CIRCO

by Tara Ellis

  Vanessa Medina, with wide eyes staring at the world, thought to herself that this would be an appropriate time to cry. But her body wouldn’t allow it. It couldn’t perform that function at the time. She was a statue of herself; subdued in shock.

  The event of her being attacked didn’t even seem real to her. The moment replayed in her head and it was like remembering a movie. It was so disconnected from what would actually happen in her day to day life.

  The area around her seemed highly animated, as if she was on some type of drug. Her natural adrenaline was still flowing through her veins. As it wound down she could focus on what was taking place around her. She was in the back seat of a taxi. On her right, outside the window, the people, the stores and the lights were passing by with swiftness. On her left there was a puffy red face Andre anxiously talking into his phone, she couldn’t understand him.

  He shook her, hopefully trying to get a response. Then her hearing came back, she heard a frantic voice say “No! Do not put me on hold; I am trying to report a crime.” Andre looked at her. All she could think about was never before seeing green eyes give in to tears.

  “Don’t worry, Selena I’m getting you help.”

  Vanessa grabbed the phone from his hand and hung up his call.

  “What are you doing?!” said Andre.

  “I can’t talk to a cop right now.”

  Andre stared at Vanessa with bewilderment but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. He remembered the conversation about Selena being a person living another life. He started to see how far it went for her. He asked himself what was so bad about her past that she can’t even get cops involved to report a rapist who attacked her. He wondered what a better man would do.

  Vanessa sat on the edge of her hotel bed. She was stiff and motionless and her face held no expression. But a flurry of disarrayed thoughts raced in every direction.

  Where am I going with this? What could possibly happen to me now? Should I go back home to see my family?

  The images of her disappointed father’s face and smug mother repulsed her.

  I should keep going, why not, I’m already hurt inside and out, I should be rewarded for it.

  She wanted to succeed in the world.

  My life was slow back home. The time I have been away is honestly the most I have been alive. I have already been through the worst of outcomes. My family disowned me. I was attacked, nearly raped. I have nothing to lose. I should do everything to succeed.

  Her trauma was as thick as dirt and new seeds were sprouting from out of her. She had died inside and reborn a new person. Selena was more of a character the girl wanted to be.

  She is stronger, more evolved in personality than solemn and timid Vanessa. Selena Santana had the ability to make friends, Vanessa didn’t know how to start a conversation.

  The girl sat in that room, awake for hours trying to redefine who she was.

  She had told him to leave her be. But Andre still waited outside her hotel door. She of course didn’t ask or need any protection. But his mind would not be satisfied to leave her out of his guard. A seed was growing in Andre’s subconscious was well. From there on in he was a guard dog for Selena. Her protector. It was his mission to make sure evil would never come to her again.

  He checked his watch. Three am.

  Something at the back of his mind told him that Timsley would not be done with Selena. He knew something else was going to be in the works. And his mind, heart and body were ready to go against any machinations forming against her.

  The girl had finally tucked herself under the covers with the lights still on respectively. As she pulled the cover up to her chin she thought somebody was reaching out to strike her. She reacted to her own hands. They were so foreign to her. They were from a person she had never met. There were bruises on the knuckles; blood and clumps of flesh around the nails. Those hands belonged to a fighter; she was glad they belonged to her.

  Andre awoke with a strain in his back since he slept leaning on the wall outside Selena’s room. The first thought that came to him was of Selena. He was ready to prop himself up to knock on her door just when Jake had came around the corner.

  “What are you doing out here man,” said Jake. “The train departs in an hour.” Jake saw his friend’s facial expression and knew something was wrong.

  “What’s wrong man, you hung over?”

  “Yeah, I guess I was trying to make it to my room until I just passed out here.”

  “What did you do last night?”

  “I can’t even remember it’s all a blur.”

  No more words were exchanged with the two. Jake walked away out of the hall shaking his head. When his friend was out of his sight Andre noticed that Selena’s door was cracked open. He got a sour feeling so he just walked right in. He saw that she was fine except for the little jump he gave her when he burst through the door. To reassure himself he asked “are you alright?”

  “I’m alive, if that’s what you mean?”

  She was putting away her clothes and commodities in worn out garbage bags. She had a calm to her that made it even more uneasy for Andre, given that he knew her situation.

  “How do you go back to normal so fast?” he asked. She didn’t answer back. So he continued anyway. “I’m going to tell somebody what happened.” Still nothing, she went about her business as if he wasn’t there. “I don’t know what problems you’re facing. We can’t let a rapist walk free.” She unabashedly took off her top that had dried blood stains in Andre’s presence. He turned away, but stood his ground trying to reach out to her. “How are you trying to go back to work under a man who tried to…”

  “I’m not going back,” she said. She put a fresh shirt on, picked up a note and put it in Andre’s hand. She saw his eyes scan the paper while moving his lips.

  The watery gloss came back into his eyes. “This is bullshit,” he muttered under his breath.

  “I found it tucked outside the door with this.” She showed him her check that was worth six hundred eighteen dollars. “I don’t even have a bank account yet.”

  “Did any supervisor talk to you about letting you go?”

  “Timsley is my supervisor.”

  He stood there for a moment watching her; searching within his head for a solution.

  “I’m not scared. I don’t have to be scared of anything. The way I see it, if I can survive through the worst life can give me it will make me a stronger person… in the end,” she said in a cold expressionless manner.

  He wrinkled up her termination letter and let it hit the ground. “I won’t let them mistreat you anymore.”

  “Let it go. They got me. They’re in control.”

  “They don’t have to be, Selena. I’m not sure if you’re just afraid of the embarrassment but the first thing anybody would do in your shoes is to inform the police. Since this whole thing revolves around the entertainment business you can go public. You can catch a high profile attorney and sue the brand.”

  “My real name isn’t Selena,” said the girl. She went on to tell him about the significant events that lead up to her near rape. She described her relationship with her family, her fake identifications to get hired, and the way Timsley behaved towards her. She even told him her real name. She concluded with saying “I can’t go home. I refuse to. I refuse to fail. I am going to make it on my own.”

  Tears formed in his green eyes that reminded the girl of jolly ranchers. She perceived Andre as compassionate. She saw his motive to earnestly help her.

  “Vanessa…” he started.

  “Don’t call me that name.”

  “If I can find a way for you to stay with the circus would you?” She didn’t respond verbally but she tilted her head and raised her eyebrows. “Timsley isn’t the only supervisor Artemis has. Britney can hire people as well.”


  “I’m not a performer Andre.”

  “You just said you refuse to fail. Don’t toss up an opportunity.”

  “Think about it. It’s not going to work.”

  “If I can find a way…”

  “You won’t.”

  “But let’s say if I do?”

  “Then sure.” Andre came off as begging. The girl believed no one in life should beg for anything. She walked over closer to him.

  “I’m going to see my boyfriend for the last time, I want to tell him goodbye. When you see Joyce, tell her that I’ll miss her. And if your little plan doesn’t work, this is my goodbye to you.”

  She put her arms around him. And he responded by squeezing her tightly in his arms. For a moment they were silent in each others embrace. That hug could have lasted forever for them. Her head leaned into his chest. He smelled a mixture of kiwi and coconut coming from her hair. Even through his blazer she felt his pronounced biceps and chest on her body.

  “I thought about telling Freddy everything. Everything I told you. I don’t know how he’ll respond to hear that I’m a fake. I don’t want to hurt him. That’s not how I want to picture the last moment I see him.”

  Andre looked directly in Selena’s maple colored eyes and said “You won’t have too.”

  Joyce was passing through the hallway with a bellboy carrying her luggage. Through the open door she saw Andre and Selena embracing one another. She misconstrued their meaning behind it, assuming Selena would take her place as his lover. The image disappointed her tremendously, to the point she felt pressure in her face and pain in her chest. Joyce walked out the hotel to a chauffeur driven vehicle with her heart breaking.

  Medina