Expecting You

by Claire Cullen

  “I don’t know that he will. Surrogacy is never a guarantee.”

  That was an understatement in his case. With the glacial pace the clinic was moving at, he might as well stick up missing posters in the neighborhood. Lost—one embryo. If found, return to Beckett Rayne, worried father.

  He almost missed the flicker in Zac’s expression, there and gone in an instant. Whatever it was, the omega pushed to his feet abruptly, giving him a tight smile.

  “I’ll get started on dinner while Luca’s down for his nap. I was going to do something easy—Bolognese. That okay with you?”

  “Sounds great. We have Parmesan in the fridge. Gives it a little kick.”

  “Chili gives it a kick. Cheese just makes it moreish.” Zac grinned at him, and everything was easy between them again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Harper whistled as he took a look around Zac’s apartment.

  “All this space is yours? Hell, duck. I might move in and sleep on your couch.”

  Zac laughed. “I don’t think my employer would be too impressed.”

  Harper waved that off. “Him? He won’t even notice. You’ve got your own entrance. Besides, what alpha wouldn’t like to imagine living with two single, attractive omegas? The fantasies he’d have.”

  “Harper!” Zac smacked his arm lightly, pretending to be scandalized.

  “Fine, fine. We won’t go putting ideas in the poor, puritanical alpha’s head. Can’t be a corrupting influence on young minds now, can we?”

  “You’re incorrigible.”

  “That’s why you love me.”

  Zac couldn’t hide a smile. “It is.”

  He’d spent the week doing what he did best these days—ignoring the problems piling up in his metaphorical closet. He could barely close the door, but at least he didn’t have to look at them.

  “Aaron called again.”

  Zac winced and busied himself straightening the throw over the couch.

  “Oh? How’s he settling in.”

  “Great. He said they’re still getting lost every time they leave their apartment, but they’ve finally managed to eat out and actually order what they wanted.”

  “Sounds like they’re making a success of things.”

  “The thing is, duck, he said the clinic’s still trying to get a hold of him. They’re being pretty persistent about it. He got a letter. It doesn’t say much, just that there’s been some kind of error, and it’s urgent that they talk to him. He’s guessing it’s a finance thing, except the insurance company’s been silent. Aaron wants to know if you need him to contact the clinic just to see what’s going on?”

  Zac struggled to take a breath. “No. Tell him it’s fine, to just ignore them. They have to stop eventually, right?”

  “Maybe.” Harper came to stand beside him. “But it sounds to me like this isn’t about the insurance at all. This is about something else. What did the doctor at the community clinic say? And don’t give me that crap about everything being fine. You and I both know it’s not.”

  With a shuddering breath, Zac shook his head, unable to hold back the tears.

  “They made a mistake.”

  Harper put an arm around his shoulders and guided him to sit on the couch.

  “What kind of a mistake, duck? Come on, you’re scaring me here. What did those incompetent bastards do?”

  It was easier to start with what they hadn’t done.

  “Well, they didn’t put in a contraceptive implant.”

  Harper’s concerned expression became a frown.

  “Okay… that’s not good. No implant. What did they do? Why the nausea? Why didn’t you tell me this last Friday?”

  “Because they put in something else. That’s the reason I’m nauseous.”

  “Something else? Like a different kind of implant?” Harper flailed around, searching for an explanation.

  “Like… like an embryo. They did IVF, only on the wrong person, and now… and now—”

  “And now you’re pregnant,” Harper finished. “Oh, hell, Zac. I’m so sorry.”

  He let Harper pull him into a hug and cried on his shoulder. It was all a horrible, terrible mess he didn’t know how to fix.

  “Well, look on the bright side,” Harper joked. “At least you’ll be heat-free for the next nine months.”

  Zac was so startled, he pulled back to stare at Harper incredulously. They looked at one another for a long moment before bursting into laughter. Harper tugged him back into an embrace as the laughter segued into tears once again.

  “Well, this is a mess and a half. Only you could walk into a clinic for contraception and leave with a baby.”

  “Yeah. Lucky me, huh?”

  “You should play the lottery, the way this month is going.” He rubbed a hand up and down Zac’s back as Zac hiccupped, the tears slowing. “Uh, Zac?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t mean to ask bad questions, but how are you so sure it’s IVF and not… something else? There’s more than one way to get pregnant.”

  “It’s not my baby.” At least Zac could say that with certainty. “You don’t ovulate with hyper-heats as severe as mine.”

  “Oh, good. So this isn’t some egotistical alpha doctor trying to create a race of genetically superior babies?”

  There was a pause.

  “I sure hope not.” He tried to sound serious, but a giggle escaped.

  “All joking aside, what did the community clinic say? What are you going to do?”

  “They didn’t say much. They strongly suggested I contact the original clinic to find out what happened. But, for obvious reasons, that’s not possible. Otherwise, they said just to contact them if I made up my mind to… end it.”

  “That’s it?” Harper was disgusted. “That’s all the advice they gave you? Contact the place that managed to accidentally impregnate you, or come back to them if you decide to rid yourself of the problem?”

  “What else could they say? I wouldn’t tell them what clinic I was treated at, and they couldn’t do more than confirm the pregnancy for me.”

  “You should have told me, duck.”

  The hurt in Harper's voice stung.

  “I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”

  He pressed his face to Harper’s shirt, hiding from him, and the world.

  “Why not?” Harper asked softly.

  “Because… Because telling you would have made it real. I wasn’t ready for it to be real.”

  “And you are now? Does that mean you’ve made up your mind?”

  Zac had been in turmoil all week over it. It hadn’t helped that he’d learned Luca was born by IVF and how much Beckett wanted—no, needed—a sibling for him through a surrogate. It made him feel selfish for even considering ending the pregnancy.

  “No, I haven’t made any decisions. But it’s not as simple as whether I keep the baby or not. It’s not my baby. It’s someone else’s. Imagine how badly they must have wanted it, how they must be feeling now wondering if someone else—some stranger—is wandering around with their baby growing inside them.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want to get rid of it?”

  “I know it’s my choice, because it’s in my body, but it doesn’t feel right.”

  “Fair enough. But if you are going to continue with the pregnancy, what then?” Harper held Zac’s hands in his, his touch comforting.

  “That’s just it. I don’t know. It’s not like I can come clean to the clinic without getting both me and Aaron in trouble. And you too, since it’s going to be obvious you knew what was going on. Medical fraud’s no joke.”

  Harper hummed thoughtfully.

  “What if Aaron pretended to be you, pretending to be him, and told them he was pregnant?”

  It took a minute for Zac’s brain to decode that tongue twister.

  “And then what? They’ll want to confirm it, they’ll want proof. Besides, he’s in a whole different country. Even if we wanted to pretend to be the same person, we’d nev
er pull it off. The risk of getting caught is too high. Medical fraud carries a prison sentence, you know that. The only reason Aaron agreed to any of this was because he was going to be out of the country until the statute of limitations ran out.”

  “Then what, Zac? What’s going to put this right?”

  He shrugged and admitted, “I just don’t know. I wish I did.”

  Harper sighed and sagged against the couch. “How’s the nausea?”

  “The same. The doctor says it should ease off by twelve weeks or so. Unless I’m unlucky.”

  “I think we’ve already proven that you have the equivalent of a lifetime of broken mirrors, duck.”

  He pulled away, folding his arms.

  “Thanks, Harper. That makes me feel much better.”

  The other omega cuddled into his side. “Don’t be like that. It’s a shit situation, there’s no denying it. But you’re healthy, and the baby’s healthy. You have a job with a swanky little apartment. Things aren’t all that grim.”

  “Sure. Except for the fact that it’s not my baby, my job and this apartment will go up in smoke as soon as I start showing, and once this baby is out of me, I might be right back to hyper-heats and my life slowly circling the drain.”

  Harper stilled next to him. “You’re right, duck. Let’s focus on the worst-case scenario. That’ll make you feel better.”

  “I don’t think there’s any way to feel better about this situation.”

  “Would ice cream help?”

  He gave the question due consideration.

  “Mint chocolate chip?”

  “Of course.”

  “With chocolate sauce?”

  “And sprinkles.”

  “Maybe that would help a little.”

  “Then let’s go.”

  Harper heaved up off the couch, reaching out a hand. Zac let himself be pulled to his feet and hustled to the door, accepting the coat Harper handed to him.

  “We’ll put our thinking caps on, duck. There must be some way to do this that doesn’t end with all three of us in jail. Prison orange really isn’t my color. And you’ve got a baby to think of.”

  Zac laughed despite himself.

  “At least I have you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  Harper grinned. “You won’t be saying that in eight months’ time when your feet are swollen, and you can’t bend over to tie your own shoes. Then it’ll be all, ‘this whole thing was your idea, Harper. Why did you do this to me?’”

  Zac just shook his head and followed Harper out.

  They ate ice cream, wandered around the city, and stopped for pizza and beer on the way home. Well, Harper had beer. Zac grumbled and complained but stuck to soda all the same. He felt a whole lot better for having told someone, even if Harper was just as clueless as him about what he should do next.

  When he arrived back at Beckett’s, he decided to get a head start on breakfast the next morning and let himself into the main house so he could make the waffle batter.

  It was past Luca’s bedtime, and there was no sign that the little boy was still up, but Zac could hear Beckett’s voice. He passed close to his office on the way to the kitchen. While he wasn’t near enough to make out the words, and wasn’t one to eavesdrop even if he could have, he heard a second person speak. Another alpha, he guessed. Betas couldn’t quite manage that deep intonation that an alpha could. Beckett was clearly upset, though. Zac hoped it wasn’t a problem with the business.

  He heard Beckett walk his guest to the front door a few minutes later and decided to fill the kettle. While he finished off the waffle batter, he made tea, carrying it through the house in search of the alpha. He found him in the lounge, sitting on an armchair, his head in his hands.

  “I brought you some tea.”

  Beckett jolted, lifting his head. His eyes were red-rimmed, but Zac couldn’t tell if it was emotion or exhaustion. It was probably both.

  “It’s chamomile. It’s supposed to help you sleep.”

  The alpha didn’t speak, so Zac set the cup down on the table in front of him and went to take his own cup to his room.

  “Wait, Zac. Stay for a bit? If you don’t mind.”

  “Of course I don’t mind. I just wasn’t sure you wanted company.”

  He padded back into the room and curled up on the armchair opposite Beckett.

  Beckett picked up his tea and took a sip, making a face at the taste. Zac hid a grin. The alpha was a coffee man, through and through.

  “Did Luca have fun with his grandmother?”

  “Yeah. She took him to a petting zoo. All he could talk about were the piglets.”

  They lapsed into silence, Zac leaving space for Beckett to talk if he wanted to. There was obviously something weighing on the alpha’s mind.

  “Luca starts pre-treatment on Monday. It’s hard to believe we’re going down this road again. It feels like we only just finished the last round. He never gets time to just be a kid, you know?”

  “But it’s not forever,” Zac said softly. “Just until…”

  Beckett set his cup down.

  “That’s just it. There might not be an until.”

  Zac eyed Beckett closely, having a better idea of the reason for his distress.

  “It didn’t work out with the surrogate?”

  “I don’t know—that’s the problem. Something went wrong, and now I’m left in the dark. It’s the not knowing that’s killing me. There’s having hope and there’s having no hope, and I’m stuck in this limbo.”

  It was an apt word to use. Luca's chances of living or dying hung in the balance, and Beckett’s surrogate made all the difference.

  The whole idea sent a surge of guilt through Zac for his own predicament. If it was just him who’d face the consequences, he’d hold up his hand and admit to everything. But they’d been cracking down on medical fraud in recent years. He wouldn’t just ruin his own life, but Aaron and Harper’s too. And all they’d done was try to help him.

  “I’m sorry,” Beckett said suddenly, leaning forward. “It’s not fair to put this on your shoulders.”

  Zac had let the silence grow too long, making things uncomfortable.

  “It’s not unfair. I need to know these things. And I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. What I do know is that you get through times like these one day at a time. Our focus is Luca. Whatever happens, he’s going to need us.”

  “You’re right,” Beckett said hoarsely. “I just wish I could do better by him.”

  “You’re doing great. The week I started, you had your phone out every mealtime, and Luca never finished his plate. This week, your phone hasn’t been out once, and he’s polished off every meal. That’s what being a parent is about, Beckett. It’s as much the small stuff as it is the big.”

  He got the ghost of a smile from the alpha.

  “I’m glad you’re here. I wouldn’t want to be facing the next few weeks and months without you.”

  Zac felt a flash of panic and a pang of guilt at that. Would Beckett be singing his praises in a few months’ time when he could no longer hide his condition?

  “I’ll do my best for Luca for as long as I can.”

  Beckett’s smile was stronger this time. “We’re so lucky we found you. For Luca’s sake, and for mine. The other nannies—things were always awkward between us. It felt like I was constantly being judged and found wanting. But with you, I feel like you want me to succeed. And not just for Luca’s sake.” He shook his head with a wry smile. “I’m sorry. Here I am waffling on, and you probably just want to drink your tea and get to bed.”

  “It is getting late.” Zac smiled as he uncurled from the armchair and set his feet on the floor.

  Beckett’s eyes narrowed suddenly, sending a flutter of fear through him. Had he spotted something? Did he suspect?

  “Cat,” the alpha said with certainty.

  “Uh… what?”

  “Your shifter animal. It’s from the cat family, isn’t it?”


  Zac felt his cheeks color. “How did you guess?”

  Beckett grinned in triumph. “You lounge like a cat, even on someone else’s furniture.”

  Zac suspected his cheeks were bright red. “Sorry. I like to be comfortable, wherever I am.”

  “Don’t apologize,” Beckett insisted. “It’s endearing. Trust me.”

  And all of a sudden, they were tiptoeing past a line that Zac always vowed never to cross. He felt a chill sweep his skin and dropped his gaze to his empty cup.

  “I should get to bed. Goodnight, Beckett.”

  There was a pause and a sigh that sounded just a little regretful. “Goodnight, Zac.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Beckett had made it awkward between them. He hadn’t meant to, but it had been a long time since he’d had an omega acting so casual and comfortable around him. He’d forgotten how it felt, that bone-deep satisfaction of knowing Zac felt safe enough around him to let down his guard. He knew it was an instinctual, primal thing that society was supposed to have moved past. But he didn’t think you outgrew instinct. Suppressed, yes. Erased, no.

  He worried that Zac would withdraw after their late-night encounter, that he’d work on putting more distance between them or use Luca like a shield. That wouldn’t have been fair to Luca, and the blame would lay squarely at Beckett’s feet. But Zac acted like nothing untoward had happened, knuckling down to help get Luca through his pre-treatment.

  Zac had Luca’s schedule pinned up on the fridge. Beckett checked it every day, marked in times he’d be out, meetings during which he couldn’t be interrupted, and sometimes made suggestions. He noted that, this week, things had shifted around a lot. Meals were at normal times, but there were twice as many snack times listed. There was a blocked-off, hour-long gap every morning, which was when the nurse would come to the house to give Luca his medication. It was followed by a different game every day.

  Beckett, concerned at first since he suspected Luca wouldn’t be in any shape for playing afterward, stuck around after the nurse left on that first day. He walked into the playroom carrying Luca in his arms and found the room had been transformed. There were sheets, blankets, cushions, and pillows piled on the floor. Everywhere he looked, there were little nooks and crannies that a toddler might fall asleep in. There was a definite theme to the room, the walls decorated with blue waves.