“I wanted you there on Saturday because it’s a big fight. A lot of money on the line, enough that I can give you more than this tin can and forget about labouring anymore. And why I was in a bad mood is because I know you don’t like to watch. So, I was forcing myself not to ask you because that’s what you want. And making you happy is all I’ve ever wanted. Seems I can’t do anything fucking right.” He raised his arms before storming towards the front door.
“Please, Maddison?” I called after him, but it was too late. He was gone.
The house was so quiet without Maddison. Bob tried his best to keep me company, but it wasn’t the same. I missed Maddison and hated myself for jumping to the wrong conclusion. I wondered how I could fix this or show him that I did believe in him. He was the one getting beaten up, and his words about moving on and doing this for me just made the guilt harder, and my decision clearer.
It was two days before the fight, and Maddison had somehow managed to avoid me for that entire time. I knew he’d been home. He was just good at knowing when I’d be at work. I’d taken on more shifts at the pub since leaving Uni, but any motivation to look for something to start my career had taken a nosedive.
Looking for a job in a creative industry like publishing meant I needed to feel creative, and right now, that was the furthest thing from my mind.
I’m sorry. Talk to me? I love you x
Come home. We don’t have to talk, just tell me you’re ok. x
Please, don’t do this to us x
Maddison ignored all of my messages and left me with only one last option—turn up and watch him fight—show him how sorry I was. But I needed help. I’d only turned up to one fight without Leo, and I only got in because I argued with the guy behind the door. Dropping Maddison’s name worked on that occasion, but I couldn’t put the future of our relationship on the line with nothing but luck on my side. I had Leo’s number, and I’d make him help.
My stomach was in knots. I hated coming here—but I loved Maddison more. I knocked on the door and hoped Leo had told them to expect me. Sure enough, as soon as I told the man peering out of the small hatch my name, the doors opened before me.
At least I was familiar with the layout, and the place didn’t intimidate me any longer. I made my way swiftly down to the area I’d always watched from. It was where Leo agreed he’d meet me. The music and atmosphere helped to block out my fear, as I focused on doing the one thing I could to make things up to Maddison.
Leo was waiting at the rails, a hoard of people already gathered around, all wrestling for a better spot. He was a smaller build to Maddison, and while he still looked intimidating, he had a calm vibe about him that eased the pounding of my heart.
“Come on. We’re going to the next level. He’ll want to see you, and there’ll be a mob here tonight.”
“Thank you,” I offered, having only spoken a few words to Leo in the past. His comment about the people coming to watch shot my anxiety through the roof.
I wrung my hands together, shifted my weight back and forth and generally did whatever I could think of to distract myself from what was about to happen.
The noise level became deafening, and I looked at the doors towards the back. The other fighter came out first. He paraded around, ramping up the crowd and acting like he’d already won. A few minutes later, Mads followed. He was a complete contrast—head down, focused, and straight to business. He got inside the fencing of the ring, but before he turned to his opponent, he looked up to the place I’d always watched from.
Perhaps it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I was sure I saw his shoulders drop, just a fraction. Until he lowered his gaze and saw me. He smiled. And for that moment, I knew it was going to be okay, and that we could work through the damage we’d both inflicted on one another.
Until the other guy in the ring approached from behind, and smashed his fist into Maddison’s face, sending him crashing to the mat.
Chapter 21
Maddison 21 Years Old
Shit, what the fuck!
My head was dizzy, and I could hear ringing. And then it all cleared, and I was back—the noise of the crowd swallowing me up as I tried to focus. Pain exploded, sending red-hot splinters through my back and at my hip, and I turned away to try and escape.
I pushed up to my knees and staggered to my feet. The cheer helped keep me there, but I knew I was on shaky ground. This guy wasn’t pulling his punches, and I was on the back foot.
Fuck. I circled around, struggling to find the jerk and plan my offensive, but that was fucking hard when you couldn’t see him coming. I was slow, in a shaky state, and disorientated until I felt him. His fist slammed against my jaw and then at my chest.
Jesus, it hurt.
I blinked the stars back and shook my head to the side before spitting out a mouthful of copper-tasting saliva.
I’d been doing this for months, and no one had ever landed a punch on me like that. I was better than this for fuck’s sake. Fucking Leo, bringing her here.
“Argh,” I roared, working on the frustration that was like a bomb waiting to go off inside of my chest if only I could stop my head from spinning for two seconds to get my own hit in.
I swung, and missed, but felt the follow up from the bastard. First, one to my shoulder and then another to my back. My arm arced again, and still, I connected with nothing but air. Sloppy and fucking amateurish, but I had no other choice. I fell back into a corner, needing the support of the walls to keep me up. The sneers and yells from the crowd told me how much of a shit move it was, but I had to try and focus—clear the fog and catch a breath.
“Get off the ropes, Maddison!” Even through the uproar around me, I could hear Zuri, yelling in my ear, but I blocked him out.
After a few deep breaths, I blinked the sweat from my eyes and focused on who was in front of me. He acted as though he was the fucking victor already, strutting about the ring, cheering the crowd on like he owned this place. He didn’t. This was my fight, and he wouldn’t show me up like this.
Grace was watching. She’d come, after all. Now I needed that to mean something to me; after all, there was a reason I always wanted her to see me. She gave me something extra to fight for, and right now, I needed that more than ever.
It was a fucking dirty tactic, but there were no rules to this sport. I bent at the waist, resting my arms on my knees as if I were dizzy and struggling to stand up straight, and I threw in a few groans for good measure, luring the bastard in. If the situation were reversed, the kill would be a temptation, too. Finish the job and claim the victory for real, and right now, I was counting on that.
My vision was clearing with every deep breath, thank fuck, and I kept my head lowered, but not so that I couldn’t see his feet. After a few moments of juicing the crowd, he took the bait. Idling up to me. He needed to be within striking distance, so now it was just a game of nerve. One step, two…
I locked my hands together, and with all the toxic fury in me—all the pain, hurt and frustrations—I exploded. I swung my arms in an upward arc, on target to connect with the bottom of his jaw.
It was a perfect hit. For me.
The guy’s head snapped back so fast, he staggered and grabbed at his jaw. I didn’t give him room to breathe and stalked after him to finish the job. Two swift jabs and I smashed my foot into his abdomen. He dropped to his knees.
“Stay down, fucker.” My instruction was explicit, and I followed it up with my fist. He dropped and didn’t get back up.
The crowd went mad, and I should have revelled in it, but it didn’t do the usual job. I could still feel the buzzing under my skin, the need to break something apart so vivid it scared me. I’d just taken a beating, and honestly, only scraped through that fight. My tank should have been empty, but I wanted to rip the guy’s head off all over again.
I took my time, hoping that it was just the adrenalin still running wild and making me itch, so I paced around the ring. The need to look up and check on Grace becam
e a pulsing need, overtaking everything else inside and, in some ways, it cut through the shit.
But as I cast my eyes up, she wasn’t there. My eyes scanned to find her, looking through hundreds of faces and shapes until I dialled it back down. Leo had moved her, and she was already on her way to me.
I left the ring, and as I jumped down, the pain zapped through my body, reminding me of the beating I’d taken.
People from everywhere swam around me like ants, racing to get to their prize. But I wasn’t interested in them. I brushed them aside and cut through to where Leo and Grace were.
“Man, what the hell happened? You had me worried.” He leaned in to embrace me, and I let him, but my eyes stayed fixed on Grace. She was pale, with blurry red eyes. Her head was down, and she clutched at herself with her arms wrapped around her waist.
This was not what I wanted her to see, but if she had just agreed to come in the first place, none of this would have happened. The thought was a bitter realisation, and it added to the other shit of emotions festering in my stomach and under my skin.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing her hand and hauling her through the people still clamouring around us. I led her, with Leo following, through to the back-room area.
“You got to get checked out before you leave. You took some heavy hits, man.”
I pushed open the door to the prep area and took a seat on one of the benches. There was always a doctor about or someone to make sure we were in one piece. They usually see to the loser first for obvious reasons.
“I’m good. Bruised, but nothing I can’t handle,” I grinned at Leo.
“I’ll take you to the hospital,” Grace’s voice piped up. “You should go to the hospital. You could have bleeding, broken ribs…” She looked over me, and while there was a lost look before, there was now a frantic edge that pissed me off.
“No hospital. Nothing’s broken. I’m good.”
“No, you’re not,” she argued with more force.
“Oh yeah? And how would you know?” I stand, pissed that she’s questioning me.
“Because I saw you get punched. And kicked. God, Maddison, it was horrible.”
“Yeah, I remember. I was there.”
“Why are you being like this?” Her eyes went shiny, and a part of me felt like a dick for what I was saying, but that part of me was buried right now.
“Because I’m pissed, that’s why. I nearly lost this fucking fight, all because of you.” I jabbed my finger in her face, and she took a step back.
“Me?” she asked, confused.
“Yeah, you. You weren’t supposed to be here. I saw you in the crowd, and that moment let him get the drop on me.” As I said the words, I heard the blood pumping in my veins, the rush drowning out any sense of reason.
“That’s not fair. I wanted to show you I was sorry. I thought you wanted me here.” She shook her head at me, denying the truth I knew.
“Well, maybe I don’t anymore. Maybe you’re too much of a distraction if I’m going to win.”
“Is that all you ever care about? Winning?” Her voice cracked as she asked.
I’m about to lay into her again when I feel Leo grip my bicep. “Leave it, man. This isn’t what you want.” His voice of reason seemed to cut through some of the haze floating in my brain, and his eyes turned a little darker with his warning.
He was right. But I was seething, and I needed to get rid of it. Frustration, anger, and disappointment all congealed through my body, taking me over and poisoning me to everything and everyone around me. Grace had always been able to cut through that—my antidote—and bring me back to reality. Grace and Oliver, that was. But he chose to abandon both of us. Well, screw them. Screw them both.
“Take her home,” I called as I turned and headed back out. This fight hadn’t played out the way I’d wanted, but it was still a big deal, and I need to make sure I secured the next step. Zuri’s promises and deals were starting to wear thin.
“Wait? Maddison?”
I ignored her calls and pushed through the doors and back into the club.
Zuri was on me in seconds. “That was close, boy. Not what we planned.”
“I won, didn’t I?”
“Yes. But you must do better.”
“Better?” I shouted, pissed that after knocking the guy out, he still wanted more. “What the fuck, Zuri? How can I be better than winning?”
“If you want in on Mikey’s circuit, then you will do better. I take you. I introduce you, and you will see what I mean.” Mikey was a big shot on the London scene and had connections. Apparently, his fights were the best, and I wanted in. If Zuri ever delivered. I’d heard the same story over and over the last few months, but tonight I wanted answers.
“When?”
“We go next month. You will see, and then you will be serious.”
“Fuck it. I am serious.”
“No.” He shook his head at me. “Your head needs to be in the game. Not with that girl. Lucky charm she was not.”
“How much?” I changed the subject. I didn’t want to talk about Grace.
“Ten. More on the bets, especially after how you started.”
“That’s not enough.” A few grand here and there wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot. I couldn’t prove to everyone how successful I was or provide for Grace and give her whatever she wanted if I had to string a few grand along between fights.
“You will get there. No patience. Now, go. Clean up. Enjoy.”
I was in a piss-poor mood, but what other choice did I have? I wasn’t going home to face Grace. Not yet. She knew I needed to cool off. She’d understand.
The party would be going for a while, so I went back to shower and shoved some clothes on that weren’t splattered in blood.
The Club was packed—wall to wall with customers who’d all bought a piece of the action. As I made my way to the top bar, people slapped my back and tried to shake my hand, but I wasn’t interested. I pushed my way to the front of the bar, and a shot of JD and bottle of beer were in front of me in seconds, courtesy of Joey.
My grand plan was simple. Numb the buzzing away. It had been a while since resorting to getting wasted had been necessary, but I’d take anything right now. The shot burned my throat but only in a good way, and the beer quenched my thirst. The combo did the trick and began to settle a part of me.
“Hey there.” The silky-smooth voice sounded from behind me, and I already knew who it was. Amanda was a regular at The Club, a try-hard with all the fighters who came through. I’d seen her routine when I worked the bar those first few months.
“Hey, Amanda.”
“Close call, Mads.” She sidled up to me and leaned her forearms on the bar top, giving Joey a splendid view of her rack.
“Not so much.” I took another sip of my beer.
“Want to get out of here?” She twisted towards me, shoving her fake lashes and inch-thick makeup right into my face.
“No. Why don’t you go find yourself another guy? Because this,” I point my bottle between the two of us, “is never happening.”
“Oh, don’t be like that. I can show you a good time.”
I had no doubt she could. I’d fuck her with none of the restraint I’d have to show Grace. Use her body for my pleasure and not worry about the bruises I might leave. My hand gripped the bottle of my beer as I pictured Grace leaning over our table as I fucked into her.
In the beginning, I thought she’d be able to handle what I liked, but after that night I knew the truth and it fucking tore me to pieces.
Amanda’s hand crept over my arm and pulled me back to the now. I knocked her away. “Don’t fucking touch what isn’t yours.”
“Fine. Go home to your mousey girl and enjoy your safe missionary sex.”
I downed the rest of my beer and watched her leave through the crowd.
Fuck it.
Chapter 22
Grace 21 Years Old
If I’d thought the days before the fight were hard, t
hey were nothing like the days after.
There was no communication from Mads, not even a sign that he’d been home while I was at work. His room was frozen, with all the items in the same spot as before. He’d ignored all my messages and made no effort to contact me. I didn’t even know who was meant to be angrier at whom by this point. It was a mess, and every day that passed without a word, my heart darkened, weighed down by the hurt that Mads was causing with his selfish attitude.
My messages to Leo even stayed unanswered, like I was suddenly someone to ignore.
Nearly a week passed with no word. I’d barely slept or eaten, and I was sick with fear. Fear at what he was thinking, where he was… Images of his fight played over and over in my mind, but this time, the other guy finished Maddison. Every dark and scary thought I’d ever had passed over my mind and I kept landing on him lashing out and doing something stupid and reckless that had finally got him hurt.
My heart pounded, and a knot of nerves sat in my stomach as I phoned the two local hospitals for recent admissions. But nothing. I couldn’t bear to call the police and report him missing, but I wasn’t sure if I had any other choice.
And then I thought of all the hurtful things we’d said to each other, and I was pulled deeper into despair, my heart cracking and splintering off, and I wondered if I’d ever have a full heart again.
There was still one person I’d not asked for help—Vivien. We used to be close, well, we used to see each other often, and she was like a second mother to me. It was funny that since being with Maddison, I’d hardly seen them. Whether I specifically shut them out because Maddison and I were a couple now, I didn’t know. But I did know that I missed the way things were before all of this.
Before the fighting.
The Two Halves of my Heart: A Friends-to-Lovers Romance Page 18