The Poisonous Biscuit

by Paul Edwards

  Coming back, the waitress quizzed them.

  "Everything OK with your meals?"

  "Yes thanks" Jeffrey responded.

  In the entrance to the 'ballroom', John was pinned to the ground by Andria, who had him in a strange position.

  "We learn this at karate."

  "Get off!"

  "I think I'd rather stay like this, until you calm down."

  "I am calm!!!" he shouted loudly.

  "I'm going to count to ten and let you go, but there's nowhere to run to. One, two three four five six seven eight nine ten."

  She released him and he got up, not looking happy. He walked to the door, looked at her and then tried the handle again.

  "Are you not enjoying this game John?"

  He looked at her, his face was red as he was trying to escape the room. Andria walked over to him and asked him one more time.

  "John, we could play this game more often if you want?"

  Giving up, John started to talk.

  "I've had enough, you win!"

  Then out of the blue, from nowhere, John grabbed hold of her head and kissed her on the lips! Feeling embarrassed, he looked away, then he looked back at her.

  "Don't worry John, this doesn't have to happen again if you don't want. We can just forget about this if you want."

  John paused, thinking for a moment. Then he grabbed hold of her head one more time.

  "I don't want this to be over! I want you Andria!"

  He kissed her once again and then he gave her a massive hug. He held her hand and then she unlocked the door which they walked out of. They sat on the couch in the living room and lied down next to each other, but unlike in a usual situation, John was the one lying in her arms. It was as if she was like a sugar mummy to him, even though she wasn't anywhere near old enough to be his Mum. He kissed her once again, and his heart was beating fast, but this time not because of fear.

  "I love you Andria, I can't believe it took this to realise I like being captured by you. Maybe you would like to capture my heart for ever."

  "Oh John, I would love to do that. I mean it was going to happen anyway, but now is better than later."

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Hannah was having the time of her life with Jake. They were at the top of a large hill and were looking down at the world below. She was so glad she'd met Jake for a number of reasons. As they both looked down, they saw many buildings from far away, some were large and some were small. Also, there were beautiful daffodils in the field, such a lovely yellow colour which they admired. Next to them were some little flowers about a quarter of the size, these had little white heads on them. Not far to one side, there were three sheep next to each other, somehow managing not to fall over despite appearing to be tilted to the side due to where they were standing. They could see a river, which flowed through the valley below, once which was blue and not corrupted with plastic bottles.

  Of course, Hannah only thought of Jake as being like a friend, for now, but how long would this be the case for? She didn't like John the way he liked her and now she was sat with this man in one of the most romantic spots of nature on earth. While they were sitting there, they heard a loud noise coming from the sky, one that sounded like metal scraping against metal. It was thunder no doubt. They looked at each other and then stood up. Wind started blowing and they headed towards the cafe in the corner. Getting to the door, they just about avoided what was coming. Rain started pouring down, fast. They were almost drenched, but only got slightly wet as they got the door open fast and went in.

  One minute, to them the sky appeared to be sunny, it seemed like a great and wonderful day. Then only minutes later, things had changed drastically. Hannah commented on what had just happened.

  "Isn't life so unpredictable Jake?"

  "Yes, it is isn't it."

  "What will happen next?"

  "We will get poisoned in the cafe?" he joked.

  Hannah pulled a shocked face and then joked back.

  "You mean you might die from poison in the cafe, if I decide to kill you next."

  They both laughed and from that moment onwards, there seemed to be a much stronger connection between them. Hannah was so comforted by the fact that this man did not suspect her of a thing. He may have dressed in a strange manner, but Hannah saw past all that, in fact, she seemed to enjoy the change in scenery. An elderly lady come over to them.

  "Can I get you anything?"

  "I'll have tea please, what about you Jake? On me."

  "I'll have the same thanks."

  The kind sweet elderly lady walked away after smiling at them, then she started making the tea. While this was happening, Jake had a little confession.

  "Sorry, I'm broke otherwise you know I'd offer to pay." Hannah smiled and responded.

  "If it makes you feel any better, you win because you've burned a hole in my pocket and I win because my pride is bigger than yours, does that make us even?"

  He smiled back, while pulling a shocked face, but he could not fault her logic. Hannah was not poor, and she loved helping those who needed help, she was grateful he went to the effort of driving in his car rather than making her drive. Of course though, this did not go unnoticed and Jake had something to say about her car.

  "I've noticed that you have a nice car outside your house, is that yours by any chance?"

  "Hmm, maybe."

  "Come on now, is it? You know I want to have a go in it, don't you?"

  "Oh, I'm sure you do. We shall see."

  Hannah smiled, she liked being appreciated for her style, and she was enjoying the fact that there was something else she could do to make her new friend happy. A few minutes later she added in a random comment, implying obvious consent.

  "Just don't crash it into a brick wall!"

  Kwiatoslaw said goodbye to his fairly new friends and they all started to head their way back. Before they left, Kwiatoslaw made a little remark

  "In a way, it's nice being the only male in the house. Don't get me wrong, I miss my children, but things are now better in other ways."

  They both looked at him for a moment, as if they were trying to work out what he meant. Then Josh spoke up.

  "Lucky you, there's no women in my house. Or actually, maybe I prefer it that way?"

  "Come on guys" Jeffrey replied, wondering how far they would take their jokes. Kwiatoslaw then rethought what he had said.

  "OK, I’m joking a little, but I think we can all agree that this friendship group is a good idea. Let's get it going. I might not have Ben in the house, and to be honest I do miss that, nothing will ever change that, but I'm glad I still have my buddies who I can meet outside. See you later guys."

  "Cya" the other two replied, and of they all went. As they got into the carpark, Kwiatoslaw started looking around and then realised he had no way of getting home.

  "Oh, I better ring Hannah."

  "Don't be silly, jump in" Josh volunteered.

  Once again, he got into Josh's car and they went on, down the road, or up the road from there rather. Another forty minutes of driving was due, longer still for Josh in fact, once Kwiatoslaw got out and then he still had to go home. It was nice for Kwiatoslaw that he could have such good friends who were there for him all the time. Arguably, they were his best friends.

  "Do you not have other friends more your age Josh?"

  "I do, yes, but most of them are atheists, and they haven't got the same kind of interests as me, nor are they very patient or tolerant in my experience."

  "Hmm, well, I must say, I had other friends, but it all changed when I got married. Some were atheists, some were even Muslims, but once you get a wife you don't have time for your friends anymore. That's one of the reasons I think this group Jeffrey is setting up is great, as it's full of people who are committed and patient, people who will put the effort in and bother to turn up to things."

  "I agree, sadly most people will not put the effort in, but hopefully this will draw people together. I think
Fr de Limpias is actually going to organise a talk each week, preceding that will be an evening mass and then after the talk there will be coffee. It will be the only group exclusively for men to meet together. This then uniting us will hopefully help us to meet outside the formal group when we get to know each other."

  "That sounds great Josh, who is Fr de Limpias?"

  "Oh, sorry, he is the assistant who has been helping Fr Marshall occasionally. He is the very memorable one who just says what he thinks and people like him for that."

  "Well Josh, I must say, as men that is one of our problems today, we are very passive and always scared what others will think, whether it be our friends or our wives, so we end up never saying what we think. If Fr de Limpias is different, then good for him."

  Of course, despite being about ten years different in age, Josh didn't care who he was friends with, they were all adult males as far as he was concerned, and that was better than having random friends who couldn't be bothered with him merely because they were born in the exact same year.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  It was a stormy Monday morning and Richard was set to start his work. It appeared that the weather had not improved much since the day before sadly. He was about to ring a taxi to head for Orangely Hall and then he had a thought. He picked up the phone and called John.

  John: Hello.

  Richard: Hello, I'll be coming around soon. Have you seen the weather?

  John: I have yes, how are you going to get here?

  Richard: Well I suppose there's the train or the bus, or even a taxi in this weather. What would you do?

  John: Personally, I would drive........do you want me to pick you up?

  Richard: Now that you mention it, that would be kind. I'll see you when you’re ready, bye.

  John: See you in an hour, bye.

  Outside it was pouring with rain and there was no way he was going to step foot onto the ground unnecessarily. He was about to head down for breakfast and then it suddenly occurred to him that he was not spending any longer in the hotel, as Hannah had offered him a place at hers from Monday. In a panic, he started putting things away rather fast. He brushed his teeth, skipped having a shower and started folding the clothes which he'd got out of his case. While he was in the middle of all that there was a knock on the room door. Standing at the door was John, wearing a white pair of gloves.

  "What's all this about?"

  "What? ... Oh, the gloves, I thought I'd do it for a laugh and see if you'd notice, since I'm your driver for the day."

  "Oh, I've noticed alright. By the way, I forgot I was leaving today so I had to skip breakfast to do my packing. I was thinking of going now before I do. If you'd care to take those silly gloves off would you like to join me? It's an all-inclusive breakfast."

  "That sounds great, let’s put your suitcase in the car first. I managed to find a place that's free for an hour's parking by the way."

  They headed downstairs, John kindly offering to carry his case, then headed to the car. After loading the boot, they headed back in for breakfast, then John remembered something.

  "Let's hope there’s no thief’s, as there is no boot cover in my car. I bought it second hand and there was never a cover hiding what's in the boot. I suppose it serves me right for buying an old banger."

  "Oh, I'm sure it will be alright here, this is quite a public area."

  Hannah decided it was time for a change in her life. She noticed there was a spark in her life now, something different which she couldn't quite put her finger on. Of course, she knew that Jake had made a difference even though she had only ever met him twice, but she wasn't really sure of what was exactly going on in the back of her mind. As she was sitting there Andria strolled in through the front door and sat next to her.

  "Where's my slave?" she joked.

  "He'll be back soon. Be gentle with him, ha-ha. By the way, I think it's working you distracting him, so in so many words I'm saying that I approve, keep doing it Andria."

  "Thanks, the only thing is, this time it's not just a game, you should've seen us the other day. This time I think I'm actually in love."

  "Really? Genuine love from you? That is a miracle. Just kidding, but I'm glad you actually feel something this time and I hope it doesn't just last a few weeks.”

  Andria ran her fingers through her hair and then looked up at Hannah.

  "I think he's cute."

  "Cute? What? I wouldn't call it that Amanda."

  "I don't care what it's called, I think I'm actually in love, I've never felt like this about any man before, never."

  "Incredible, two weirdos united at last" Hannah joked. A few minutes later, Hannah put the T.V. on for Andria after they'd finished their womanly discussion. Andria then spoke up again.

  "To be truthful, I used to hate men, I really did, but now I've found John, things have really changed. His soft heart of love has managed to pierce through this psychopathic heart of stone. He gave up his manly pride for me, and now I feel so guilty, no man has ever done that for me before. I feel so awful, I'm a horrible person!"

  Andria then proceeded try cry, tears fell down her face and she took the cushion and put it over her face to hide the fact, not that Hannah hadn't clearly already noticed. Hannah put her hand on Andria's shoulder.

  "Awwww, don't be silly, you're not horrible, everyone knows your nothing but a nice person."

  "Yes, in public I act so kind, but deep down I am horrible, especially when I speak to men face to face and we're alone. I've done some horrible things in my time."

  "Come on Andria, cheer up. To be fair, most of those men surely deserved it? Are you honestly saying you'd be horrible to a random barman?"

  "Erm... no... of course not."

  "Well there you are then, stop beating yourself up. You are not psychopathic you're just a little sly and you react to situations in your way, but I tell you what, I'll never forget the day you got that Sabastian of my back. Ok, you stalked him, you followed him home, you kept placing apples under his bed to freak him out and you left anonymous notes for him and then finally came clean and told him you'd do much worse if necessary! Yes, that seems a bit over the top, but you kept him away from me and stopped him from intimidating me and he never messed with me again. In short, what you caused was what any good friend would want to cause, even if you did it by your own methods, and so what, you're past is you're past, it's now what matters."

  Andria wiped the tears from her eyes with the tissue that Hannah had given her and then sat up straight, pulling herself together. She had decided, she would wait for John to come back and then would tell him exactly how she felt. Hannah then decided to break her own silence and be honest with herself.

  "OK, now, I've got something to tell you Andria, or more, I would like you're advise on something, seen as you're my best friend and have always looked out for me at all costs."

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  In the breakfast hall, there was a station set up with all the hot food. There were many metal containers with lids on top and Bunsen burners underneath. In one was bacon, scrambled egg in another, hash browns, tomatoes, sausages, black pudding and much more. There was another station next to it, with cereals and yoghurt and similar items. On the bar, there was on one side many different types of milk. John then decided to ask Richard a question.

  "Where are the fried eggs?"

  "You see all this, and you ask where fried eggs are?" John looked worried as if he had offended Richard, then he continued.

  "Just kidding ha-ha, you can actually order those from the waiter, as well as poached eggs or an omelette."

  They sat down and started to eat after helping themself to the all-inclusive buffet. John had piled his plate up with all sorted of things. Then he went back up to get some toast from the machine which toasted bread fast and then he got some juice from the side. He sat back down, and Richard then asked him a question.

  "Have you ever had poached egg before?"

  "No, I ha
ve not, what is it like?"

  "Well, it's an egg boiled in water."

  "Boiled egg? Everyone's had that."

  "Sorry, I should've been clearer, it's an egg boiled in water but without the shell."

  "Erm... is that even legal? I don't understand how that could possibly work."

  "Well, you're about to find out, because I've just ordered you one while you were at the toast station!"

  John looked shocked, he'd never had a poached egg before and was starting to feel a bit confused about the idea. He's nearly eaten a poisonous biscuit, but never eaten a poached egg!

  A pot of tea was brought over by the waiter to them as they were starting to eat. John took the lid off to squeeze the tea bags and then got a shock.

  "Tea leaves?"

  "Yes, it's much better that way. It's real tea, or original as my uncle would say."

  "Wow, I've never actually dealt with tea leaves before. Have you?"

  "I have done, yes. But relax, most people have never done so unless they are ancient. It's not the done thing anymore, but it does taste much better, as you'll find out in a minute."

  "Looking forward to it."

  As it had now had time to Brue, Richard started to pour the tea into the cups. He then poured in a dash of milk for John who then tasted it.

  "How is that?"

  "Delicious!"

  "And that's what you're going to think of poached eggs in a minute."

  As time went on, they discussed many things and finished their food, and then finally the poached eggs arrived after a good few minutes. John tasted the eggs, which were next to a little salad garnish and a little white sauce of some kind, presumably salad cream.

  "What do you think?"

  "Delicious! Just a shame that it takes so long to come."