Love Means Everything

by Emma Easter

  “No… I haven’t. I’ll keep searching but I have to look for another way to find him.”

  Leila nodded.

  Zainah wrapped her arm around Leila’s waist. “Let’s never argue again. But when you go out, promise me you will be careful. And ask God for a life partner instead of going out to look for one yourself. Okay?”

  Leila smiled sadly. “Okay. I’ll be careful… but I don’t know about just sitting and waiting for God to send me a husband. It might never happen.”

  “If it doesn’t, then it’s not God’s will for you to get married.”

  Leila glowered at her. “Easy for you to say!”

  Zainah sighed wearily. “I just said now that we shouldn’t fight again. But you can do whatever you want to. I’m tired.”

  Leila stood. “I will!” She marched out of the room.

  Zainah put her hand on her forehead and shut her eyes. If only Leila understood how she felt now. Leila just thought she was the lucky one because she was in love. “I’d give anything to be in her shoes right now,” Zainah whispered. Because this love she felt for Faizan, as strong as it was, felt more like a burden to her right now than a blessing.

  Chapter Six

  Trisha watched with conflicting emotions as Stan played around the living room with Ruby. He’d arrived in the house that morning and had helped feed, change, and watch Ruby while she got some needed rest. Sometimes she couldn’t help smiling at Ruby’s joyful laughter as she crawled round the room while Stan chased after her. At other times, she wanted to yell at him and throw him out for being absent from Ruby’s life for a full year and then suddenly appearing again with vague explanations.

  She forced a smile when Ruby looked up at her before she continued playing with her father. With all her heart, she loved that Ruby now had her dad present in her life, but she was afraid it would not last. She was scared that Stan would disappear one day. He was flighty and untrustworthy. If she could hold him down physically so that he never disappeared from their daughter’s life, she would. But she couldn’t.

  Her emotions continued to churn as her mind went to Frank and his request to give him a chance at a romantic relationship. She had told him to give her a day or two, but it had been almost a week now and she hadn’t yet given him an answer. Thankfully, he hadn’t bugged her about it, but she wasn’t being fair to him. She had to give him an answer now. The problem was that her answer hadn’t changed from what she’d told him before. She liked him a lot, but…

  But what, Trish? she asked herself.

  Her eyes unconsciously went to Stan and she groaned. Stan was the cause of it all. She’d decided to avoid relationships because of him, but something in her also yearned to keep him in her life, maybe even take him back if he asked.

  She shuddered at the thought. What are you thinking, Trisha? she chided herself.

  But she couldn’t deny her feelings. It wasn’t love she felt for him. It was a comfortable familiarity and a strong desire to be a complete family with her daughter’s biological father; the kind of family she’d had growing up, before fate had snatched away her parents.

  She sighed again. It almost felt like Frank was in the way of her having that. The feeling was crazy, but it was what was on her mind now. She liked Frank, but she wanted Stan.

  She stood up. The earlier she told Frank about her decision and maybe found him a date, the better. She had to stop postponing the inevitable. Frank would be coming by this evening, hopefully after Stan had left. She would tell him she couldn’t be with him then.

  “It’s time for her dinner, Stan,” she said.

  Stan looked up at her and then rose from his knees. He had been crawling around the room with Ruby, making funny faces at their baby daughter. “I’ll feed her,” he said. “You just relax today.”

  “I need to bathe her first of all.”

  “I’ll do that as well.”

  She smiled gratefully at him and began to tell him how to make the mashed potatoes she planned to feed Ruby this evening.

  “I know what to do,” he said quickly.

  She shrugged and said, “Okay.”

  He came into the living room with Ruby twenty minutes later. He had bathed and changed her into her pajamas. As he fed her, Trisha watched him closely. He was patient, allowing Ruby to eat on her own sometimes and then feeding her again when she started to throw her food about.

  Ruby looked up at him, said, “Dada,” and continued to eat.

  Trisha’s jaw dropped as she stared at her daughter. She had just called Stan “Dad.” Ruby had already started to call her “Mama,” but now she had called her father “Dada.” It felt like a confirmation of what Trisha had been thinking for the past hour—that she wanted her and Stan to be together to parent their daughter.

  Stan was looking at her and smiling widely. “She just called me Dada. Did you hear that?”

  “Yes, I did, Stan.” She smiled in spite of herself.

  Stan looked at her intently; it was the first time he had looked at her for that long since he’d come back from God knew where. His intentions were clear in his eyes. He wanted her too… but not just for the reasons she wanted him.

  Trisha blushed and looked away. She hadn’t really thought about the intimacy that would be involved if she and Stan remarried. Could she still be physically intimate with him after all the heartache he’d caused her?

  Her eyes went to the clock and her heart pounded. Frank would be here any minute now, and she didn’t want Stan here when he came. It would be a very awkward and tension-filled scenario. Plus, she wanted to tell Frank about her decision in private.

  She looked at Stan as he fed Ruby and pressed her lips tightly together. She couldn’t just ask him to leave. A knock on the door caused her to jump.

  Oh no! Frank is here!

  Her heart in her mouth, she stood up reluctantly, plastered on a smile, and went to open the door. She blinked in surprise at the visitor at the door. It wasn’t Frank. She looked at the blond beauty and then smiled genuinely. It was her friend, Lauren.

  “Lauren! What a surprise!”

  “I’m sorry, Trisha, for just coming to your house like this. I’ve been calling your phone for a few hours now. You didn’t pick up.”

  “Oh… I’ve been in the living room for hours. I must have left it in my bedroom.” She stepped aside so Lauren could enter the house.

  Lauren looked over at Stan, turned to her, and smiled. “You have a visitor. I can come back tomorrow.”

  “No… please stay.”

  Stan looked over at her and Trisha introduced them briefly. She motioned for Lauren to sit as her pulse raced. What were the chances of Lauren coming here today just when she was thinking about actually setting her up with Frank? At last he would get to meet her when he came and maybe they would hit it off organically.

  Stan wiped Ruby’s mouth, carried her out of her high chair, and then straightened. “I guess I’ll be going now, Trish.” He walked up to her and handed Ruby over. He went to the door, opened it, and then turned to wink at her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He left and she turned back to Lauren.

  “You are blushing, Trisha. Who was that?” Lauren asked as she reached out to caress Ruby’s cheeks. “You seem to like him.”

  Trisha waved her hand dismissively, but her heart thudded. “I don’t like him… at least not in that way. He’s my ex-husband. Ruby’s father.”

  Lauren’s eyes widened in clear surprise. “Ruby’s father? The guy you told me cheated on you? Wow! I didn’t know he was back in your life.”

  Ruby looked up at Trisha and then at Lauren. She grabbed her feet and began to play with them.

  “He just appeared out of nowhere about a week ago,” Trisha said. She didn’t want to talk to Lauren about Stan. Things were complicated right now and she wasn’t ready to tell anyone what was in her heart. She quickly changed the subject before Lauren could say anything more about her ex and asked how Lauren was doing.

 
Since Lauren had divorced her abusive husband almost a year before, she’d been working on herself at the Gibsons’, trying to piece her life back together. She had been an emotional wreck the months after she’d come back to Rosefield, but now, she was glowing. She had gotten a job as an elementary school teacher, moved into her own apartment, and had fully given her heart to God about a month before. She would be a good match for Frank. Trisha looked at the clock again. He was a little late today. Usually, he was here by this time.

  “I’m good,” Lauren answered. She tilted her head toward Trisha and said, “I came to speak to you about something.”

  Trisha rubbed Ruby’s back as her daughter lay her head on her chest. She looked quizzically at Lauren. “What is it?”

  “You remember the day you were asking me if I was ready to date again… and I said I wasn’t sure?”

  Trisha looked up thoughtfully, wondering where the conversation was going. “Yeah!”

  “Well… I am now. I met someone in church. Actually, I’ve seen him a couple of times, but I actually spoke to him on Sunday.”

  Trisha’s heart sank. Here she was thinking about setting Lauren up with Frank, and the girl had found someone she liked already. Trisha forced a smile and asked, “Is it someone I know?”

  Lauren shifted on her seat. “Actually, that’s why I came. It’s your… brother, Faizan. I really like him.”

  Trisha raised her brows in surprise. She hadn’t expected that at all. Faizan was handsome, but she had never really thought about him dating, especially as he had mentioned that he was still in love with some girl he’d met in North Africa. Trisha didn’t know what to say to Lauren.

  “You are against the idea, Trisha?”

  “Umm… no. It’s just that I don’t know if Faizan is ready to date anyone at this time.”

  “Oh… well, could you help me find out? I’d really appreciate that.”

  Trisha sighed resignedly. So much for her plans. Lauren was a beautiful woman. Maybe Faizan could fall for her and then stop moping over that girl he’d left behind in his past life. He’d been depressed for some time because of her. She smiled at Lauren. “I’ll try to find out if he is open to dating right now and see what he thinks about you.”

  “Thank you so much, Trisha.”

  “You are welcome,” Trisha said.

  They changed topics and chatted about random things. Thirty minutes into their pleasant conversation, a knock sounded at the door and again. Trisha’s pulse raced. It has to be Frank this time, she thought. Lauren took Ruby, who was now asleep, her energetic play date with her father having knocked her out, and Trisha got up. She went to the door and opened it.

  “Hey, Trisha!” Frank smiled broadly and handed her a bouquet of flowers.

  She smiled nervously as she recalled what she had to tell him this evening. He would probably be devastated. Did she really want to do that to him… again? “Come in,” she said to him.

  He entered the house and then looked at Lauren, who had Ruby in her arms.

  “Frank, this is my friend, Lauren,” she said. “Lauren, this is my… umm… my old friend, Frank.”

  They exchanged pleasantries and then Lauren said, “I have to go, Trisha.” She handed Ruby over.

  Trisha nodded and saw her to the door. “I’ll call you as soon as I find out what Faizan thinks, okay?”

  “Thanks again,” Lauren said.

  After she left, Trisha looked at Frank and excused herself. She went into Ruby’s bedroom, carefully placed her in her crib, and came back to the living room. She sat beside Frank on the couch but shifted slightly away from him. Her heart pounded as she looked him in the eye and said, “About what you asked last week.”

  He sat up and nodded, the expression on his face a mixture of anxiety and anticipation.

  She bit her lip, not wanting to hurt him, but knowing she was about to. She had no choice. All she could do was deliver the news to him as gently as possible. Now that she had no one to set him up with, maybe the blow would be harder on him. Or maybe it would make no difference.

  “Frank, I’m so sorry. I wish things were different… I wish I felt different than I do right now. But I don’t. I like you… but I can’t be with you. I’m so, so sorry.”

  The devastated expression on his face made her heart hurt. She blinked as she saw tears shimmering in his eyes.

  Did I do the right thing? she questioned herself.

  *****

  Frank left Trisha’s house feeling despondent. He didn’t know what to do. Why did I think Trisha was going to say anything other than what she has said to me? he thought to himself as he drove to his parents’ house, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. His heart felt like it had been smashed into tiny pieces.

  He got to his parents’, went into his room and flopped onto the bed. He was thankful his parents weren’t around so he wouldn’t have to deal with their questions. He covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath to stop himself from breaking down. He stood again and went to look out the window, as if at any minute he would see Trisha walking by. Five minutes later, he began to pace the room.

  Lord, what am I going to do?

  He sat on the bed again and then decided he needed to call someone. He needed to call Audrey. He took his phone from his pocket, dialed Audrey’s number, and then waited as it rang.

  Audrey’s voice came on the line. “Hey, Frank! How are you?”

  Frank shook his head as though Audrey could see him and then answered, “Not good at all. I just poured out my heart to your sister, Trisha, and she basically told me she would never be with me. I didn’t know this kind of pain existed until today. I feel like my heart is being torn into tiny pieces.” He put his hand on his forehead.

  Audrey said in a sympathetic voice, “Frank, I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t know why I expected her to say anything different than what she did. I guess it was because she told me before I came to Rosefield that she missed me and was thinking of me. That was actually why I left Boise to come to Rosefield. She sounded like she at least wanted to give us a try, and I was so excited. I think it’s time to just give up completely.”

  “I’m not sure, but I think Stan’s presence has something to do with it,” Audrey said. “But Frank, please don’t give up. I know you’d be good for her.”

  Frank sighed and said, “But I can’t force her to be with me.”

  Audrey replied, “You told me she was the reason you came to Rosefield and you said you were not going to leave until you won her heart. Has that changed now? Just because Trisha did what she always does? You can’t give up now. I think she needs you, but she doesn’t know it yet. Please fight for her, Frank. I don’t want to see her go back to Stan, and I know you certainly don’t want that, either.”

  Frank sighed again. “I don’t, but she sounded pretty firm about her decision. I don’t want to give up, but I’ve run out of ideas. I really don’t know what to do now, and I can’t stay in Rosefield forever.”

  “Frank, you love her deeply,” Audrey said. “I’m sure you will figure out what to do soon.”

  “That is if Stan hasn’t wormed his way into her heart by then,” he said, his heart filled with discouragement.

  “We will pray that doesn’t happen.”

  “Audrey,” Frank said.

  “Yes?”

  “Do you really think it’s God’s will for me and Trisha to be together?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Because I’ve been wondering about that. I have never asked the Lord if it’s His will, and now that Trisha has straight up rejected me, I feel as though it might be a clear sign from God to walk away. And that scares me.”

  “Frank, I can’t tell you that I am certain it’s God’s will for you and Trisha to be together, but I know that your love for her is deep and that you would give your life for her if need be. If that kind of love isn’t from God, I don’t know what is. I also know that she likes you too,
but fear keeps her back. You can pray about it, but until you hear God’s clear voice telling you to move on, I think you shouldn’t give up.”

  “Okay… I won’t give up.” He laughed in self-derision. “I don’t even think I know how to give up on Trisha.”

  “Attaboy!” Audrey said.

  Frank chuckled and then asked, “When will you be coming to Rosefield again?”

  “I’m not sure. Before the end of this week, maybe. Don’t worry about Trisha. When I come, I’ll speak with her. And if Stan is still hanging around, I might just arrest him.”

  Frank laughed again. “Stop it, Audrey! You can’t arrest Ruby’s father.”

  “Why not?” She sniggered. “Seriously though, I’m rooting for you to win my sister’s heart. It’s about time. It’s just very bad timing that Stan had to come back now. Or maybe it wasn’t. Knowing Stan, he probably sensed from wherever he had gone that Trisha was about to find love again. His selfish, possessive soul couldn’t stand by and let that happen.”

  Frank smiled sadly.

  “I’ll be praying for you, Frank. And take care of yourself.”

  “Thanks for your great advice and encouragement, Audrey.”

  “You are welcome.”

  “I’ll let you get back to work.”

  “I’ll talk to you later,” Audrey said.

  After the call ended, Frank looked up thoughtfully. Audrey had assured him that it was God’s will for him to continue to pursue Trisha… but he wasn’t sure it was true. Still, he would take her advice, and unless the Lord spoke plainly to him, he would not give up. He could not give up. Even if it meant he was at risk of getting his heart irreparably shattered.

  If he was going to take Audrey’s advice and follow his heart, he had to do something now. He dug out his phone from his pocket and dialed Trisha’s number. His stomach tightened as he listened to her phone ring. It rang and rang but she didn’t pick up. At last, he was diverted to voicemail and he spoke after the beep. “Trisha, it’s Frank. Listen. I know you gave your answer to my question today, but I still have one more question to ask and I can’t do it over the phone. I’ll come over tomorrow evening around this time. I hope you will hear me out then.” He sighed. “I’ll love you forever.”