The Sweetest Secret

by Jacquie Underdown

  Come on, just get out and have a look around. You’ll enjoy yourself once you’re out there.

  But when she stepped out of the car, freezing cold wind, straight off the snow-capped mountains stung her flesh, sunk deep into her bones. Biting back an angry groan, she pulled her jacket tighter, knotted her scarf more, and lowered her beanie.

  Inside the big industrial shed, little stalls were set up in long rows with aisles in between where people could stroll and browse all the trinkets for sale. Big overhead lamps beamed out warmth, contesting the icy temperature.

  Ellie dawdled along, trying hard to concentrate on the wares—from garden plants to spices, to homemade cakes and slices, to old dusty records, and farming tools—and not think about Sam.

  The next makeshift display was a florist of sorts. Buckets lined up along a timber table filled with small bunches of flowers wrapped in clear cellophane. Kind of like the arrangement you could pick up at the local supermarket.

  Inquisitive, Ellie lingered checking out the pairings, the use of colour, the shapes. The arrangements were quite beautiful. The florist was obviously skilled. She checked the pile of cards on the table for the name and address of the business. Alpine Ridge. Ellie hadn’t realised there was another florist in town.

  ‘Can I help you?’ said a woman of about sixty.

  ‘Just browsing. These are lovely,’ Ellie said.

  The woman smiled. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘How did you get your hands on kangaroo paw in winter?’ Ellie asked. The only kangaroo paws she could get in winter, other than from Sam, had to be shipped all the way from Western Australia. Much too expensive.

  ‘I grow some of my own flowers.’

  Ellie smiled, a little envious. She would love to be able to pick and choose what she could supply at the store. It was great when Sam was still operational …

  I will not think about him.

  ‘On what type of scale?’ Ellie asked. Maybe she was another supply avenue now that Sam was no longer available (again, pun not intended).

  The woman lowered her brows, narrowed her eyes. All the kindness in her eyes was replaced with suspicion. ‘Why do you ask?’

  Ellie took a step back. ‘I opened a florist on Main Street in Alpine Ridge. I’m always on the lookout for new suppliers—’

  The woman’s lips thinned and her nose wrinkled. ‘Not interested.’

  ‘Okay. That’s fine. Sorry for asking.’

  Ellie withdrew her gaze and strode away.

  Her heart was thumping a little faster. It was always a shock when people were mean. It was so far outside of Ellie’s own character that it felt like a slap in the face when she encountered it.

  Screw it. She was in no way mentally and emotionally capable of being out and about today, no matter how much she willed it. This was a bad idea.

  What she needed was to stop by the homemade cake stall and pick up a tray of the buttery caramel slice she eyed earlier.

  Then she would call in to Coles on her way home for cream and ice-cream along with some savoury pastries she could bake.

  The rest of the afternoon would be dedicated to watching rom coms with happy endings.

  As the snow fell even harder on her way back, she was happy she left early before conditions became too bad. She quickly stopped in at Coles, unwilling to forgo the food items she required to truly wallow.

  Basket in hand, Ellie marched through the store collecting what she needed, then lined up at the registers.

  Nice to see that even in small towns there was a weekend rush, and the lines were at least three deep on each of the three counters that were open.

  As she waited, she thought about Sam again, and her throat grew tight and achy. The line ahead of her moved, and she was able to place her basket on the conveyer belt. The woman in front of her slid a divider on at the end of her groceries. Ellie smiled at her in thanks when their eyes met.

  But as the woman’s face came into view, recognition dawned on Ellie. It was the keen green eyes, followed next by the red hair.

  Tiffany.

  All the blood rushed from Ellie’s face. She had accused this woman of vandalising her shop, had her interviewed by the local police, and was now standing no less than forty centimetres away. Ellie had often wondered when they would run into each other.

  ‘Oh, it’s you,’ Tiffany said, flicking her hair behind her shoulder. ‘No more trouble at your florist? How’s Sam doing by the way?’

  Ellie’s heart thrummed faster, never one to enjoy confrontation. And she really did not wish to be discussing Sam right now. ‘Look, it’s a small town, and we both have to live here, can we please try to be civil?’

  ‘Civil? Is that how you would describe your actions? I’d say siccing the police on someone is anything but civil.’ Tiffany’s voice was shrill, loud, and Ellie looked around quickly to see people turning their gazes politely away.

  Ellie lowered her voice to a semi-whisper. ‘We had our reasons for doing so.’

  ‘We? You mean you and Sam?’

  Ellie cringed. Every time Tiffany said his name her stomach twisted, heart squeezed like she was holding it in her tight fist. ‘Let’s just drop it.’

  ‘Sure. Let’s do that. Probs best you get used to how that feels because as soon as Sam’s bored of you, that’s exactly what he’ll do. There’ll be some convincing excuse, but in the end, it just means you’ve gotten stale.’

  Ellie didn’t say anything, just stared at Tiffany, tight-lipped, not wanting to show how deep her comments, which were very much close to home, were slicing.

  ‘He’s already dumped you?’

  Ellie looked away.

  ‘He has, hasn’t he?’ Tiffany laughed like a cackling hag, and Ellie vibrated with anger.

  ‘Way to go, Sam. This one has to be a record. What was his excuse? Did he even give you one?’

  ‘Shut up!’ Ellie screamed. ‘You rude, nasty, jealous bitch!’

  The store went silent. The checkout lady stopped scanning. Ellie’s breaths were coming hard and fast, her chest rising and falling with the increasing rhythm.

  Tiffany grinned mockingly. ‘Don’t talk to me about being rude and nasty. How do you think I felt being questioned by the police? As if I’d ever stoop so low as to vandalise your store. I couldn’t care less about your store, or you.’

  Ellie put her hands on her hips. ‘Then why are you harassing me if you care so little?’

  ‘That’ll be one-hundred and sixty-three dollars and thirty-five cents,’ came the young server’s voice.

  Ellie sighed with relief at the distraction. Hopefully, that would be the end of it. She tried not to resume any eye contact with Tiffany, let alone any conversation.

  Tiffany paid the attendant and picked up her shopping bags.

  Ellie might get away without anything further said, but Tiffany turned to her with a smirk on her beautiful face. ‘You poor naïve fool.’

  Ellie didn’t say anything back, just busied herself placing her groceries onto the conveyor.

  Tiffany laughed like a hissing serpent and slithered away.

  Anger was a force inside Ellie’s veins along with hot-cheeked embarrassment. She didn’t dare look around at the other shoppers.

  The mobile inside her handbag seemed to glow and burn, begging her to take it out and ring Sam, so she could scream at him that this was all his fault.

  Chapter 29

  Sam saw Olivia’s eyes first. Except they were his own eyes, just set within an unknown face. An unknown face that held facets of familiarity. Her eyes were big and brown and were looking at him with a hint of curiosity, and the way they kept darting away, showed shyness.

  Her hair was dark, like his own, but long and wispy and pulled up into a ponytail. Little strands had escaped and framed her face. Her skin was soft looking, her cheeks pink with youth.

  Fenella held her hand out to her and motioned she stand.

  And when she stood, he noted she was quite tall for a six-year-old, not t
hat he’d spent a lot of time with six-year-olds to know for sure. She wore a pair of jeans with boots and a thick pink jumper.

  Little button nose—she must have got that from Tamara.

  ‘Olivia, this is your dad, Sam.’

  He was grateful Fenella gave Olivia the option of using his first name. If she called him Dad now, it would sound strange … wrong. How could he be a dad to someone he had never laid eyes on?

  Her hands went behind her back, and she twisted from side to side uneasily. ‘Hello.’

  Sam bent to his knees, so she didn’t have to lean her head all the way back to see him, and extended out his hand. ‘Hello, Olivia, it’s lovely to meet you.’

  Her small hand reached out for his big hand, and as he watched those small fingers meet his, something about it struck his heart with warmth. A protectiveness swelled in his chest. And when she slid her hand into his, such a small thing in comparison, he fought back the tightness in his throat.

  ‘Hello,’ she said. Her voice was soft and sweet. Her shy smile that came afterwards reminded him of Tamara.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, letting her hand go.

  ‘Good,’ she said, that smile returning.

  ‘You ready to spend the day with me?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, softer, sweeter.

  He smiled. ‘Good.’ He got to his feet. ‘I’ll drop Olivia back tomorrow. Same time?’

  Fenella and Dean nodded. ‘That will be fine. It will give us some time to check-out then.’

  Dean grabbed a pink backpack off one of the beds. It had a unicorn on the front. He handed it to Sam. ‘Here are some clothes, her toothbrush, and pyjamas.’

  Sam took the bag, his stomach clenching. ‘Okay.’

  ‘You can ring us if you need to,’ Dean said, then faced Olivia. ‘We’ll give you a call tonight, to say goodnight.’

  Olivia smiled. ‘Okay.’

  Sam helped transfer the car seat from the Talbots’ car into his. He hadn’t realised that they still required one at this age.

  Fenella and Dean took turns giving Olivia a kiss goodbye and telling her they loved her and that they hoped she had a lovely time.

  He realised as Olivia stood beside the car, her head barely above the top of the tyre that she wasn’t going to be able to get into it easily. ‘Might need to give you a hand there, hey?’

  She nodded.

  With two hands under her arms, he lifted her into the car seat. The first thing that struck him was how light she was. The second was her sweet, powdery scent, not altogether different from that of Sophie.

  He reached across her, seatbelt in hand, and clicked her seatbelt in. ‘You comfy there?’

  ‘Yes. You have a big car. I haven’t been in a car like this.’

  Sam chuckled. ‘Well, our drive home will be extra exciting for you.’

  She grinned wide and nodded deeply.

  Engine started, they both waved to the Talbots and Sam drove out onto the road in the direction of the vineyard. After two cars overtook him a little outside of town, he chuckled for driving too cautiously.

  His mobile buzzed with a call. Ellie. He sighed, but let it go to voicemail.

  He looked into the rearview at Olivia. She was gazing out the window. ‘How are you going back there?’

  Her eyes met his in the mirror. ‘Good. It’s very high up in this car.’

  He smiled. ‘It is.’

  ‘I like being up high. I can see all the other cars.’

  ‘I like it too. And this car can carry lots of heavy things too.’

  ‘Yep,’ she said as though that was an assumption she had already made.

  They drove in silence for a long while before he started curling up the front driveway of his property. ‘And here is where I live.’

  She looked out the window. ‘Nanna said you loved my mummy.’

  His heart thudded, just one deep bang. Hearing the words outside of his own head, regardless of who said it, was dissonant to the emotions he now held for Tamara.

  So much was now tangled up with love that he couldn’t separate them out. Like a snarled fine necklace, the love he once held for Tamara would always be knotted with resentment, grief, regret, shame and anxiety.

  But Olivia wouldn’t understand that. Nor would he show her that. ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘Did you live here with her when I was a baby in her tummy?’

  Sam shook his head. ‘Your mum never lived here with me.’

  ‘Where did you live with her?’

  ‘I used to visit her when I was at university.’

  ‘My mum was a teacher at university.’

  Sam smiled. ‘Yes. She was. That’s where I met her.’

  ‘I miss my mummy,’ she said. Not so much in a sad way, but in a way that was factual.

  Sam’s chest squeezed with sympathy. ‘I bet you do, sweetheart.’

  He watched her through the rearview. There were no signs of tears. She continued to look out the window at all the vines.

  ‘What are those?’ she asked, pointing.

  ‘Grapevines.’

  She nodded. ‘I eat the green grapes. I don’t like the purple ones very much.’

  ‘I like the green ones too.’

  She pressed her hands to the window and put her face closer to it, her warm breath steaming the pane. ‘Where are all the grapes?’

  ‘It’s too cold for them now. When it gets warmer, they will start growing and before you know it, every one of these vines will have big bunches of grapes.’

  They took a right, past the admin building, up towards his place and parked out the front.

  He climbed out and went to the back to help her out. She looked closely at him when he unbuckled her.

  He caught her gaze and grinned. ‘Everything okay?’

  She reached for his face and touched his chin with her fingertips. ‘Your face feels like Pop’s.’

  He chuckled. ‘I’m sure it does.’

  He picked her up under the arms and lifted her out.

  ‘Is this your house?’ she asked looking around.

  ‘Sure is.’ He grabbed her backpack, slung it over his shoulder and took her hand. ‘Come on in. I’ll show you around.’

  He led her inside, through to the hall and up to the spare bedroom. He hoped the queen-sized bed wouldn’t be too big for her. When he was younger, big beds used to scare him. Too much room for a ghost to sleep beside him.

  ‘You will sleep in here tonight,’ he said, putting her backpack on the bed.

  She glanced at the bed, then up at him. ‘Where do you sleep?’

  He took her to the room beside hers. ‘This one is mine. Right next door. So if you need me, I’m right here.’

  She smiled. ‘I always want to jump on big beds.’

  He arched a brow. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah, but Nanna said I’m not allowed to anymore. I jumped off her bed when I was four—’ she held up four fingers, ‘—and I broke my arm.’

  ‘Ouch. That’s not good.’

  ‘Nanna said it’s too dangerous to jump on beds.’

  ‘I agree with your nanna.’ Though he remembered he and his brothers practically lived for jumping on their beds. Especially when they shared a room and would jump from bed to bed to bed. But the idea of Olivia breaking her arm filled him with a sense of fear.

  Sam showed her around the rest of the house, the toilet, the bathroom, the kitchen, the back pergola. ‘What’s that?’ she asked, pointing at the louvres.

  ‘That’s my glasshouse. It’s where I grow flowers.’

  Her eyes widened as though awestruck. ‘You can grow flowers?’

  He nodded. Her impressed look was giving him a strange sensation of pride.

  ‘I love flowers. Can we go look at them?’

  He frowned, doubly angry that they were not there now. ‘They all got ruined by a …’ he was going to say ‘bad person’, but he didn’t want her to feel unsafe here. ‘A bunny broke in and ate them all. When I found him, he was so
fat he couldn’t hop very well. So I had to pick him up and put him out in the field where he slept for three days until he could hop again.’

  She giggled. ‘I like that naughty bunny.’

  He grinned. ‘I don’t like him at all. He ruined my flowers.’

  ‘Can you grow some more?’

  He nodded slowly. ‘I can grow some more. Maybe you could help me?’

  Olivia’s eyes widened. A smile spread across her face. ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘Are you thirsty?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Hungry?’

  She shook her head again.

  ‘Did Nanny and Pop pack gumboots?’

  She nodded.

  ‘Well, there’s nothing stopping us. Let’s get started.’

  Olivia had soil under her nails, down her clothes, on the bottom of her boots, and some smudged on her face by lunchtime.

  Sam looked down at his jeans and jacket, which hadn’t fared much better than Olivia’s.

  ‘Anyone home?’ came Mitch’s voice.

  Sam stuck his head out of the glasshouse. ‘In here.’

  Mitch came in with Sophie on his hip.

  Sophie’s arms came out straight away when she saw Sam. He went to her, allowed her to fall into his arms and cuddled her. ‘Hello, Sophie gorgeous.’

  ‘Sam,’ said Sophie. Then she pointed to Olivia who was standing behind him. ‘Dat.’

  Mitch was looking at Olivia too, grinning. ‘So this is Olivia?’

  Olivia came out from behind Sam’s legs. ‘Hello.’

  Sam kneeled beside her, Sophie still in his arms. Sophie was trying to put her fingers into his mouth. ‘Hang on a tick, Soph,’ he said, removing her hands. ‘Olivia, this is my brother, so that makes him your uncle. His name is Mitch.’

  Mitch smiled. ‘Good to meet you, Olivia.’

  ‘And this is your cousin Sophie,’ Sam said.

  Olivia smiled. ‘I didn’t know I had a cousin or an uncle.’

  Sophie reached out for Oliva. Olivia reached for Sophie and held her hand. ‘Hello, Sophie.’

  ‘Dat,’ Sophie said.

  ‘You look like you’ve been very busy in here,’ Mitch said.

  Olivia nodded. ‘We are growing flowers. But they will take a little while. We put seeds in the dirt and watered them with the watering can.’