Half of Me

by J. M. Paul

  * * *

  TINKER BELL

  A warm hand wraps around my waist and pulls me backward against an impressive erection. Hot, wet lips trail up my neck to my ear, and teeth clench down on my earlobe.

  My heart starts pounding, competing against my lungs for space in my chest. Both feel like they’re swelling, growing. This might be a dream, but I’m hungry, so damn hungry, for more of this feeling that I don’t care to ever wake up.

  “Please,” slips past my lips.

  I gasp when fingers play against my breasts. They’re already full and sensitive, begging for a mercy only my dream can give me. The teasing fingers brush my erect nipples and pinch—hard. I pant and jerk back, rubbing on the firm ridge pressed against my behind.

  “You’re so responsive. I can’t get enough of you.” The voice is so low and gruff, it makes the hair on the back of my neck rise, and my entire body erupts in goose bumps.

  “Jacob, please,” I moan loudly.

  It’s his voice in my dream, and I call out to him, begging for something I’m not sure of how to ask for.

  A small child mumbles next to me, and my eyes fly open to search my surroundings. I’m in Jacob’s living room, the Christmas tree is glowing, and the fire is fading embers.

  “Shh.” Jacob’s mouth is at my ear, his breath slightly labored.

  Oh my God. We almost got caught again!

  We must have all fallen asleep in the big pile of blankets and pillows while watching Christmas movies. Shifting my head to search behind me, I breathe out in relief to see that at least one of us remembered to put Jenna in her pack and play before we dozed off.

  This definitely isn’t a dream.

  “What are we doing?” I squirm away from Jacob and sit straight to peer down at him. In the low light, I can’t see much, but I know his attention is completely focused on me. Every nerve ending in my body can feel him.

  Jacob sits up and presses his mouth to mine. The kiss is gentle but needy. When he pulls back, I can see his eyes are molten lava.

  “Do you want me?” The question comes out on a growl.

  I’ve denied myself what I’ve wanted for so long that I can’t continue to do so. I promised I would give myself a sexy present for Christmas, and Jacob is what I need.

  “Yes, more than I’ve wanted anything,” I answer honestly.

  Without another word, he grabs my hand and pulls us both to our feet. Before I know it, I’m swept up into his arms, bride-style. I yelp, but Jacob’s mouth slams down on mine, crushing and soft, muffling the sounds that are trying to escape. We’re moving, but I can’t find it in me to care. The only thing I can concentrate on is Jacob’s mouth.

  Our kiss is velvet lust that soon turns sweetly violent. For far too long, we’ve denied our bodies what they want most—each other.

  Jacob’s hand stretches around me to caress my breast while his tongue assaults mine with a rolling passion I never knew could exist between two people. He’s in complete control of the kiss and me, and I willingly surrender. I’m his in any way he wants me. I need him to take me, devour me, and conquer me.

  He stops when we reach the end of the hallway, and he fumbles with opening his bedroom door. When it finally releases, he walks in and kicks it closed.

  I break our kiss. “What about Jagger?”

  I worry he’ll wake up, frightened and alone, in the living room and come looking for one of us.

  “He had a busy and exciting day. I’m sure he’ll sleep until at least eight o’clock tomorrow morning without even moving.”

  Jacob sets me down at the side of his bed. It’s pitch-black in here until he walks to the bathroom and turns on the light. Closing the door until only a slight crack remains to diffuse the glow, he prowls in my direction.

  When he stands before me, his ravenous eyes wander over my body, and I suddenly feel self-conscious about my addiction to everything Disney—most especially in this moment, my pajamas. If I could turn back time, I would make a smarter, sexier choice in sleepwear, but I was dressing for the kids at that time. I didn’t know my real Christmas present would come just before midnight and with Jacob acting like a starving animal.

  He reaches behind his neck, grabs the collar of his T-shirt, and rips it over his head in a way only a man can do. The material is thrown to the floor, and before I get a chance to admire the piece of artwork before me, Jacob is on me.

  His mouth crashes onto mine, his tongue immediately seeking entrance to my cavern, and I open without hesitation. As he sweeps in like a lion, feral to the core, his mouth dominates mine. He takes over every part of me without effort. I’ve never experienced this type of yearning in myself or from a man, and it’s exhilarating and overwhelming.

  I want him. Right here, right now. I want to release our lust for each other out of the cage we put it in all those months ago when we met in the park and to let it roam wild.

  My hands grasp at his neck. His skin is hot to my touch, making my body even greedier for him.

  Jacob’s mouth pulls from mine to whisper a slew of kisses from my cheek, down my throat, and to where my neck and shoulder meet. He bites my skin with hunger and longing, causing me to groan deep in my throat.

  One of his hands slips low over my stomach, hiking up the hem of my Mickey and Pluto ugly-sweater pajamas. The feel of his touch against my stomach puts every nerve in my body on overdrive and makes it dance in anticipation.

  He lifts the sweater over my head and throws it to the floor. I’m bare beneath, and a growl vibrates in his chest at the sight of me. It causes a longing to build between my legs, and I rub them together to try to lessen the ache.

  He steps back, and I’m immediately cold at the loss of his warmth.

  “You’re beautiful, Joslyn.” There’s longing in his voice, and it sends chills down my arms. “Take off your pants for me.”

  For the first time in my life, I’m not shy. Without hesitation, I pull my leggings down my thighs. Jacob’s molten eyes follow my every move, and it releases a feminine power within me that I’ve never felt before. This man knows what he wants, lets nothing stop him from obtaining what he sets his sights upon, and for now, that’s me.

  I want to give him what he desires, to pretend I’m the physically confident woman Juliana and every woman before her more than likely was, and I’m her…until I kick off my pants to stand before Jacob in my panties. I see his eyes zero in on my underwear, and it’s only then that I realize I was in no way prepared to strip for him.

  My gaze follows his and sees Tinker Bell standing loud and proud just above the V between my legs. I’m pretty sure the people at Disney never envisioned their little fairy to be a star in a porno. At least, that’s what this is in my head because I’ve never experienced a more erotic moment in my life, and Jacob’s barely done anything to me.

  “Shit. I’m sorry.” I feel my cheeks heat. “I-I wasn’t expecting anyone to see”—I motion toward myself—“this.”

  Jacob’s dilated pupils find mine, and his face is savage. “Don’t apologize. The only thing that would’ve made this better is if you were wearing Hello Kitty.” He winks and flashes me a knowing smile.

  My eyes go wide, my cheeks pink, and I swallow. “It—Hello Kitty’s not Disney.”

  Dear God, I’m so lame! What made me say that?

  A dark chuckle rumbles in Jacob’s chest before he takes the rest of me in. It’s then I remember my scars from surgery, and I wrap my arms over my stomach to try to hide the ugliness that is now me.

  Anger flares in Jacob’s eyes, and he moves closer. “Don’t be self-conscious with me. Let all of your insecurities go, Joslyn. It’s just you and me in here.” He brushes his nose down my neck and murmurs, “You’re absolutely gorgeous,” against my skin before he presses a soft kiss to my throat. Slightly pulling back, he looks me in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

  I nod.

  He gently pulls my arms from around my waist, and his evident longing builds a deep want low in my stoma
ch.

  “I want to see your scars. All of them. Physically and emotionally.” He wraps his hands around my waist. “You might feel broken, but you’re not weak. You might be scarred, but you’re not flawed. You’re perfect the way you are. Because of what you’ve been through.”

  His words settle a storm that has been brewing inside me for over a year, and just like that, all of my self-doubt evaporates.

  Jacob plasters his body against mine. The hardness of him sinks into the softness of me, and I fight back the purr that wants to vibrate up my throat. His mouth seeks mine and consumes me before I can say anything.

  I’m not used to talking in the bedroom. The guys I’ve been with wanted to get down to business, and I never complained. Maybe because I wasn’t sure of myself or maybe because I didn’t know there was any other way. But, without knowing much about Jacob’s habits between the sheets, I can almost guarantee, I’m about to receive a lesson in intimacy that I have never experienced before.

  Without preamble, Jacob fists my underwear in his hands and pushes them down my legs. When he moves back up my body, his mouth and stubble rub against my skin, leaving a rough trail of moisture from my belly button all the way up to my breasts. With his eyes steady on mine, his lips suck the tip of my erect nipple before he draws it into his mouth in one quick, hard pull. He bites the skin and then soothes the sting with his tongue.

  My back arches, pushing myself further into him, and a breathless groan escapes from me. We’re still standing by his bed, and I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. He’s worked me up to the point of exploding, and all he’s done is kiss me. I’m desperate for him, for him to relieve the aching need that’s clawing its way up my core, turning every part of my body into an inferno.

  He tweaks my nipple at the same time his fingers seek out the most sensitive part of me.

  “Fuck,” he snarls. “You’re too good to be true, Jos.”

  He’s never called me Jos before. The one-syllable nickname sends something soaring inside me that wasn’t already set free.

  Abruptly pulling away, he grinds his jaw and flares his nostrils. His stance tells me he’s desperately grasping at control—his rigid muscles, his clenched fists, and his rapidly rising and falling chest.

  Oh, how I want him to lose every ounce of control. To let me see and feel everything he’s been holding back since we met.

  “I want to take my time with you, to be gentle, because I know it’s your first time since your surgery, but I’m not confident I have it in me to do so.” His voice is rough, raw.

  “Then, don’t.” I step closer to him. “I want this, Jacob. However you want to give it to me.” I’m surprised at how confident I sound, but he makes me feel strong.

  Before I know what’s happening, Jacob’s pushing me back until my knees hit the side of his bed. One shove from him, and I’m dropping down onto the mattress while his massive body is looming over me from the edge.

  He yanks down his lounge pants, and I’m breathless at the vision of him standing nude in front of me. When I tear my attention away from his physique, his eyes reflect my sense of awe as his gaze roams over me.

  My heart is pumping out a crescendo as he opens the drawer of his bedside table and pulls out a foil packet. He lifts it to his mouth, rips it open with his teeth, and sheathes himself without breaking his gaze away from mine.

  “I apologize for how quick this is going to be,” Jacob says as his body crawls over mine. “You have me worked up beyond belief, and it’s been months since I’ve been with anyone.” He grabs my hands and pins them over my head, pressing them firmly into the mattress. “I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”

  He moves between my legs and positions himself, and with one jolt, he pushes inside me. I release a desperate breath, and he stills above me.

  “Are you okay?” A deep shudder vibrates through his body.

  I can’t speak as pain and pleasure swirl together inside me. I try to nod, to catch my breath, but all that leaves my body is a deep groan.

  Opening my eyes, I see him watching me. The reverent look claiming his features tells me what I need to know about what’s happening between us. Jacob is everything I’ve ever wanted and everything I never thought I’d have. We might lose everything tomorrow when reality slams back into us, so I grasp on to what we have right now.

  He starts to move inside me, and it doesn’t matter that it’s quick and swift. I’m swept away by him, tumbling and turning, until we fall apart together, proving my body isn’t broken, like I feared.

  CHAPTER 22

  * * *

  NO HARM, NO FOUL

  “Four?” the hostess asks when we step up to the podium.

  “Four, counting this cutie.” Jacob holds up the carrier to show Jenna.

  “Of course. Right this way.” She leads us to a booth. “Do you need a high chair?”

  “Yes, please.” I toss the diaper bag onto the seat and help Jagger out of his coat, hat, and mittens. “Where do you want to sit, buddy? With Daddy or me?”

  “Daddy!” Jagger says.

  His enthusiasm to sit with Jacob slices at my insides, but as I have to constantly remind myself, he’s not my son, and he’ll choose his father over me every time—which he should. I understand completely, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt because I so desperately want my own child who would pick me above anyone else.

  It’s not in the cards, Joslyn. Move on already.

  That’s much easier said than done.

  We climb into the booth, order our drinks and meals, and watch Jagger color while we wait for our food to be delivered.

  “What are your plans for tonight?” Jacob swirls the straw around in his glass.

  It’s New Year’s Eve, and Jacob wanted to take us out to lunch.

  Since we slept together on Christmas night—not that there was much sleeping—he’s been actively trying to spend more quality time with the three of us. He tries to get home at a reasonable hour, and he spends less time in his home office. At night, after the kids go to bed, we either end up in his bed or mine—although my bed tends to be too small for him to successfully pull off the antics he likes to display.

  Jacob is by far the best lover I’ve ever taken—not that I have much experience in the bedroom. He’s quickly learned what I like, and he isn’t shy about demanding what he wants from me or taking it. It’s liberating, not to have to worry about what I should be doing or what he desires. I’m able to let loose and simply enjoy being in the moment. And, dear God, does he give good moments.

  “I’m not sure what we’re doing. I’ll call Maya when we get back, but it’ll more than likely involve drinking and dancing—two of her favorite things.” I grin.

  He keeps staring and playing with his straw. Jagger chats happily to himself as he colors, and Jenna is entertained with watching everything happening around us.

  Reaching across the table, I still Jacob’s hand. When he finally lifts his gaze to mine, I ask, “Is everything okay?”

  It’s unlike him to be so quiet or to not say what’s on his mind.

  “Do you plan on picking up guys tonight?” The question is low, grating.

  Ah. So, this is what’s bothering him.

  “Well, I’m not sure.”

  His piercing eyes slam me back into the booth. “What do you mean, you’re not sure?”

  I clear my throat. “I’m not sure because I’m not certain if I’m available or not. I haven’t really discussed semantics with the guy I’m”—I watch Jagger to make sure he’s not listening—“sleeping with.”

  “I’d say you’re doing a hell of a lot more than sleeping with him,” Jacob growls.

  “Jacob…”

  He glances at Jagger, who’s oblivious to our discussion, and then turns back to me. “Maybe it’s time you discussed the details with him.”

  “Okay, so what are we?” I arch a brow.

  “We are, dating exclusively.” He leans over the table, so only I can hea
r when he grumbles, “If we’re in bed together, we don’t crawl into bed with anyone else. Understood? I will not share you.”

  His authoritative tone sends a delicious shiver through my body. I love when he goes all alpha male on me.

  We’re dating?

  I thought we were just sleeping together. His explanation of our relationship sends another blissful quiver through my system.

  “Definitely understood.” Resting my chin on my hand, a slow smile creeps onto my lips.

  His scowl loosens, and eventually, the corner of his mouth twitches. “Good. Then, that—”

  “Look who we have here.” A deep voice sounds behind me, interrupting Jacob.

  Jacob glances up, and all the humor washes from his face, replaced with a coldness I’ve never seen in him. His muscles tense, his eyes turn hard, a vein at his temple pulses, and he grinds his teeth together so strongly, I fear he’ll chip a tooth.

  “Hey, Jake. Long time no see, bro.”

  A guy I’ve never met before steps up to our table and slaps Jacob on the back. His longish, thick hair is the color of field oats. He’s slender rather than tall, and he has a shadow of a beard over his hard jaw. If I squeeze one eye closed and tilt my head, he faintly resembles a rough Bradley Cooper.

  “Clay.” The word is ground out through Jacob’s clenched jaw.

  “How’ve you been?” The guy—Clay—glances at me. His blue eyes widen, and he licks his thin lips before they quirk up into what I presume is supposed to be a suggestive smirk. “And who is this lovely lady?”

  Clay offers me his hand, and I reluctantly take it.

  “Clay,” he says.

  “Joslyn.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you, Jos—”

  “What do you want, Clay?” Jacob’s sharp tone is loaded with impatience.

  “Just wanted to stop over and say hi to an old friend. Hey, Jagger.” Clay waves.

  “Hi,” Jagger says shyly before going back to coloring.

  Jenna squeals, like she’s jealous of the attention her brother’s getting, and Clay looks at her, like it’s the first time he’s noticed her.