The Poisonous Biscuit

by Paul Edwards

  "Well, if it didn't take so long then it probably wouldn't be fresh then would it?"

  "I guess so."

  Having finished their breakfast, they headed to the car, after Richard paid for John's breakfast, which was £18.95 per person for those not staying overnight.

  "What is it that you would like to tell me?" Andria asked Hannah.

  "Well, about this man, Jake. I've only met him twice, and I think I might feel something for him. He has long hair and a leather jacket, and he is the one who knew Inspector Richard. What do you think?"

  "Erm... Well, if it's only a thank you for him getting you off the hook, then I wouldn't bother."

  "It's not because of that!"

  "Are you sure? Think about this. Would you have liked him otherwise?"

  "Oh...Of course... Of course I would've done! But, I just wouldn't have had a reason for getting his number then sadly, and would've probably lost contact with him."

  Hannah stood up and walked into the kitchen, returning with a plate of biscuits for them to eat.

  "No poison this time?" Andria asked.

  "Ha-ha, would I really kill my partner in crime?" she joked back. Then, Andria ate the biscuits with her as they relaxed over a nice glass of pineapple juice.

  As they were sitting on the couch, the good old-fashioned couch which had been there for years, the door suddenly opened and then slammed shut. When the door was opened, papers went flying everywhere which were on the side, due to the storm outside. They both looked over their shoulders, then standing up when they saw who had walked in.

  "Inspector Richard, so nice to see you."

  "Nice to see you also Hannah."

  John looked at Andria through the distance, acting as if nobody knew about him and her. He seemed to think that it would be written all over his face and so he avoided even looking at her from then on. While Hannah and the Inspector were talking, around the corner Andria romantically pushed John against the wall and then in response he gave her a kiss on the lips. Then he put his finger on her lips afterwards as if to say 'ssshhh.'

  His pride was already in pieces, he didn't want anyone to know what was now going on between them, especially the Inspector of all people, and certainly not for him to find out about their really weird ways of acting with each other. Richard made a request to Hannah.

  "The first thing I need you to do is contact Julie and Sam, ask them why they left and if they want to speak to me here or for me to go and see them? Alternatively, we can make it official and the police can see them, the prerogative is theirs."

  Hannah picked up the phone to do as he requested. Meanwhile, the Inspector decided to pay a visit to the 'games room' to set it up as a kind of office, only to land himself in an embarrassing situation. He walked in and found out that two apparent enemies were in love! He walked in, and there was Andria and John hugging each other and kissing. His face turned white as a sheet, as did there's.

  "Sorry" he said, then immediately he left the room and shut the door behind him.

  "Oops" Andria said to John.

  "Now look what's happened. Don't you realise how stupid I now look?" John replied.

  "You’re my stupid boy. Just messing with you. Listen, they don't know anything about us really though, do they? And who cares what they think."

  "I care what they think! I am a man, and you are making me look like some effeminate girl!"

  "You don't need my help with that" she joked, then she felt guilty, "sorry, just kidding. Love you John."

  "Be more discreet!"

  John was furious. They left the room and John could hardly look the Inspector in the eye. The man who he'd just been on a night out with, a new friend who now probably seen him as some weak man who would back down and date their psychopathic capturer! Could he ever look Richard in the face ever again or ask him to go out for a pint?

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Kwiatoslaw was trying to explain to his wife his plans for the future. He was hoping she would allow him at least one 'night off' a week, a night when he would not be sat in an all-woman house. This meant a lot to him, as he had Greek and Polish ancestry and had therefore inherited a very masculine approach to life. The concept of no longer ever meeting with other friends was killing him. After explaining what would be going on each week, probably on a Wednesday, Helen gave her opinion.

  "Actually, I think it's a splendid idea. But I hope they will think about having a women’s group."

  "I’m sure they would, if you can think of women who might attend or who would organise it and then speak to them and to Father."

  "You know what, I might just do that! Thanks for the idea. Then, she added a joke, "You have Wednesdays off me, and I'll have another night off you."

  "Come on now, ha-ha, I'm sure it will do you good to see your female friends, I just hope I'm not expected to look after any of their children while you're there. Although, to be fair, you could do a lot while I'm there on a Wednesday, after all, Sally can look after herself for a few hours. So, if you decided to go for a glass of wine on a Wednesday anyway while I was there, I'm sure there'd be no issue."

  Their lives were now getting back on track, it seemed as if they were finally planning to start having fun and doing the things they enjoyed. No more thoughts about murder, no more death, no more arguments, things were getting much better. Sally now knew Lydia and Philomena much better and Helen was happy because originally she was hanging around another more untrustworthy friend at school. That friend in fact was dangerous, she was called Lucy. This Lucy was known for having put bleach in her mother’s drink and doing many other awful things even to her own family. This was probably partly why Sally was suspected in the past by her parents of having been the cause of the murder of Jack by poison and of her siblings. Perhaps they thought she were imitating her friend Lucy.

  In fact, in the past Sally had her friend Lucy around to the house, and she did some unspeakable things. To put it mildly, Helen had to throw all her cooking away and start from scratch, and this caused Helen to not allow Lucy into her house ever again, even if she did pretend to be friends with Sally. Lydia and Philomena were much better for Sally to be hanging around with, some would even say they were too cautious when it came to morals, hence just the opposite of a bad influence.

  Sally also seemed to have her eye on Joseph who was their older brother, but he was not that attached to her as he was thinking of entering the seminary, and there was no marriage for priests. In fact, Joseph did not really show an ounce of interest in Sally, much to Helen's satisfaction, as he was already just about an adult now and she was way quite behind by a few years. If she ever spoke to him about it, he would joke that she should become a nun, but she didn't want to do that, she felt called to marriage. Sally wanted to be a mother, one day at least. She was finally starting to really miss her younger siblings and realised that she was in effect like a mother to them. To her, it seemed as if she had gone 'childless.' But there was no need to rush, she had a good few years to work out who the guy of her dreams would be. Helen constantly reminded her, that marriage is for life and ought never to be rushed, and certainly not at fourteen, now was not the time to be thinking about such a thing, she had exams to be thinking about!

  Hannah put the phone down and started to speak to the Inspector, who still looked white as a sheet.

  "I've spoken to Julie and Sam, they are not happy about this, but they said you can visit their house."

  "Splendid, who's coming with me?"

  "We can go in my car; I don't want you subject to John's reckless driving."

  Before going, Richard went to see John while Hannah said bye to Andria.

  "Sorry about that John."

  "No, it's fine."

  "Listen, what's going on between you two is none of my business, I was just shocked, that's all. I'm guessing the situation has now changed then? If change is a radical enough word."

  "It kind of has yes, but partly thanks to you Inspector. See you later."


  "See you later John, and don't be embarrassed, between you and me, every guy want's bad girl really, the only difference is, you've just been caught. Not that I can lecture you as I don't have a wife, nor do I bother with women, but I have friends, and I know what they are like. They love bad women, and I don't just mean bad in a joking way, but I mean bad like bad bad, they would happily pick up a murderer from the prison gate and take her home. Let's put it this way John, being a murder detective, I've met some really weird men in the last few years, and I can assure you that you are not one of them. I think it's safe to say that you are pretty normal, and so is Andria in fact."

  John was not sure whether or not to be relieved at these words of wisdom. He was glad of one thing, that he would not have to worry about falling out with the Inspector any more who he had got so close to. After all, the Inspector had met worse people according to what he had said. Perhaps the Inspector would now forget all about this then? Not likely, but he wouldn't be dwelling much upon it, he had much more important things to worry about. The Inspector Richard and Hannah left the house and then John and Andria were alone, once again. Andria then walked over to the front door and locked it, then turning around joked with him.

  "Now I can kill you."

  "Arrrrrr."

  "Come on, let's watch a film.... then I can poison you afterwards, ha-ha."

  They spent another long day sat together on the couch, in each other’s arms, close together. Andria then had an idea.

  "Shall I make us a drink?"

  "Yes, don't forget to add bit of poison my princess."

  "Don't worry, I'll save that for another much more important time. For now, you can settle for less, just for my poisonous heart which you so deeply desire."

  "Yes, a poison I could drink until the day I.... die..."

  "Maybe you're already dead" she then joked.

  "If only you could kill me and I still be alive for you, you would be my murdering princess of a lover."

  "It can be arranged, plenty of time for that, should I just smoother you with a pillow?"

  After their endless jokes about Andria killing John, she then finally went and got them a drink, it was a bottle of red wine, which must have been Hannah's. She poured out two glasses, and they enjoyed it very much. It was a wine which was dated from 2010, a ten year old wine, just about right for a wine as Jack would've said if still alive. This was probably an expensive wine, as it was a high percentage in volume as well as being old. Would all hell break loose when Hannah returned to see the opened bottle? Only time would tell, but right now, they were making the most of it, watching their film and enjoying a nice nerve settler.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  As Hannah and Richard were arriving at Ayre in Glasgow, where Julie and Sam happened to live, Richard complimented her on her car.

  "What a nice brand."

  "Is it me or have you been speaking to Jake? Because I thought I heard him talk then without moving his lips or even being here."

  "Did Jake say that? That's great. No, I just happened to notice. What did he say?"

  "He wants to drive it!"

  "Well, I'm going to give you a tip, don't let him. I've said it now, it's up to you. Now I'm his friend and I wouldn't let him drive my car. He goes to fast."

  "Hmm, Ok, well I don't know how I can refuse as he'll never stop going on about it. What if he asks why? I'll try and think of something to say."

  They arrived outside Julie and Sam’s and knocked on the front door. The door was opened by Julie who had her dressing gown on, whilst in the background the dog was barking.

  "Woof woof woof... woof woof woof..." Richard was not happy about the dog appearing to head towards him, he froze, and it started to sniff him. This all made things very awkward, in terms of conducting an investigation in their house.

  "So," Richard started, "can we talk somewhere private, maybe in the living room?"

  "Sure, my husband isn't back from work and Hannah can stay in the kitchen with the dog."

  They went into the living room and sat down. The walls were pure white and slightly damp, the carpet was red and starting to come to pieces, it clearly needed replacing due to the dog. The couches were almost white, apart from the stains, and the T.V. was on a stand that was covered in pen mark. On the wall, it said 'Lewis is gay' in red writing, and goodness knew what that was all about. The Inspector daren't not ask any questions, he just got on with the enquiry, while feeling very uncomfortable.

  "So, if you don't mind me asking, why did you leave the party?"

  "Well, I hope you can understand, but time was getting on, and on and we didn't see how we could be implicated anyway."

  "Never mind about that anyway, what's done is done. I need to interview everyone, I hope you understand. I've asked everyone who was there this question, where was you when I was interviewing Andria, whilst Alison was attempting to entertain everyone?"

  "I was listening to her wretched singing! If you must know."

  "OK, I'm guessing you don't like her singing then."

  "I think that's putting it politely, I hate her, we all hate her, she couldn't keep away from Jack, she seemed as if she were in love with him. I don't know why she bothered coming seen as Jack was no longer there, and yet we had to put up with her wretched singing."

  "I see, thank you for that. Let's continue."

  While they were chatting, the dog was looking at Hannah as she was sat in the kitchen on a high up breakfast bar chair. The dog was on the floor and looking up at her. It was a black dog and it didn't seem like the most friendly kind. Hannah decided to stand up, and walk towards the side of the kitchen to get further away from it, but it followed her. She was not feeling to comfortable, and then things got worse. It started barking, louder and louder.

  "Woof woof woof... woof woof woof." Hannah jumped up onto the kitchen side and then onto the fridge, she was so terrified, and it was not like her to be afraid of dogs, not since she were a young child, but this dog appeared to be getting aggressive to her. She was all alone in the kitchen, with nowhere to escape to, and the dog was attempting to jump onto the fridge, it kept jumping up and up and barking, whilst showing it's angry teeth this time and even growling.

  "Grrrrrrrrrrrr... woof woof... Grrrrrrrrrrr... woof woof!!!!!"

  Andria and John had finished their first glass of wine, so naturally, Andria picked up the bottle and poured a second glass. They were enjoying it, with its hint of toast mixed with a taste similar to peperoni, or was that the smell? Apparently it was both, and they had never tasted wine so good before. It appeared Hannah had great taste in wine, and soon the bottle would run out. Lucky for them, there was plenty more bottles in the kitchen, if they needed another bottle.

  There was no lid on the bottle, only a cork which had been taken out. As the saying went, 'the best wines have a cork, not a lid,' and this wine was certainly one of a kind. Had Hannah been collecting them for years? Had Jack been doing so? Most likely Jack, as there was one bottle on the rack from forty years ago. Andria picked it up, and then put it straight back after John commented.

  "No Andria, come on, that would be going to far."

  They decided not to destroy forty years’ worth of fermenting, just for a romantic evening together, and especially since it was not theirs anyway! They carried on with the bottle they had for now, until...

  'Bang!!!'

  Someone walked in and slammed the door shut, someone who's hair was all over the place and who looked like they had been to hell and back. John stood up.

  "Who's that you've brought back Inspector."

  The woman looked up at John, not overly impressed at all. It was then clear that it was Hannah.

  "What's happened to your hair Hannah? Did you not brush it this morning?"

  "ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

  She walked past him and went up the stairs. The Inspector then attempted to explain what had happened, and then Hannah returned in a different set of clothes, as the others seeme
d a mess. Hannah interrupted them.

  "Who's opened that bottle!?"

  "Sorry, it was me" Andria apologised.

  "Well, you shouldn't go messing around with other people's things, that was ten years old! You think you can just come in here and mess around, well you can't!" Then she looked at John, "and you! You can get out as well! Why don't you both go off with each other, since that's what you both want! Get your things and GET OUT!!!"

  All of this, she said while her hair needed brushing, it looked as if she'd rolled down a hill and through a tree. Hannah never looked in such a state, her face was fine, but apart from that she was in a state and in a terrible mood, and poor Andria and John had no idea why. After John had got his stuff, he sneaked past Hannah and out of the door, hoping not to be noticed. He sneaked as if he were a naughty school boy, sneaking around a house without wanting their parents to hear. This was a waste of time, Hannah looked over and noticed him, so he tried to explain.

  "Listen, I'm sorry Hannah, but..."

  "I don’t care! OUT!!!!! OUT! ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!"

  He ran out of the door and she threw her shoe in his direction which then hit the door as he'd shut it on time and 'safely escaped.'

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Andria took John back to her house as he'd just been thrown out of Hannah's, even though that were the house of his childhood. He did have his own place, but he was sharing with others and didn't like being there all the time as his housemates were quite unsocial. They arrived outside the house and John looked at the front door.

  "Last time I went in that door....... Erm.... Sorry I'm having one of those moments."

  "I know, it's fine, you mean you nearly never made it back out."

  "Do you think you'd have let me out ever?"

  "Hmmm... of course, once you saw sense" she joked.

  They went into the house, the perfect pristine house once again. John could not help but notice how nice it was, how perfect.