Foster's Fall (Foster's Life)

by Jake Williams

  I talked Rob into going to PreBar for a minor freedom celebration. Hunter and Quinn tagged along, and at the last minute Levi showed up and hopped into the car. We parked a few blocks down from the bar and I led everybody through a maze of alleys until we reached the door. “I don’t want anybody from the media finding this place, it would be like showing Nancy Grace the location of the Bat cave.”

  We grabbed a booth and Levi wrestled through the crowd at the bar to get our drinks.

  Gustav was there with a small man who had a huge mustache and black hair slicked straight back from his forehead. They came over to the booth and our tailor introduced us to his friend. “This is Armando, he is my...banker, my partner for the business things.”

  That could mean anything in here so I let it drop. “Take a seat, fellas.” They squeezed into the booth and I could smell garlic and a hint of body odor as Armando perched next to me.

  Gustav looked amused as he said, “Jake Foster, I saw your face on the news. You had very little to say of substance, you were very vague, that’s very impressive—it reminded me of my homeland. Your parents must be proud of their moron.”

  Armando squeezed my arm and I had to swivel my head and look down to see him. “This boy, Gustav, maybe you shouldn’t speak of his parents, his father, right now. Scalando politico, no? He has bella amante, the President’s daughter.” He smiled at me and then scowled at Gustav. “You must know this, we’ll talk of happier things!” He squeezed my arm again, I tensed up and flexed a little. “You, Jake, you’re very muscular. All of you boys, so very young and handsome. All of the girls must love you! Everyone,” he studied my face, “everyone must love you.”

  The guys at the table were looking at these two odd men and guzzling beer. Hunter excused himself and Gustav stood up to let him out. “These are some of my best customers, Armando,” he said. “These boys, they buy only the best for themselves. And that one,” he pointed at Rob, “that one I fitted for most special disco gunfight suit. He is moblia, but he denies it. And that one,” he pointed at me, “I make him suit to fit enormous python below waist.”

  Armando squeezed my thigh and I pushed his hand away. Quinn was already massaging my other leg and I had waves of claustrophobia rolling over me. Armando pointed at Levi and asked, “Who is this boy? Is he the team mascot, or someone’s little brother? Or perhaps an orphan you have adopted?”

  I shook my head. “Levi is a student, he’s been helping me with my press...issues. And Rob, he’s with the government—he’s keeping an eye on me for a little while.”

  I could feel Armando shake a little and he stood up quickly. “The government? I’m so sorry to have bothered your party.” As he stepped back from the table I caught a glimpse of a shoulder holster under his jacket. “It was a pleasure to meet all of you.” He produced a business card and set it in front of me on the table. “Jake, when things are more...convenient, please give me a call. I’m always looking for young men to assist me in my business. We, I, may have a place for you.”

  I nodded and then shook my head. “I’m not sure we’d—well, I’m not really looking for a part-time job right now. But thanks.” Rob was watching Armando like a hawk and I noticed his right arm was tucked behind his back. Armando and Gustav wandered over to another booth and Hunter set a tray of beer and shots down on the table.

  I slid out of the booth and wandered into the men’s room. Rob followed me in and I figured he needed to take a leak but instead he stood just inside the door. I sighed as my stream splashed against the brick gutter. “Did you notice that Armando guy was armed?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t come in here to check my makeup or anything, I wanted to keep an eye on you. I saw the gun when he first sat down, but he’s with Gustav—I figured he may be harmless. And I’m not sure if you noticed but a lot of people hanging out here seem to be armed.”

  About that time the rest of the guys wandered in and stood on either side of me, I zipped up and backed up to give them more room and then turned back to Rob. I pulled my sweatshirt up and showed him the gun tucked into my waistband. He shook his head. “I’ve told you already, that’s a great way to blow your balls off.” He reached around to the back of his jeans and held his gun out.

  Quinn was looking back over his shoulder at us and asked, “What about that guy at the bar, did you notice him, Foster? He kept looking over at us.”

  I wondered what he meant by that, considering the other night. “Which one?”

  “The skinhead-looking guy—tats all over, shaved head, tight tee and jeans.”

  All of us were standing in a circle and guys were elbowing past us to get to the plumbing. Levi motioned for us to head out and said, “Quinn, there are a bunch of guys out there that look like that.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Honestly Foster, I know you’re a little odd but this place should make even you a little nervous.”

  “Yeah, sometimes, maybe.” I admitted. “Speaking of odd, what do you make of this card that Armando guy gave me?” I handed it over to him and he glanced at it before he stuck it in his pocket. Rob opened the door and looked around, he nodded at us to follow.

  Levi said, “Let me check it out. Except for his name and number everything else is some other language—it’s all squiggles and shit to me. It might be...Arabic?”

  As we were crossing the room to leave I saw a girl I used to know, I had dated her sometime last year. She was talking to a guy who looked like he could be Quinn’s mystery man, but I didn’t recognize him. I wasn’t surprised that Quinn had noticed him, he had strong features and uncanny cold gray eyes. He leaned back against the bar and tipped his beer to me as I approached. I put my hand on the girl’s shoulder as her name came to me and said, “Hiya, Beth!”

  She looked hopeful and then suddenly hostile as she recognized me. “Hello, Jake, Foster, whatever. I’m glad I didn’t expect any kind of a call back after the last time we went out, since it’s been like a year now.”

  I stumbled. “Oops, I...sometimes I lose track of time. How have you been?”

  “Fine.” She put her arm around mystery guy’s waist and said, “This is...”

  “John.” He flashed his teeth in the fastest coldest smile I’d ever seen. “John Smith.”

  I gave him a once over and guessed those jeans hadn’t seen a washer, or a freezer, in the last month or so. He smelled a little like Old Spice and exhaust fumes. I looked him in the eyes and felt a little thrilled, or a little scared, maybe. “So, John Smith. That’s an unusual name you have there.”

  He gave me a blank stare. “It’s an old...family name.”

  Beth pulled herself closer to him and smirked. “He’s one of the Smiths, Foster.”

  “Right.” I nodded at them and pointed to Rob standing next to me. “Beth, John, meet my cousin, John Doe. He’s one of the Doe’s.”

  I leaned back to stretch and act bored, when I looked at John he was staring somewhere in the direction of my belt buckle. I couldn’t decide if he was noticing my abs or my junk or what until he said, “That’s impressive, dude.”

  “Thanks, man.” I looked down at the roll of denim over his own package. “You too.”

  He smirked at me. “Not that, dude. I mean your gun.” He reached behind his back and pulled a Beretta out of his own waistband. “I personally carry mine in the back—I’d rather scar an ass cheek than lose a ball.”

  Rob spoke up, “I keep telling him that.” He was holding his gun down by his side and smiled. “Mr. Smith, we were just on our way out. Was there anything else we needed to chat about here, or would you like to get back to your...date?”

  Beth didn’t look flustered at all by the display of firearms and then I remembered her mother was from Columbia or somewhere like that. John Smith put his gun away and smiled at Rob. “Nope, I believe we’ve covered everything, Mr. Doe.” He tipped his beer at me, looked me up and down, and then turned his attention back to Beth. They wandered off and Rob seemed to relax.

  The other guys were all staring
at something on the ceiling that they seemed to be fascinated with. I told them, “C’mon, everybody. Let me settle up and then we’re out of here.”

  I turned to the bartender and he shook his head. “Drinks are on the house tonight, Foster.”

  I frowned. “Why’s that?”

  “I’m sure you’ve been under some stress this week, for one thing. And with all of the guns that were just pulled out I’m just happy to see you walking out of here without me having to clean up a lot of splattered blood. That little guy is just creepy.”

  “Little guy—the skinhead? He’s a pretty big dude.”

  He shook his head. “No, the little foreign guy who was behind you. He had a gun out too, and he looked like he had an itchy trigger finger.” I looked around for Armando but he was gone.

  Quinn and I shared a joint on the way back to the car. The other guys were ahead of us and he asked in a low voice, “You feel like a repeat performance tonight, Bro?”

  I wasn’t sure if I did but I didn’t want to rule out some other time, either. I gave him a light punch on the arm. “Yeah, definitely—just not tonight, Quinn. I’ve got to put my gun away, freeze some jeans, and roll some joints for tomorrow night. And after last night I’m pretty exhausted.”

  “Sure, Foster. But I’m right down the hall. And...”

  “And?”

  “Well, I mean, I’m not sure if you—and I’m cool with it, either way. But if Britt or whoever, if they can’t be there it’s cool if you stop by the room, you know, alone.” He shrugged a little and we caught up with the rest of them.

  When we got back to the house Levi tapped me on the shoulder. “Hey, Foster, do you mind if I show up tomorrow night for the party? I mean, I’m not in the frat but—”

  Hunter spoke up. “You should consider pledging, Levi. I heard we have some kind of new initiation thing we’re doing—something about an angry badger in a trunk. But seriously, you gotta come tomorrow night, you’re not a bro but you are a member of Foster’s team, his entourage, now.”

  He grinned and I pictured him sitting on top of a combine or a milking a cow. “That’s cool, thanks Hunter!” He turned to me. “I talked to that Officer Duncan guy, he’s not thrilled about y’all having a party. He’s going to have some plain clothes guys keeping an eye on things. He’ll be in touch with Rob tomorrow to work out the details.”

  When we walked inside I could smell food and heard voices in the dining room. I looked in and there was a huge spread on the buffet, we all grabbed plates and sat down to eat. I took a seat next to Yoda and immediately regretted it. He leaned down over his plate a little and gave me a growl like a pit bull guarding its food bowl. He pulled a large bone out of his mouth and said, “I smell mildew, beer, and desperation—you’ve been at PreBar.” He pointed at Rob. “I’m not sure that’s an appropriate place for our little Rob, here. He may carry a gun for work but he doesn’t seem all that evil. Don’t corrupt him any more than you probably already have, Foster.”

  Rob shook his head. “PreBar doesn’t bother me, I’m practically a regular now.”

  “That’s not really anything to be proud of.”

  I told Yoda, “It’s okay, we were both armed.”

  “That makes it all better, Foster.” Yoda stood up and released a burp of biblical proportions. He checked his watch. “I need to head out, my dance class is having a potluck dinner tonight.”

  Rob and I walked upstairs and Spence was sitting in front of my door. “There you are, c’mon down to Dave’s for a minute.”

  We wandered down the hall and when Rob saw Dave’s room he wrinkled his nose. “I thought gay guys had a reputation for being neat and tidy.” At that point Dave exploded out of his closet, of all places, and assaulted Rob. Spence and I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched as the two of them thrashed around on the floor and crashed into furniture.

  I asked Spence, “Are we all set for the party tomorrow night?” Rob signaled a timeout and handed me his gun. As soon as I had it he dove at Dave’s legs and they started back up.

  Spence nodded. “All set, Patrick and a couple of other guys are picking up extra kegs tomorrow, the cleaning crew is on standby for Sunday afternoon, and Brent says he has some kind of ‘special’ punch he wants to mix up.”

  “No. Tell Brent no pharmaceutical punches. The last time he did that we had to talk three people down from the roof.”

  “They were just going to dive into the pool. Mario’s done it a million times.”

  “They were at the front of the house, they were on the wrong side of the roof. No, tell Brent no.”

  Rob had Dave by the waistband of his boxers and was trying to drag him out of the room. The boxers were stretching and I heard some ripping and tearing. Rob grabbed him by the ankles and kept pulling. Dave’s hands were gripping the door frame and they seemed to be at a standstill. A piece of trim on the door frame popped loose and the two of them went flying out into the hall.

  Spence looked out at the hall and commented, “I think Rob may have the advantage this round.”

  “I hope so, I wouldn’t want to have to tell Rob’s boss he kept getting his ass kicked by a guy half his size.”

  Spence stood up and headed toward the door. “Why would you tell his boss something like that?”

  “Well, I’m sure they send out a customer service survey at some point. I wouldn’t feel comfortable lyin’ to the Secret Service.”

  I walked down the hall to take a leak and as I was standing there I heard some water-logged protests coming from a stall. I pulled the door open and Rob had managed to get Dave’s head jammed into the toilet bowl and was flushing it every few seconds. Dave had his feet wedged against the walls of the stall and his hands were blindly seeking some kind of grip on Rob.

  “Okay, enough of that shit. You’re getting water all over the floor!” Rob backed out of the stall and Dave shook his head like a wet dog. A couple of the brothers came out of the showers and just shook their heads when they saw us. “C’mon you two. Dave, grab a stack of towels and we’ll meet you in the backyard.”

  “Isn’t it a little chilly to go for a swim?” Rob asked.

  “Not the pool, Rob—but it is heated. We’ll go down there and soak in the hot tub for a little while. Watching the two of you try to kill each other has made me...tense.”

  When we walked out into the backyard it was dark, except for a few landscaping lights. We stripped and slid in to the tub and I sighed. I wiped my hands on a towel and lit a joint. “This is much better.”

  Rob whispered. “I think we’re intruding on those two.” He pointed at a couple on a lounge chair about ten feet away. In the shadows I could see a girl with her back to us, she was straddled across the hips of some guy and they seemed to be so into screwing each other I wasn’t sure they had even noticed us.

  Dave shook his head. “Maybe that’s what they’re into, you know, putting on a show.” The girl had her back to us and she was blocking the guys face. Dave took the joint from me and shrugged. “You’ve got to admire their...bunny-like enthusiasm.”

  As if on cue the girl turned her head and smiled at us. It was Beth, and I said, “Well, hello, again! Imagine the odds of running into you twice in one night.” The guy raised his head and I realized it was that John Smith guy. I told him, “Your date seems to be going well. Bravo, Sir.” He nodded and winked at me and seemed to double his efforts with Beth.

  Beth asked between groans and gasps, “Where have you been hiding this guy, Foster? Did he just pledge or something?”

  “Nope, until tonight I’ve never seen this fella.” There was a pause in the conversation as they both finished at the same time. Both of them made some ungodly noises and somewhere down the street a cat howled in sympathy or jealousy or something. We all clapped in approval.

  Beth climbed off John and reached for her clothes. John walked over and pulled his jeans off a bush and tugged them on. He came over and sat on the concrete next to me and pointed at the joint. I handed
it to him and he said, “Thanks, I needed this. We’ve been out here for like an hour.” He grinned and gave a thumbs up to all of us.

  I nodded. “That sounds about right, from what I remember.”

  I stood up in the tub and faced John to give him a full frontal.

  He glanced at me and then looked at the night sky. “That’s impressive, Foster—but I’m not really into that kind of thing.” I shrugged and grabbed a towel. Dave and Rob held towels in front of themselves as they eased out of the water.

  Beth had taken a spot next to John and he passed the joint to her. She asked, “Then who exactly, John, are you? I thought you said you lived here.”

  He shook his head. “No, I asked you if you wanted to come back here. It seems like a cool place. But I guess I should be heading out. Thanks, Foster, for the buzz. And thank you too...Beth?”

  He pulled on his tee and wandered into the hedges along the back fence. There was an entire paragraph tattooed on his back but I couldn’t make out what it said. I heard the gate click behind him and Beth looked puzzled. She mumbled, “I guess he had to take a leak or something. We parked out front. Anyway, I’ll call you sometime, Foster. Okay?” She headed around the corner of the house to the parking lot.

  Rob raised an eyebrow at me. “How did he know about the gate?”

  “Right.” I shrugged and walked back into the house. When we got back upstairs things were quiet on the hall. It was the calm before the storm of tomorrow night’s party—guys making apologies in advance to their girlfriends, picking the right jeans to thaw out, going to the drugstore for Trojans and breath mints. Rob and I sat on the couch while he talked to his wife and I watched a few DVR’d TV shows about water polo. At some point Quinn poked his head into the room and when he saw me he tilted his head toward his room. I shook my head and casually pointed at Rob and he frowned a little and disappeared.