouth so I can’t be forced into further conversation. I wash the food down with orange juice and pray I don’t get sick. I don’t usually get sick unless I feel stressed.
Killian is here, and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to throw myself at him and tell him I take it all back, but I’m so scared he’ll reject me. What will he do if I tell him the truth…that I’m pregnant and I ran scared?
Bill clears his throat. “I’ve gotta hit the head.”
I smile at his honesty then I peer up to see Killian lurking by the back door. His dark disheveled hair calls to my fingers and underneath his eyes are purple rings from lack of sleep, but still he’s the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. My bad boy in his black jeans and Rage Against The Machine concert t-shirt. I know he’s pissed. I can practically hear him grinding his teeth at me. “Paris is gorgeous at Christmas time.” His tone drips with sarcasm.
“I don’t want to fight.”
“I gotta say that picture was almost convincing. The one at the Louvre. Nice editing. Guess you learned that in your design class.”
“Killian, you don’t understand.”
“You’re right, Liri. I don’t understand. I poured my fucking heart out to you. I asked you to marry me. But that wasn’t good enough for you, was it? You think that you’re so perfect. That you don’t do any wrong.”
“That’s not true and it’s not fair.”
“Fair.” He laughs darkly. “You want to talk about fair. I nearly died. I thought I would never find my way back to you, but I came crawling on my knees for you like I always do, but I’m done chasing you.”
The Conclusion of Killian & Liri (Cruel Love Book 2) Page 13