Beautiful Pain

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  “Tutorials?” Sophia repeated, thinking about Harry’s aspirations. She didn’t want to think about Harry’s feelings towards her. She was in love with him, but he still hadn’t told her how he felt about her.

  “Yeah, he wanted to go back to college to up his grades. Then he started reading all these classics books. I have quite a collection, as I am doing English Literature, but I always thought that Harry didn’t like reading. When I asked him about it, he just said that he was bored and enjoyed reading.”

  Chapter Thirty Five

  “Harry and books? I’ve never seen any in his room.”

  “He stopped coming when his mother got ill. I think he kind of shut away his dreams and stopped thinking about the future. Please don’t mention this because he is going to be angry.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t.”

  “Harry has a lot of potential but he also has a lot of responsibilities,” muttered Eve. Sophia felt guilty that she was complaining about the way her parents had treated her; at least she could study, whereas Harry never got that chance. The waiter brought the main course so Harry came back to his seat and gave her a sneaky kiss. He looked relaxed and happy. Sophia wondered how he was able to deal with all of his problems. He was much stronger than she judged him at first.

  As the dinner progressed Sophia realised that Caroline and Eve knew a lot more about Harry than she did. Sophia instantly felt connected with the O’Donaghue family. They were all relaxed with each other, Sophia didn’t feel any pressure and there were no expectations.

  She remembered her own family gatherings where everyone was trying to impress one another. She hated it when her mother pointed out that her cousins were always better in everything. Her parents never praised her or made her feel good about herself. Sophia wanted to be a part of Harry’s family. His mother looked so much happier being around the people that she loved. She laughed and cleaned her plate, even ordered a dessert.

  As the evening ended Caroline asked for Sophia’s number and promised to take her out for a girly night. Before Sophia left, she whispered in her ear, “He is in love with you. I can always tell, it’s the way he is looking at you. I just wanted to let you know that this sort of love comes only once in a lifetime. If you decide to throw it away you will never be truly happy again. You will never experience it with someone else.”

  Sophia looked at Caroline, completely shocked and not sure how to react.

  “Come on, Sophe, get your beautiful ass in,” shouted Harry, pulling up in front of the restaurant. Sophia wanted to ask Caroline if she’d ever experience the feelings that she was talking about, but Harry was already pulling her towards the car.

  “What about your mum?” she asked, realising that Barbara was still talking to Claire outside.

  “Aunt Claire will give her a lift. Mum said that I should take you for a drive,” he chuckled, staring at her with those beautiful brown eyes.

  “We can go to Vanessa’s apartment , she is working and her boyfriend is probably out.”

  “And what are we going to do in her empty apartment ?” asked Harry, grinning.

  “I don’t know … we can always think of something,” she joked, blushing.

  “Come on, beautiful, I can certainly think of a few things.”

  That night Harry made Sophia forget that she only had two weeks left with him, she forgot that she still had to make a decision about her future. She didn’t think about how they’d broken every possible rule. Harry kissed her and carried her into the bedroom with gleaming desire in his eyes. He undressed her and brushed every inch of her flesh with his lips. His touch comforted her, made her feel special and loved. When he stroked his fingers over the scars on her stomach and thighs she felt healed. She closed her eyes and allowed him to take control. They made slow, tender love for a few hours, making her come over and over until she begged him to let her sleep. Sophia’s heart was beating through her veins, locking every precious second with Harry in her memory. She fought with the demons that had been haunting her since she could remember. He took away the pain and replaced it with pure, sensual, and irresistible love.

  ***

  On Saturday morning Sophia opened her eyes, feeling that she slept well. Her entire body was sore but pleasantly happy. The morning sun was pouring into the room and the rays from the sun were dancing around on the carpet. She’d slept well and she touched the other side of the bed, finding it empty. She blinked rapidly and looked at the clock; it was half past twelve and there was a note on the side table.

  Went to check on Mum, will be back in a few hours.

  Miss me already?

  Prince Charming

  Sophia smiled and stretched her arms above her head, running her finger over her arm and remembering Harry’s touch on her skin. She could still smell him on the clean sheets. She yawned loudly and got up. Sophia thought about Caroline’s words. Was Harry truly in love with her?

  They hadn’t talked about their feelings, but Sophia didn’t have to think twice about how she felt about him. It was too late, she was in love and the ache in her heart started when she realised that he wasn’t with her this morning. She found her phone lying on the floor. The screen was cracked. She didn’t remember dropping it. She tried to switch it on but the phone was damaged. She brushed her teeth and tried to put her head in order. She put some clothes on and marched to the kitchen, feeling hungry. She was surprised to see Vanessa and Timothy sitting at the table having breakfast.

  “Morning,” sang her best friend. Tim smiled.

  “Morning all. I can’t believe that I slept so long today,” she said. “Have you seen Harry this morning?”

  “He got up, made us breakfast, and said that he was going to be back soon,” giggled Vanessa. “Tim doesn’t do that for me.”

  “You are already spoiled, Vanessa, and breakfast in bed would just be doing too much,” muttered Tim, but he winked at Sophia when Vanessa turned to find the juice in the fridge.

  Sophia looked under the plate; he’d made her scrambled eggs.

  “So what are you both of you up to today?” Sophia asked.

  “I finally got a day off, so we are just going to go to the beach. Do you fancy coming along when your lover boy comes back?”

  “Beach, yes that sounds good.”

  Hearing a loud knock, they all turned towards the door. Vanessa arched her eyebrows with surprise.

  “Would he be here so quickly?” muttered Sophia.

  “He can’t stay away from you,” joked Vanessa.

  “I will get it then,” she offered.

  She was still in her pajamas when she unlocked the door. She smiled, thinking that Harry had come back early because he already missed her. That smile was instantly wiped off her face when she saw her father standing at the door. He wasn’t alone either, Mason was behind him.

  “Dad?” she breathed, feeling as if the air was trapped in her lungs. Blood rushed to her ears. Her father narrowed his eyes, scowling. He was dressed casually in jeans and a navy jumper. He didn’t say anything to Sophia; instead he stormed into the apartment , and Mason followed him.

  “Mason, what are you doing here?” she managed to ask, feeling as if her whole body was rooted to the spot.

  “In the kitchen,” muttered Mason sounding tense. His normally soft voice was now low and raspy.

  Sophia pushed her numb legs and followed her father and Mason.

  “I need to have a private chat with my daughter,” ordered Nassa looking at a shocked Vanessa, who was glancing from Nassa to Mason, unsure of how to react. She knew Sophia’s father well and she knew that there was no point questioning his orders.

  “Of course,” she muttered and took Tim to her bedroom, giving Sophia a surprised look.

  “Why are you here, Dad?” Sophia repeated once Vanessa was out. Her throat had gone completely dry and dread crept over her shoulders. He was angry; his jaw was tightened and this wasn’t a good sign. Something was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t be here.

&
nbsp; “When you told us that you were going to Belfast I started worrying. I wasn’t sure if you were going to cope with being on your own, especially after what’s happened in the past.”

  He paused and scratched his head. Sophia was staring at Mason, who deliberately wasn’t looking at her. Panic shot through her body, attacking her veins and filling her stomach like the hot, thick lava that spread through a volcano.

  “This is the past, Dad, I haven’t hurt myself since I ended the therapy,” she said through pursed lips.

  “I hired Mason to follow you, just to make sure that you were all right,” he added, sounding tired. Sophia thought that her mind was going to burst into a million pieces. Mason’s name was rolling through her brain. She looked at Mason who finally met her eyes. She saw pain and regret before he looked away, embarrassed. The world around her spun and she felt like she was falling down, the earth opened and it was sucking her in. Her father’s voice flooded around the room and anger erupted inside her heart. She wanted to walk up to him and stab him with a knife until he couldn’t make a sound. “At first everything was going good. You were going into work, staying with Vanessa and not getting into trouble. Then Mason called and mentioned that he saw you with one of your clients on the street outside probation. One thing led to another and you got involved with that criminal.”

  “Harry is not a criminal,” she whispered, calculating her next move. The fury made her dizzy and incapable of feeling the betrayal. She couldn’t believe that her father would do this to her and Mason had been using her all this time.

  “He is dangerous, and if anyone from Probation would have seen you then your career would have been destroyed. I called you a few weeks ago warning you to stop this silly romance, but you didn’t want to listen.”

  This was really happening; her father hired Mason who pretended to be her boyfriend so he could spy on her. Her pulse throbbed and her mind screamed to tell him to go and fuck himself.

  “I love this man and I am going to quit the job so that no one finds out.”

  Her father twitched and narrowed his dark eyes, exhaling sharply.

  “You are going back with me to London right now before anyone starts sniffing around,” barked Nassa, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  “I am not going anywhere. I am a grown woman and I can do what I want!” she yelled, fighting the tears.

  Mason shifted next to him, not saying a word.

  “Mason, show her what we’ve got,” ordered Nassa, not taking his eyes off Sophia. Mason was holding a large white envelope in his hand. Reluctantly he tore it apart and took out a large set of photographs. He put them on the table so Sophia could see them. “This man isn’t for you, Sophe. He is still dealing and he is dangerous. I am going to keep you away from trouble. Pack your stuff and let’s go home.”

  Sophia looked at the black and white photos of Harry clearly showing him amongst a group of other men passing small packages around. Those photographs weren’t taken recently, but Sophia knew that her heart was going to rip out of her chest. She couldn’t breathe; everything around her was falling, crushing her to the ground. Her mind was completely blank. She looked at her father.

  “I don’t want to go back to London, Dad. I want to stay in Belfast,” Sophia said quietly, feeling the tears falling down like a rain’s lyrics.

  Chapter Thirty Six

  “Sophe, darling, you still have another year of University to finish. Have you not listened to what I just told you? Harry O’Donaghue is a criminal, a social outcast. Half of his family is in prison and you have to get as far away from him as possible. I can’t believe that you were so stupid and got involved with him in the first place!”

  Her father didn’t understand. He’d already made up his mind.

  “I don’t want to go,” she whispered.

  “Stop this nonsense, Sophia. I am not going to leave you here, wasting your life away with that criminal. If you won’t go back to London with me I am going to send these pictures to the police. You know what is going to happen later. Mr O’Donaghue goes to prison for a very long time and your career is down the drain.”

  Sophia felt like someone just shot an arrow through her heart. Her father had everything figured out. He was going to blackmail his own daughter. Sophia felt sick as nausea hit her, she couldn’t let him do this to Harry. He was going to expose him and put him back in prison. Her heart pounded between her ribs, sending a cold shiver through her body. Her father was going to ruin her happy ever after.

  “Dad, please, you don’t have to do this. Why are you making me unhappy?”

  “Stop it, Sophia, you should have thought about before you started this silly romance. You are not going to ruin your life for that illiterate Irish criminal,” he fumed, his face purple with fury. “Now go and get packed. We have a plane to catch.”

  “Dad ...”

  “And if you try to contact him again I will send these pictures straight to the probation office,” he roared.

  Sophia wiped the tears from her eyes before she settled her gaze on Mason; he looked uneasy and troubled, shifting his weight to the side. No one had ever betrayed her as much as the man that was standing in front of her. He took part in this cruel plan, he’d humiliated her and followed the orders of her father without a question. She wanted to spit on him and scream that he was just a coward trying to seduce her.

  Sophia pushed her heavy, numb limbs and walked away, clenching her teeth. She locked the door to her bedroom behind her and covered her face with her palms, sobbing. In the past few weeks she was living in a bubble, and now her dream was over. She was leaving Belfast for good, before she could even tell him how much she loved him.

  Then Vanessa burst into her room, knocking her off her feet.

  “Sophia, what is going on? Why are your father and Mason here?” she hissed, approaching her.

  “I can’t explain anything right now. I have to pack and I need to leave,” she mumbled, looking at Vanessa. She went to the wardrobe and pulled out her suitcase, but Vanessa was right beside her, placing her palm on Sophia’s shoulder. She felt that she could stand up for herself. Her father couldn’t manipulated her like that but she couldn’t risk exposing Harry.

  “What? What do you mean he is making you go back? You’ve still got two weeks left. What about Harry?” Vanessa asked with horror in her eyes.

  “Vanessa, please stop. I will explain later,” she said, packing all of her clothes into her suitcase. She worked out the plan in her head. She was going to try to talk to her father. She was much stronger and braver than a few years ago. As an adult she could do what she wanted.

  “Sophia.” Vanessa tried the gentle approach, but Sophia wasn’t listening. She remembered the money that she withdrew from the bank a few days ago. Harry still hadn’t given her an answer, but she was going to give him the money that he needed.

  “Sophia, please talk to me, you are scaring me,” hissed Vanessa.

  Sophia handed her the envelope filled with cash and squeezed her palm.

  “Listen to me, Vanessa, listen carefully. Harry’s mother has cancer and he is missing a certain amount of money to pay for the operation that will save her. This money is for him. When he comes later you have to give it to him. Can I trust you with this?”

  Vanessa was staring at her with her jaw wide open, confused and bewildered.

  “You are going to tell him that yourself,” she whispered.

  “No, I have to leave now with my Dad. Tell him that I will call him and explain everything later.”

  She hated lying to Vanessa, but right now she had to hurry. She felt like millions of sharp razors were cutting through her heart. Vanessa was probably going to hate her for the rest of her life for this, but right now Sophia had no choice.

  “Sophe, darling, please tell me what is going on.”

  “Vanessa! Go to your room before my father sees what you’ve got in your hands. Please,” howled Sophia, panicking.

  “No, Sophe, this is my
...”

  “Vanessa, I am begging you, just leave. I have to go, I love you.”

  Her voice trailed off and she pushed Vanessa out of the room. Her anxiety came back, forcing her back into the deep, cold water. She couldn’t breathe, she was slowly suffocating. Her skin burned. She closed her eyes, trying to handle all of these raw emotions. She looked through her books, looking anxiously for something sharp that could help her to deal with the panic attack. Her blood rushed to her ears, the dizziness hit her, and her pulsed throbbed.