Wishful Thinking

by Evangeline Anderson

  RipTide was a long, narrow shop decorated with surfboards, hula skirts, and Hawaiian shirts. There was a counter near the front of the shop where a lone attendant, a teenage girl with a bored expression and a pair of earbuds plugged into her heavily pierced ears, stood. The iPod Nano she had on was turned up so loud that Phil could actually hear the Shins playing from three feet away.

  “Hi,” she said, nodding at the girl, who was currently bent forward drawing something in a notebook. The girl kept drawing.

  “I don’t think she can hear you,” Josh said. “Hi!” he shouted.

  “Huh?” The girl looked in surprise. “Oh, hi, welcome to RipTide,” she greeted them mechanically. “Men’s suits on the left, women’s on the right and dressing rooms in the far back. All the rooms are unlocked so you can help yourselves. If you need anything you’ll have to come up here and ask me. I’m the only one here so I can’t leave the front.” She went back to her drawing.

  “Guess we’re on our own,” Josh said, wandering away from the counter, toward the women’s section of the store. “Let’s look for those bikinis.”

  “Uh-uh.” Phil grabbed his hand and steered him back to the men’s section. “Let’s get you a suit first. It’ll probably take a lot less time because I’m really picky and you…”

  “And I am not,” Josh finished for her. “Okay then, do your worst. Just don’t put me in anything with lime green stripes. Those clash with my pretty pink nipples.”

  Phil laughed and slapped him lightly on the arm. “Come on, you. I think I see something that’s about your size.”

  After ten minutes, they wound up in the dressing room with four or five pairs of trunks that were Josh’s size, none of them with lime green stripes. Phil sent him into one of the stalls with instructions to come out so he could see himself in the three-way mirror at the end of the row. “Try on the black ones first,” she told him. “And be sure to take off your socks and shoes while you try them on. You can never tell what a bathing suit is going to look like when you have socks and shoes on with it.”

  “Yes, Mom.” Josh grinned and disappeared. In less than two minutes he was back out, sans socks and shoes and without his shirt, too. “What do you think?” He looked down critically. “It may be a little loose in the waist. I don’t want them to fall off the minute I dive under a wave.”

  What did she think? Phil looked her best friend up and down. Josh looked…there was no other word for it—hot. She always saw him in his office clothes, which usually consisted of a button down oxford shirt and dress pants, and even at the last beach day he’d been wearing a T-shirt with his trunks. She’d caught a glimpse of his chest when he opened his shirt the day before but it hadn’t quite prepared her for what she was seeing now.

  Scanning his broad shoulders and chest, which were hard with muscle, and looking at his ripped abdomen, Phil felt her mouth go dry. The black swim trunks hung gracefully around his narrow hips and flat stomach and ended just above his knees and muscular calves. There was a little patch of curly brown hair just between the flat copper disks of his nipples and his well developed biceps bunched as he twisted this way and that, looking in the three way mirror.

  He looks amazing. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror behind him and realized that her mouth was open and she had a hungry expression on her face, like a dog that sees a bone it wants to chew. She closed her mouth abruptly.

  “Well?” Josh looked at her and Phil realized that she had been standing there staring at him for the last thirty seconds without saying a word.

  “I, uh…I like it,” she managed. “I like it a lot.” She hoped Josh didn’t know that she was talking about more than the swim suit.

  “Yeah, but do you think they’ll fall off?” he asked, still frowning. “I mean, I really doubt we’re going to a nude beach tomorrow so that would be a bad scene.”

  Phil didn’t think so but she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by ogling his body too openly. “They might.” She came forward casually and put her hand on his waist, as though she was just testing to see how loose the fabric was. Without thinking about it, she let her fingers slide upwards and around to the front until she could feel his rock hard abdominals bunching beneath her fingertips. A little trail of light brown hair led from his belly button down into the black trunks. His skin was like warm satin under her palm and she felt a shiver run through him at her touch.

  “Phil?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “That…” He took a deep breath. “That feels really good. The way you’re touching me, I mean.”

  “I, uh…” Phil snatched her hand away, embarrassed. “I guess I can get you the next size down,” she babbled, trying to pretend she hadn’t just been stroking her best friend’s rock hard stomach. What was wrong with her lately, anyway? Just because they had relaxed their unwritten rules didn’t mean she should start acting on any impulse that came along. “But, uh, this suit looks really good on you. If the next size down fits, I don’t think you should bother with the others.”

  “Is that all?” He looked at her intently and took her hand, which was still tingling from the warm touch of his skin. “Is that all you want to say to me, Phil?”

  “I…” Phil looked up at him, her heart thumping against her ribs. There’s a lot between us that’s unsaid, Josh’s words from the day before rang in her ears. But should she start saying it now? No, Phil told herself, trying to be firm. No, I can’t do this right now. I can’t go there with Josh when I have unfinished business with someone else. It wouldn’t be fair to him or Christian.

  “Phil?” Josh pulled her closer so that her breasts were almost brushing against the hard planes of his chest.

  “No,” Phil finally managed to get out. “I mean…that’s…that’s all. All I wanted to say, I mean.”

  “Okay.” Josh sighed and released her. “So let’s go get the other size and pick out a few suits for you.”

  Phil felt a quiver of apprehension in her belly but she tried not to show it. “Okay, but just so you know, I’ve never thought of myself as much of a bikini model.” She tried to laugh, to ease the tension that had grown almost tangible between them. How was she going to get through this?

  “Well, you are now.” Josh grabbed her hand, leaving his clothes in the dressing room, and pulled her back out into the store.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “No…no…” Phil shook her head in disgust. “I don’t like any of these on the rack—are you having any luck?”

  “Some.” Josh was standing in the far corner looking at something on the ground. “Come look at these.”

  Phil went over to see what was so fascinating and was delighted to see a whole box full of unpacked merchandize sitting in the corner of the store. No doubt Miss iPod was supposed to be stocking them but the girl was still hunched over the counter at the front of the store. Phil recognized the look on her face—it was the same look Cass got when she was painting or sculpting in her studio. Nothing short of an earthquake would get the girl’s attention at this point.

  “Hey, some of these are pretty good,” she murmured as she dug through the box looking for her size. They came back to the dressing room with a wide assortment, some of them modest and some, well, not so modest, Phil thought, eyeing the bright red bikini Josh was holding. It appeared to consist of three quarter-sized triangles made of open-weave mesh and a bewildering array of strings.

  “I hope you’re going to try that one on yourself,” she said, nodding at the tiny red suit. “Because you’re not getting me into it.”

  Josh laughed. “See, you read my mind. This one is just for me and I’m not sharing.” He hung the suit along with several others he’d picked out for her on the hook inside the dressing room. “Try on what you want, Phil,” he said, his eyes dancing. “Some of these are serious choices but some of them are just double-dog-dare you suits.”

  Phil raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me? Double-dog-dare you?”

  Josh laughed. “Yup. I double-dog-dare you
. You should only try them on if you’re feeling brave.”

  Phil laughed at him. “I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed, Josh. I’m a coward when it comes to that kind of thing.”

  He shrugged his broad, bare shoulders and she couldn’t help admiring the play of muscles over his chest and abdomen. His skin was a warm, even natural tan that made her want to touch him again. Sternly, she repressed the impulse. “Suit yourself,” he said. “Ha—get it? Suit yourself?”

  “You’re impossible. I’m going to try some of these on. Remember—no peeking!”

  Josh held up two fingers in a salute. “Scout’s honor, ma’am. I’ll wait right here to offer my opinion. Try the polka dotted one first.”

  Phil shut the dressing stall door and dug through the pile of hangers until she found the one he was talking about. It was a fairly modest, Brazilian cut bikini that was sky blue with tiny white polka dots all over it. Feeling self-conscious, she stripped off her work clothes and pulled on the suit.

  The top fit perfectly, which made her wonder if Josh somehow knew her cup size or if he had just made a lucky guess. When she had the bottoms on, Phil looked at herself anxiously in the mirror inside the room. She’d never loved her body, but she never hated it either. Her personal opinion was that she was a little too big in the bust and hips and her stomach wasn’t as flat as she would have liked, but what woman’s was? She was very glad that Cass’s pre-birthday gift to her had been a leg and bikini wax so that she was smooth and very bare in the sky blue suit. Actually, it was kind of sexy, she decided. Josh had good taste.

  “All right, try not to laugh.” She came out of the dressing room, self-consciously adjusting the bra cups to make sure everything was covered. What Josh had said earlier was true—he had almost never seen her in anything but office clothes and she wasn’t sure what he would think.

  The minute she stepped out of the dressing room, Josh took in a breath. Then he let out a long, low wolf whistle. “Damn, Phil—you look gorgeous. I knew that suit was going to work on you. It’s the exact color of your eyes when it’s sunny outside and there aren’t any clouds.”

  Phil stopped in her tracks. He was doing it again—noticing things he shouldn’t have been able to notice. Magical things that hid themselves from non-fairy eyes. Most people, if asked to describe her eyes, would have said they were a blue-gray color. No one without fairy or fae blood in their veins should have been able to see that they were constantly shifting depending on the exact shade of the sky outside.

  “How…” She frowned at him. “What do you mean about my eyes?”

  “What I said.” Josh nodded at the suit. “It’s sky blue—like your eyes when it’s sunny and there aren’t any clouds. But if a storm comes up, they get kind of blue gray. And when the sun sets, they’re a deep, deep blue that’s almost black. Am I right?”

  “Yes.” Phil wrapped her arms around her waist and leaned back against the door of the stall weakly. “But how did you know that? You’re not…nobody’s supposed to notice that about my eyes. Everybody just kind of thinks they’re a bluish-gray. So how did you notice?”

  “I don’t know.” Josh shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling again. “I just did. I noticed things about you from the minute I saw you crying in the storage closet because Dickhead Junior was being a prick. There’s something different about you, Phil—something special. I can’t put my finger on it but I don’t have to. It’s just you.”

  “Oh,” Phil said faintly. She wondered again if her best friend had fairy blood. But no—if he had a single drop she would have felt it when she touched him. Was it possible for a non-fairy to notice things her fairy godmother’s magic should have hidden from his eyes just because he was close to her? Just because he, well, liked her? It didn’t seem right because if that was the case, wouldn’t Christian have noticed and mentioned her changeable eyes, her sparkly hair, her naturally rose red lips at some point in the five years they’d been together?

  “Hey.” She looked up to see Josh looking at her with concern. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I just meant that the suit looks really nice on you. And that, well, I think you have beautiful eyes, no matter what color they are.”

  “Thanks, Josh.” She squeezed his arm, noticing the rock hard muscle again in passing. Why had she never noticed those arms before? Probably because he was always wearing long sleeved shirts to work. “That’s really sweet of you. But maybe I should try on another suit.”

  “Uh-huh. Go ahead.” He shot her a mocking smile. “Maybe it’s time for a double-dog-dare you suit.”

  Phil laughed. “In your dreams, mister.”

  “You are,” Josh said unexpectedly, his eyes growing dark and serious again. “In my dreams, I mean.” He took a step towards her and reached out to cup her cheek. “That dream you had about me? That was nothing, Phil. I dream about you like that all the time. I dream of touching you…holding you…kissing you.”

  “Oh.” Phil felt her cheeks grow hot as his gentle touch sent a shiver through her body. She was very aware of how very close they were standing and how few clothes they had on. She wanted to ask Josh the details of his dream but she was afraid to. Afraid that she would want to hear more—or do more. So instead she said, “I’ll, uh…I better try on another suit,” and retreated into the dressing stall.

  Once inside she leaned against the wall with a hand to her chest. She could feel her heart drumming under her fingers. Have to get control of myself, she thought. He’s only saying those things because he can’t help it—it’s just my stupid wish working on him again. Blindly she reached for the next suit on the rack and started pulling it on.

  “Hey, Phil?” Josh’s deep voice was muffled. “You okay in there? I, uh, don’t know why I said that about the dream thing. I hope I didn’t offend you.”

  “No, no, I’m fine,” Phil called, hurrying to adjust the straps of the new suit. They were clear plastic and so sheer the peach slices they held in place over her breasts and sex seemed almost to float on her creamy skin. With a start, Phil realized this was one of Josh’s “double-dog-dare” suits.

  “You’ve decided to stay in there all night, haven’t you?” Josh sounded mournful now and she got the idea he was only half joking. He really thought that he’d pissed her off by saying too much.

  “No, honestly, I’m not. And the idea of spending the night in the RipTide dressing room doesn’t do anything for me.” Phil gave herself a final glance in the long rectangular mirror and took a deep breath. The slices of sheer peach material just covered her nipples, leaving the outer and inner curves of her breasts exposed. And as for the bottom, if she hadn’t just had a bikini wax…well, she was glad she’d had one.

  “I, uh, think I grabbed one of your dare suits by mistake,” she said, stepping out of the stall, feeling very exposed. She didn’t like to call attention to herself, which was one reason she wore her hair up all the time. And as for wearing anything revealing—well, she didn’t. Phil didn’t even think she had any underwear this tiny. “Well,” she asked nervously. “What do you think?”

  “What do I think? Damn, Phil.” Josh was staring at her with an unmistakable heat in his eyes. “That’s just…God, you’re gorgeous. And that suit is amazing. I’ve always wondered what your breasts looked like and this is…wait.” One corner of his mouth went down. “Did I just say that out loud?”

  “Uh-huh.” Phil resisted the urge to cover her breasts with her arms. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the feeling of Josh staring at her, it was that she liked it too much. She couldn’t remember the last time Christian had looked at her that way.

  “God, Phil, I’m so sorry.” Josh took a step back and put a hand to his head, as though he was checking himself for fever. “I keep saying the most outrageous things today and I don’t know why.”

  “I do.” Phil sighed, deciding she’d better come clean. “Remember that thing I had where everything I thought came right out my m
outh?”

  “Yeah, but what does that have to do with me wanting to cup your breasts and see how that silky material feels over your hard nipples?” Josh winced and a muscle in his jaw clenched. “Damn it! There I go again.”

  “Um.” Phil could feel herself blushing all over and yet, it still felt good to know that Josh wanted to touch her. She put a hand on his arm. “It’s the same thing I had yesterday only now it’s reversed. So you can’t help saying what you think when you’re around me. And knowing that, I promise not to get offended no matter what you say, okay?”

  “But…but how can that be?” Josh pinched the bridge of his nose between his finger and thumb and frowned, his brown eyes troubled. “I mean, how can a condition you had yesterday be affecting me today?”

  Phil sighed. “I wish I could explain but I can’t, Josh,” she said. “It’s…it has to do with my family again. It’s tied in with the reason my eyes change colors and the way weird things happen around me. I’m really sorry. If you want to call it a day and go home I completely understand. I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to get away from me under the circumstances.”

  “Get away from you? Are you kidding?” Josh put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her closer so that he was looking down into her face. “Phil,” he said huskily. “I don’t care what weird things happen around you, nothing could make me want to put distance between us. In fact, all I can think of right now is kissing you, touching you, I…” He stopped and took a step back helplessly.

  “Josh, it’s…it’s okay,” Phil tried to reassure him. Tension twisted like a wire in her stomach and her heart was pounding so loudly she was sure he could hear it. What if he really tries to kiss me? Her hands itched to reach up and cup his square jaw, to feel the bristly prickle of his five o’clock shadow against her palms and pull him down to her—but she knew she shouldn’t. “Look,” she said, trying to get back to normal. “Let me just try on a few more suits and you tell me what you think. And I promise, I promise that I won’t be offended no matter what you say. Because I know how it feels not to be able to help saying what you think—okay?”