It Takes a Village: Finding the Right Support System in Addiction Recovery
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Teaching Your Support Team How to Cope Through Your Recovery
Addiction doesn’t only affect the afflicted. Substance abuse leads people act in ways they never would without the influence of drugs or alcohol. It is also a form of self-medication for unresolved emotional traumas and undiagnosed or untreated mental disorders. Friends, family members, spouses, and children also suffer when a loved one is addicted. Social consequences of addiction can include physical and emotional scars, dissolution of marriages and romantic relationships, tension and loss of friendships, disowning by parents and family members, loss of child custody, and more. Though these measures may seem for the best, sometimes they do more damage than good.
While it is understandably difficult to deal with a loved one’s addiction, abandonment is never the answer; people influenced by substance abuse disorders or in recovery need support more than ever. Feeling as if one has nowhere to turn often only serves to compound the issues, driving them further from the help they need and deeper into the throes of their disease.
Most people have no idea how to deal with someone suffering from addiction, let alone through detox and recovery. Maneuvering around extreme mood swings, fear of overdose deaths, and complicated emotions of love, anger, and disappointment is no easy task. However, by helping them understand the recovery process and your experiences throughout, they will be more prepared for what may come their way.
You’re Not Perfect- That’s Okay
Ensure that the members of your support system know you don’t expect perfection- and mean it. Just as they should not expect you to be perfect, you cannot expect it from them. They must understand that- just like the person going through withdrawal and recovery- anger, hurt, disappointment, and frustration are a part of the territory for both parties. There will be moments when their reaction is not the best, or they are unsure of the ‘correct’ course of action: that’s okay, too. It’s all a part of the process.
What’s important is how one handles these emotions and slip ups. While the focus is getting the one they love healthy and sober, their own feelings are still valid and allowed to be expressed. Doing so in a healthy and constructive way is the key; screaming and cursing will do nothing but complicate what may already be a fragile relationship and set back the recovery process.
Professional Mediation Helps Both Sides
Therapy and addiction counseling offered by a rehabilitation facility are best for dealing with the underlying causes of substance abuse disorders. Not only do these programs provide an enlightening outsider perspective, the professional help increases the likelihood of long-term success.
As a member of a support system, you friends and family can benefit from professional help as well! Getting involved in support groups specifically for non-addicted people affected by substance abuse can help one cope with the residual effects of substance abuse. They also offer encouragement and education, which is vital for all those involved. Learning from others in a similar situation is edifying and helps one understand the realities of addiction. Special support groups for family members of addicted individuals are helpful for those coping with a loved one’s substance abuse. Beyond supplying a platform for being heard and learning, they also provide useful literature and other resources for support and education.
It All Begins with Forgiveness
Addiction stifles one’s ability to control impulsive decision-making and the resulting actions. People afflicted by substance abuse may become physically violent, emotionally or verbally abusive; they may lie, cheat, and steal, or rack up a mile-long list of criminal offenses. When the people in your support system learn and understand that these actions are driven by addiction, then forgiveness can be achieved. However, even when seeking forgiveness, it is vital that the first person to pardon your past transgressions is you. Forgive yourself.
Do not misinterpret me: this is not encouragement to make excuses. At least some portion of responsibility must be maintained, or else there is no lesson. But forgiveness begins the journey to recovery. By releasing the past, on both sides, one begins the healing process necessary to move forward with life. While some deeper traumas may require professional mediation to overcome, it is an essential step in the path to recovery.
It is exceedingly important not to hold on to the past as a member of a support system. The most disadvantageous thing one can do to someone attempting to improve their lives is continue to remind them of their past mistakes. This only serves to reinforce insecurities and negative self-images with a message of “this is who you will always be.” As a member of a support system, your loved ones’ message should be one of encouragement, not dejection.