Two Words I'd Never Say Again

by Remi Carrington

  “I’m proud of you.” Mama’s tone was soft.

  Words like that were only going to make me cry, and I’d done enough of that. If she knew what I’d done, she wouldn’t be proud.

  Haley would probably hate me. I didn’t even want to think about Hank’s reaction.

  “Be there in twenty minutes.” After the weekend, I’d set things right. At least as best I could.

  But tonight was about family. I wouldn’t wall myself off any longer.

  Chapter 10

  Not yet adjusted to having a housemate, on Sunday evening I crawled in bed early to read. I’d just gotten to the moment when the hero decides he needs to fight for love when my phone rang.

  Why hadn’t I changed that ringtone?

  “Hello?”

  “Mija, I only have a minute because I watch my show at nine.”

  “Mom, you watch it on Netflix.” I’d set that all up for her.

  If it was possible to hear someone rolling their eyes, that was the sound she made. “Yes, but every night I watch it at nine. Anyway, Hank came by earlier to say goodbye to your brothers. He’s such a fine man, Nacha.” She paused, waiting for me to agree.

  I kept quiet. Hopefully, the silence would shout that I didn’t want to discuss it.

  “Anyway, Hank mentioned that his neighbor—she writes romance novels, I think—has been coming over almost every day. Maybe he’ll ask her out. He deserves to be happy. But I made him promise that he wouldn’t forget me.”

  Words pounded in my head. “She what?”

  “It would be so convenient. She’s right there. I probably shouldn’t have said anything, but I thought you’d want to know.” Mama sighed. “It’s nine. I’ll talk to you later.”

  Tossing my phone aside, I scrambled out of bed. “I can’t let him . . . date. I can’t let him go.” That was the more honest answer.

  My walls weren’t who needed to hear that.

  I couldn’t wait until after the weekend. I had to talk to Hank now. If he was talking about this woman to Mama, he must be serious.

  Fearing I didn’t have the courage to try again, I panicked at the thought of losing him. All my muddled thoughts solidified into one crystal clear point—I wanted Hank. I loved him, hurt and all.

  Grabbing my coat and keys as I ran for the door, I tried to figure out what to say. Words bumped into each other in my head.

  “Nacha?” Cami paused her show. “Are you okay? Because you don’t have, you know, clothes on.”

  “I’m going to see Hank.”

  She clapped. “Go, Nacha. He’ll love what you’re wearing.”

  Hoping Cami was right, I climbed into the car. I made sure to keep my speed under the limit. Now was not when I wanted to be pulled over, especially since I’d run out of the house wearing my flimsy pajamas but no shoes. With my luck, Eli would pull me over, and I’d have to explain everything. I was tired of explaining to Eli.

  Best not to be noticed. I cared more about getting to Hank’s than making sure I was wearing real clothes.

  I parked next to Hank’s truck, wondering which neighbor was vying for his attention. I headed to the porch, dancing my way up the walkway, suddenly conscious of the cold.

  After only a second of me pounding on the door, Hank answered. His lack of a shirt would make it harder to focus . . . on words.

  “Hey, you okay?” He glanced down at my feet. “Come inside. What’s up?”

  Overheating from my racing emotions, I dropped my keys on the coffee table and started to take off my coat, then remembered what I was wearing.

  “You’re in your pajamas.” He inched closer, grinning. “Did you miss me?”

  I nodded. “Mama told me about your romance-writing neighbor and how she comes around a lot. And she told me you were going to ask her out.”

  “What?” He slipped his arms around me, chuckling. “That’s not what I said.”

  I leaned my head on his chest, wishing I hadn’t waited so long to be honest with him. Here in his arms was where I belonged. “She said how it was good because you lived so close, but I rushed over here because you can’t. You can’t for lots of reasons, but mostly because I love you.”

  His lips caught mine, then his hands cradled my face. I could quit talking now, but that would be wrong. Delaying a minute or two was not wrong at all.

  I pressed in closer, sliding my hands up his chest and around his neck. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  Sighing, he rested his head on mine. “Yeah.”

  Sucking in a deep breath, I mustered the courage to be honest. I was risking this perfect reunion. “I haven’t been—there is something I need to tell you.”

  He danced kisses along my jaw. “Mmmhmm?”

  “We aren’t divorced. That’s another reason I didn’t want you to date your neighbor. But when you left, my reaction was wrong. I should never have reacted like I did. I should have gone with you to Montana.”

  His entire body tensed. “What did you say?”

  “I was wrong. I should’ve gone with you and let you pursue the job you’d always wanted.” I rested my head on his chest, praying his muscles would relax.

  He jerked away and crossed the room. “Not that part.”

  I knew he’d be hurt, but I hadn’t expected anger. As a rule, Hank wasn’t quick to lose his temper, but when he did get mad, the wrath was suffocating.

  I crossed my arms, battling tears. “I never turned in the papers. I couldn’t. We aren’t divorced.”

  His pulse throbbed in his neck, and fire danced in his eyes. “I was crushed when I thought our marriage was over. And you let me believe it for over a year!”

  “I’m sorry.” My apology sounded small and shallow.

  “You wouldn’t even answer my calls. I’ve told everyone—I’ve filled out tax forms saying that I was single. I’m probably going to be audited.” He jammed his hands in his pockets. “What if I’d met someone, Nacha? When did you plan to tell me?”

  “Hank, in the beginning, I was so hurt, and then it had been so long, I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”

  He waved his hands. “I think this was perfect. Now I know that I need to file new papers. I need you to leave.”

  “No. We need to talk.”

  “That’s gold coming from the woman who wouldn’t answer my calls.”

  “I have a lot to apologize for.” I wouldn’t be able to keep my tears at bay for long, but I refused to let him think they were a form of manipulation.

  He opened the front door and pointed outside.

  “Please, Hank.”

  His icy gaze stabbed at my heart. “You said it was over.”

  “I didn’t mean it.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I want you, Hank. I miss you.”

  “Don’t touch me.”

  I backed up. “What can I do to make it right?”

  “Just go. Right now, I’m angry and can’t talk to you. When this subsides and I can say your name without spitting it out like overcooked, boiled vegetables, then I’ll call you. And when I do, you better answer.” His jaw set, he stared at the ground.

  I hated that I’d hurt him. Holding in my sobs, I ran to the car. What a horrible mess! And it was all my fault.

  Sitting in the driveway, I wondered which house belonged to the stranger who was hitting on my husband. Had she seen me? Should I run around in my pajamas a little longer, so she’d know to stay away?

  Knocking on doors to warn her off was probably—it was absolutely a bad idea.

  I jolted out of my thoughts when Hank slammed the front door and turned off the porch light. I wasn’t a moth. The light had nothing to do with why I was still here.

  I tried to start the car but realized my keys were inside. I walked back to the door and knocked.

  He didn’t answer.

  Again, I knocked, letting my coat hang open in case the neighbor was watching. I pressed in close to the door. “I left my keys.”

  The door opened, and he held out my keys. I couldn’t
even see his face.

  Acting purely on impulse, I pressed a kiss to the palm of his hand before grabbing my keys.

  He shut the door without saying anything.

  If the neighbor saw all that, she was probably planning their first date.

  Sobbing, I drove out of town. I’d made it almost to the highway when I had to fight for control of the car. Pieces of my tire bounced in the road behind me. Pulling off to the side, I reached for my phone . . . and remembered that it was still on my bed.

  After waiting for ten minutes, I opened the car door. With so little traffic on this road, I could sit here for hours and not get any help. Walking along the side of the road barefoot in my pajamas would make people think I was drunk. But what other choice did I have?

  I stepped out onto the pavement, then jumped back into the car. Maybe I’d just wait a few more minutes. It was downright cold.

  Thirty minutes later, flashing lights appeared behind my car. I wiped my eyes and pulled my coat tighter as I rolled down my window.

  Eli strode up. He pulled his hat off his head and dragged his fingers through his hair. “Oh, Nacha. You . . . uh . . . are you okay?”

  Crying clearly made the man uncomfortable. And thanks to my track record, he probably thought I cried a lot. I didn’t, but that didn’t matter right now.

  “No. Hank and I argued, then I had a flat. And my phone is at home.”

  He shined his flashlight into the car. “And you don’t have shoes on.”

  “And I’m in pajamas. Could you please not tell anyone about this? I just want to call someone to fix my tire or tow my car. Whatever.”

  “How will you get home? I’m guessing you don’t want me calling Hank.”

  “That wouldn’t be a good idea.” Barefoot and stranded in pajamas on a Sunday night, I was thankful for the few people I could call. “Will you call Haley for me?”

  He nodded. “Good idea.”

  If Hank hadn’t already shared the news, she’d come rescue me. If he had, I might be stuck on the side of the road all night. And I probably deserved it.

  Thirty minutes later, after discovering my spare was also flat, my car was being loaded onto a tow truck.

  Zach’s Explorer pulled off to the shoulder, and one glimpse of Zach’s face said he knew. He didn’t get out of the SUV.

  I inhaled as Haley walked toward me. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

  She crossed her arms. “You’ve got to be freezing. Get in.”

  “Did he tell you?” For all the years I’d spent caring about how things looked, now I cared about saving my friendship.

  She nodded.

  “Hank has every right to be mad. I should’ve said something ages ago. I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

  Her lips pinched. “Probably, but not tonight.”

  I climbed into the backseat. “Thanks, Zach.”

  A quick bob of the head was his only answer.

  During the silent car ride to my house, I determined to do all that was in my power to rebuild my friendship with Haley. And whatever it took, I’d make Hank see that I loved him . . . even if he decided it was really over.

  The thought made me ill, and I slapped a hand over my mouth. Getting sick in Zach’s car would not help the situation.

  Chapter 11

  Cami walked on eggshells all morning. Apparently, having my hair tied up in a knot and red puffy eyes gave off an unapproachable vibe.

  After I’d finished my coffee, I broke the silence. “Can I get a ride to the office today?”

  She nodded. “Uh-huh.”

  “You’re probably wondering about last night.” If I didn’t let people in a little, I’d look like the ice queen.

  “Forget last night.” Cami cradled her mug. “I’m wondering about right now. You look terrible. And—no offense—that’s not like you. I’ve never even seen you cry.”

  I swallowed back the urge to give her a snippy answer and reveal nothing about what happened. “Things didn’t go well with Hank last night. Then I had a flat. And almost everyone I know is upset with me—albeit deservedly—because I let Hank think we were divorced for over a year.” I pressed a hand to my stomach. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  “Are you pregnant?” Cami slapped a hand to her chest.

  I shook my head. “Didn’t you hear me when I said over a year?”

  “But you—I didn’t know if . . . never mind. I’m sorry your life is in the toilet. You probably should’ve told him sooner.”

  “Yes. If I had, I wouldn’t be in this mess, but I don’t have a time machine.” The conversation was giving me a headache, so I headed back to my room. “I’ll be ready in about ten minutes.”

  “I think you’ll need longer than that. But I don’t mind waiting.”

  Why had I invited Cami to live here?

  After checking the calendar, I yanked on jeans and Hank’s t-shirt. I rarely wore jeans to the office, but I didn’t have any client meetings today. And somehow wearing his shirt gave me a sliver of hope that I could win him back.

  When I walked out to the living room, Cami jumped up. “Oh! You’re just going with that look. Okay.” She wrapped me in a hug. “You kinda look like you need one. On the way to work, we’ll figure out what you should do.”

  “Cami, I appreciate your friendship, but I’m not sure the problem can be solved during a drive to work.”

  “Sure it can. We just need to find the right saying and use that as the plan.” She locked the front door, and we headed for the car. “Is this an absence makes the heart grow fonder problem? Or is the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach better advice?”

  Mama’s words played in my head. She made Hank all his favorite foods.

  “Cami, you’re a genius.”

  She beamed. “No one has ever said that to me before.”

  “I know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if it will work, but it’s at least a place to start.” Having a plan loosened the grip on my heart. “But that doesn’t help me know how to get Haley to forgive me.”

  “Maybe we should stop for coffee.”

  “Great idea. My treat.” It was good I’d asked Cami to move in when I had. I might be completely broke by the end of the month. And there were less than four weeks until Christmas.

  I knew what I’d be asking Santa for.

  Armed with coffee and doughnuts, Cami and I walked into the office. Haley’s door was closed. But her car was out front.

  “Put the stuff on the table. I need to talk to her.” I shrugged off my coat.

  Cami crossed her fingers. “Good luck.” Her expression said what her mouth didn’t: I’d need it.

  I knocked and waited.

  “Come in.” Haley’s’ eyes were rimmed in red.

  I squatted next to her chair. “I am so sorry. I never meant to deceive people. It just—I let myself be blinded by the sting of it all. And then I focused on how it all looked. Please forgive me.”

  Haley wiped her eyes and nodded. “You really love my brother?”

  “More than I thought possible. And I’ve been so stubborn.”

  “Now he’s being stubborn.” Haley put her hand up. “Not to speak ill of your husband, but we both know that’s one thing y’all have in common.”

  “True.” I dared to hope my friend didn’t hate me. “Are we okay?”

  She threw her arms around me. “We need to figure out how to thaw Hank. He wants you too. He just needs to admit it.” Pulling back, she wiped her eyes. “It won’t be easy.”

  “I know. But—at first, I went over there because of blind jealousy. Mama told me about the neighbor who has been going over there a lot. That’s why I ran out of the house in my pajamas. I couldn’t stand the thought of him with someone else, but when I got to his door, I realized that Hank is home for me. I miss him, and I miss me. I’m a better person with him in my life.”

  Haley giggled.

  “I’m not sure what part of that was funny, but okay.”

&nbs
p; “The neighbor who shows up all the time is pushing seventy. I think she’s totally sweet on Hank in a weird old lady kind of way.”

  “Mama set me up.”

  “It sounds like it.”

  “Our coffee is getting cold while we jabber. Come grab a doughnut.” I stretched. “I think I’ll spend part of the day packing.”

  “And I can take you to get your car later.”

  “Tonight, I need to go see Mama. I haven’t told her yet, and I need her to teach me how to cook.”

  “Wow, you are serious about this.”

  “As serious as poison oak.” I ran before Haley could swat me.

  I found Mama on the back porch, sipping a margarita. “Bad day?” I asked.

  “No. But I bought some limes, and then suddenly I was craving a margarita. Have a seat. Want one?”

  “No thank you.” I dropped into the brightly colored metal chair that used to sit on my grandparents’ porch. Twisting my fingers into a knot, I tried to figure out where to start. “I messed up.”

  “I thought you’d never figure it out. I’m so glad. You and Hank are meant for each other.”

  “More than that.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

  That look from Mama did not make it easier to tell her. I hated disappointing her.

  “I never turned in our divorce papers, so we’re still married.”

  “Ay, Nacha.” Shaking her head, she pressed a hand to her heart, then pulled in a long sip of her drink. “Does he know?”

  “I told him. He’s upset.”

  “How could you do that? What were you thinking?” She whispered something in Spanish that I didn’t make out. “Keeping that secret was selfish.”

  “I know. I know.” I yanked the scrunchie out of my hair and then pulled it back up into a tangled knot.

  She tapped the side of her glass, which made it clear she was in strategy mode. “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.”