Two Words I'd Never Say Again

by Remi Carrington

  “The pecan pie recipe is on the counter. Start mixing those ingredients. I’ll have this crust ready soon. I want to have enough pies to go around. You going to join us this year?”

  “I’d like to. Will there be enough chairs?”

  “Of course. I also invited Hank.”

  I washed my hands longer than necessary as I tried to figure out what to say. “I’m surprised he isn’t spending the holiday with Haley.”

  “She’s going to her in-laws. Hank didn’t want to get in the middle of that.”

  “That’s sweet of him. It’s good he has a place to be. Being alone on Thanksgiving isn’t any fun.”

  “I invited you last year . . . and the year before that.” She laid her perfectly round crust in the pie tin.

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  She turned around, her eyes wide. “We’ve missed you, mijita.”

  I nodded, trying my best not to cry. “We might need to make another one of these. Hank loves pecan pie.”

  “I have two already made. This one is for him to take home.”

  I snuck up behind Mama and wrapped her in a hug. “I love you.”

  “Aye! I love you too. So does he, but he thinks you were serious about it being over.” She patted my cheek. “Go make his pie.”

  “Why? Is there magic in pecan pie?”

  She waggled her finger, then dusted her hands on her apron. “Never underestimate the power of food.”

  “What do I need to eat to make me able to trust him?”

  “Humble pie.” Mama chuckled.

  She wasn’t going to make this easy on me.

  I held the dress in front of me, then moved it to the side as I stared in the mirror. Which color looked better on me? I’d spent way too much time trying to decide what to wear. Why? I didn’t want to admit the answer to myself.

  Caring and trying not to care exhausted me.

  Before walking out of the house, I turned up the sound on my phone. With the entire family together, there was no way I’d hear my phone vibrate.

  At noon, I stepped through Mama’s front door. Full of people, the house buzzed with laughter. Hank sat on the floor with my nephews as Ethan and Dylan toddled and danced. My sisters-in-law took advantage of the break and talked at the dining room table.

  Facing Hank might be harder than I anticipated.

  Just as I contemplated running back to my car, my brother Nico walked up and nearly tackled me. “Mama said you were coming, but I didn’t believe her.”

  “Well, I’m here.” I made the mistake of glancing toward the living room. “Did y’all drive in last night or this morning?”

  Grinning, Nico watched his son Ethan. “This morning. Sam and crew flew in last night. I didn’t want to overrun the house while Mama was trying to get everything ready.” He nodded at Hank. “It’s good to see him here. Are things . . .?”

  “We’re not together.”

  Hank glanced up at that moment, the hurt unmistakable.

  “Uncle Hank.” Four-year-old Dylan tapped his shoulder. “Catch me again.”

  “Sure, buddy.” Hank wiggled his fingers, then crawled around while my nephew squealed and ran away.

  “That’s a shame.” Nico patted my arm. “I’m disappointed to hear that. Come say hi. Everyone else is in the kitchen and dining room.”

  “It’s not fair that you’re making Hank babysit.”

  “He volunteered, and we ran.” Nico laughed.

  I stopped as Hank swung Dylan in a circle, then grabbed Ethan before he toppled over. “Hey.”

  Nico kept walking.

  “If having me here is uncomfortable, I can go.” Hank stood and shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “No. I don’t mind. Really. It’s good to see you.”

  “Yeah.” He stared at the carpet. “You look good.”

  “You aren’t even looking at me.” I tried to add a bit of humor.

  It backfired.

  He met my gaze. “You could be a thousand miles away, and when I closed my eyes, I’d be able to see you and remember every detail. You always look good.”

  Flustered, I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

  Dylan tugged on my hand. “Aunt Nacha, you want him to chase you? He’s fast.”

  “Yeah, Nacha, what he said.” Hank grinned.

  I hugged my nephew. “It’s good to see you.”

  He wriggled free. “You go over there, and Uncle Hank can chase us. But you’re big, so you need to get on the floor.”

  “Nacha, are you coming?” Sam, the baby of the family, leaned around the corner. “Nico thought maybe you’d changed your mind and left.”

  “I didn’t leave.” I gave Ethan a quick squeeze, then walked toward the kitchen. “We’ll play later, okay?”

  Dylan crossed his arms. “Promise?”

  I nodded.

  Why had I done that? Breaking a promise to a four-year-old kid was unacceptable, despicable even. Now I had to crawl around on the floor with Hank.

  My brothers clapped when I walked into the kitchen. “She’s alive.”

  “I missed y’all.” I greeted everyone before looking around. “Where’s Mama?”

  Sam pointed down the hall. “Back there.”

  “I’ll be back.” I wandered back to her room. “Hi, everything okay?”

  She wiped her eyes. “I’m fine, mija. Just missing Jeffrey. This was his favorite holiday.”

  “Because of the pie.”

  “Because being thankful was important to him. I should check the turkey.” She smoothed her hair and wiped her eyes. “I don’t want it to dry out.”

  “It’s kind of nice having everyone together.”

  “It is. And thank you for coming and letting Hank be here too. Whatever happened with you, he’ll always be family. I’ve told him that.” She rubbed my back. “But he won’t believe it until you act that way too. Thank you for that.”

  “He’s in there playing with Dylan and Ethan. It’s pretty cute.”

  She started down the hall. “Cute enough to make you change your mind?”

  “I’m afraid to. What if we end up right back here again?”

  Touching my cheek, she smiled. “And what if you don’t?”

  “I’ll think about it.” That wasn’t a lie or a platitude. I’d been thinking about it every day since I said it was over, which made it seem like it was anything but over. “I promise.”

  What was with me and all my promises today?

  Stuffed, I pushed my plate aside.

  “You going to finish that?” Hank pointed at my half-eaten slice of pecan pie.

  “There is an entire pie for you to take home. And there is still some on the counter.”

  “But why waste what’s on your plate?”

  I moved it toward him. “Help yourself.”

  “Thanks.” He ate it like he hadn’t had two other pieces.

  The song “Come a Little Closer” rang out, and I glanced at Hank. It was the first song we’d danced to, and when we were together, almost anytime it played, we’d stop what we were doing and dance.

  Who was playing that song?

  Hank nudged me. “Your phone is ringing.”

  I snatched it up and ran out of the room. “Hello?”

  “Sorry to interrupt your dinner, but the Realtor just texted me. We got the place in Stadtburg. We can move in after December fifteenth.” Haley’s voice hummed with excitement.

  “Good. That’s great news. Monday, we should talk to Cami and see if she wants to answer phones.”

  Haley laughed. “She just can’t ask customers if they’re hot.”

  “Agreed! Enjoy the rest of your day. We’re making sure Hank gets his fill. I think he’s eaten half a pie.”

  “He loves your mom. I’m glad he got to be there today.”

  “Me too. Listen, I should get back to the kitchen. They’ll think I’m shirking dish duty.”

  “See you Monday.”

  I crossed my arms and leaned against the
wall. Every word of the song echoed in my head. It meant more now than it had when we first danced. My eyes slipped closed.

  “Aunt Nacha?”

  There was no such thing as peace and quiet with little ones around. “Yes, Dylan?”

  “Are you ready to play chase? Grandma said you didn’t have to do the dishes. I asked.”

  “Then I suppose it’s time to play chase.”

  “Does suppose mean yes?”

  I nodded.

  “I’ll get Uncle Hank.” He bolted away.

  Crawling around on the floor in a dress with Hank chasing me wasn’t how I’d pictured my day.

  I tucked my phone in my purse. When Hank stepped up next to me, I could feel him before I heard him. And the scent of his cologne teased me.

  “Hey, I figured you would’ve noticed that I changed the ring tone before now. Sorry about that.” Hank stood just a little too close.

  Was it obvious to everyone that I’d been flustered? “It’s fine.”

  “Which means it’s not. And I’m sorry.”

  I smiled. “I’m okay. It just caught me by surprise. I rarely have my sound turned on.”

  “If you don’t want to play, I don’t mind tangling with them.” He let his gaze slide downward. “You aren’t exactly dressed for a game of tackle.”

  “I’m not breaking a promise to a four-year-old. I think that brings unlimited bad luck or something. And no one said anything about tackle. He said chase.”

  “What do you think happens when I catch you? The tackling part was implied.”

  “Just play nice.”

  He winked. “He’s four. I’m not going to hurt him.”

  “I was talking about me.”

  Reaching up, he stopped before touching my face. “I never meant to.”

  Dylan jumped up and down. “Let’s play.” He crinkled his nose. “Ethan can’t run. He’s too little, but my daddy said he has to play too.”

  “Ethan and I will stick together.” I dropped to my knees, and Ethan toddled toward me.

  On all fours, Hank growled.

  That set off a series of screams as Dylan ran away. Ethan giggled. I hoisted him onto my back and moved at a turtle’s pace.

  After chasing Dylan around the room two or three times, Hank caught him, unleashing a roar of giggles.

  “Catch Aunt Nacha. She’s too slow.”

  Hank headed toward me.

  With Ethan clinging to my neck and hanging off my back, steering options were limited, and speed was impossible.

  Next to me, Hank flipped to his back and tugged me on top of him, keeping Ethan safely off the floor. “Gotcha.”

  Dylan piled on, his infectious laugh drawing others into the room.

  With my lips inches from Hank’s, I inhaled.

  The kids crawled on us, and it was like a glimpse of a possible future . . . one I was too scared to pursue.

  Hank tugged at the hem of my dress. “There are things your brothers do not want to see.”

  Dylan clapped. “That’s how Daddy tackles Mommy.”

  Sam swooped in and grabbed Dylan. “Nap time, buddy. After all that food and playing, you’ve got to be tired.”

  Nico roared with laughter, enjoying the fact that his kid was too young to talk.

  Careful of my dress, I rolled off Hank, then stood up.

  Hank handed Ethan to Nico, then glanced at the time. “I should probably head out. Thanks for having me. I’ve had a great time.”

  Mama pulled Hank into a tight hug. “You’re my favorite son-in-law. Never forget that.”

  Considering he was her only son-in-law, being the favorite didn’t seem like a huge compliment.

  She ran out of the room, then came back with a tin-foiled-wrapped pie. “You’ll always be one of my boys. Nacha and I made you a pie to take home.”

  “Thanks. I’ll try to make it last until tomorrow.” He yanked his keys out of his pocket. “Have a great evening.” With a wave, he walked out the door.

  Fear kept me from running after him. I hated being afraid of pain.

  That night I pulled the divorce papers out. The papers I’d never signed and never turned in.

  Even though I’d never told Hank that everything was final, he assumed it was. I knew that. But when I went before the judge, I couldn’t end the marriage.

  After so much time, I wasn’t even sure how to bring it up. I needed to either get over my fear or set Hank free.

  With the papers on the bed next to me, I cried myself to sleep.

  Chapter 9

  The next morning I didn’t wake up with clarity, just a bad headache. But there were things to be done. No matter what I decided about Hank, changes needed to be made.

  I stuffed the paperwork back into the drawer and headed to the kitchen.

  After a few sips of coffee, I called Cami.

  “Hello.” She sounded as if I’d woken her up.

  I shouldn’t have called before eight. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll call back later.”

  “No. That’s okay. What’s up?”

  “I’ve been thinking about you needing a roommate. I have space at my house if you’d like to move in.” Maybe this was my way of moving on. Not being strapped at the end of the month would make being single easier.

  “I’d totally pay you.”

  “Yes, I’d assumed that would be part of the deal. When you have time, we can discuss it.”

  “Let me grab a shower, then I’ll head over. Thank you! This means so much.” She ended the call.

  Based on her excitement, I guessed we wouldn’t be easing into the new arrangement. But I’d wait to mention the job at the office until Haley was around.

  I made myself instant oatmeal and added more brown sugar than would be considered healthy. Most mornings I topped my oatmeal with berries. Today, I wanted comfort food.

  No sooner had I tucked my bowl into the dishwasher, someone knocked. It had to be Cami.

  “Coming!” I ran to the door.

  Haley grinned. “Hey. Cami texted that she was headed over, so I grabbed doughnuts.”

  I pulled open the door. “Where’s Zach?”

  “Fishing.” She dropped the box on the table. The part she’d left off was that he was fishing with Hank.

  Why hadn’t I remembered their day-after-Thanksgiving tradition?

  “I offered Cami a room. She’s all excited.”

  “Did you mention that we needed someone to answer phones?” She shrugged off her coat.

  I shook my head. “Not yet. Wanted you to be around.”

  Haley pulled the door open when Cami stepped onto the porch. “Come on in.”

  “This’ll be great. We can hang out all the time.” Cami flung her arms open.

  She made me feel old. Was ten years really that big an age gap?

  Haley laughed. “Grab a doughnut.”

  “First I want to see the bedroom. You really don’t mind?” Cami pointed down the hall.

  “First door on the right. And you’d have that bathroom across the hall pretty much to yourself.” I stayed a few paces behind her.

  She stopped in front of the wall of photos. “Whoa! Haley, your brother is hot!”

  I walked to the kitchen. That was not a conversation I wanted to hear.

  Cami ran in, giggling. “I was teasing.” She wrapped her arms around me. “I thought you’d roll your eyes and shake your head.” Feigning a pout, she danced her eyebrows. “Forgive me?”

  “Yes. Go look at the room.”

  Cami ran back down the hall.

  Haley crossed her arms. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

  “She needs a place. And I have more room than I need.”

  A few minutes later, Cami bounced back into the kitchen. “I hope we can figure out something because this place is perfect.” She scanned the box, eyeing every doughnut before choosing one covered in sprinkles. “Why Hank?”

  I nearly choked. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m s
ure there’s a long list of reasons why you aren’t together but why did you marry him? Those are the stories I like to hear.” She broke her doughnut in two, then nibbled on the larger half until both pieces were the same size. After that, she alternated taking bites out of each one.

  Haley set mugs of coffee on the table. “Because sparks.”

  “Very funny.” I remembered the electricity that tingled my skin when he dropped kisses on my neck. “I fell in love.”

  Cami’s pinched brow transformed into a wide grin. “His last name is Sparks!”

  “Why don’t we talk about rent?” I sipped my second cup of coffee, thinking a third might be required.

  “And a possible job.” Haley dropped into a chair.

  Cami dunked a doughnut in her coffee. “Seriously? With y’all?”

  I found a lemon-filled doughnut, telling myself it could be counted as a fruit serving. “It would only be part time until January. Once we move into the new space, we can bring you on full time. You’d be answering the phones and doing office work.”

  She wiped her eyes. “Thank you. And with you, I joke all the time, but I can be professional. I hope you know that.”

  Haley rubbed Cami’s shoulder. “We were counting on that.”

  I grabbed a notepad. “Let’s talk numbers.”

  We spent the next hour, figuring out the details of Cami’s new life.

  Alone again, I emptied everything Cami didn’t need out of the guest room, which was going to be her room starting tomorrow. She hadn’t really planned ahead for her lease being up.

  Thankfully, Cami wanted the dresser and bed. Those would have been hard to move by myself.

  But I could barely walk through my office. It would take several hours to find homes for what I’d moved out of the guest room.

  I snatched up the phone when it rang. I still hadn’t changed the ringtone, and I hadn’t turned off my sound. “Hello?”

  “Mijita, come have dinner with us. I’m making enchiladas.”

  Piles covered the desk and sat on the floor in the office. Fighting the urge to stay home, I inhaled. “Um, I’ve been moving stuff around, but let me change. I’ll be over soon.”

  “Thank you.”

  I could picture the look on Mama’s face and knew my brothers were leaving in the morning. “I want to see everyone before they leave.” That was true. I loved my family, but I didn’t like the scrutiny, real or imagined.