Craving Redemption

by Nicole Jacquelyn

  “Definitely not the same little girl I met a year ago,” he told her tenderly. “You keep fighting back, Callie. Proud’a you.” Then he followed Slider out of the house.

  “Holy shit,” Callie commented, looking up at me in wonder.

  “Yeah, Sugar. Looks like you have the seal of approval from two of the scariest men in the United States.”

  Chapter 48

  Callie

  Asa and most of the men left the house that night around dinner time. I knew where they were going—all of us knew, but no one said a word about it. They just got up as a unit and started for the door at a certain time without any words spoken. Echo went with Asa, which didn’t surprise me, but what did surprise me was that Poet stayed with us.

  He sat on our couch, calm and relaxed, watching some motorcycle show on cable, and didn’t pay any attention to Farrah and me when I brought her out for dinner so I could change the sheets on my bed. She was getting up and around more after her shower, but she hadn’t left my room while Slider was there. I didn’t blame her; he hadn’t exactly endeared himself during their five-minute conversation.

  I wanted to sit with Poet and ask him how he’d been, but I never got the chance. Farrah stuck to me like glue that night, jumping at shadows and any noise outside of the ordinary. She tried to play it off, and wasn’t outwardly clingy, but when she stood outside the bathroom door while I did my business, I wanted to cry for her. She reminded me of myself, and it brought me back to a time I’d tried my hardest to forget.

  The men were only gone a couple hours before I heard the roar of bikes outside. Farrah stood so close to me we were almost touching as Poet unlocked the front door, letting the men file in. I was watching for Asa, and the minute I saw his face, I took an involuntary step forward.

  He looked wrecked.

  He came right for me without pausing for a second, and knocked into me hard enough that I lost my balance and had to wrap my arms around his neck to keep from falling. He didn’t stop there, though. He took another step, knocking my legs out from under me as he grabbed my thighs and wrapped me around him. Echo was doing the same thing to Farrah, though much gentler, and our eyes met over their heads.

  Asa buried his face in my neck and took a long inhale as I pulled the rubber band out of his hair so I could run my fingers through it. I wasn’t sure how to soothe him, but I tried my best as I tightened my arms and legs.

  “Slider and the boys are heading to a hotel for the night,” he growled into my neck, his voice husky and deep. “Echo’s using your car to take Farrah home with him.”

  He lifted his head as I turned mine toward Farrah, preparing to argue.

  “He needs his woman tonight and she needs him. Ain’t nothing for you to protect her from.” I nodded once, looking down into his face, and my chest burned at his next words. “He needs his woman and I need mine. You gonna give that to me?”

  “Yeah, Asa,” I murmured back gently, running my fingers into the hair behind his ear. “You can have whatever you need.”

  “Good,” he growled, before setting me down and walking away.

  I stood in the middle of the living room and watched the men around me. Their faces were drawn and their jaws were tight, but not one of them said a word about what had happened. Asa and Slider rounded them up, and when Slider was the only one left, I watched him walk to Farrah and put a hand on her shoulder. He whispered something to her that I couldn’t hear, but I saw her nod into Echo’s chest before Slider leaned forward and dropped a soft kiss on the back of her head. Then he was gone.

  Echo and Farrah left right after everyone else, and as I locked the door behind them I felt Asa move in against my back.

  “Need you, Callie,” he mumbled into my neck, pulling my shirt over my head without letting me turn away from the door. His hands pushed and pulled roughly at me, stripping off my clothes efficiently, until I was standing completely naked. I heard his belt clink as he unfastened it, but I didn’t move from my position.

  He was riding a fine line of control, I could feel it in every one of his movements, and I knew that a single twitch could set him off. I was panting, resting my hands against the door when I felt him fall to his knees behind me, jerking my hips toward him so I was bent over at the waist.

  “Fuck,” he whispered against my skin, slowing his movements. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You didn’t scare me,” I rasped, pressing my forehead against the door.

  He didn’t reply because he was pushing his face between my legs and capturing my clit between his lips, bypassing every other piece of flesh. He rubbed it slowly at first, warming me up, but the minute I started writhing against him he sucked. It took only a few minutes to come with him shoving me over the edge, and before I could come down from my high, he was standing and spinning me around.

  His jeans and boxers fell to his feet as he lifted me up, and without pausing, dropped me onto him. He used his body to press me to the door, but instead of holding me with his hands on my ass like I was used to, he ran his arms under my knees until they were resting on the insides of his elbows. I wrapped my arms around his neck in a death grip, but the position left me with absolutely no control unless I wanted to fall to the floor.

  “Lift your chin for me, Sugar,” he ordered huskily as he pounded in and out, causing my back to slam into the door.

  The second I tilted my head back, I felt his tongue and teeth at my throat as he bit down and then sucked strongly. When he was done, he pulled back to gaze at it and mumbled, “Better,” before dropping his forehead to my collarbone. I let go with one hand, trusting him to keep me from falling, and ran my hand softly through his hair as his thrusts became fast and jerky and he came with a slow groan.

  He held on to me and shuffled into our bedroom, falling to his back on the bed. I kissed him as I climbed off, and went to crouch at his feet when I felt something running down my leg.

  We hadn’t used protection.

  I didn’t say a word as I rushed to the bathroom to take care of the mess, and when I got back to our room, he was laying in the same position with his forearm resting over his eyes.

  “You want to talk about it?” I asked gently as I pulled off his boots and socks.

  “You don’t need that shit in your head,” he told me with a sigh. “It was a clusterfuck. Farrah’s ma was there.”

  He didn’t say another word, and I didn’t press as I stripped away his jeans. I started for the dresser to get us some clean clothes but he stopped me.

  “Don’t get dressed tonight,” he said wearily. “Want to feel you when I sleep.”

  I didn’t reply, but turned back toward him and climbed back in the bed.

  I bit the inside of my lip as he crawled under the covers, but couldn’t stop myself from blurting out, “We didn’t use protection!” before averting my eyes.

  “That a problem?” he asked as if he didn’t see one.

  “What if I get pregnant?”

  “What if you do? I’ve got a job, we’re both adults, and you’d be a hell of a mother,” he answered, closing his eyes as his head sunk into the pillow.

  My mouth open and closed a few times, trying to decide on a suitable reply, but he reached out without opening his eyes and pulled me down next to him.

  “Stop worrying about it, Callie,” he told me simply.

  His body was relaxed into the bed as if boneless, and for the first time that night his face wasn’t drawn and tight. I could force him to have the conversation with me; he’d do it if I asked. But as I felt his arm tighten around me, and his breathing grow even, I couldn’t make myself say anymore.

  “I love you,” I mumbled, my lips pressed to his chest.

  “Love you, too, Sugar.”

  Chapter 49

  Callie

  The next few days passed in a blur as Asa and I argued about when I was going to move. He thought it made perfect sense to pack up the rest of my shit and move it when he left, so he didn’t have to make a
n extra trip. I could see his logic, and in any other situation, I could have agreed with him.

  But Farrah needed me.

  I couldn’t move to Oregon when she was still startling at every noise. She was staying with Echo, but driving to my house whenever he was working which meant she was at our house a lot.

  I wasn’t sure what was happening with the Aces, but the guys that came down with Slider and Poet still hadn’t left. Something was brewing, something big, and I wondered what Asa wasn’t telling me as he and Echo disappeared for meeting after meeting. For some reason, his insistence that I move to Oregon with him immediately had turned almost desperate, and he was snapping and snarling at me constantly.

  “Farrah doesn’t need you here!” he roared, continuing the argument the minute he walked in the door that night. “She’s living with Echo! He’ll deal with her shit!”

  “She was there for me when you weren’t,” I told him calmly, refusing to get into another screaming match. “She sat with me the day of my parents’ funeral. She came by every day to make sure that I wasn’t alone.”

  “Don’t throw that shit in my face again, Calliope!”

  “I’m not throwing it in your face,” I replied, “I’m trying to explain to you that I owe her.”

  “You owe her? That’s what this is about? That’s fuckin’ ridiculous.”

  His automatic brush-off of something I felt so strongly about made my entire body tense with anger and I had a hard time controlling myself as I answered him.

  “She was taking care of me while she was living through a nightmare, Asa,” I seethed through clenched teeth. “She was taking care of me, and I was so caught up in my own shit that I didn’t even notice that anything was wrong with her.”

  His face softened and his voice lowered as we came to the cajoling portion that ended each of our arguments.

  “Sugar, you can’t keep beating yourself up over that shit.” He came toward me, putting his hands on each side of my face. “There was nothing you could have done and it’s over now.”

  “Yeah, well, I’d feel a whole lot better if I could return the favor for a while without you on my ass all the time,” I answered, trying to turn my face away from him.

  His hands tightened on my head and he lowered his face to mine, his jaw clenching. “How am I supposed to keep you safe when you’re hundreds of miles away from me?”

  He didn’t expect an answer, because he kissed me punishingly, not allowing me to pull away.

  “You can’t keep putting this off, Callie.” He kissed me again, “It’s one thing after another.”

  I bit him in frustration the next time he pressed his lips to mine, causing him to drop his hands from my head.

  “You want an angry fuck, Callie?” he asked me, nostrils flaring as he took a step back. “’Cause I can give it to you. I’m done with your procrastination bullshit.”

  “Fuck you,” I sneered, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “It’s all about you, right? The whole world revolves around Grease.”

  I knew what I was doing. The anger, guilt, and frustration over our situation had me snapping at everyone I came in contact with, and I felt myself slipping into the same building resentment that had plagued me for months. I hated the club and everything it represented, but I was in the untenable position of loving one of its members. I’d somehow become a fighter, but there was nothing for me to fight against.

  I needed him to snap me out of it before I ruined everything.

  His eyes closed into slits, his chest heaving, and I froze for a moment, thinking I’d gone too far. Then suddenly, without any warning, he bent at the waist and shoved his shoulder into my belly before standing straight so I was hanging down his back.

  I pounded against anything I could reach as I screeched, but he ignored me as he calmly made sure the door was locked before walking us into the bedroom. His lack of concern with my fit made me even angrier, so I pulled up his shirt and leather vest to dig my nails into his back in frustration.

  “Knock it off, Calliope!” he growled at me, turning his head to bite my thigh as his hand slapped my ass hard.

  He tossed me onto the bed and I scrambled off, expecting him to catch me at any moment, but he didn’t. Instead, he stood in front of the door, my only means of escape, and slowly started undressing.

  “You gonna make this easy and get undressed?” he asked in a bored tone that had my stomach turning in uncertainty. “Didn’t think so.”

  I stood at the opposite side of the bed, watching him like a cornered animal, as I rethought my approach. I wasn’t feeling fierce anymore. The only thing I could feel was a nervousness that didn’t have anything to do with physical harm. What if I was too much? What if he decided that he didn’t need my shit anymore and left me? The old fear of being too needy rose up until I felt tears stinging my nose.

  “Come here, Sugar,” he called softly.

  I shook my head and backed into the wall, practically hyperventilating. I wanted to go to him, be accommodating and sweet instead of hissing and scratching, but I didn’t know how to change my emotions. My heart was still racing with a frustration that made me want to scream just to let some of it out.

  “I need to come get you, Callie?”

  He wasn’t interested in a stand-off because he started toward me, his steps measured but never faltering. When he reached me, I pushed at him, making low noises in my throat, but he stripped me anyway until I was standing naked with hands fisted.

  “I love you,” he told me gently as he pulled me toward the bed and sat down.

  He pulled me between his knees and kissed me sweetly, rubbing his thumbs against my cheekbones until I melted against him. Then he wrapped one leg around both of mine and pushed me face-first on the bed so I was bent over one thigh, his hand heavy on the small of my back.

  Smack.

  I screamed, pissed that I’d been tricked into compliance.

  “You call me Asa,” he rumbled, smacking my ass again. “Though you know that, so I’m guessing this is what you were angling for.” Smack. Smack.

  “Get off me!” I bellowed, pushing as hard as I could with my arms but getting nowhere.

  He rubbed my sore cheeks for a moment, quiet, and then started the spanking again.

  “You need me to spank your ass?” Smack. “You can just fuckin’ ask for it.”

  “I can’t.”

  He paused for a moment, quiet.

  “Why can’t you ask for what you need?”

  He waited for me to answer, then sighed deeply when I didn’t, smacking me again.

  “Answer me.”

  Smack.

  “Because it’s not the same,” I sobbed, pulling my arms under me so I could cover my face with my hands. “I want you to be as mad as me! I want you to be frustrated! I’m afraid you’re going to leave me if you aren’t!”

  “Sweetheart,” he whispered tenderly, letting go of my back so he could rub it gently.

  I scrambled away from him, hating the fact that I was naked in front of him with my words between us. I pulled the blankets to my shoulders, but didn’t turn away from him as I watched him run his hand down his face.

  “I love you, Calliope,” he told me softly, crawling under the covers with me and pulling me into his arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I was silent as I watched him, tears blurring my eyes.

  “You’re my family,” he mumbled, kissing me and then rubbing his lips down my neck. “You’re everything.”

  He took one nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, pushing the covers to our knees before grabbing the back of my leg and sliding it up his hip. He ran his fingers between my legs lightly, barely touching me before sliding it up to rest on my stomach. He let go of my nipple and ran his tongue around it once before raising his eyes to mine and leaning up on a forearm.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised as he shifted his hips and pushed inside me. “You belong with me.”

  My back arched and
I lifted my hand to his hair to pull his face to mine.

  “I love you,” I whimpered, my body feeling almost weightless in relief.

  His jaw went tight at my words, and he leaned back so he could slide his hand between us, hitting the perfect spot with his thumb.

  It didn’t take long for me to come, taking him with me.

  I barely made it to the bathroom to clean up afterward before dropping with exhaustion. He pulled me on top of him like a blanket when I made it back to the bed, and I pushed my face into his neck. I couldn’t get close enough to him. Neither of us said a word about our lack of protection. We were forgetting as much as we were remembering the condoms, and I knew I needed to get on birth control, but every time I’d used it in the past it had been non-stop periods for me.

  I wondered how long we could play with fire before getting burned—but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

  Chapter 50

  Callie

  I didn’t realize that it would take almost a year for Farrah to come back to herself. I should’ve known. I should have guessed that years of abuse ending in a beating so bad she’d forever carry the scars would take a long time to recover from. But I’d optimistically thought that when things settled down, she would turn back into the snarky girl I loved like a sister.

  That year was one of the longest of my life.

  Gram brought Cody with her to visit a few times, but the brother I knew was nowhere to be found. He was quiet and intense in a way he’d never been before, and his body had changed so much since I’d seen him last that it was startling. His shoulders had broadened and his jaw was sharper, making him look more man than boy. But when he smiled at Gram, his eyes crinkling, I couldn’t help but notice the little boy I’d chased around the house with a tube of my mom’s lipstick when I was six years old.

  I hadn’t kept in touch with him the year before like I’d promised, but it was as much his fault as mine. We’d seen each other on his school breaks, but in between those times, it had almost seemed as if he was avoiding me. That all changed the year he graduated from high school.