Almost Official

by Ruby Reade

  The Grey People are the ones you avoid at parties like the plague, and if due to their high invisibility factor you do happen to get trapped by one, you send frantic signals to your friends for immediate assistance. Your sole aim is to make a rapid escape at any cost.

  I am forced to be in work ridiculously early to cater for this bunch of ghosts, but at least they vanish as quickly as they appear. After they have all gone, I have an hour’s reprieve until The Mums surface again, bringing their cackling laughter and chaos. I still can't decide which group is worse, although I am leaning slightly more to The Mums. Screaming children are my least favourite things. It's not as if I can hide away in the toilet, rocking backwards and forwards with my hands over my ears until either they leave or the men in white coats drag me away.

  The bell rings harshly above the door bringing me back to life. Please not a mum, please not a mum, I pray silently and turn to the door. But it's worse, much worse.

  I'm sorry, I take it back. Please be a mum, please be a mum, runs frantically though my thoughts. It's too late to hide under the counter. He has already seen me. Don't think for a second if he hadn't, I wouldn't drop to the ground in a desperate attempt to conceal myself from him. Kevin, Mr Vain himself saunters over to the till with a half smile on his gorgeous face.

  'What are you doing in here?' He asks but is clearly not surprised to see me. Amy must have told him.

  'Oh, you know, just waiting for the day you come in to light up my life.' I say and smile sweetly at him. What the bloody hell does he want now?

  'They say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit you know?'

  'Is it really? Well, I must make sure to note that down. What do you want?' I am a professional. I am an adult. I can handle this situation. I tell myself and plaster on a huge smile.

  'I always want something.' He retorts and I am nearly undone. Instead, I give him the look I normally reserve just for the freaks on the bus.

  'No? I guess it will have to be just a cappuccino then.'

  'There is sugar down the end, I think you need it.' I offer unnecessarily.

  'You are the most irritating piece of work.' He says, shaking his head at me.

  'Never mind Kev, you'll get over it. Now I am very busy. Bye.' I turn my back on him and listen to his laughter as he walks out. Hopefully he will climb beneath some big heavy rock.

  Alex had been watching the conversation with interest and walks over to me.

  'Who's that?' He inquires.

  'Oh him, Kevin, and before you ask just a friend. Shall we look at next week’s rota?' I ask, diverting him quickly. Alex just puts his hands up and shrugs, backing off.

  While we are both huddled over the counter discussing shifts, Laura comes bouncing in.

  'Well, hello there missy.'

  'Hey baby girl' I say coming around to the front to hug her. 'How is Hell going?' I ask.

  'Oh you know, same old same old. Satan made me stay till close last night because Kev came in and pissed him off.' She pulls a face and helps herself to my coffee.

  ‘Ah, that explains the odd message from Satan last night then. Hang on a minute.’ I dart into the back to grab my phone. By the time I get back to her I have found it and pass my phone to her so she can read it.

  'I hope ur happy now u made idiot of me. Don't expect more wasted effort from me. Matt.' She reads aloud.

  'As if he ever wasted any time on anyone other than himself.' I shake my head. The guy is insane.

  'I know. He is a first class prat. I haven't got a clue what Kev said, but Sarah told me he was thanking him.' She looks about as bewildered as I feel.

  'Thanking him?' I ask. That can't be right. Unless he is happy it all happened and is finally free to be with Amy. But then why would Satan be pissed off at that?

  'Maybe he did message me that on purpose to get rid of me then? She came in yesterday.'

  'The bimbo? What did she want?' Laura ask, frowning.

  'Not a lot, she did that disapproving look thing again.'

  'Bitch. I spoke to Kev last night, and he said he isn't mad on her, but he didn't want to wait around for you anymore.' She looks down at her feet and rubs her toes together.

  'For me? Wait for me? He was the one from the start who said it wasn't official and he had commitment problems. He couldn't wait to put everyone and anyone else first. If I had known this earlier, I would have told him exactly where he could shove his commitment issues.' I pace up and down the coffee shop unable to believe that guy.

  'It was over two years ago he said that, I'm sure that wasn't how he felt before all this happened. Just give him a break. You did sleep with Satan.' She says, and if she is trying to calm me down, it is having the opposite effect.

  'Hey. Whose side are you on?' I shout at her before realising where I am and jogging back over to her. 'He is seeing that girl now. I made a mistake because of how he made me feel.' I whisper in her ear, totally wound up now.

  'Luce, come on, you know I'm always with you. I'm just trying to get you to see it from his point of view. He isn't all bad.'

  'Whatever, maybe. I don't know. Let's just drop it, yeah?' I say leaning against the counter.

  'Okay. Oh, by the way Luke and Pete are back.' Laura tells me.

  'Bloody hell. That time has just flown by. Do you think Kate knows yet?' I ask, wondering how she will react to seeing Luke again. Poor Kate.

  'I haven't told her, I rang but then chickened out, so I thought I would come and see you about Kev last night and see if you wanted to tell her instead.' She flutters her eyelashes at me. When I just stare at her, she tries her biggest, cheesiest smile. I roll my eyes.

  'You had better get a move on otherwise Satan will keep you till ten tonight as well.' I say, pointing at the clock to remind her.

  'I hate my life.' Her shoulders slump and she drags herself slowly out of the door.

  I turn around to Alex standing behind me with yet another cup of coffee.

  'Mmmmm. Thanks.' I smile at him and force myself to take a sip.

  'That's okay.' He grins before disappearing into his, I mean, my office.

  The director is supposed to be coming in to see me for the first time tomorrow. Hopefully, he is fit. I could do with some eye candy in here, not that Mike isn't, but at just eighteen I can't quite bring myself to look at him like that, anyway I think Miranda has already staked a big claim on him.

  That bloody door rings at me again. This time, the sight is more appreciated. A very fit guy who is all smiles, tan and gorgeous muscles. Mmmhmm, my day has definitely improved.

  'Luce. I couldn't believe when it when I heard you was working here, so I thought I should come and check it out for myself.' The hunk says literally bounding over to me. I stand open-mouthed and silent, a rarity for me.

  'Lucy?' And then it hits me. Pete. Pete? My head is having a hard time adding Pete to the bloke in front of me. Wow.

  'Earth to Lucy.' He is laughing and waving a hand to wake me up. I think I need a bucket of water over the head.

  'Jesus. Pete, I have to say I am loving the travellers makeover.' I say pulling him into a hug. All thoughts of how sexy he is fades away instantly, and he is just Pete.

  I jump up as he twirls me around.

  'See, now that is the kind of reception I was looking for.'

  ‘How the hell have you been? Laura said you were home today. Did you have fun? Have you seen the guys yet?’ Questions fly out of my mouth until he puts his hands up to stop me.

  'First, really good. Excellent in fact. I got back this morning, and with all the jetlag thought I would get out and try to tire myself out so I fall asleep tonight. I had a wicked time, and yes, I saw Drew and Luke about an hour ago. They told me about you and Kev. What the hell happened? I imagined coming home to find you two hitched.' I am smiling up to the point Kevin pops up and almost choke on my own spit at his last comment.

  'It's a long, long story for another day. It is really great to see you back. I can't believe how different you look.'
I say and squeeze his arm and give him a wink.

  'I know. I look in the mirror and hardly recognise myself. It's so weird getting loads of attention from girls. I keep expecting them to be talking to someone behind me or something. And my mum, my mum, was hilarious. Gushing all over me.' He shakes his head but can't keep the grin off his face more than five seconds.

  'Go and grab a seat, and I will bring you something over. You can tell me more about your trip.' I point him over to the sofas.

  'Maybe you can tell me your long, long story as well.' He says over his shoulder.

  While I am waiting for his toasted sandwich to cook, Jen walks in. looking effortless as always.

  'I. Am. In. Need, of caffeine.' She tells me before half lying over the counter.

  'God, what is this? A drop-in centre for the world and his mates to come and visit the chimp selling coffee?' I mutter to myself.

  'Sure, okay. Go and sit with Pete and I'll get you a latte or something.' I say to Jen.

  'Pete? Pete who?' She asks, frowning at me.

  'You know. Kev, Luke, Drew and Pete, Pete.' I tell her pointing over to where he has taken over the area with legs and arms spread everywhere.

  'No bloody way is that Pete.' She says, looking back to me and then to him again. I see the smile appear, as she flicks her hair back and walks over to him. 'Oh my word Petey. You have got, damn hot.' She calls out loudly, making everyone in here turn to stare at him, and Pete flush. He hurriedly sits up still unused to the attention.

  Poor Pete. Another good man succumbs to Jens infamous charms. I wonder how long this one will last, before either mum or me will have to explain to him she is no longer interested and wants to be left alone. In a positive way of course.

  Countless times men have turned up on our doorstep or bombarded our phone line in desperation, trying to get hold of her. When she has made up her mind it is over, she refuses point blank to speak to them. She insists they will get the hint, eventually. On most occasions, mum and I are left to sort it out.

  The next hour or so flies past in a haze of non-stop queues, broken every so often by the sound of Jenny laughing at something Pete has said.

  She catches my eye and winks while Pete is rummaging in his bag. I watch them exchange numbers before she sashays out wiggling her fingers at me, looking triumphant once again. Turning back, I see Pete's soppy grin and I nod at him. He is a goner.

  He walks over to me with a newfound swagger that only the attention of a pretty girl brings.

  'Well Luce, I am off home to get some shuteye. Your sister is stunning.' He sounds as bewildered as he looks. If he was a cartoon character, then his eyes would be replaced with big red hearts.

  'So she tells me. Every day.' I wave with one hand, the other is behind my back with crossed fingers. I hope it works out for her this time. He doesn't deserve to be mucked about either.

  I don't have time to debate the budding romance any longer because a whole group of people pile through the door and continue to do so until I actually have to stop them from coming in, while chucking other people out. You would think there had been a major coffee shortage, and everyone had to come in to refuel.

  Taking a few minutes breather, I collapse into the nearest seat and close my eyes.

  'Hello again.' Interrupts the silence and I open my eyes, dazzled by bright yellow I shut them again. Sitting up, I open them slowly this time.

  'So you are you stalking me now.’ I say to Jamie from the seafront. He really is devastatingly handsome.

  'Well, if I am then I'm not very good because you have caught me. I should start wearing a disguise from now on.' He smiles at me

  'Try a beard and caterpillar moustache. It might suit you.' I say helpfully and stand up. I felt more vulnerable looking up at him, not that standing up has made much difference. Maybe if I stood on a chair?

  'I don't think so somehow.' He doesn't look impressed with my styling tips.

  'Failing that, you could hide behind a tree? I might not see you then. Did you want a coffee or something?' I ask, walking around to take his order and get a bit of breathing space.

  'Just a hot chocolate to take out, please.' He asks and stares at me.

  'So how did you know my name the other day?' I ask with my back to him. I have been dying to know since the day on the beach.

  'I see you in here with your friends a lot. I'm always at the back table working on my laptop, and you lot are so loud you keep distracting me.'

  'What are you doing? Looking for porn?' Pops out before my brain engages and I can gag myself. Foot-in-Mouth syndrome strikes again.

  'Not quite. I'm writing a book.' He replies, and I see him trying to control a smile that is threatening.

  'What, erm, what kind of book is it?' I ask wanting to be on a safer, more normal subject.

  'It's a secret. I'll be back tomorrow, see you then.' He grabs the drink and walks off before I can say anything back. A secret. I wonder what it's about. I'll have to try to get it out of him tomorrow then.

  Chapter 11

  Kevin

  'Hey darling I'm over here. Come give Mummy a squeeze.' I shout across the car park to Pete.

  'Ooooh Mummy, don't embarrass your boy in public.' Pete coos back.

  'What the hell have you done with Mummies little baby? Come on now, do a spin. Ah, haven't you grown up.' I gush and watch him do his ballerina impression.

  'Check out the tan next to your white arse.' He says, pulling me into a hug.

  'Tan. You haven't just got a tan. You've turned all supermodel on me. How am I supposed to pull now hey?' I ask.

  'Pulling has never been your problem, keeping them is the problem I hear.'

  'Oh sod off back to Oz.' I say pushing him off with a grin.

  'Come on, let's grab a beer and you can fill me in with all the gory details.' He says as we make our way into The Dogs.

  Being a couple of blokes, it takes forever to get served and leaves me wondering how great it would be to have a pair of tits’ that are a gateway to being first or being given things for free.

  'Come on then. Dish it.' Pete breaks into my thoughts of surgery.

  'It has been a few weeks of hell. First, I found out what Lucy was up to behind my back. At first, I was absolutely fuming as you would be, but then Amy kept flirting and I thought fuck it why not. Then bing, bang, bosh here we are. Lucy hates my guts and Amy is planning our non-existent future together.'

  'Sounds like fun.'

  'Yeah, loads of fun. Yesterday I tried to tell Amy the classic it's not you line when I took her out, but she flipped, I mean she went crazy killer on me. She said I shouldn't have asked her out if I wasn't ready to commit, and all that crap.'

  'You certainly know how to get yourself into situations don't you?' I can see by his broad grin that he loves the stories. I'm glad someone is getting enjoyment out of it.

  'Then today she comes marching into my work, bawling her eyes out in front of everyone, making me look like a prize mug. I got rid of her as quickly as possible, but still trying to be fairly nice about it all when I get a call from my Dad. Her Dad had called mine and said because of what happened he wasn't going to pay us. I thought he was going to lose it with that prick. Which is why I am now off on a Thursday afternoon so they can sit down and talk it through. I don't see how me dating or not dating his daughter gets to tie in with the work we have done.'

  'Yeah, I can see your Dad going completely mental. He isn't the most patient of men. Do you remember when the four of us got drunk over the park and he was the one who found us. I was so happy that night he wasn't my Dad.' He says, laughing at the memory.

  'The best bit was when we told all the other kids there, he was crazy, and had forgotten to take his meds. No way anyone believed us, but Luke was too big for anyone to bother arguing with.' I laugh with him thinking of Luke daring anyone to disagree, which of course they didn't. Things were so much simpler then. Before women came along and mucked it all up.

  'I met Jenny toda
y.' Pete slips into the conversation out of nowhere.

  'Jenny?'

  'You know, Lucy's sister. She is well fit and gave me her number would you believe?' He gets the paper out and waves it around like a flag.

  'Have you seen Lucy then? Did she say anything about me?' I ask, bypassing his happiness and desperate to hear about mine.

  'She didn't get the chance. It was too busy and then her sister came in. I'm taking her out tomorrow night.' He grins like a loon. God knows what happened to the two of them, but since they have come home, all they want to do is to be loved up and settle down.

  'So she said nothing at all?' I ask again unable to help myself.

  'No, just that it was a long story.' He shrugs apoplectically at me.

  'How did she look?' I want to hear terrible to soothe my ego.

  'Pretty, but she always does. She doesn't look anything like Jen though, you wouldn't have even thought they were related at all.' He says the last more to himself, which is a good thing because I can't be bothered to talk about it.

  'Jen hates me.' I state before draining my second drink. I get up to order another two beers each, tired of thinking about women any longer today.

  'Mate, she is just looking out for her sister, you know how girls are.' He holds his hands up and I wonder when exactly he started to understand how girls are. I smile and shake my head at him.

  'I'm going to the bar now.'

  When I finally sit back down, he has clearly been giving my predicament a lot of thought and dives straight back in, not noticing my shoulders sag.

  'Right you need to sort this phsyco bird out, get her out of the picture, and tell your Dad for that matter. Then you need to see Lucy and keep on at her, explain about Amy truthfully otherwise it will all blow up in your face again. Then Bob is your aunt and Fanny is your uncle, you and Lucy back together again. The end.' He sits back grabs his beer and lifts it up to me, giving me the, you know I'm right look, I thought only girls could master.