The Darkness Within

by Taylor K. Scott

  “I could point out the obvious and say that’s between Sam and me,” he begins.

  “We don’t want any trouble…” I hear my mother’s anxious tone of voice in the background, but my main attention is already tapped into the TV screen, too intrigued to know what Grant’s about to say about my sister.

  “But I would like her to be left alone. She was attacked in the most horrific way and she’s had to live with that for the past few years. We have both been victims of a seriously disturbed human being. I am not angry with her and I do not hold her accountable for what happened to me. The only person I hold responsible is the twisted man who attacked my girlfriend and tried to do the same to my sister. That’s all I’m saying, now if you’ll excuse me.”

  He then turns away from the camera and ushers Millie and Gabe towards the awaiting car, with the reporters erupting into shouting again.

  I slowly turn my head towards my sister, a little worried about what I’m going to find, but she’s just sitting rigidly, looking completely stunned. Her mouth is hanging open, her tears are silently falling, and her hands are now gripping the edge of the sofa with white knuckle force. I’m not entirely sure if she’s even breathing, but I do know she’s more than a little shocked over what he’s just said.

  “Sam?”

  That voice, one she hasn’t heard in two years, makes her throw both her hands up over her mouth, just before she starts hyperventilating. She’s trembling so much, I worry she’s going to cause herself an injury, but she refuses to turn around to face him. I jump up to look at Grant as he stands in my living room, now double the size I remember him being.

  He looks sheepishly at me, then nods while fumbling with his ball cap between his hands. His awkwardness tells me he’s here in peace, that he’s here to see the girl he had to leave behind, the girl he never had a chance to say goodbye to.

  “Sam,” I whisper and put my arm gently around her quivering shoulders, “I think he’s here to see you and I don’t think it’s to be angry.”

  “I can’t,” she cries, “I can’t face him, I can’t face what I did to him!”

  She wipes at her snotty nose and sadly shakes her head, not believing that she’s brave enough to do this. However, I know, and Grant knows, she is one of the bravest people there is. To live through what she has takes a kind of strength I’ll never know.

  “Sam? Baby?” Grant seems to reach out towards her, but then thinks better of it and retracts his arm almost immediately afterward. My sister continues to heave heavy sobs, still unable to look at him. “I need you to know I don’t hold anything against you, Sam,” he says on the edge of a whimper, “a-and I’m so sorry!”

  His eyes gloss over, then he looks away in shame. Meanwhile, Sam has finally ceased crying, with her sadness now transforming into confusion. Slowly, she stands, and I watch, like an invader of tender moments; the moment she finally turns to face him. When their eyes finally meet, he gasps and looks over her with awe and wonder. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see he’s still in love with her. But then, so is she.

  “Sorry?! W-why are you sorry?” she asks like he’s some sort of idiot. “No, no,” she begins, shaking her head in frustration as though she can’t even fathom the idea of him feeling this way. “No, I’m the one you need to be angry with. I’m the one you need to vent it all out on. Be angry with me, Grant! Shout at me, hit me, tell me you wish you’d never met me!”

  She becomes almost manic, so I go to reach for her, but he gets there first and pulls her into his arms with such ferocity, I don’t doubt he’s dreamt about this moment for the entire time they’ve been apart.

  “No, Baby, I should never have left you there,” he cries, “I should have stayed with you and protected you from that monster!”

  “But I told you to go,” she sobs, “I was so angry with you, I told you to ‘fuck off’, and called you all sorts of horrible things!” He laughs lightly but keeps hold of her just as tightly.

  “If I had stayed and put my pride to one side, none of this would have happened,” he whispers into her ear, “it is I who needs to apologize to you, Sam…my Sam.”

  He closes his eyes and holds her like he’s never going to let her go ever again. My mother is sobbing behind them and even I feel a little emotional over his reaction. Eventually, Sam releases the adrenaline running through her veins and reaches up to hold him properly so they can finally cling to one another like I long to cling onto Millie.

  “Do you know how much I’ve thought of this over the past two years?” he sobs, “Knowing that you thought I did that to you has been killing me, Sam. I love you so much!”

  “I love you too,” she whispers.

  An hour or so after my sister and Grant have had their emotional reunion, he tells her he’s going back to his place to help his family pack up the house. I’m not gonna lie, it cuts pretty deep to know Millie is there preparing to cross the country to get away from me, or life, everything, I guess. He gives Sam his number and strict instructions to not contact him until she is ready to.

  Personally, I think she would have been more than willing to piggyback out on him now, but after a dizzy spell, she agreed to take things slowly. Even my mother kissed him on the cheek for that one, before sobbing and pulling him into her ample chest for a rather awkward hug. I would have been suitably horrified at the scene if it wasn’t for the face Grant was sporting during the whole ordeal. A mixture of shock and embarrassment, alongside a ‘get-me-the-hell-out-of-this-alive’ pleading look towards both Sam and me.

  “Bowie,” Grant turns to me with a slight grin on his face, “I owe you a lot for the way you saved my sister. I will be forever grateful…even if you were a little shit to her once upon a time.”

  I look down sheepishly, but to my surprise, he laughs and slaps his hand over my shoulder.

  “Guess the jokes on me now,” I tell him on a sigh. “To put it bluntly, I’m fucked! Your sister has ruined me and I’m the stupid asshole who let her go.”

  “Don’t be disheartened,” he says as he steps outside, “stranger things have happened. Look at me and your sister!”

  “True,” I nod, “I’m sorry I doubted you, man.”

  “She said it was me,” he responds, now looking deadly serious. “If it had been you with my sister, I probably would have found a way into that prison to kill you myself.”

  “Thanks, I think,” I frown at him but with a smile. He laughs and we do something I never would have believed us ever doing; we shake hands.

  “I’ll be rooting for you, Bowie,” he says, “more than I ever did for Matt, and that was before…all of this. You’re a good guy, Bowie, but I won’t tell anyone on you.”

  I don’t respond, instead, I watch him walk away, genuinely hoping he and Sam make it this time.

  Chapter 35

  November

  Bowie

  It’s getting colder and my stalker tendencies are getting harder and harder to keep up now that the clocks have changed. However, I can still see her, still hear her laughing with the girl she shares a room with. Kelly isn’t as blunt as Mercy, and she’s a lot more girly, but equally as good for Mils from what I can tell. From my newly acquired, amateur spying skills, I’ve learned that Kelly has a steady boyfriend and accompanies Millie to most of the social events she attends. She looks after her and they have a good relationship, which I’m pleased about. After years of living alone, Millie deserves to be boarding with someone she can have a genuine friendship with; someone she can trust and rely upon.

  As far as Millie goes, I’ve learned her routines, her weekly outings, and I also know she doesn’t date, even though she gets plenty of offers. It’s taken a lot of willpower to not go and interfere when she receives such advances, especially from preppy guys named Chad and Rupert, but I need to let her decide for herself.

  To my relief, she never fails to smile sweetly, then explains she’s not looking for that sort of thing at the moment. And if they push for something more casual? Then t
hey get the famous Amelia Thomas look of disdain, the one that’s going to make her an excellent mother one day. To guys like this, it’s a specially developed look which says, ‘fuck off’, and simultaneously makes me harder than Kevlar.

  Just as I watch her dip inside for a coffee with Kelly, Gabe creeps up behind me and throws one of his meaty hands over my shoulder.

  “Fuck!” I gasp when he begins chuckling in my ear. “You are one creepy bastard, you know that?!”

  “Says the guy who’s been stalking Millie for the past two months!” he laughs as we fall into a walk towards my car.

  We’ve been rooming together since I began here, though Millie has no idea about this. As far as she knows, we’re still hating on one another. She hasn’t laid eyes on me since that horrible night, and Gabe refuses to talk about me with her. The guy is more than a little stubborn, much to my relief. Who would have thought Gabe and I would be such good mates and have chosen to board together?

  Shortly after school broke up and I graduated knowing I would be going to the same college as both Gabe and Millie, I suggested we go traveling around the country together. Grant was preoccupied with rebuilding his relationship with Sam, and Millie needed space from me. And, of course, my other best friend, Matt, was arrested, and quite rightly, rotting in jail. Funnily enough, Russ was also arrested less than a week later for drug possession, ketamine, I believe. I guess a growing reliance on stimulants pushed Matt’s obsession with Millie over the edge. Whatever it was that made him defile my sister, plus every other evil thing that he did, he’s more than dead to me. I have no idea how Millie feels about him, but even if we were still talking, I don’t think I’d want to.

  “I need to know it’s what’s right for her before I go charging back into her life,” I try to explain without sounding creepy. “I need to do the right thing by her, and I can’t be sure if I’m it, not until I’ve seen how she is without me.”

  “You could just ask me or Grant?” He looks at me like I’m a total moron, which isn’t an entirely ridiculous assessment. “You know, if I didn’t know you had her best interests at heart, I’d be totally calling you out for stalking her. As it is, I’ve decided to give you one more week before I spill all to her.”

  “You wouldn’t?!” I glare at him.

  “No, I wouldn’t,” he sighs and shakes his head, “but Grant would and will. He thinks you’re being a pussy and is no longer willing to keep quiet about it.”

  “Fuck!”

  “Look, you already know she won’t give anyone else the time of day, you frequently see her in your neck of the woods…or campus, should I say, what further proof do you need? Admit it, you’re being a fucking pussy!”

  “What if she turns me down?”

  “Oh, God!” He rolls both his eyes around in his head in frustration over the lost cause that is me. “Rip the envelope, remember?”

  Yeah, rip the envelope!

  Amelia

  I hold up my fist ready to knock on the front door to Gabe’s apartment. I have to say, I’m slightly nervous. He hadn’t even told me where his new place was until yesterday and I’m beginning to imagine all kinds of weird scenarios. The mind boggles! What if he’s joined a cult? Or he’s bunking with a serial killer? Or he has a red room? I hesitate for a moment, then laugh at myself for being so ridiculous. This is Gabe we’re talking about! I thrust my fist three times before dropping my hand down again and begin to swing around on the spot while I psyche myself up.

  There’s some loud shuffling and whispered shouting coming from inside, so I press my ear gently to the wooden panel to listen in. Suddenly, the door opens, causing me to make a kind of gruff ‘woof’ noise, like a startled dog. The warm air hits me and the suddenness of everything has me giggling.

  “Not interrupting anything I hope?” I continue to laugh at Gabe who is dressed in his running gear and grinning so widely, it’s obviously fake. “Should I come back later? You do remember you asked me here, right?”

  “Yes, but I need to head out.” I frown at his weird attitude, but ultimately feel a little pissed at him for inviting me here, only to ditch me as soon as I arrive.

  “Ok,” I say in a long, drawn-out kind of way, making it abundantly clear that I think his behavior is a little nuts. “I’ll catch you later then.”

  Sighing in frustration, I begin to turn away, but then he pulls at my upper arm so unexpectedly, I end up falling over the doorstep.

  “No, I mean I’ve just got to nip out, but you stay here!”

  He pulls me further inside the warmth of his house and I take a moment to look around at the surroundings, mildly panicking over my earlier thoughts of sex rings and other such terrifying revelations.

  Thankfully, all appears to be normal. It’s even clean and tidy, with masculine dark woods and new technology. Trainers and biker boots are lined up along a rack by the front door and a couple of men’s jackets are hanging up. To the left, two deep red sofas are squaring off the living area where a very tall and broad Bowie is standing, staring at me for the first time in over six months, since the night he had had to pull Matt off from my semi-naked body.

  “Hi, Millie,” he says nervously, shoving his hands into his back pockets and glancing towards the floor, before facing me again. I can’t do anything other than stand there, looking dumbstruck and unable to make a single sound.

  “Ok, well I’m gonna go!” I feel Gabe kiss me on the cheek before heading back to the door where he practically begins his run from the hallway.

  “B-bye,” I whisper after he’s closed the door, sort of half-dazed, half-shocked.

  Bowie and I both stand there in complete silence, just looking at one another.

  “I-I’ve been meaning to come and see you, Mils,” he holds out his hand in an awkward gesture towards me, “but I didn’t know if…” He shoots out a breath of air, looks to the floor, then grins at me. A trademark grin which I’ve pictured on many a night since even before that horrible party. “Say something, Mils. I’ve been dreaming about this moment and I guess I expected some sort of reaction from you. Hurt, hate, laughter…something?”

  I can’t speak, instead, I begin walking towards him with the same furrowed brow of confusion and my mouth hanging open, and still tightly clutching hold of my bag. He seems to brace himself upright, waiting for me to lay into him, or hit him, or something else awful, but when I’m mere inches away from him, I drop my bag to the floor and reach up to press my lips against his.

  I keep my eyes open, looking into his wide ones. My lips remain on top of his while desperately trying to ascertain whether this is what he wants. Within moments, he reaches around, and grabs hold of my shirt, finally closing his eyes tightly and slipping his tongue between my lips. I moan with an urgent need to be closer to him, which he gifts me by lifting me to his hips where I wrap my legs tightly around him. I feel that delicious hardness of his up against my stomach and it has me reaching up into his hair and pulling on it tightly. He growls with need and walks us straight into his bedroom, then kicks the door closed behind him.

  Once inside his very boy-like bedroom, complete with smells of aftershave and minimal decor, we tear at each other’s clothes, trying to rid ourselves of every barrier that stands between us. We’re only halfway there when we fall onto his bed with a need to be so much closer to one another.

  “Fuck, Millie, I’ve missed you every damn day,” he utters between kisses, “I love you so much, Baby, please tell me, Mils, please tell me…”

  “That I love you too? That I need you just as much?” I whisper, then playfully bite on his earlobe. “I thought I did that in my letter?”

  “I need to hear it, I need you to say it to me,” he suddenly pauses and cups my head softly so I am forced to look into his pleading eyes. “I can’t lose you again!”

  “I love you, Bowie,” I whimper, “you’ve had my heart ever since I gave it to you at your sister’s place. I just needed…I needed to make myself strong again, to be Millie again.”r />
  “I know,” he strokes my face with a look that tells me he understands and loves me even more for it.

  “Now, fuck, Bowie,” I moan into his ear with a giggle, “get inside of me before I lose my mind!”

  In true Bowie style, he wriggles those damn eyebrows of his with the sexiest and cheekiest grin before kissing me hard and deep. I don’t even know how we got the rest of our clothes off, but within seconds he is sliding inside of me and thrusting with a flurry of obscenities only befitting of Bowie Phillips.

  Epilogue

  Five years later

  Amelia

  The day my brother finally got to marry his childhood sweetheart is emotional to say the least. I’ve even caught Bowie shedding a tear, and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen him cry. Of course, the prize for the most emotional crier goes to Grant himself. He barely made it through his vows without breaking down into sobs, whereas Sam managed to at least save her tears until the end. I guess us girls are made of stronger stuff.