Find the Girl

by Lucy Connell

  I’m thinking about how random it was for him to say that when I spot Nancy tiptoeing up the steps to join us in the wings.

  ‘Nancy!’ I leave my place behind Jordan to stand with her at the back of the group. ‘What are you doing back here? You’re supposed to be in the audience.’

  ‘I wanted to get a better view,’ she explains in a whisper. ‘Nina, you were absolutely brilliant. If you don’t win this thing, then the teachers here are out of their minds. I’m so proud of you. So is Mum. She was crying throughout your entire performance. Like, proper weeping. Uncontrollable. I tried to get a picture of her so we could laugh at it later, but it came out all blurry because I was sitting right next to her and it was too close up.’

  ‘Thanks, but, Nancy, you should really get back to your seat. We’re about to go on,’ I point out, nodding towards the conductor, who is walking out on to the stage to great applause.

  ‘Good luck, Nina,’ she says, and smiles. ‘Also, after those performances, they should swap you and that Jonathan dude around for the group piece.’

  ‘Jordan.’

  ‘That’s the one. You should be Piano One; you were a hundred times better.’

  ‘Nancy, I’m serious, are you sure you want to stand here? The view and the sound will be better in the audience.’

  ‘I won’t get in anyone’s way back here, I promise,’ she says, ignoring my advice.

  ‘OK. Oh yeah, I just saw Chase and he said to tell you that he’d done what you’d asked? What does that mean?’

  A flush of pink appears on her cheeks.

  ‘Cool, thanks, Nina,’ she says, distracted.

  ‘Nina,’ Jordan hisses, gesturing for me to join him as everyone else starts filing on to the stage. ‘We’re about to go on!’

  Nancy gives me a thumbs up and I leave her to it, rushing to join Jordan and follow him back out into the lights. Relieved that my solo piece is over and happy to be hidden right at the back of the orchestra for this performance, I’m not as terrified this time round. We wait for the instruments to check they’re in tune and then the conductor raises his hands, counts us in and the music begins. I don’t know if it’s because of all the practice or the fact that the solo performances are over, so we’re no longer in competition with each other, but we play the piece miles better than we’ve ever played it before.

  The conductor is jumping around ecstatically through the piece and when we hit the final note, and the percussionists hit the cymbals with a loud crash, his shoulders visibly relax, and he is beaming at us as though we’re his favourite people in the world.

  He turns for his bow and the lights go up so that we can see the audience on their feet. He motions for us to stand and bow, too.

  This is it. It’s over. The course has finished. I look across the orchestra at Nico, TJ, Florence and then to Grace, whose eyes have welled up. A lump forms in my throat. After weeks of frustration, of constant stressing and plenty of hard work, I can’t bear the idea of being without Guildhall. I finally feel at home here. I was only just getting to know everyone.

  Something happens that distracts me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a movement from the wings. My jaw drops to the floor.

  Nancy is walking out on to the stage. What is she doing?

  The noise in the hall dies down as she walks right into the middle.

  ‘Hi, I’m Nancy,’ she announces to the audience, with a slight shake in her voice. ‘I won’t take up too much of your time. I know you’re eager to hear who’s won the summer school place and stuff. Thanks to Caroline Morreau for letting me do this.’

  She nods to Caroline, who is sitting in the front row. Caroline smiles back.

  WHAT IS GOING ON? What on EARTH is about to happen?!

  ‘Miles,’ Nancy says, stepping into the spotlight, ‘this one is for you.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Nancy

  That’s it. My life is over.

  I have officially humiliated myself past the point of no return. I need to pack up my things and retreat from human society and become some kind of hermit. There’s no going back.

  As soon as I stepped out on to the stage, I regretted my decision. But it was too late. I had committed to what I was about to do and I had to go through with it.

  And now here I am, singing The Sound of Music completely off-key and with no accompaniment, complete with actions, to a huge audience comprising professional musicians, talent scouts, aspiring music students and their family members. There’s no point in doing it half-heartedly. I have to put my heart and soul into this terrible, terrible performance.

  The orchestra is taking up most of the space, so I only have a small bit of downstage to work with. I fling my arms out and run to one side of the stage, belting out ‘The hills are alive, with the sound of music!’ and then attempt to elegantly prance to the other side of the stage to sing the next line.

  There is a sea of faces staring up at me in utter shock, glancing at each other questioningly, none of them with any clue what is going on. I should stop now. This is probably where I should stop. I’ve sung the first few lines. That’s all I need to do. But for reasons unknown, even to myself, I carry on.

  I launch into the second verse, rushing now centre stage and blinking into the spotlight. Miles had better be in the audience. That’s all Chase had to do: bring Miles to Nina’s concert. That’s what I asked him and, according to the message Nina gave me before she went onstage, he had managed to do just that. So I hope this mortifying situation isn’t a complete waste. If it turns out Chase is lying to me and Miles isn’t in the audience and I am currently doing this for absolutely no reason whatsoever, well, then … I’ll kill Chase.

  This is technically all his fault in the first place. He was the one who put the idea in my head in the record store when he asked me if there was anything I could think of doing that would cheer up Miles. And that’s when I remembered him saying that no one could stay mad at the combination of music and public humiliation. So that’s exactly what I am doing for him.

  I really hate him. Why couldn’t he have said something like, no one stays mad when you text them apologizing from the bottom of your heart? No, it HAD to be bursting into song in a public place.

  ‘My heart wants to siiiiiing, every song it hears!’ I come to a stop as I realize that I can’t remember any more of the lyrics.

  You’d think I would have spent some time learning them yesterday or something, knowing that I was going to do this, but no. I didn’t. I am very angry at my past self. WHY DIDN’T I LEARN THE WORDS?

  The hall is in complete silence. I stand in the middle of the stage and clear my throat. I have to say something. I can’t just stand here like a lemon. No one knows if that’s the end or if I’m about to launch into the next line. People are shifting uncomfortably in their seats. There is nothing worse than this silence. SAY SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

  ‘I can’t remember the rest of the words,’ I squeak.

  OK. Maybe don’t say that. The horrific silence was better than saying that. Everyone is staring at me like I’m completely MAD. Which, right now, I think I may be.

  Someone laughs. One laugh. I think … I think it’s Miles’s laugh. But I can’t be sure. I squint out at the audience trying to see where the laugh came from, but the stupid lights make it quite difficult to see individual faces. It might not have been Miles. It might be my wishful thinking. After all, even though I did just sacrifice my reputation and dignity for him, he may still hate me.

  Then someone starts clapping. Everybody else slowly joins in. The applause gets louder and louder, until some start cheering and laughing. The orchestra behind me is clapping too and I glance over my shoulder to see Nina bent over double, she’s laughing so hard. That other pianist, Jordan, is also crying with laughter. That’s something. At least the rest of the audience found that fairly entertaining, even if Miles does still hate me.

  I do an awkward bow and then salute the audience before legging it off the stage
into the wings and leaning against the wall to catch my breath and let what I just did sink in. Whoa, the adrenaline when you come off stage is like coming off a roller coaster. How do people do this for a living?

  Caroline Morreau comes on to the stage and cranes her neck round the curtain to wink at me.

  ‘I’ve always loved a bit of spontaneous music. Thank you to Nancy for that … fascinating performance. And now we’re going to announce the individual who has performed on a truly outstanding level tonight and therefore won a place on our acclaimed summer school programme.’

  I wipe the sweat off my forehead and start fanning my face with my hand in an attempt to cool down. I feel on fire with the embarrassment still and am desperate to run away to go hide somewhere, but I need to hear these results. Nina glances at me from her piano on the stage and I hold up my crossed fingers. She smiles back at me.

  ‘The winner is …’

  Say Nina. Say Nina. Say Nina. Say Nina.

  ‘GRACE BRIGHT!’

  The crowd erupts and I see Nina leap to her feet, cheering for one of the singers, who is so stunned that she stands completely frozen to the spot. I can’t believe Nina didn’t win, but she doesn’t look that upset from here. In fact, she looks really happy.

  I consider hanging around backstage to comfort Nina in case she’s disappointed, but then I remember that Mum and Jimmy are here in the audience, so I’ll leave that to them. Mr Rogers is here, too, as he wanted to see his star pupil in her element, plus clearly Chase is somewhere if he managed to give Nina the message to pass to me. I really hope they’ve worked everything out.

  I rush from backstage out into the reception hall, making a beeline for the toilets before the audience starts filing out. I lock myself in a cubicle and lean against the door, giving myself a little pep talk in my head.

  I have to face him. I can do this.

  Who cares if the Sound of Music thing didn’t work? Who cares if he doesn’t want anything to happen between us? Who cares if I messed it up for good and embarrassed myself in front of a large audience for no reason?

  If Miles isn’t interested, then that is fine because I have SO much going on to distract me.

  For example, I have a major new website to launch. Now that I’ve told Layla and Sophie I’m resigning as their music editor and starting my very own site, something I am perfectly capable of and should have done right from the start. Not that Layla and Sophie seem to care all that much about my resignation. To be honest, I think they’d rather forget about All That Glitters altogether.

  On Thursday all three of us were called to the headmistress’s office. Layla and Sophie had been very excited because they thought she was going to give us all the details about the internship. Before going in, I’d told them that I wasn’t going to accept it as it didn’t seem right, and I was going to tell the headmistress why.

  ‘Whatever,’ Layla had said with a shrug, not looking too bothered. It was like she didn’t even regret what she had done.

  When we’d sat down opposite Mrs Coles, I’d launched into the little speech I’d prepared straight away.

  ‘Mrs Coles, I appreciate it but I can’t accept the Disney internship. I didn’t write those stories, so I don’t think that I should –’

  Peering over her glasses, she’d held up her hand to stop me.

  ‘Thank you, Nancy, but it’s unnecessary for you to continue. I’m not sure any of you will be accepting the Disney internship.’

  Layla’s jaw had dropped to the floor. ‘WHAT? But, Mrs Coles, just because Nancy doesn’t want to go, doesn’t mean that we should –’

  ‘This has nothing to do with Nancy,’ Mrs Coles had interrupted her calmly. ‘This has to do with cheating. It has come to our attention that Jimmy’s website was logged into by someone other than him and his final article was deleted on the final day of voting. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?’

  Layla sank back into her chair. Sophie kept her attention on her hands.

  ‘No,’ I’d answered, looking baffled. ‘I can’t believe it. Someone changed stuff around on Jimmy’s website? That’s awful!’

  ‘My thoughts exactly,’ Mrs Coles had said, giving Sophie a hard glare. ‘Our IT expert has identified the IP address of the computer that was used to alter Jimmy’s website. Would you like to say anything, Sophie? Layla?’

  I had stared at them in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that they’d not only posted articles under my name, they’d also gone into Jimmy’s website and deleted his post!

  Once they’d admitted it, Mrs Coles gave them detention for the coming term and later that day a new post appeared on the school website, announcing that due to ‘unforeseen circumstances All That Glitters and its creators had to bow out of the competition’.

  Jimmy was announced as the winner of the competition and the Disney Channel internship. I couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more. I guess everything turned out how it should.

  And anyway, instead of being behind the scenes at Disney, I’ve got the Easter holidays to work on my own website.

  Not to mention I have these tiny things called GCSEs looming. So I definitely don’t need the distraction of a boyfriend. Especially one like Miles, with his strong arms and beautiful dark eyes. I wouldn’t get anything done! Considering all that, it really doesn’t matter what happens now when I leave this toilet cubicle. I can handle it.

  I take a deep breath and open the cubicle door, heading over to the sink to wash my hands with ice-cold water in an attempt to help me cool down. The audience has left the concert hall now and the bathroom has become busy. I keep my head down, hoping no one will notice who I am. Either they don’t see that it’s me or everyone is too polite to say anything, because I leave the bathroom without anyone commenting on my Maria impression. When I come out, the reception hall is filled with noise and bustling with people huddled in their family groups, as they congratulate performers and discuss the show, while drinks and canapés are brought round on posh silver platters.

  I spot Mum with Nina, Jimmy, Mr Rogers and Caroline Morreau. I squeeze through the crowd to where they’re standing in the middle of the room. I am already embarrassed at the comments that I know are coming my way.

  ‘Ah, there you are, Nancy!’ Mum says with an amused expression. ‘Ms Morreau was just filling us in on how brilliantly Nina has done this term.’

  ‘Mum,’ Nina whispers, looking mortified. ‘That’s not what she was saying.’

  ‘Please call me Caroline and, actually, that was exactly what I was saying,’ she insists. ‘I have been delighted with your progress, Nina. And it’s really lovely to meet the man who has nurtured her talent,’ she says to Mr Rogers, who begins to blush. ‘I very much hope, Nina, you will consider applying to our summer school programme.’

  ‘I will.’ Nina nods vigorously. ‘Thanks, Caroline.’

  ‘I look forward to your audition.’ Caroline smiles at her. ‘Now, I had better do the rounds. Enjoy the rest of the day. Nancy, I’ll be seeing you soon.’

  ‘Thank you. For everything,’ I say, my cheeks burning up. She nods at me in acknowledgement and moves on to talk to Jordan’s family who are lurking nearby.

  ‘I think that’s the first time she’s ever smiled at me,’ Nina says, looking like she’s in shock.

  ‘Well, isn’t she wonderful?’ Mum gushes. ‘So graceful and eloquent! Nina, no wonder you learned so much from her. I already admired her from her albums you played me, but she is amazing in person, too!’

  ‘So cool that she’s encouraging you to apply to the summer school,’ Jimmy says, squeezing her arm. ‘Not that I’m surprised after your performance. If you don’t get a record deal sometime soon, I’m going to eat my laptop.’

  ‘Thanks, Jimmy, you’re the best.’ Nina laughs, before nudging Mr Rogers. ‘It’s all thanks to you, Mr Rogers. You didn’t let me give up on myself and you reminded me of the music I really loved. Thanks so much for coming to my showcase; it was really good of you
to make the effort to come all the way to London for it.’

  ‘I wouldn’t miss it. I’m very proud of you. And … um …’ He glances at Mum and then down at his feet. ‘That’s not the only reason I’m here actually.’

  ‘Yes, it’s not,’ Mum jumps in, placing a hand on his arm. ‘Girls, I’d like you to meet the wonderful man I’ve been dating. Max Rogers.’

  Wait. WHAT? I look at Nina whose jaw is on the floor, her eyes wide as saucers.

  ‘You … you two are dating?’ Nina croaks, pointing at Mr Rogers and then at Mum.

  ‘Yes, I really hope it’s OK with you, Nina. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you for a bit, just until we knew things were serious. We met at the surprise party that Nancy organized for you at the start of the year and, well, we hit it off,’ Mum says shyly, fluttering her eyelashes at Nina’s piano teacher.

  ‘I care about your mother very much and have never been happier, but –’ he stands up straight and clears his throat – ‘I completely understand if it’s too weird for you, Nina, so I’d officially like your permission to date her.’

  Nina hesitates and then breaks into a smile. ‘I think it’s brilliant! You have my permission.’

  Jimmy leans in to whisper in my ear. ‘I did NOT see that one coming.’

  ‘Neither did I,’ I reply.

  The way Mum is beaming at Mr Rogers makes me want to cry. She really deserves to be this happy.

  ‘So,’ Jimmy says, putting his hands on my shoulders, ‘are we going to talk about what Nancy did this evening? Or just pretend like it wasn’t completely random and absolutely mad?’

  ‘Yes, quite the surprise.’ Mum giggles, now with Mr Rogers’s arm round her.

  ‘I would definitely like some answers,’ Nina adds. ‘How did you get Caroline to agree to let you storm the stage?’