Color Blind

by Lalla Squeglia

  “Cole?”

  “What.”

  “I love you.”

  He rubbed her back for a minute.

  “Love you, too.”

  She took another handful of popcorn.

  * * * *

  Cole was only half-watching the movie. Someone had been eaten a while ago, he remembered that, but he had no clue if the dog had caught anyone else. He didn’t really care, either. He was too busy wondering what he should do about his mother.

  If he hadn’t run into her, he would have probably never thought of her again-at least not on purpose-and that would have been fine. But she really had looked sorry, and she’d looked about to cry when he asked her why she’d left. Although he didn’t like to admit it, he felt a little guilty for not at least hearing her out. So what was he supposed to do now?

  He couldn’t ask Nancy to talk to her. That wouldn’t go well-it wasn’t like he was scared of her. She wasn’t Sean, after all. All the same, he really didn’t want to talk to her. He guessed he could just pretend he hadn’t run into her, but he’d been trying to do that for several days and it hadn’t worked.

  Dammit. Now what?

  Nancy rolled over and he realized she’d fallen asleep. His head hurt too much to sleep, and so did his ribs. They were better, but not much better. And he’d somehow managed to jab them with a pencil and they’d been getting their revenge ever since. He turned off the movie and tried to get comfortable next to her. He had no such luck and ended up staying awake most of the night, watching traffic lights dart across the ceiling.

  Chapter Eighty

  Nancy woke up the next morning with hardly any blankets but feeling very warm. She rolled over to see if Sadie or Cole had somehow gotten closer. Cole was buried in the blankets, shivering but sprawled out on his back like someone had dropped him there.

  “Cole?”

  He didn’t wake up. Nancy sat up and put her hand on his head. He was very warm

  a fucking non-electric heater, that’s bad

  and his skin was dry. She moved her hands to his shoulders and shook him a little.

  “Cole. Wake up.”

  He groaned and moved away from her. She shook him again.

  “Wake up.”

  “What time is it…?”

  “I don’t know. You sound awful.”

  His eyes were dull and he shook his head a few times before saying anything else.

  “I don’t feel good.”

  “You don’t look good, either. Can you wake up a little more?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want you to take a drink, that’s why.”

  “No. Going to sleep. Night.”

  “Cole…”

  But he’d rolled over and closed his eyes. Nancy frowned but didn’t bug him again. She put a glass of water by him instead and went to take a shower.

  * * * *

  Cole couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see very well, either. Taking a deep breath made him cough, and coughing made him nauseous. He dozed off again until Nancy came back. She was fuzzy around the edges and her voice sounded like it was coming from very far away.

  “Cole. Cole, come on, wake up.”

  He blinked and she came into focus. Her hair was wet and she wasn’t dressed all the way.

  “Nance?”

  “Yeah. How’re you feeling?”

  “Like crap.”

  “Okay. Tell me exactly what’s wrong.”

  She sat down next to him, set her shirt down, and started combing her hair. He concentrated on the hand with the brush in it.

  “Sore throat, aches, cold, can’t stop coughing.”

  Nancy frowned. Cole managed a semi-deep breath and started coughing again. Nancy helped him sit up.

  “That doesn’t sound good. If it’s still sounding that harsh next…Monday, you’re going to the doctor’s.”

  “No.”

  “Yes. Unless you get worse.”

  He lay back down and pulled the blankets up. He was freezing.

  “I’m gonna get you another blanket and then I have to get to class. Try to go back to sleep.”

  He was already halfway asleep again and barely heard her leave. He felt another blanket fall over him a few minutes later and Nancy whispered, “Bye.”

  “See you.”

  The front door opened and closed and he felt Sadie jump up next to him. She nestled up next to him and purred. Cole didn’t remember falling asleep but he must have, because the next thing he remembered was Nancy putting her hand on his forehead. When had she come home? She took her hand off him when she saw he was awake and knelt down to his level.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  “How’re you feeling?”

  “Like shit.”

  She was soaked and he figured she’d forgotten her umbrella. He forced himself to sit up and promptly started coughing.

  “Stop. I’m gonna get changed, okay? Have you eaten anything?”

  He shook his head. She went into the other room and Sadie followed. He managed to get out of bed, but he couldn’t put the couch back together. Nancy came back and shooed him away from it.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to put this back together so we can work…”

  “No. You’re banned from working today. Just lie down and watch TV.”

  He wanted to argue, but he felt too bad to try. Besides, Nancy usually got her way. He got back under the blankets just as the phone rang. It was the man from yesterday…Holt, Cole remembered.

  “Hello?”

  “Mr. Martin?”

  “Yeah.”

  “This is Joshua Holt.”

  “How’re you?”

  “Fine. I showed that picture of yours to the boss.”

  “And?”

  “He wants more.”

  “Of that one?”

  “No, no, anything. He’ll take anything. He’s thrilled.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Thank you. When do you think you’ll have that other one you showed me finished?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve been banned from doing anything. I’m sick.”

  “Oh. Well, let us know when you’re allowed to do something. Do you have this number?”

  “I think so.”

  “Here it is again.”

  Cole scribbled it down and hung up.

  “Nance!”

  “What? And don’t shout, you sound worse when you do that.”

  “They liked it.”

  “Liked what?”

  “Jesus! They liked Jesus, they want me to do other ones!”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh my god!”

  He nodded. He was numb-maybe later things would sink in.

  “You’re really, really serious?”

  “Yeah.”

  She didn’t say anything for a second, but then she jumped on the bed next to him and hugged him. It hurt but he didn’t try to move. Moving would make it worse.

  “That’s incredible.”

  “I guess.”

  “It is!”

  He started to cough and she let him go. The coughing really hurt his ribs and he ended up hunched over the side of the couch, wheezing and trying to keeps his ribs still.

  Me. They want something from me. Wow.

  He hadn’t really thought this would go anywhere. Most people didn’t pay much mind to him or his work.

  I guess I’m not worthless.

  Nancy coaxed him back under the covers.

  “I have to get some homework done, okay? I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  “Okay.”

  She looked like she wanted to say something else but didn’t. He settled back into the pillows and flipped to the cartoon channel.

  * * * *

  Cole was dead asleep that night when Nancy sat up screaming. Sadie fled and he sat up as fast as he could, wondering what had h
appened. He was guessing a nightmare, but she’d never had one like this.

  “Nance? Nance, wake up.”

  The screaming cut off suddenly and she lunged for the light switch.

  “Nance?”

  She didn’t answer for a minute. Cole was about to get out of bed and see if she was sleepwalking when she sat back on the bed, sobbing.

  “Nancy?”

  She shook her head and reached for her teddy bear. He moved to sit next to her, wondering what had happened to bring this on. She didn’t pull away when he hugged her. She only sat there like a statue.

  “It’s okay, Nance, it’s okay.”

  “Make him go away.”

  “Did something happen?”

  She shook her head.

  “I-I don’t think so.”

  “Okay. Just calm down, it’s okay. Nobody’s here but us.”

  “You’re sure?”

  He sighed.

  “Want me to check?”

  She didn’t do anything for a few minutes, but she finally nodded.

  “Please, Cole?”

  “Sure. Just stay here for a minute.”

  He moved to let her go and her arms shot around his neck.

  “No!”

  “Okay, come on then. Trust me.”

  The only thing there was Sadie, who had taken up residence on the couch. Cole rattled the doorknob a few times.

  “See? No one’s here but us.”

  She nodded.

  “Okay.”

  “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

  He had to half-drag her, and that hurt. Once she was back under the covers and the teddy bear was on the nightstand, he reached to turn off the light.

  “Wait.”

  He leaned against the wall. She got out a plug-in night light and stuck it in the socket by her bed.

  “Better?”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’m gonna turn off the light now.”

  She didn’t answer. Cole flipped the switch and felt his way back to bed.

  “Thanks, Cole.”

  “Sure. Just go to sleep.”

  He heard her roll over and a minute later she nestled against his side. He hadn’t been expecting that.

  “Night, Cole.”

  “Night.”

  Chapter Eighty-One

  Nancy made her way through the next day in a haze. She didn’t remember much of last night, but Cole had told her she’d had a nightmare. She only remembered waking up scared. Everything else was a blur.

  “Nancy. Nancy, are you listening?”

  “Wha-?”

  “I asked if you wanted to have a girl’s night this weekend with me and a few other girls from math.”

  “Oh…no, I’m okay, thanks.”

  Janet exhaled forcefully. Nancy thought she looked like an angry bull when she did that.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing’s going on.”

  The lie came easily, like it always did. Janet didn’t fall for it this time.

  “Something’s going on. Tell me, we’ll work it through.”

  “Nothing’s going on, Jan. I’m fine. Look, I have to get to work…”

  “To hell with work. You sit down and tell me exactly what’s going on.”

  “Nothing’s going on, okay? I’m fine. See you tomorrow.”

  “Nancy-!”

  She slipped into a mob of students and made her way to her car.

  * * * *

  Nancy had completely forgotten that Susan Martin had her check-up appointment today. And now the woman was on a mission.

  “I need help.”

  “Help?”

  “Try to talk sense into him, please. I made a stupid mistake, I know I did, but I want to try to fix it.”

  “I don’t think he’ll listen…”

  “Just try, please!”

  Nancy sighed.

  “I don’t know, Ma’m. I really don’t think he’ll listen.”

  “Try, dammit!”

  She’s really desperate.

  “I’ll see what I can do, okay? But I’m not going to make any promises. He can make his own decisions.”

  Susan nodded and went to sit down. Nancy went back to her paperwork. She didn’t want to bring this up with Cole again, but the woman sitting in front of her looked beyond broken. It wouldn’t hurt to try.

  * * * *

  “Cole?”

  “Nance! How’re you doing, are you okay?”

  “Was it that bad?”

  He nodded. Nancy sighed and hung her purse up. One more day of work and school and then she was done for the week.

  “Are you okay?”

  Was she? Not really, but it wasn’t because of last night.

  “I don’t know.”

  He didn’t look good still, and he hadn’t gotten dressed for the day. Nancy bit her lip, feeling a cut she’d made last week. Cole cocked his head.

  “What’s up?”

  “Your mom’s appointment was today.”

  Any emotion on his face vanished. He leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets.

  “So?”

  “She wanted me to talk to you.”

  “No. Not about her. She doesn’t exist.”

  “Cole…”

  “No. I don’t care how sorry she is, I don’t care if she’s fucking dying. I don’t. I don’t want to deal with her.”

  I tried.

  “Okay.”

  “Good. And you tell her that, if she asks. I’m done.”

  She shrugged. Susan’s face was still clear in her head, but there was no way she could force Cole into talking with her again.

  “What’d you do today?”

  “Worked on my picture.”

  “How’re you feeling?”

  “Dizzy.”

  She went to go get changed. Cole followed her and dropped facedown onto the bed.

  “Has your fever gone down?”

  “No. I think it went up.”

  “Doctor’s office Monday.”

  “We’ll see.”

  His voice was muffled by the pillow. Nancy pulled her sweater off and started digging through her dresser for something soft to wear.

  “You’re going, and that’s final.”

  “I’m not five, and I’m not going.”

  “I can and will carry you to the car if I have to.”

  He rolled over and shook his head.

  “Good luck.”

  “I can! Watch me!”

  He rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. Nancy stuck her tongue out at him.

  “Hey, Nance…can we finish the drawing today? I have to send it soon.”

  “If you’re up for it…”

  “Yeah, yeah, I am.”

  She grabbed the green shirt and went to put the couch back together.

  * * * *

  “Done!”

  “Done?”

  “Done.”

  Nancy got up and stretched and went over to Cole. He leaned over, his elbows on his knees.

  “Go back to bed now.”

  “What do you think of it?”

  She looked over at it for a minute.

  “I think it’s good.”

  “I have to call them in the morning. To come get it.”

  “Bed first. Come on.”

  He started coughing again and Nancy grimaced. He sounded like he had pneumonia or something. They would have to go to the doctor on Monday. The phone rang.

  “Go to bed, okay?”

  He nodded-she was pretty sure that was a nod, anyway-and she went to get the phone.

  * * * *

  Cole was feeling woozy and depressed-that feeling always came when he finished something. He wondered who was on the phone and decided he really didn’t care.

  “Dammit, Janet, my life is not a reality show! I don’t have to tell you every goddamn detail!”

  Cole looked up. He’d never heard Nancy sound that angry.

  Well, Jane
t is nosy…

  Maybe she was about to get her comeuppance. He settled onto the couch and turned on the TV.

  “No! Nothing is wrong, and even if there was, I wouldn’t tell you because it’s none of your damn business!”

  There was silence and then the sound of the phone being slammed onto the hook. Nancy came back into the room.

  “Nance?”

  “No.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m gonna take a shower.”

  “Okay.”

  She went. Cole wondered what Janet had done this time.

  Well, he thought, someone was gonna have to tell her she’s a nosy bitch, and it wasn’t gonna be me.

  He felt bad for Nancy though. He wasn’t sure how long she’d known Janet, but he was pretty sure it had been a long time. Selfishly, he was thrilled. No more unannounced visits. He wouldn’t tell Nancy that, though.

  Chapter Eighty-Two

  “I found my mother’s number.”

  “And?”

  Cole shrugged. He didn’t know why he’d bothered to look her up in the first place, and now he was regretting it.

  “I just want her to stay out of my life. I don’t know how to make her do that.”

  “Tell her.” Nancy said. “But let her down easy, okay? I think she’s really sorry.”

  He nodded and lay back on the bed. Sadie sat down on his stomach and he scratched her ears. He was confused.

  “I’m gonna call her.” he said.

  “Okay. Good luck.”

  “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

  Nancy reached for her book. Cole yawned and looked up at the ceiling. It was hot in the room but his hands were shaking.

  Too much caffeine today. he thought.

  He was nervous about calling. What if she flipped out on him or started crying again?

  What if she blames me for Dad?

  The more he thought about it, the more he didn’t want to call her. By the time Nancy had to get up for work the next morning, Cole hadn’t slept at all.

  * * * *

  The phone was heavy and cold and smooth. Cole dropped it on the floor and had to pick it up again. Susan’s number was in front of him, Sadie was curled up on the other end of the couch, and he was scared to death.

  Just get it over with.

  He dialed the number.

  There were two minutes of ringing before Susan answered the phone.

  “Hello?”

  Cole’s throat felt clogged and he had to cough for a minute before saying, “Mom.”

  There was silence at the other end. Cole wondered if she would hang up. He hoped she would.

  “Cole? Baby?”

  “Hi.”

  There was a long wail at the other end and Cole cringed.

  “Where have you been, how did you find this number, are you okay?”

  He swallowed. This was more difficult than he’d thought it would be.

  “I’m fine.”

  Susan sniffled and Cole felt a pang of regret. He didn’t like anyone to be upset, but he wanted to be done with her. There was no other option.

  “Mom…”