Without You

by Kelly Elliott

  “Hell yes.”

  “Come on, I’m heading to my friend’s house. Let’s knock a few back, shall we?”

  I spent the next three hours downing beer after beer as some girl named Lucy flirted with me. I had zero interest in her even though she was hot as hell, but she couldn’t hold a candle to Lex.

  No one will ever compare to Lex.

  When Lucy moved and made her way next to me, I knew it was time for me to head back to my room. When I stood up, I could feel the effects of the alcohol. I wasn’t drunk, but I was feeling good.

  Lucy stood up and grabbed my arm. “You interested in heading back to my apartment?”

  I looked her up and down. Nothing. As much as I wanted to have sex, I didn’t want to have sex with Lucy.

  I shook my head. “Sorry, not interested.”

  She sat back down and pouted.

  I walked around and thanked everyone for letting me join in on the fun. I’d found out that most of these people would go on mission trips with Joe and Callie. I would be spending more time with them soon. I hadn’t told Joe or Callie that I was planning on spending my winter break with them in Oklahoma.

  Joe slapped my back, scaring the shit out of me. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your dorm. I sent Callie a text and told her to meet me there.”

  “Sounds good!” I said with a laugh. The beer was starting to get to me.

  Joe and I started making our way toward my place, and the whole way, he kept talking about how wonderful Callie was. I could see how much the two of them loved each other just by the way they would look at each other.

  “When are y’all getting married?” I asked.

  “After school. Our parents insist on it, and since they’re paying for school and the wedding, I wasn’t about to argue.”

  I laughed. “I see your point.”

  “Shit, I see Roger. I need to tell him something. Let me run and catch him. I’ll meet you and Callie outside your dorm.”

  “Sounds good.” I watched as he took off, calling for Roger.

  I started toward my dorm and smiled when I saw Callie.

  “Hey you! Where is Joe?”

  “Took off after some Roger guy to ask him something. Said he would be right here.”

  “Okay. Were you able to enjoy yourself and relax for a bit?”

  I laughed. “Does it show that bad?”

  She nodded her head. “Yeah, kind of. Listen, Will, I’m really sorry about you and your girlfriend. I hope that y’all can work it out.”

  I tried to smile, but it came off as a poor attempt. “Yeah, I’m thinking when she calls me again, I’m going to talk to her.”

  “Good. You need to give her a chance to explain. Is she still calling every day?”

  I nodded and felt my stomach knotting up. “Yep.”

  “Answer her when she calls. I’d hate to hear that she stopped calling because you kept blowing her off.”

  I needed to change the subject. “I have some news for you.”

  “Good or bad?” She laughed.

  I reached over and pulled out a stick from her hair. “Jesus, where have you been? You have sticks and leaves in your hair.”

  “I was helping an older lady trim trees this afternoon. I’ve never been hit with so many branches in my life, but I had fun. So, what’s the news?”

  I raised my eyebrows at her and smiled. “I’ve decided to join y’all in Oklahoma over winter break.”

  She threw her hands up to her mouth. “Oh my God. Are you serious?”

  I nodded my head as she jumped into my arms. I laughed at how happy she was. She loosened her grip, and I set her down.

  “I’m going to peck you on the lips!”

  She quickly did what she’d said, and I laughed.

  “Wait until Joe finds out!” she said.

  “It’d better be good!” Joe said, walking up to us.

  “Will’s going with us to Oklahoma, Joe!” she said.

  Joe reached for my hand and shook it. “Damn, Hayes. You have no idea how much you’re helping us out. We really could use the extra help, and with your background, dude, you just saved us. I’m gonna kiss you now!”

  I pulled back and held up my hand. “Uh…let’s not!”

  Joe and Callie both laughed.

  “Listen, give me all the details later, and count me in. I’m gonna head inside. It’s getting colder out, and it’s starting to rain.”

  Joe shook my hand one more time, and we said our good-byes.

  I made my way inside, but then I stopped and looked around. For some reason, I had the strangest feeling that someone was watching me. I shook it off and decided I would lay off the beer for a while.

  “Alex! Jesus H. Christ! Slow down!” Grace called from behind me.

  My heart was pounding, and I was fighting like hell to keep my tears at bay. I was so stupid for coming here. I should have known he had moved on. He hadn’t answered any of my calls or text messages. He was done with me.

  It was starting to drizzle, and I began walking faster. That was when I heard Grace let out a small scream. I turned to see her on the ground, and a guy was practically on top of her.

  “Oh my goodness! Grace, are you all right?” I asked.

  I ran over to help her up, but the guy was already helping her.

  “Are you okay? I didn’t see you. I’m so very sorry. Are you hurt?” the guy asked.

  I looked at Grace and smiled. She was awestruck. I peeked over at the guy, and I could see why. He was handsome, tall, and he had dark brown hair and caramel-colored eyes.

  “Grace? Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I swear I didn’t see you,” he said.

  Grace’s mouth dropped open. “How do you know my name?”

  He attempted not to smile. He turned to me, pointed, and looked back at Grace. “Well, your…friend?”

  I nodded and smiled.

  “Your friend here said Grace, so I just assumed it was your name.”

  Grace quickly responded, “Yep, it is, and yes, I’m totally fine. It was my fault. I was rushing, and I didn’t see you coming out of the door.”

  “So, it’s kind of both our faults then really.”

  Grace giggled.

  Oh. My. God. Grace giggled.

  “I guess so. Uh…well, we have to…we need to get going,” she stammered.

  He looked at me, and I reached my hand out.

  “Alex Mathews. Thanks for knocking her down and helping her up.”

  Grace glared at me.

  Oh hell…I just made myself sound stupid.

  “Hi, Alex. Noah Ewing.”

  He turned and stuck his hand out toward Grace.

  “Grace Johnson. Again, I’m really sorry,” she said.

  The way Noah smiled at Grace caused her to blush, and Grace didn’t normally blush.

  “Right…well, it was nice meeting you, Noah.” Grace began walking off.

  I stood there and watched Noah staring at her.

  “Bye, Noah,” I said before following after Grace.

  “Um…bye, Alex. See ya around, Grace.”

  Grace threw up her hand and waved it quickly. She didn’t stop walking until we finally reached my car. I walked around to the driver’s side and unlocked the door.

  When we got inside, she turned her whole body toward me as she glared at me. “We drove all this way, and you’re just leaving?”

  My heart dropped to my stomach. For a few brief minutes, I had forgotten what I had just seen. “He was with another girl. Did you not see them together, Grace?”

  “I saw him talking to a girl. I saw the girl hug him and quickly peck him on the lips. That’s all I saw.”

  I shook my head and laughed. “I saw him reach for her face, and then he talked to her like they were in a deep conversation. Then, she hugged him and kissed him. Doesn’t matter if the kiss was quick or not. She kissed him on the lips, and they hugged. He’s moved on.”

  Grace turned and stared out the front window. “If my memory is right
, I remember Will walking up on something that wasn’t what it seemed.”

  I glanced at Grace before I turned on the car and pulled out onto the street. “It doesn’t matter. He hasn’t returned a single text or call. Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me right now. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe we both just need time to think.”

  Grace let out a gruff laugh. “Okay, sure. You without Will though…is going to be pure hell for both of us.”

  Grace put her headphones on, and she didn’t utter a word to me the whole drive back to Austin. I glanced down at my phone and tried to decide if I should send Will one more text.

  Two hours later, I sat on my bed, staring at my phone. I jumped when it pinged.

  Daddy: How are you, darling?

  Me: Good.

  Daddy: Have you talked to Will yet?

  Me: No. Maybe you were right. I think I need to spend some time learning who I am.

  Daddy: Alex, you need to listen to your heart, not my words.

  Me: I know. It’s just…I went to A&M, Daddy. Will was with a girl.

  Daddy: Situations like that can be deceiving, Alexandra. You should know this better than anyone.

  Me: I know. Grace said the same thing. I just need some time to think.

  Daddy: I love you, baby girl. Call us this week, okay?

  Me: I will. I love you, too, Daddy. Bye.

  I decided to change and go for a run. I slipped on my sneakers and turned on my music. I was feeling so homesick after going home for Thanksgiving and not having Will to talk to. Plus, Grace was clearly pissed off at me for leaving and not talking to Will. I felt like I was totally alone. I pulled up a picture of Banjo and made it my screensaver.

  Maybe a good run in the cold air will help clear my head.

  I sat on the window seat and stared out the window while Grace went on and on about going home for Christmas.

  Every now and then, I’d throw in an, “Oh, I know,” or, “I’m so excited, too,” and, “I can’t wait to see everyone.”

  Grace put her hand on my shoulder. “Have you talked to Libby?”

  I nodded my head and felt the tears burning in my eyes. “She said Will won’t let her even mention my name. If she tries to talk about me, he just gets up and leaves.”

  Grace let out a sigh. “Yeah, Luke said the same thing. He also told me that he didn’t think Will was dating anyone, Alex. He said he goes to class, comes back to the room, and pretty much just studies and runs. I told Luke you’ve taken up running, too.”

  I peeked over to Grace and tried to smile. “He’s running?”

  She smiled and nodded her head. “Luke said Will runs twice a day—every morning and every night.”

  My smile faded a bit. “What if he’s going to see someone and just doesn’t want Luke to know?”

  Grace’s smile turned to a frown. “Well, the only damn way to find out is if the two of you would stop being so damn stubborn and call one another. This is insane! You can’t avoid each other over break. You’re going to see each other.”

  I looked back out the window. I didn’t want to admit to Grace how excited I was to be going home. I knew the moment I saw Will, I’d probably break down, but I also knew being home in neutral territory would be what we needed to work things out. I just prayed that what I had seen with that girl wasn’t what I thought it was.

  “Come on, Alex. Get packed, so we can get out of here tomorrow. I’m ready to get home to my damn horse!”

  I giggled as I stood up and walked over to my closet. “I’m glad I’m not the only one excited to see my horse.”

  We both laughed and started making plans to go riding the moment we got home.

  “What in the hell do you mean you’re not going home?” Luke pushed my truck door shut.

  I let out the breath I had been holding. “Just that, Luke. I’m not going home.”

  He stood there and stared at me like I was crazy. “What about your parents, Will? You haven’t seen your mom or dad since August. Why are you doing this to them? It’s Christmas, Will.”

  I looked down at the ground. I couldn’t find my voice to talk. I missed my parents so damn much.

  “Fuck, Will. From what Grace has told me, Alex is a walking ghost. She’s devastated.”

  I shook my head. “She stopped calling. She doesn’t even text anymore.”

  “Do you? Do you call or text her? Grace said they came here to A&M.”

  I snapped my head up and looked at Luke. “What? When?”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “Right after Thanksgiving. Grace said Alex wanted to talk to you in person. I guess when they walked up, you were hugging some girl, and y’all kissed. That’s what Grace told me.”

  I gave Luke a funny look. “What?”

  He shrugged and leaned against my truck. “Dude, it was that day you went out and got hammered. You came back, and I didn’t want to say anything, but you smelled like you had been all over some girl. The perfume was strong.”

  I shook my head, trying to think back to that day. I had drunk a lot at the party Joe took me to, but I didn’t think I had been drunk. I tried to remember what had happened.

  “Shit. I don’t even remember that whole night. I was at the party, and some girl kept flirting with me, but I know I didn’t hook up with anyone. I remember talking to Joe and walking back here with him. I think Callie might have been with us. Yeah, she was.”

  “Did you hug her?”

  I pushed my hands through my hair. “Fuck, I don’t know. Why in the hell would I hug Callie?”

  Luke pushed off my truck and turned to face me. “Dude, just come home and talk to Alex.”

  I swallowed hard. “I can’t see her right now. I know the moment I see her, I’ll just want to take her in my arms, but I can’t erase what my eyes saw and what my ears heard that day.”

  Luke closed his eyes. “Let her explain it, Will. Just give her a chance. She’s not even seeing the guy. She hasn’t seen him since she told him she loved you and asked him to leave her alone. Grace said he pretty much stalked Alex for a bit before finally leaving her be.”

  I smiled and shook my head. “Gunner wanted her to experience life away from Mason. Maybe this is what we both need. Maybe we need a break from the familiar. If our love is truly meant to be, then…it will be.”

  “Can’t be if you won’t let it.”

  I didn’t say a word. Luke turned and walked toward his truck. Libby walked up, and Luke said something to her. She looked at me with such sadness on her face as she began walking over to me.

  “Where are you going?”

  I looked at my beautiful sister and smiled. “Oklahoma.”

  “You’re really going to go there and not be home with your family? Mom is going to be devastated. Alex is going to be devastated.”

  “I need to do this. I’m sorry, Lib. I need time to think.”

  “’Cause you haven’t had enough time in the last month?”

  I stepped away from my truck. I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, Lib. Give Mom and Dad a hug and kiss for me.”

  “What about Alex? What am I supposed to tell her?”

  “Tell her I love her.”

  I walked over to the driver’s side, opened the door, and climbed up into my truck. I started it and began backing up. I looked at Luke standing behind Libby as they both watched me drive away.

  I need this. I need time away from everyone. I need to learn to breathe again.

  I sat down on the bed of my truck and began eating my turkey sandwich. I couldn’t help but notice Allison, Callie’s cousin, walking over to me. I sighed inwardly and wished like hell that she would get the hint that I wasn’t interested in her.

  “Hey, Will. How are you today?”

  I shrugged my shoulders and took another bite. I looked her up and down. I couldn’t figure out how in the hell she was wearing short-ass shorts and a tight T-shirt when it was forty-two degrees outside.

  “Aren’t you cold?” I asked.<
br />
  She giggled and jumped up next to me. “A little, but you could warm me up.”

  “I have a girlfriend, Allison.”

  She frowned. “You do?”

  My heart instantly began to hurt. I shook my head and looked at her. “I, um…well, we broke up…I guess.”

  She laughed. “You either broke up, or you didn’t. If you did, then I have a hotel room key here for you. I’m pretty sure you want to know that I’m not wearing any panties right now, and my pussy is dripping wet for you.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Uh…”

  She began moving her tongue along her upper lip as she raised her eyebrows. “Will, tell me you don’t want to fuck me, and I’ll walk away, but I’m pretty sure if I were to touch your dick right now, you’d be rock-hard.”

  What the hell?

  I couldn’t help it, but I started laughing. “You’re kidding with me right now, right?”

  She smiled and shook her head.

  “What type of guy would actually go back to your hotel room after you just said all of that?”

  Her smile instantly faded. “Excuse me?”

  I jumped off the tailgate of my truck. “No, Allison. Excuse me. I need to be somewhere, and it certainly is not in your hotel room.”

  She jumped down and glared at me. “Fuck off, douche bag. You have no idea what you’re missing.”

  I watched as she began walking over to a group of guys who had driven in this morning from Arkansas.

  Good Lord, I feel sorry for those boys.

  I looked around for Callie or Joe. I found Joe talking to an older gentleman. I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. The sooner I did this, the better.

  The temperature had warmed up some, so I took advantage of it. I went down to the barn to get Banjo and go for a ride. It was Christmas morning, but it didn’t feel like it. Everyone was planning on coming to our house this evening for dinner. It was a tradition among all my parents’ friends to spend Christmas day together in some way. They had been doing it since I could remember.

  I walked into Banjo’s stall, and he greeted me with his low rumbling nicker, like he always did.

  I smiled and hugged his massive neck. “Please don’t ever leave me, boy. I don’t think I could bear the thought of losing you and Will.”