Color Blind

by Lalla Squeglia

“I’m so sorry, Cole. I just thought that maybe…maybe if I wasn’t there he wouldn’t be so hard on you.”

  The regret vanished.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Cole, I’m so sorry…”

  He cut her off.

  “No. Just don’t. I’m not calling to ask for an explanation. I’m calling to ask you to leave me alone. Don’t bug my girlfriend, and don’t bug me.”

  “Cole…”

  He’d had it with this woman. How dare she try to come back into his life now, after walking out? How dare she?

  “No. Just stay out of my life, okay? You said you didn’t care about me when you walked out. That’s fine. But don’t you dare try to come back in.”

  He hung up before she could say anything. He was half-expecting her to call him back, but she didn’t. Sadie came over and sat in his lap and chewed his shirt.

  “Hi, Sadie.”

  He felt relieved more than anything else. Finally he could move on.

  Chapter Eighty-Three

  Nancy leaned against the wall of the shower, watching the water pound against her legs. She felt oddly relieved. Janet had been getting on her nerves more and more lately. This was for the best.

  I have a right to privacy! she thought. I don’t live in a glass box!

  She heard Cole start coughing again and grimaced. He would really have to see a doctor Monday. The water was cold and she shut it off and got out.

  If I ever get rich, I will buy myself a giant shower with unlimited hot water and live in it.

  That was a nice thought. If she was better about her yoga she could meditate to it. She glanced in the mirror.

  Dear god, I look like a skeleton.

  She hadn’t realized she’d lost that much weight lately. She hadn’t been hungry lately. Maybe she wasn’t that thin…she’d ask Cole.

  “Cole?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you come here?”

  “Sure?”

  “Thanks.”

  “What is it?”

  “Do I look too thin to you?”

  He leaned against the door and studied her. She looked first at the shower curtain, then at the rug-anything to avoid eye contact. This was a stupid question.

  “No.” he said at last. “You look fine. Why?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “You look fine, Nancy.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you think you’re too thin?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I think you look fine.”

  He started coughing again and turned away, clutching at the door frame. Nancy bit her lip. Some part of her hoped she did look too thin-people wouldn’t go after the sickly-looking girls-but the rest of her knew that was silly. If anything, the sickly girls were easiest to catch and…

  Don’t go there. Just don’t. Cole says you’re fine, so you’re fine.

  She realized he was looking at her again.

  “Are you okay, Nance?”

  “I think so. Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just worry about you sometimes.”

  How does he always…he knows what it’s like to have to keep a secret.

  She wondered how she’d gotten so lucky.

  It’s because of that habit. That’s how. Take that, shallow bitches!

  “Nance? Why are you smiling at the rug?”

  “Thought of something funny that happened in class.”

  “What was it?”

  “You had to be there…”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  She pulled on a t-shirt and squeezed past him to go sit on the couch.

  Chapter Eighty-Four

  Cole wondered if Nancy was the universe’s way of saying, yeah, I fucked up. Here, take her as an apology present.

  She’d fallen asleep about an hour ago, curled up under the blankets. Cole turned his head to look at the ceiling.

  Okay…call the art people tomorrow.

  He closed his eyes, not even realizing when he fell asleep.

  “I’m sorry, Buddy. I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

  “Dad, please…”

  “If you’d just listen, dammit, I wouldn’t have had to do that.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Just get out of my sight.”

  Cole made it halfway upstairs before Sean called his name.

  “Forgot something. Get down here.”

  “No.”

  “Cole!”

  “Cole! Wake up, Cole, you’re dreaming.”

  He opened his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

  “N-Nancy?”

  “Yeah. You were having a nightmare.”

  He looked at the clock. He’d only been asleep for an hour. Nancy took her hands off his shoulders.

  “You kept asking someone to stop. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, just a bad dream.”

  “Can you go back to sleep?”

  “I think so.”

  “Okay. Night, Cole.”

  “Thanks, Nance.”

  “Sure.”

  He didn’t get any more sleep that night.

  Chapter Eighty-Five

  “You have walking pneumonia.”

  “What?”

  “Walking pneumonia. I’m going to give you a prescription and tell you not to do more than you really have to. Okay?”

  “Yes, Ma’m.”

  “Good. Get this filled and stay in bed, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Go home.”

  Cole started coughing again and Nancy reached over to help him up. She’d been afraid of this. Oh, well, at least they’d caught it early.

  “Come on, I’m gonna drop you off at home and run up to the store.”

  “I can go with…”

  “No. You’ll get other people sick. Just go inside and get to bed.”

  He reclined the seat back and closed his eyes.

  “Okay.”

  “Good.”

  Nancy waited until he was out of the car and not looking before turning the radio up as loud as it would go and rolling down the windows. People did it to her all the time-why not get a little revenge?

  * * * *

  Cole had gone to sleep by the time Nancy got back, but he’d started another picture at some point. She put the pill bottle by him and went to wash up. He was still asleep when she came back and she didn’t bother to wake him up. The phone rang-Janet, big surprise-but she ignored it. She’d managed to avoid her all day, and she wanted to keep it that way. She went to go check on Cole instead and make sure the phone hadn’t woken him. It hadn’t. She was about to go study in the other room when a gust of wind smacked a branch against the window. Sadie jumped off of Cole’s stomach and fled and he sat up, coughing. She had just opened her mouth to ask how he was feeling when the power went out.

  Nancy’s good mood was gone in seconds.

  The apartment seemed very dark and sinister and she could have sworn she saw someone move in the hallway.

  “Nance?”

  Cole’s voice sounded off and she couldn’t bring herself to answer him. Who was in the hallway?

  “Nancy…”

  She knew that voice. That was Dr. Grey. How had he gotten inside? What did he want?

  “Go away, just go away!”

  “Nance? Are you okay?”

  She shook her head and backed up until the wall hit her spine. There was nowhere to run. The shadow retreated further back into the hallway and there was a sudden crackle of electricity as the power came back on. The shadow was gone.

  “Nance?”

  She hadn’t noticed when Cole got up and stood in front of her. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to look at the hallway.

  “Nance, what happened? You kinda zoned out.”

  She shook her head.

  “What’s wrong with me?”

&nb
sp; “Nothing’s wrong with you.”

  She disagreed. Normal people didn’t see shadows in the hall and hear voices that weren’t there. Normal people didn’t have nightmares they couldn’t remember and they didn’t freak out over things that were over and done with.

  She let go of Cole and risked looking at the hallway. It was dark but she could see that no one was there,

  why should there be?

  that she was being silly. There was no reason to make such a big deal out of a power outage that hadn’t even lasted ten minutes.

  “Nance? You okay?”

  “Fine. I don’t know what that was. Me being stupid, I guess.”

  “Nancy…”

  “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

  “But…”

  She stepped around him, switched on the hall light to make sure there was nothing there, and locked the bathroom door behind her.

  * * * *

  Cole leaned against the window and looked at the traffic light. It was blurry because of the rain.

  He was worried about Nancy.

  She’d gotten that dead look a few minutes ago, that emotionless look she got when she remembered…Dr. Grey, he guessed. He hated that look. There was nothing he could do to make it go away, and there was never any warning.

  There was a noise behind him and he turned around, about to ask her if she was okay. She didn’t look okay. She looked like a ghost.

  “Nance?” he said softly. “You okay?”

  She nodded and went into the kitchen. He wasn’t sure if he should follow her or not.

  He gave her a few minutes before going in to see how she was doing. She was sitting at the table, petting Sadie and looking at the rain. The dead look was gone, at least, but he could see she’d been crying-her eyes were red.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Y-yeah.”

  “What happened?”

  “You wouldn’t get it.”

  She was right, of course, but it was worth trying.

  “Help me figure it out. Do you think you can do that?”

  She didn’t move for a minute. Cole wondered if she’d heard him and was about to repeat the question when she whispered, “Maybe.”

  He sat down across from her and waited. She wouldn’t look at him.

  “I think the best way to describe it to you is…what it was like is that it was the opposite of a high. If that’s the best thing you’ve ever felt, this is the worst. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know why these kind of things happen. Every time the power goes out it’s like I’m…not reliving it, exactly, but…I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like he’s inside but I know he’s not really there.”

  “That’s why you don’t like the dark.”

  “Yeah. Because it feels like he’s there, and I can see shadows that might be him and I’m just…I don’t know, it’s like a fight-or-flight instinct is kicking in but it doesn’t work and I’m just petrified. Like before when it was…” She swallowed and looked down at Sadie. “Like when it was happening.”

  He leaned forward.

  “Is there anything that might be a trigger for this?”

  “The dark.”

  “What else?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Okay.”

  She finally looked up. The redness was gone and she gave him a grateful smile.

  “Thanks, Cole.”

  “Sure. You’re sure you’re okay?”

  “I think so.”

  “Come on, let’s go lie down.”

  She picked up Sadie and followed him into the other room.

  Chapter Eighty-Six

  Cole had minimal dealings with the art people over the next few weeks, and his pneumonia was finally starting to clear up when Holt called him.

  “Hello?”

  “Mr. Martin?”

  “Yeah.”

  “The boss says you got enough stuff to do something with.”

  “Like?”

  “Well…I’m going to give you an address. I want you to come to that address around…oh, three thirty next Monday afternoon.”

  “I feel like I have to pay a ransom.”

  Holt laughed. Cole started coughing and held the phone away from his mouth.

  “Sorry.”

  “So? You got paper near you?”

  “Yeah. Can I bring someone with me?”

  “Sure, if you want.”

  “Okay.”

  Holt threw a set of numbers at him and hung up. Cole set the phone down.

  “Hey, Nance?”

  “What?”

  “Will you drive me somewhere on Monday at three thirty?”

  “You’re lucky that’s a holiday, or I’d have to say you’re shit outta luck. Where are we going?”

  “The art people-Zig Zag or whatever-want to see me then. I don’t wanna go by myself.”

  “What do they want with you?”

  “I don’t really know. Holt said they wanted to do something with my work.”

  Nancy was there in seconds.

  “You’re kidding.”

  “I’m not! That’s all he said, he wouldn’t tell me any more. Just gave me an address and hung up.”

  He started coughing again and Nancy came over to sit next to him.

  “You’re serious?”

  “Uh huh.”

  She hugged him.

  “That’s awesome.”

  “Thanks.”

  He couldn’t wait for Monday.

  Chapter Eighty-Seven

  “Ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  Cole was nervous, Nancy could tell, but she didn’t mention it. Once Sadie was locked in the bathroom and Nancy had checked to make sure everything was locked, Cole handed her the car keys.

  “Will you drive? My hand hurts.”

  “Yeah. I don’t trust you, anyway. You don’t look good.”

  “I don’t feel good.”

  He dropped into the passenger’s seat and closed his eyes. Nancy set the paper on the dashboard and backed out. They drove there in silence.

  The outside of the building was a dingy white with a sign saying “Zig Zag” in red letters taped to the front of it. Nancy was pretty sure this had been a strip club at one point, but she couldn’t say for sure.

  “Cole? We’re here.”

  He didn’t open his eyes and she wondered if he was asleep.

  “Cole.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “You okay?”

  “I’m gonna be sick.”

  “It’s okay, you’re not gonna be sick. Just take a few deep breaths.”

  He stayed where he was for another few minutes before suddenly opening the door and getting out. He leaned against the car, coughing while Nancy locked everything up.

  “Let’s just get this over with.”

  “It’ll be okay.”

  He nodded and reached over and took her hand.

  “Help.”

  “Shh. It’s okay. It’s all okay, don’t worry.”

  She felt him tighten his grip. She looked over and saw that he hadn’t let go of the car.

  “I don’t wanna go.”

  “It’ll be okay. Come on, just trust me. Okay?”

  He nodded but didn’t say anything. He really did look like he was going to be sick. Nancy tugged him away from the car and started walking towards the door.

  * * * *

  Cole felt swallowed by the overly-padded chair.

  Just chill. This is a good thing.

  It didn’t feel like a good thing. It felt like some sort of cold medicine-induced dream. He tugged at his sleeves and concentrated on a spot on the floor. Nancy reached over and put her hand on his back.

  “It’s okay.”

  He nodded. He didn’t trust himself to open his mouth lest he throw up all over the floor.

  “Mr. Martin!”

  He looked up to see Holt walking towards them.

  Here
we go. Deep breaths.

  “Mr. Holt, this is my girlfriend Nancy Hale.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you, too. You’re the girl in that picture, right?”

  “That’s me.”

  “Great. Well, if you two want to just follow me…”

  Standing made him dizzy. It was freezing in the building and he wished he’d brought a jacket.

  Holt showed them into a well-furnished room. It had a large window facing the cemetery, heavy-looking furniture, and a bookshelf with a bunch of leather-bound books on it. Cole was surprised to see that there were no pictures on the walls.

  Sitting behind the wooden desk was a large man with manicured nails and fat, pink lips. Holt went over to the man and said, “Cole Martin’s here to see you, Sir.”

  “I see that.”

  Holt left. Cole looked at the bookshelf, feeling very small and scared to death. This room was far from welcoming, and he just wanted to get out.

  “Well, sit down.”

  They did. The man studied them for several minutes before leaning back in his chair.

  “No need to be so formal.” he said, gesturing at Cole. “Relax.”

  “I have to stay like this, Sir. Broken ribs.”

  “Oh, yes, Holt mentioned something about that. Pleasure to meet you both. This is the girl in the picture you sent me, yes?”

  “Yeah. My girlfriend, Nancy Hale.”

  “Ah. My name is Harry Alans. You know why you’re here, yes?”

  “Mr. Holt didn’t tell us very much. He said you wanted to see me about the pictures I’ve sent you?”

  Alans stood up and Cole found himself facing a set of brass buttons.

  Better than looking at the bread crumbs stuck in his mustache.

  “Yes. I must admit, you don’t look at all like I thought you would.”

  “Sir?”

  “I thought you’d look more like the brooding artist. The hair color’s right, though.”

  Cole shrugged. Alans circled them for a minute before going back to his desk.

  “I like the things you’ve sent. You could do something with those.”

  “Like?”

  “Well, downstairs is a good-sized gallery. If you were interested, we could display your pieces down there for people to come and see. If that went well, you could sell them-if that’s agreeable to you.”

  Cole swallowed. He hadn’t thought of that.

  “Okay.”

  “Great! Now, let’s just get the finer details straightened out. Oh, you will have to be there opening night, and it will be formal dress. Keep that in mind.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good. All right, how about August eighth? That falls on a Friday and that gives us plenty of time to get this all set up and get people interested in it.”

  * * * *

  The ride home was silent. Nancy took another shower when they got in while Cole went back to work on the picture in the kitchen. When she got out, he was sitting on the couch with Sadie on his lap.

  “What do you think?”

  “About today?”

  She nodded and sat down next to him. Cole didn’t really know what he thought about today. It was a shock more than anything else. He wondered what his father would have said. Probably nothing good.