Emerge into Forever

by Andrea Michelle

She nods her head to the stage. “I dare you to sing up there.” Her lips curl up and so do mine.

  We walk inside the bar and I leave her by the stage. This isn’t your typical karaoke. These people kick ass. Either, they aren’t drunk enough to suck yet, or musical prodigies live in this city. I make my way to the DJ booth and put my name on the list. I wait in line near the bar and look over to see Emily tapping away on her phone, and then looking around the bar nervously.

  That twat, of course she would cave and talk to Collin. I can’t fault her for that. He’s her hot player.

  However, an evil whore licked my lickable musician.

  “This is for you, courtesy of the gentleman down there,” a waitress says, handing me a glass and breaking my trance and annoyance.

  I take it and look to the bar at a cute guy. “Did he touch this drink?” I ask her before she walks away.

  She gives me a knowing smile and shakes her head. “No, just ordered it for you.”

  I thank her and sip on the drink. Cranberry and Vodka. Delish. I nod my head and tip the glass to say thank you. The guy must take my gesture as an invitation because he walks over to me.

  “Hi,” he says in a voice that would probably make girls toes curl. Not mine, though.

  I take him in—dark hair, green eyes and a runner’s body. He doesn’t look much older than me, although, I would assume he was since I’m technically breaking the law.

  I use my manners, “Thanks for the drink.”

  I turn to stare at Emily and mentally beg her to come save me. We always said we would pretend to be lesbians when an unwanted guy hit on us. But Emily isn’t looking at me. She’s on the phone. Holding her hand over her ear and talking all the while still looking around the bar. For what? God knows. Then it hits me.

  No, she wouldn’t have. Would she?

  I push it down, and eagerly drink my drink faster. “I’m Travis,” cute guy introduces himself.

  “Riley.”

  “You about to sing?” he asks.

  I’m not making eye contact and doing the, I’m-not-that-interested-brush-off thing, but he isn’t catching on. “Something like that,” I say dismissively.

  “Are you any good?” he inquires.

  At that he has my attention. “I’ve been told I have skills,” I purr. What the hell is it with alcohol and how flirting becomes second nature?

  He smirks, “Is that so?”

  Now, I’m twirling my hair and sipping from the straw while looking up from my lashes. Something is clearly wrong with my head.

  “You local or here for the shenanigans?” he asks, looking at my mouth.

  I lick my lips. “Nah, not local. My roommate and I came here to visit our friends that live nearby, but then we changed our plans when one was being an asshole. We didn’t want to go home, so now we’re here having a good time without them. You know YOLO and all that shit.” I laugh at my own stupid word vomit.

  He smiles and mouths YOLO. I can almost see him guessing my age now.

  “I see. So where is home?” Damn, this dude asks too many questions.

  I tilt my head to the side, “Is this like twenty questions, or something?”

  He takes a pull of his beer. “Not at all. Just a guy meeting a pretty girl. That’s all.”

  And that’s all it took for me to shut down.

  Pretty girl. Pretty girl. Pretty girl.

  I avert my eyes and look to Emily, feeling the color drain from my face as it rolls around in my head.

  She points over her shoulder and I track its path. My heart stops. Collin and Josh are standing a few feet away watching…me. Josh’s eyes are cold, hard and narrowed on my introduction with this cute guy.

  I stare breathless into the hazel eyes that I love. “Texas. I’m from Texas,” I tell Travis without looking at him.

  “No shit. Me, too. What part?” he asks.

  I literally pull my eyes away from Josh. “You answer first, Mr. I need your life story.” I grin.

  His lips curl up on the sides and I spot his dimple. Fuck, why does he have a dimple? Josh has a dimple. A dimple I’ve licked and kissed and fallen in love with.

  “Houston. What about you?”

  “DFW. Not neighbors, really.”

  The DJ taps my shoulder to tell me I’m up. He asks me what he needs to put on and I spot the guitar and tell him, “Nothing.”

  “It was nice meeting you, Riley. Another drink on me when you’re done,” he pauses. “That is if you impress me,” he adds with a wink.

  I smile and lean into his ear, “I always impress.”

  I stand and see Josh with his arms crossed, his eyes screaming at me to fucking stop this shit.

  Yeah, not yet.

  The song comes to me and I just go with it. I strum the guitar and begin the haunting dance and song of Give You What You Like by Avril Lavigne. I play it slow, seductive and let it bleed out.

  I’m surprised when the crowd actually stops to listen. I was joking when I said that I always impress, but right now apparently I am impressive.

  I meet Josh’s eyes and sing about emotions and how love isn’t a word I know, but empty bottles are. I shut my eyes when I sing about stars.

  I’m taunting my own demons. Is this what he did?

  Travis pulls out a cigarette and hands it to me when I end the song. Just like Avril requested in her song. The crowd is clapping and asking for an encore. I’m shocked and eager to comply. I’m empty, yet I feel high.

  I take the cigarette from Travis, ignoring the penetrating stare that is burning a hole into me and kneel down, placing it into my mouth. “Please,” I beg to Travis.

  He probably thinks I will be leaving with him tonight. I won’t be. He puts the flame to the cigarette and I inhale. I stand after taking another drag and look to the DJ, he holds up his hands questioningly. I walk to the DJ and ask him what he had pulled up next on the machine. I smile at its perfection.

  I turn around finding Emily is recording the performance. Another for YouTube. I lean over handing her the cigarette. “What are you doing?” she asks me in that knowing voice.

  I stand up and smile. “It’s all good,” I say away from the microphone. It’s not. I sing What Now by Rihanna. I am holding the microphone and belting it to the world, to Josh. Why I ever thought I should stop singing is beyond me. This feels so damn good. So good. I watch Josh meander his way to the DJ and then to the front of the stage where I shout WHAT NOW?

  I sing every word and feel every word. I bend my knees and grab my hair. I dance. I feel. I let every emotion flood this stage. Then it’s over. I thank the crowd and wipe the tears that are already falling down my face as he hops on the stage holding my eyes prisoner.

  He doesn’t speak. His eyes are just boring into mine. I swallow hard, holding his gaze. “It’s my turn,” he finally says when I don’t move. He tilts his head to the guitar I discarded. I twist to pick it up and hand it to him. I still don’t move. He leans into my ear, “Your show is over.” My body shivers.

  I turn on my heel and find Emily waiting on the side for me. “What the hell is he doing here?” I snap at her.

  She starts wiping at the mascara that is covering my cheeks. “I’m sorry, Riley. I told him to come.”

  “What?” I ask, looking over at him, gauging my reaction. I cut my eyes back to her. “Why?” I ask.

  She shrugs, “Because I’m your best friend and you’re a stubborn ass.” She pulls me by the hand and we walk to the front of the stage where Josh plays Without You by Three Days Grace.

  He didn’t do it. He loves me. It was all a trick.

  I absorb his words, his voice…him. I replay the mantra until I believe it. On the last chorus he stops playing the guitar and holds the microphone as he sings accapella and directly to me.

  My stomach is in knots and tears are covering my cheeks. I hadn’t even noticed Travis move to stand by me until he speaks. I’m watching Josh turn around to put the guitar down.

  “Friend that was being a
n asshole?” Travis asks close to my ear.

  I turn to him, wipe my eyes, and smile sadly, yet happy. I nod, “Yeah, something like that. Thanks for the drink…and cigarette, though.”

  He grins, “Well, YOLO and all that shit, right?” I laugh.

  He walks away and I turn around finding Josh right behind me. His eyes aren’t cold. They are beautiful. He grabs my cheeks and asks, “Don’t you get it by now? I would never do that to you. I love you. Just you. This shit stops tonight. Do you hear me?” I nod. “Stop running from me. Stop assuming shit about me and use your words. Your words, Riley.” I feel like I’m being scolded like a toddler, but I did just act like a spoiled brat.

  I shake my head. “I’m sorry that I did that just now.”

  “You should be. I want to strangle you,” he says.

  “I want to kiss you,” I say.

  “So do it!” he demands.

  My arms fling around his neck and my lips crash into his. He doesn’t resist. This is my own desperate kiss. My own way of imprinting my taste on his mouth, claiming what is mine. Mine.

  The crowd cheers and eventually it fades away because all I hear is our music again. Beautiful, sexy music that brings me home to him.

  Our lips slowly pull apart and he asks, “What now?” with a smirk on his face.

  I grin and softly sigh when he interlaces our fingers. I don’t know, yet, but apparently I’m soon to find out because he pulls me out the bar, throwing me over his shoulder like a Neanderthal.

  I squeal and wriggle half-heartedly against him. “Put me down, Josh. Oh, my God.”

  He slaps my ass—hard. “What the hell were you thinking?” He doesn’t allow me time to answer because then he adds, “Fuck! This outfit. That song. That fucking guy. Are you trying to kill me?” he asks.

  I slump against him and retort, “Your body. That bed. That fucking slut naked on you. Are you trying to kill me?” I ask softly where only he can hear me.

  He stills. “I explained that. Fuck no. What about you? That little show back there…was that your revenge for what you saw this morning?” he asks glancing at me.

  “No,” I squeak.

  We turn a corner where it’s less crowded and he slides me down his body. I shiver, which is odd because it’s humid as hell out here. “No?” he asks with a raised brow. “Seems like it. You were clearly giving him an invitation. And what the hell, Riley? Taking a drink from a stranger! Haven’t you learned anything from the last time you did that?” The instant he says it, he squeezes his eyes shut and run his hand across his face.

  I flinch like he slapped me. His words have claws and they just scratched open the invisible marks on my wrists that Dean left.

  My hand is over my mouth and I’m looking to Emily and Collin standing nearby—always the bystanders to our disaster. I blink my eyes a few times, trying hard not to cry.

  “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  I’m breathing fast—too fast. I turn to look at him, my eyes burning. “It’s fine.” It’s not. He’s right. I am stupid. I always make stupid decisions, but he shouldn’t have thrown that in my face and because he did, I want to toss out my own words. I straighten my shoulders. “For the record, I asked the bartender if he touched my drink, she gave me the green light, so technically not from a stranger. I was careful. What’s your excuse for being so drunk last night that you didn’t even realize a naked girl had climbed into your bed? You don’t feel that, Josh? You just snuggle closer?”

  Now, it’s his turn to cringe. “I didn’t know she was there. I didn’t snuggle with her, or touch her, or anything else with her. I just wanted to shut down for a while, forget some shit. Things are rough right now. So, yes, I drank a little too much and acted a little reckless. I was dead to the world, Riley.”

  I roll my eyes. “I guess it’s good then that you weren’t capable of giving her what she wanted being as though you were too out of it to care much.”

  He growls in frustration. “I sure hope that by now you know I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  I just stare at him. I do know, but it’s different when what you see with your eyes is contradicting what you believe in your heart. “I’m tired now. I don’t want to fight anymore,” I say.

  “Did y’all drive?” he asks. I shake my head.

  “We took a cab,” Emily pipes in.

  “Good.”

  Josh climbs in the back of Collin’s car behind me. I feel disgusting both on the outside and the inside. On the inside because I knew I believed the story Emily told me about that skank. I believed Josh’s explanation when I finally read his texts. Even still I pushed it tonight knowing it would hurt him. I don’t know why we do this to each other. This tit for tat bullshit. It’s not healthy and he’s right, it needs to stop if we are ever to become anything real and lasting.

  I turn to my side in the seat and face him. He’s looking at me with mixed emotions on his face. Part of him soft and loving, the other part hard and frustrated.

  Collin turns the car on and he and Emily start talking to one another, but I can’t hear them over my now pounding headache. It’s hot outside. I’m hot. My face feels flushed and a sheen of sweat is coating my skin. The humidity in Louisiana is awful.

  Josh picks a piece of my hair sticking to my forehead, tucking it behind my ear. “You need a shower,” he says with a straight face.

  “That is true,” I agree.

  Collin backs out of the parking garage. “Dude, it’s going to be a bitch to get out of here,” he tells Josh.

  “Yeah, probably. Just get back to Canal and then we can take the interstate back to Metairie,” he says.

  I look to Emily and then to Josh. “What did you just say?” I ask. He lifts a brow. “How did you know we are in Metairie?”

  He glances to Emily who holds her hands up in surrender. “Fine. I told them this morning after you fell asleep. But um…but then I turned my phone off like you said and went to sleep with you.”

  My eyes widen, then widen even further when Josh says, “Besides, we’re staying at the same hotel as you guys.”

  Emily laughs.

  “What are you laughing at? This isn’t funny.” I tell her then cut my eyes to Josh. “You’ve been in the same damn hotel as me all day and you never came to talk to me? Why?”

  He frowns. “Because you wouldn’t answer your phone, you wouldn’t reply to my texts. Then we talked to Emily and she said you were asleep. So, I left it.”

  “You left it?” I ask incredulously.

  “Yes, I left it. I knew if you were that angry, then you needed time to calm down, process it and then you would be open to hearing me out. All I cared about all day today was that you were safe and okay. I knew you were, so I waited. I’m sorry.”

  I sigh and lean back in my seat. “This is one fucked up day,” I state.

  He mirrors my move. “That it is.”

  Collin interjects as he meanders down Canal, cussing at a taxi that cut him off. “Not to change the subject, but y’all hungry? It’s late and the only things open are probably Taco Bell and maybe iHop.”

  I get comfortable. “I could go for some pancakes,” I say.

  “Yeah, that sounds delish,” Em chimes in. Then she starts giggling. “You know what else sounds delish?” And here we go.

  So here is the difference between Emily and I when we’re drunk. She is the giggly, talk loud, spill your secrets, become a seductress kind of drunk. I am the bitchy, tell you off, flirt and want to fuck kind of drunk. Occasionally we intermingle and switch traits, which is why we are so fun together.

  I’ve already sailed through the bitchy phase, the tell-you-off phase, maybe even the flirt phase. I feel too tired for the horny phase and my headache is excruciating thanks to the mix of too many liquors and stress. Emily’s phases are an all-in-one kind of thing. They kick in and that is that. The end all is the tired as hell phase and we both get that.

  “What’s that, babe?” Collin asks.


  “You covered in syrup,” she says and then cracks up laughing at her own comment. “I’d wanna lick you all over,” she sings, then immediately bounces in her seat. “Look at my souvenir cup,” she tosses holding up her plastic fleur de leis cup. “This is some strong shit.” Collin laughs at her.

  She leans over the seat all animated and lively. “I got other souvenirs, too,” she whispers it secretively, wiggling her eyebrows at us. “It was the funniest shit I had ever seen since the last time I’d seen funny shit,” she rambles nonsense.

  Collin laughs even harder and Josh looks to me, “What the hell is she saying?”

  I giggle. “We went to a sex toy store and she bought souvenirs,” I say.

  Collin starts coughing and Josh’s eyes become a mixture of amusement and wonder. Surprise is etched on his gorgeous face.

  God, he is so hot. Would it be inappropriate if I straddled him in this back seat and convinced him to have make-up sex? Shit, where did that come from?

  “You went to a sex toy store?” he asks slowly.

  “Hell yeah, we did. And Riley got flogged by a drag queen…on the ass. It was fucking great,” Em explains turning back around in her seat. “New Orleans is the bestest for good times.”

  I cover my face with my hands. I can feel Josh’s eyes on me, but I don’t look yet.

  Collin clears his throat. “How much did you drink?” he asks Emily.

  I slowly lower my hands and keep my face straight ahead to her. She makes a pinch with her index finger and thumb. “A little bit…too much,” she says on the verge of laying her head on the center console. Then she jumps up like she has a sudden idea. We’re stopped at a red light. “You’re so cute, Collin. I think,” she points between her and him, “you and me should not be broken up no more. I kind of like you a lot. Like in love a lot. And I really want to have sex. I haven’t had sex in weeks. Have you had sex in weeks?” she asks him speaking quickly.

  I gasp because she just without realizing it told him she’s in love with him.

  “You’re in love with me?” he asks shocked.

  “Who said that?” she asks, looking around at all of us.

  “You did?” he says.