Twice Shy

by Sally Malcolm

  Among the children, he picked out Rory and Luis. The younger kids were at the edge of the crush and Rory was playing with his friend, Mateo Flores, capering about with large glowsticks they were—inevitably—using as lightsabers.

  Theo nudged Joel’s arm and said, loudly, “Ah, Luca, here you are.”

  Joel turned to see Theo’s fiancé standing next to him, looking uncomfortable. Moretti’s hands delved deep in his pockets, shoulders hunched defensively. “What did you need?” he asked Theo, having to raise his voice over the music. Clearly, he was unhappy about being there, his gaze roving restlessly around the room.

  “I want to show you something,” Theo said, with the air of a man bracing for a fight. “Or, that is, Joel does.”

  Moretti’s frowning gaze met his. “Show me what?”

  Showtime. Joel cleared his throat and moved around to stand on Moretti’s other side, so he didn’t have to shout so loud. Plus, between them, he and Theo had the guy corralled. “You see that kid there, the dark-haired boy playing Star Wars with his friend?” Moretti looked but didn’t say anything. “His name’s Rory Palmer. When he was four, both his parents were killed by a truck driver who was texting while he drove. He’s got a little brother, Luis, who was only a couple months old when their parents died.” Moretti still didn’t speak, didn’t move his gaze from Rory either. “They’re being raised by their uncle, their mother’s younger brother. And they’re your nephews.”

  Moretti shook his head. “Theo—”

  “You’re holding onto old pain, Luca. What good has that ever done either of us?” Theo moved to stand in front of him, taking his hands. “They’ve lost their parents. Don’t you think they could use an uncle? Or maybe even two?”

  Moretti didn’t answer, at least not in a way Joel could hear. He seemed locked in silent communication with Theo, the deep communion between two people very much in love. Joel looked away, feeling a fool for ever suspecting Moretti of betraying his fiancé.

  Across the room, Jackie stood next to the DJ and when Joel gave her the nod she spoke to the man and the music faded, provoking a chorus of dismay from the children. Unperturbed, Jackie grabbed the microphone.

  “Hello!” she trilled. “Hello, and happy Valentine’s to all our wonderful children and parents. Thank you so much for coming. Now, I won’t keep you for long, but we have a special announcement to make. Mr. Morgan, do you want to come over?”

  Joel’s stomach turned liquid, his knees wobbly as he crossed the room. He didn’t look in Ollie’s direction, too afraid of what he might see, as he came to stand in front of the DJ’s speakers. Jackie was still behind the set-up, holding the mic. Parents milled around the edge of the room, their faces difficult to see in the dark, but he saw Alyssa watching intently from the glowstick stand, and spotted Holly and a couple of other PTA moms among the crowd.

  They all knew what was happening, they were all waiting. He felt lightheaded and tingly, and forced himself to take a deep breath.

  Hold for four, release for four, inhale for four, hold for four…

  “Now,” Jackie went on, “the sad news is that one of our parents is leaving us. He hasn’t been with us long, but since he joined New Milton Elementary School he’s become a pivotal member of the PTA committee. I’m talking, of course, about Mr. Ollie Snow over there at the cupcake stand.”

  Everyone looked, everyone including Joel. Ollie stared back like a deer in headlights, eyes wide. God, Joel hoped this was a good idea.

  “Not only has Ollie been a staunch member of the committee, coming to all our meetings and helping at all our events, he’s done so while raising his lovely boys, Rory and Luis, on his own, while holding down a full-time job. And so, although we usually do this in the summer, on behalf of the PTA Committee, I’d like to present Ollie with our School Parent of the Year Award.” She bent down to pick up a framed certificate, handing it over to Joel. “Mr. Morgan is going to do the honors. Ollie, come on over.”

  Joel almost bolted as he watched Ollie make his slow way across the dancefloor toward him, the applause of the gathered parents and kids ringing in his ears. Ollie’s gaze met Joel’s and he started to be afraid he wouldn’t be able to speak. But he had to; it was now or never. He cleared his throat.

  “I, um, first met Mr. Snow at the Welcome Cookout,” Joel said, once Ollie had come to stand next to him. “Over almost a year’s worth of PTA Committee meetings and events we’ve become friends”—a glance at Ollie, who was staring down at the floor—"good friends. Everything Jackie said is true, Ollie’s a dedicated parent to Rory and Luis. He’s given over his life to them.” He threw a quick glance at Moretti, who stood stiffly listening, and cleared his throat. “And he’s a good man—hardworking, reliable, and brave. Yes, brave. Like many of us, Ollie came to New Milton to build a new life for his boys, to build a new family and a new future. That takes courage at any age. But at twenty-four, and with sudden and sole responsibility for two young kids, I call it inspiring.” His mouth twisted into a wry expression. “I wish I’d been half so brave in my life. About a lot of things.” A scattering of applause broke out among the parents and from the corner of his eye, Joel saw Ollie shake his head and shuffle his feet. Moretti, standing watching, was unreadable. “And Ollie’s been committed to this community and to our school from the start. He’s helped at every PTA event and always—and I know Jackie appreciates this—stays to clear up afterwards.”

  Jackie gave a little appreciative clap of her own, provoking Ollie to give a slight, amused bow in her direction.

  Joel went on. “Ollie’s always ready to give his time to others, rarely willing to take help, and we…” His voice cracked, he cleared his throat. “It’s a loss to us all that he’s leaving New Milton. We’ll miss him. I’ll miss him. A lot.” He looked at Ollie again and this time found his dark eyes fixed on him in surprise—and something else, some other emotion brimming to the surface. “We all hope you might reconsider leaving us, Ollie, and in the meantime, on behalf of the PTA, I’m honored to give you this token of our…” Affection? Love? “…admiration.” He held out the certificate and Ollie took it automatically, his eyes not leaving Joel’s. “Congratulations, Mr. Snow—New Milton Elementary School’s Parent of the Year.”

  Applause broke out around the room, and Joel thought he heard Rory yelling Ollie’s name.

  “Uh, thank you,” Ollie said when the applause faded away. “This is a surprise. I—Oh God, you’re going to make me cry again.” He gave a shaky laugh and swiped at his eyes. “I’ve really enjoyed my time here, and I wish…” He shook his head, choking up. “Sorry.”

  Before he’d even thought about it, Joel had put a comforting hand on Ollie’s back, the sharp edge of his shoulder blade painfully familiar beneath his fingers. Ollie startled at the contact and Joel quickly dropped his hand, face heating. Fingers tingling. “That’s enough speeches, I think. How about more music?”

  Thank God the DJ was paying attention. As the music started up, people gathered around Ollie and Joel stepped back. But through the crowd, Ollie met his eyes. Neither of them spoke; Joel wouldn’t have known where to start.

  And then Rory bundled into Ollie’s legs. “What did you win? What did you win?” And Alyssa and Jackie crowded in too, hugging Ollie. Joel felt extraneous. There was both too much and not enough between them now, and that distance set him outside the moment. He backed up to give Ollie more space, but he didn’t go far because, to his heart-stopping relief, Moretti and Theo were making their way toward Ollie.

  This! This was what the evening had all been about. Well, that’s what Joel kept telling himself…

  He held his breath as Moretti came to stand close by. Ollie’s gaze was fixed on him, his expression entirely blank. But he clutched the edges of the certificate’s frame so tight Joel was afraid he might break it. For an airless moment nothing happened, and then Moretti crouched down and spoke to Rory.

  “Hey, it’s Rory, right?”

  Rory nodded shyly as
he clung to Ollie’s leg.

  “I like your lightsaber.”

  “It’s not a real one.”

  Moretti smiled. “No? I guess that’s lucky. Kinda crowded in here for a real lightsaber.” He glanced up at Ollie, who was staring, wide-eyed, and then back to Rory. “My name’s Luca. You can call me Uncle Luca, if…” Another look at Ollie. “If that’s okay?”

  Ollie pressed a shaking hand to his mouth, nodding. “Of course. Of course it is.”

  “And this,” Moretti added, taking hold of Theo’s hand, “is Theo. He’s your uncle too.”

  Rory clung tighter to Ollie’s leg. “Ollie’s my uncle. We live with Ollie now.”

  “It’s okay,” Ollie reached down and put a reassuring hand on Rory’s head. “That’s not changing, buddy. But it…it looks like now you have two more uncles to be friends with.”

  Moretti pushed to his feet, Theo standing at his shoulder. “It’s… It’s been pointed out to me that, when you let old wounds make your decisions for you, they just go on hurting you—and others. I made a mistake before Christmas, Ollie. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “Are you kidding? There’s nothing to forgive. I shouldn’t have ambushed you like that. I should have written first or—”

  “No, stop.” Moretti rubbed a hand through his hair. “Look… How about we just start afresh?”

  Ollie paused. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

  “I’m Luca.” He held out his hand and Ollie took it. “Nice to meet you.”

  Joel’s soul lifted to see the smile breaking out over Ollie’s face, despite the regret of not being the one to put it there. But Moretti was the reason Ollie had come to New Milton, this was the ending he deserved.

  While Ollie and Moretti shook hands, both awkward but smiling, Joel backed further away. It wasn’t his moment, but his plan had worked—at least, half of it had worked. As for the rest, only time would tell whether he could earn his second chance with Ollie. Nevertheless, he felt happy. Between them, he and Theo had brought Moretti and Ollie together, and that wasn’t nothing.

  He busied himself for the remaining hour of the party helping to start the clear-up so they could all get out of there at a reasonable time. God only knew what kind of mess would be revealed once the lights went up, and he hoped Moretti and Theo wouldn’t be too dismayed by the state of their lovely hardwood floor.

  He was bagging up the unsold cupcakes to sell off in bulk at the end of the party, when Alyssa sidled up next to him. “Well?” she said.

  “Well what?”

  “Have you spoken to Ollie?”

  He frowned. “You know that’s not what tonight was about. But see? He and Luca are still talking so… Looks promising, right?”

  Alyssa’s gaze darted toward Ollie and back to Joel. “Yeah. But, listen, he only had eyes for you when you made your little speech. Not sure you noticed because you were staring straight ahead like a freaking robot, but, Joel, his face…”

  He couldn’t hear that, it gave him too much hope. “I just want him to stay,” he said, grabbing another bag and shoving four squashed cupcakes inside. “I want him to find his family here and be happy.”

  “Happy with you.”

  He shook his head. “Alyssa…”

  To his surprise, she reached over and kissed his cheek. “Go get him, tiger.”

  “What?”

  Alyssa just winked as she slipped out from behind the stall. He watched her go with a frown until someone else said, “Hey.”

  Ollie.

  Joel caught his breath as he turned to face him, fumbling the bag of cupcakes he held. “Oh, hey.”

  Ollie looked…transformed. Happy. Eyes glittering, and face flushed, he was a different person from the tense and vulnerable looking man who’d arrived earlier this evening. “Was this…?” He gestured around the hall. “All of this, was it you?”

  “Not just me. Jackie, Alyssa… the whole PTA helped, actually.”

  “No. I don’t mean the Valentine’s Ball, I mean… Luca and the award? Theo said it was part of a plan.”

  “Did he now?” Joel would need to have words with his co-conspirator. For now, he just sighed and came out from behind the table. “Look, I just wanted to try and make amends. I was a complete ass and I get why you ended…” His voice quavered, he cleared his throat. “Theo and I, we both wanted to help make things right between you and Moretti.”

  Ollie watched him intently, his gaze darting from eye to eye as if looking for something. “That’s all?”

  Joel shrugged, looking away to avoid that searching gaze. “It’s not all. But, look, I know it’s gonna take a long time for you to… I mean you might never want to give me a second chance. But Jackie and the others insisted I needed a grand romantic gesture, so—"

  “Wait. What?”

  “A grand romantic gesture. I know it’s dumb—”

  “No.” Ollie waved a hand, cutting him off. “I mean, Jackie…knows? About us?”

  Joel glanced up under his lashes. “Oh. Yeah. I kinda spilled everything after you left the meeting that night. I was…not in a good place.”

  Ollie stared, limp with shock. “You…came out to the whole PTA committee?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh my God.” He laughed, pushing a hand through his hair. Shorter now, but still lovely. Joel’s pulse started racing like a train, hope flaring dangerously bright. “What did they say?”

  “They said I needed a grand romantic gesture.” He took a hesitant step closer. “They said I was an idiot for not trusting you—well, not in so many words; it was implied—and they said we couldn’t let you leave New Milton. And I don’t want you to leave, Ollie.”

  Ollie’s hand twitched as if he’d been about to reach out but had checked himself at the last moment. “Luca asked me and the boys over for lunch tomorrow, to get to know each other better.”

  “That’s great.” Joel smiled, happy and aching at the same time. What a damned fool he’d been to let Ollie go. “Really great.”

  “If I…” He huffed out a breath. “If I did stay, would you…?”

  Joel’s heart stopped. His breath stopped. Everything stopped bar the buzzing in his ears. “Would I what?”

  Ollie bit his lip nervously. “I’m sorry I kept the truth about Luca from you. It was stupid. I should have told you from the start who he was, but I didn’t think I had the right. I felt like I was a…a dirty secret. I didn’t want to embarrass him or—”

  “Christ, Ollie. You could never be a dirty secret. You’re—” Except that Joel had kept him a secret, hadn’t he? He stared in horror. “Oh my God, did you think I…?” His eyes swam, vision blurring. “I was never ashamed of you, Ollie. I was scared and stupid and, God, I wish I’d shouted about you from the rooftops. I wish I’d told the world.”

  “You still could,” Ollie said, and this time he didn’t stop himself from reaching out to brush tentative fingers across the back of Joel’s hand. “If you wanted to…to try again?”

  “If I want to?” Joel grabbed his hand. “Do you?”

  Ollie nodded, laughing despite the too-bright gleam in his eyes. “Yes. Of course, I do. I never wanted it to end, I was just—”

  Joel stopped his words, stopped the world, with a kiss. He pressed his lips against Ollie’s, cupped the back of his head, and kissed him right there in front of the parents, the teachers, and the whole damned town.

  Let them look, let them talk. Let them think what they liked about him. All he cared about was Ollie’s lips parting in welcome, his body softening in Joel’s embrace, and his own fearful soul finally finding peace.

  He wasn’t sure how long it lasted, long enough to draw attention that was for sure. Eventually, he pulled back, smiling into Ollie’s happy face. “I should have told you months ago,” he said, stroking his cheek with the pad of one thumb. “I don’t know when, exactly, but somewhere between the Welcome Cookout and the Fall Festival, I fell head-over-heels in love with you. I wish I’d told you.”

 
; Ollie curled his fingers around Joel’s hand, pressing his palm against his cheek. “For me, it was the Halloween Ice-Scream Social. When you swept in like a superhero.”

  “I don’t feel very heroic.”

  “You are to me. You saved me, Joel.” He smiled. “Kindness is your superpower.”

  “Ollie…” Joel gazed into his eyes, lost himself in their liquid depths. “I was alone for four years before I met you. I planned on staying that way. Don’t you know that you saved me?”

  “Then maybe we’re saving each other.”

  Ollie drew him in for another kiss and when they pulled back Joel found a small boy tugging on Ollie’s arm.

  “Ollie!” Rory exclaimed loudly. “Ollie, you said you weren’t going to kiss anybody tonight!”

  Ollie laughed, embarrassed. “I did, didn’t I?” His gaze lifted back to Joel’s. “I guess I hadn’t expected such a… grand romantic gesture.”

  “Well…” Glancing across the room, Joel was not surprised to find Alyssa and Jackie watching them gleefully. Alyssa gave him the thumbs up and Joel’s cheeks warmed, but his smile didn’t dim as he turned back to Ollie. “Thank God for the PTA.”

  Epilogue

  Summer Carnival, Saturday June 6th

  “One cheeseburger, coming up!” Ollie held out the bun and Joel slid the burger off the grill and onto the bread with a practiced flip of the spatula. Turned out, they made a great team. In lots of ways. “Lettuce and tomato with that?”

  Rory made a face. “Lettuce is gross.”

  “You used to think tomatoes were gross,” Ollie reminded him, finding a nice juicy slice.

  “Lettuce is leaves,” he said, with a roll of his eyes that was a disturbing new development. “Mateo says—”

  “Okay.” Ollie had had more than enough of Mateo’s opinions. “Go take your burger over to Uncle Luca. Try not to get ketchup on your shirt.”

  “I won’t!” he called as he disappeared through the thinning crowd toward the blanket where Luca and Theo were picnicking with Luis. They were taking the boys over to Joel’s later, getting them out from underfoot while Joel and Ollie helped clear up after the carnival. And that reality was still enough to blow Ollie’s mind when he stopped long enough to think about it.