Mr. Darcy's Diary

by Amanda Grange

  ‘They left Brighton together on Saturday night and were traced almost to London, but not beyond; they are certainly not gone to Scotland.’

  I began to gain an idea of what must have happened. Wickham knew London. He knew where he could lie concealed. And when he had taken his pleasure, he could abandon Miss Lydia Bennet with impunity.

  All this had followed from my insufferable pride. If I had made Wickham’s character known it could not have happened, but I had disdained to do it, and in consequence I had hurt the woman I loved.

  ‘What has been done, what has been attempted to recover her?’ I asked.

  I needed to know, so that I would understand how best to use my time, and how to conduct my own search. I would not rest until Elizabeth’s sister was returned to her.

  ‘My father is gone to London, and Jane has written to beg my uncle’s immediate assistance, and we shall be off, I hope, in half an hour.’

  Half an hour! After all my hopes, to lose Elizabeth so soon, but of course it must be done.

  ‘How is such a man to be worked on? How are they even to be discovered? I have not the smallest hope. It is every way horrible!’

  I could say nothing, do nothing, but give her my silent sympathy and hoped it strengthened her. I longed to embrace her, but her uncle would be returning at any minute, and to do so would make the situation worse.

  ‘When my eyes were opened to his real character. Oh! Had I known what I ought, what I dared to do! But I knew not. I was afraid of doing too much Wretched, wretched mistake!’

  I knew she must be wanting me gone. It was I who had enjoined her to secrecy; I who had said she must tell no one. And this had been the result. A sister ruined, a family in turmoil…. She would not look at me. I was not surprised. I managed a few incoherent words, telling her I had nothing to plead in excuse of my stay but concern.

  ‘This unfortunate affair will, I fear, prevent my sister’s having the pleasure of seeing you at Pemberley today?’

  As soon as I spoken, I thought how ridiculous the words were. Of course it would prevent it. She did not seem to mind, however, for she answered me directly.

  ‘Oh, yes. Be so kind as to apologize for us to Miss Darcy. Conceal the unhappy truth as long as it is possible. I know it cannot be long.’

  ‘You can rely on my secrecy. I am sorry it had come to this – I wish you a happier conclusion to events than now seems possible.’

  Because if a happy conclusion is possible, I will contrive it somehow, I thought.

  With that I left her to her solitude and returned to Pemberley.

  ‘You have been abroad early,’ said Caroline as I entered the saloon. ‘You have been visiting Miss Eliza Bennet, perhaps?’

  I saw the jealousy in her eyes, and heard it in her voice. I had never realized until that moment how deeply she wanted me. Or perhaps it would be fairer to say, how deeply she wanted Pemberley. Without it, she would have regarded me as nothing. My handwriting could have been the most even in the world and she would not have thought fit to comment on it.

  ‘Yes, I have,’ I returned.

  ‘And how is she this morning?’

  ‘She is very well.’

  ‘And we will be seeing her later, I suppose? How these country people bore one with their visits.’

  ‘No, she will not be calling.’

  ‘Not bad news from home, I hope?’ asked Caroline. ‘Lydia Bennet has not run off with one of the officers?’

  I started, but then controlled myself. She could not have heard about it. Elizabeth had told no one but myself. Caroline’s words were the result of spite, and their accuracy was nothing more than luck.

  ‘Or perhaps her accomplished sister – Mary, is it not? – visited Lydia in Brighton and attracted the attention of the Prince of Wales? Perhaps he has invited the whole family to stay with him, so that they can share in Mary’s triumph as she entertains him at the Marine Pavilion,’ she said in a droll voice.

  ‘Her uncle has had to take her home. He has been forced to curtail his holiday, as an urgent business matter has called him back to London.’

  ‘These city men and their urgent business,’ said Caroline, conveniently forgetting, as is her habit, that her father made his fortune from trade.

  ‘That is what comes of having an uncle in Cheapside,’ said Louisa. ‘I pity Miss Eliza Bennet. It must be mortifying to have to cut short a holiday on account of business.’

  ‘It reminds me that I, too, have business, to attend to, which I have neglected for too long,’ I said shortly. ‘You will excuse me for a few days, I am sure.’

  ‘You are going to London?’ asked Bingley.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What a good idea. I should love a few days in London,’ said Caroline.

  ‘In all this heat?’ asked Louisa.

  ‘The heat is nothing,’ she said.

  ‘Can your business not wait?’ said Bingley to me. ‘I have to go to London myself at the end of the month. We could go together.’

  ‘Unfortunately it is urgent. Stay and enjoy Pemberley. There is plenty for you to do here, and my sister will make sure you are well looked after. I will not be away very long.’

  ‘I think I will take advantage of the opportunity to go to London with you and do some shopping,’ said Caroline, standing up. ‘I will call in on my dressmaker. You would not object to taking me with you in the carriage, I am sure.’

  ‘You will not wish to leave Georgiana,’ I said. ‘I know how much you enjoy her company.’

  Caroline was silenced. She quite doted on Georgiana, or so she was fond of saying, and she could not pursue me without revealing her friendship to be false. She might betray Miss Bennet, but she would not care to betray Georgiana, particularly since I knew a plan fermented in her brain, similar to one I had once entertained, of Georgiana becoming her sister-in-law.

  I felt a moment of compunction for abandoning my sister to such ill-natured company, but reflected that she would have her music and sketching to occupy her, and would have Bingley to amuse her, as well as Mrs Annesley, so that she would not be too sorely tried. Besides, I had no choice. I must find Wickham and repair the damage he had done.

  I wanted to leave straight away, but various preparations had to be made, and I resolved to leave first thing in the morning.

  Saturday 9th August

  I arrived in London today and I knew where to start my search: with Mrs Younge. It was fortunate that I had turned her off without giving her a chance to pack her bags, because it meant that she had had to leave an address to which they could be sent. I found it soon enough, a large house in Edward Street.

  ‘Mr Darcy!’ she said in astonishment when she opened the door. Then she became wary. ‘What are you doing here? If it is to accuse me of taking the silver serving-spoons when I left Ramsgate, then it is a lie. I never touched them. I had my suspicions of Watkins—’

  ‘My visit has nothing to do with serving-spoons,’ I said, grateful that this was one domestic trouble I had been spared. ‘May I come in?’

  ‘No, you may not,’ she said, drawing herself up and pulling her shawl about her shoulders. ‘It’s lucky I have a roof over my head after you turned me off so cruelly, without even a reference. I had nowhere to go—’

  ‘But you seem to have done well for yourself,’ I remarked. ‘Tell me, Mrs Younge, how did you afford to take a house like this?’

  She licked her lips. ‘I was left a legacy,’ she said. ‘And a good thing I was, after—’

  ‘I am looking for George Wickham,’ I said, not wanting to waste any more time on listening to her lies and deciding it would be useless to try and persuade her to let me in.

  She looked surprised. ‘Mr Wickham?’

  ‘Yes. George Wickham.’

  She became tight-lipped. ‘I haven’t seen him,’ she said.

  It was obvious she was lying, but I knew I would get no more from her for the present.

  ‘Tell him I am looking for him. I will call back lat
er. Good day.’

  I knew that, eventually, greed would compel her to seek me out. And with that I returned to Darcy House.

  Monday 11th August

  Mrs Younge came to see me this morning, as I knew she would.

  ‘You said you were looking for Mr Wickham?’ she asked, as my butler showed her in.

  ‘I am.’

  ‘I know where he is. I happened to meet him by chance in the park yesterday,’ she said. ‘I mentioned that you were in town, and he said he would be delighted if you would call on him.’

  He thinks he can extract money from me, no doubt.

  ‘Very good. What is his address?’

  ‘Well, now, let me think. It was a funny name,’ she said, holding out her hand.

  I put a sovereign into it.

  ‘If I can just remember it.’

  It took me five sovereigns, but at last I found out what I wanted to know.

  I went immediately to the address she had given me, and found that Wickham was expecting me.

  ‘My dear Darcy,’ he said, looking up at my entrance. ‘How good of you to find time to visit me.’

  I looked around his lodgings. They were small and mean, and told me his situation must be desperate. I was pleased, as I knew it would make him more compliant.

  ‘Do sit down,’ he said.

  ‘I prefer to stand.’

  ‘As you wish’

  He himself sat down and lolled in his chair, resting his legs over the arm.

  ‘What brings you here?’ he asked, smiling up at me.

  ‘You know what brings me.’

  ‘I confess I am at a loss. You have decided to give me a living, perhaps, and have come to tell me the good news?’

  His insolence angered me, but I kept my temper.

  ‘I have come to tell you what your own conscience should have told you, that you should never have abducted Miss Bennet.’

  ‘Miss Bennet?’ he asked, feigning astonishment. ‘But I have not seen Miss Bennet. I have been in Brighton, and she remained at Longbourn.’

  ‘Miss Lydia Bennet.’

  ‘Ah, Lydia. I did not abduct Lydia. She came with me of her own free will. I was leaving Brighton as my creditors were becoming rather vocal, and Lydia suggested she came with me. I tried to put her off. To be truthful, Darcy, she bores me. She is too easy a conquest. She convinced herself I was the handsomest man in the regiment, and the thing was done. I told her I had no money but she did not care. “I am sure you will have some one day,” she said. “Lord, what a lark!” I grew so tired of her pleading that it was easier to let her come with me than it was to make her stay behind. Besides, she has her uses,’ he said impudently.

  At that moment the door opened, and Lydia herself came in.

  ‘Lord, what a surprise! Mr Darcy!’ she said, going over to Wickham. She stood beside his chair and rested one hand on his shoulder.

  ‘Mr Darcy has come to reprimand me for abducting you,’ said Wickham, covering her hand with his own.

  She laughed at me.

  ‘My dear Wickham did not abduct me! Why should he? I was eager to see London. I told him he must take me with him. What fun it has been!’

  ‘Have you no thought for your family?’ I asked her coldly. ‘They have been worried about you ever since you left the care of Colonel Forster. They have no idea where you are.’

  ‘Lord! I forgot to write,’ said Lydia. ‘I have been so busy with my dear Wickham. We have had such a time! But never mind. I will write as soon as we are married. What fun it will be, to sign my name, Lydia Wickham!’

  She squeezed his hand and he, the insolent dog, pulled her into his lap and kissed her, then smiled at me whilst caressing her.

  ‘So you see, Darcy, your concern is misplaced,’ he said.

  Lydia’s words had told me one thing, that at least she expected to be married. I felt she would be less eager to remain with him if she knew that Wickham had no such intention. I did not think he would tell her, however – why should he lose an eager companion? – and so I felt it necessary for me to do so.

  ‘I would like to talk to Miss Bennet alone,’ I said to Wickham.

  ‘Very well,’ said he, pushing her off his lap. ‘Try and talk her into going home if you will. She is a baggage. But I cannot see why her fate matters to you,’ he added as he stood up.

  ‘It matters because I could have made your character known in Meryton and did not. It would have been impossible for you to have behaved in this way if your true self were known.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ he said, ‘but I do not believe that is the reason. I doubt if you would have sought me out if I had run off with Maria Lucas.’

  I did not flinch. If I let him once guess that I had a personal reason for seeking him out, he would be difficult to buy off at any price.

  ‘Stay,’ said Lydia, snatching at his hand as he walked towards the door.

  ‘Mr Darcy wishes to speak with you alone. He is afraid I am keeping you here against your will, and he wants to give you a chance to go home with him.’

  ‘As if I would wish to go back to stuffy old Longbourn,’ she said, twining her arms round his neck and kissing him on the lips.

  He put his arms round her and returned her kiss, then looked at me tauntingly before leaving the room.

  ‘Is he not handsome?’ asked Lydia, as the door closed behind him. ‘All the girls were wild for him in Meryton, and Miss King would have married him if her guardian had not put a stop to it. It was the same in Brighton. Any number of them would have run away with him. Miss Winchester—’

  ‘Miss Bennet, you cannot stay here,’ I interrupted her.

  ‘It is a little shabby, to be sure, but we will have something better by and by. I would like your help though, Mr Darcy.’

  ‘Yes?’ I said, hoping she had seen sense at last.

  ‘What do you think? I cannot decide. Does my dear Wickham look better in his red coat or his blue?’

  ‘Miss Bennet!’ I rapped out. ‘You cannot stay here with Wickham. He has no intention of marrying you. I know he has said he has, but it was a lie, to make you elope with him.’

  ‘He did not make me elope with him, it was I who made him elope with me. Brighton was growing boring,’ she said with a yawn. ‘Colonel Forster was so stuffy. He would not let me go to half the things I wanted to, and I had to sneak out of the camp on two occasions to attend my Wickham’s parties. Denny helped me. I dressed as a man. You should have seen me. My own mother would not have recognized me.’

  ‘Your reputation will be in ruins! He will abandon you as soon as he tires of you, and you will be left in London without a protector, with no money and nowhere to live. Come back with me now, and I will do what I can to persuade your family to receive you.’

  ‘Lord! I do not want to go home! I would die of boredom. I am sure we shall be married some time or another, and if not, it does not much signify,’ she said.

  She was immovable. She would not leave him. Since such were her feelings, I could do nothing but try and make sure a marriage took place.

  Wickham came back into the room, carrying a decanter in one hand and a glass in the other. He put his arm round Lydia and she turned to kiss him immediately.

  ‘Well, Darcy? Have you persuaded her to leave me?’ he asked, when he had done.

  ‘She is lost to all sense,’ I said angrily, ‘but since she will not leave you, you must marry her.’

  ‘Come now, Darcy. You know I cannot do that. My pockets are to let. I have debts all over the country. There are unpaid bills in Meryton, and worse in Brighton. I need to many an heiress.’

  ‘Do you hear this?’ I demanded of Miss Bennet.

  She only shrugged.

  ‘It does not signify. An heiress would bring us some money, then we could have a better house,’ she said.

  It was only because of Elizabeth that I stayed. My inclination was to walk out and leave her sister to the life she had made for herself. But the thought of Elizabeth’s pale face susta
ined me.

  ‘Meet me at my club tomorrow,’ I said to Wickham.

  ‘My dear Darcy, you know I am not welcome there.’

  ‘I will make sure you are admitted.’

  He looked surprised, but said: ‘Very well.’

  As I left the house, the memory of his insolent smile went with me.

  Thursday 14th August

  I met Wickham at my club and the negotiations began.

  ‘You must marry her,’ I said to him shortly.

  ‘If I do that, I give up for ever the chance of making my fortune through marriage,’

  ‘You have ruined her,’ I said. ‘Does that mean nothing to you?’

  He crossed one ankle over the other and lay back in the chair. ‘She ruined herself,’ he said.

  A waiter passed, and he ordered a whisky. I did not react, knowing he did it only to annoy me.

  ‘How much do you owe?’ I asked, going straight to the heart of the matter.

  ‘Several hundred pounds.’

  ‘Whether that is true or not I do not know, but I shall. If you give your bills to my agent, he will pay them for you. In return, you will marry Lydia.’

  ‘Come now, as you are so anxious to see her wed, she is worth a lot more than that. Is it Miss Bennet who has caught your fancy, or is it the lovely Elizabeth?’

  ‘I am doing this for my own conscience,’ I said.

  He laughed in my face.

  ‘No man goes to such lengths to ease his own conscience. Let me guess. It is the beautiful Jane Bennet. Sweet natured, beautiful Jane. She would make a splendid addition to Pemberley. I congratulate you, Darcy.’

  ‘I have no intention of marrying Miss Bennet.’

  ‘Then it is Elizabeth’

  I said nothing, but he must have guessed it from my face.