Lake Redstone

by Hollyfield, J. D.

  Okay, that’s over wishing. At least show up at my doorstep so I can beg for him back.

  But even though I’d be willing to suck up my pride, the damage is already done. He’s gone with no way to find him. And trust me, my drunk Google searches are top money. He’s in the wind. I bet Jim isn’t even his real name.

  My phone rings again, and I shut it off. I don’t need music to enjoy myself. I have the sun and the peacefulness of myself. I toss my phone into my beach bag and snuggle into my chair, allowing the rays to warm my face—

  “So, Poppy is telling the truth.”

  My body jolts so hard, I throw myself out of my chair. My sunglasses fall off my head, and I knock over my drink. “Jesus! How’d you get up here!?” I gasp at Katie, who’s standing a short distance from me.

  “Guy in four-B always had a thing for me so he let me in. Followed the loud music and garbage. Seriously how many pizza boxes can one collect? And what’s the deal with the suitcases?”

  “I’m waiting for a large money transaction to go through. When it does, I won’t be able to cover rent forcing my eviction to the streets. I’ll need those boxes to build a box house and—wait why are you here again?”

  “Checking to see if it’s true. You’ve been end buttoning the world while wallowing in your own self-pity. Looks fun, not gonna lie.”

  I pick myself up off the ground and adjust my glasses. “Well, it’s a lot of work, so if you don’t need anything important, I’m gonna get back to it.” I crawl back onto my chair, but instead of finding the exit, she takes a seat at the bottom, pushing my legs out of the way. She picks up my drink and sips what’s remaining in my large glass.

  “Spritzer. Nice. So, listen. I get it. We all do. You told a little lie. Okay, a bunch. I mean god, you had the whole Bob thing going for a while—or is it Jim-Bob? Just Jim?”

  Ugh. I throw my shades over my eyes and lay back. “Just Jim.”

  “Good to know. So, I can’t lie to you. Everyone was a little hurt at what you did. The guys really liked Jim. I think Mick felt the break-up more than anyone.” I shake my head, adjusting my eyes that roll in the back of my head. “But that doesn’t give you the right to avoid everyone as if we’re the ones who did something wrong. We get it. You lied. But you lied. Not us. We don’t deserve your cold shoulder.”

  Okay, geez, make me feel even more horrible. “I wasn’t avoiding you all. I just didn’t know what to say.”

  “I’m sorry for lying, guys. Wanna go out for pizza?” Okay, yeah, that sounds simple. And basic. “I heard what you said. I get it. It can’t be easy sometimes. But, ya know, you forget sometimes too that the way you may look at us, we look at you. Yeah, I have a great husband and kids…well, sometimes great husband, and my kids are demons, but there are times when I envy you. I wish I was as carefree as you. That I didn’t threaten everyone’s life every two seconds because people aren’t doing chores or I’m pulling gum out of the dog’s fur for the third time in two days. That someone besides me knew how to do laundry or turn the lights off or not piss all over the toilet bowl.” She turns and pats me on the leg. “Being happy isn’t having the family and white picket fence. Being happy is being okay with who you are. None of us ever thought because you aren’t at the same place in your life as us, you weren’t happy. We all have our days we wish we were in your shoes. I’ve never tried to set you up with someone or push anyone on you because I thought you needed a man. I just wanted you to find love. You deserve it. You’re so kind and giving. You’d make Satan smile with one of your corny jokes. But no one’s intentions have ever been to make you feel like you have to be someone you’re not.”

  I thought I was in the clear until the single tear falls past my sunglasses, exposing my true emotions. I try to fight the second, and the third, but I lose. Katie wraps her arm around me as I cry.

  “I’m sorry I lied to you guys. I just didn’t want you all to assume since I didn’t have someone in my life, I was unhappy.”

  Katie breaks away. “And we’re sorry for ever making you feel any other way but loved and appreciated just the way you are.”

  We share a smile and an understanding.

  “Be honest. How mad is Poppy at me?”

  Katie shrugs. “On a scale from one to you puking on her date at senior prom, I’d say, you may want to brush up on your ass kissing skills.”

  Son of a nutcracker. Poppy didn’t talk to me for weeks after that debacle. But there was no reason for her date to break up with her afterwards. No love lost for a guy who dumps you over a little vomit.

  “Listen, we’re all going out tonight, and it would be awesome if you joined. Everyone misses you.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, I have—”

  “Don’t give me some bullshit excuse. I know you have nothing planned but getting margarita drunk and feeling sorry for yourself. Plus, I was only trying to be nice because you look all fragile. But I’m not asking, I’m telling.”

  Geez.

  “I wasn’t. I had other stuff like—”

  “No more lies. Get up. And for Christ’s sake, shower. You smell like a Mexican hooker.”

  Katie sticks around while I shave and shower, as ordered. Probably more so I don’t escape back up to the roof. I slide into a pair of ripped jeans and a band shirt I may have snagged from our lake weekend. I considered it my parting gift. I tie the end in a knot, because I still have to be fashionable, and slip on a pair of red Converse. We head out and take the bus up town where everyone is meeting. Katie fills me in on everything I’ve missed while playing possum.

  I feel like a huge jerk while Katie tells me how Jason was inducted to the football hall of fame at the college he attended. She also didn’t spare my feelings when telling me everyone but me attended. Mick’s photoshoot from the lake landed him in Esquire magazine, signing a ton more modeling contracts. Said if I didn’t want to have Mick’s face in my head when reading any of the latest romance books, don’t bother picking any up, because he was about to be everywhere.

  She lays the guilt on thick by telling me she got a promotion at work, bumping her up to a higher-grade level at school. They’d all gone out to celebrate. Another round of calls I’d avoided.

  By the time we make it to the bar, I feel like I have a neon sign on my forehead blaring “worst friend ever.” I let Katie walk in first, just in case anyone starts to throw tomatoes at me. My nerves are on overdrive. I dig my nails into my palm, threatening to break the skin just to keep my composure. I don’t understand why I’m so nervous. These have been my friends for eons.

  We’re cleared by the bouncer, and Katie pushes inside through the graffitied wooden door. We step into the low-lit bar, my ears immediately piquing at the chatter and laughter. Loud conversations competing with the alternative music playing from the jukebox. My nervous vibe shifts as I soak in the laughter and smiles. I’m already digging the place as we make our way through funnels of groups. My eyes catch the bar to the right, bottles glowing behind a brightly lit shelf, all my best friends, Jose, Jim, and Tito aligned in a perfect row.

  I’m intoxicated by the smell of spirits and the popping of bottles, creating an easy feel inside me. Okay, so I enjoy a good bar, what can I say?

  Conversations swirl in the background as we cross the dancefloor toward a cluster of tables off to the side of the small elevated stage. I spot all my friends seated around a table, leisurely sipping on their drinks of choice. It’s impossible to avoid the next round of nerves that run through me. This can all end badly. It’s possible I’m about to find out I suck as a friend and everyone’s done with me.

  I make one last ditch effort to run, but Katie seizes my arm. Our movement catches Poppy’s attention. “You’re alive!” she says, catching everyone’s attention. All bodies twist, curious eyes landing on me.

  I wave in all my awkward glory. “Fancy meeting you all here.”

  Jerry gets up and pulls a seat out for me. He goes in for a hug before all
owing me to sit, whispering in my ear as we embrace. “Good to see you, trouble.”

  I squeeze a little harder than needed back. Man, I’ve missed them all too. “Same,” I reply, then break away. The hugs and hellos are shared amongst the group before I take my seat and a waitress comes to take my order.

  The light conversation continues as if it was never interrupted by my arrival. No one makes a move to mention anything from that weekend. When a few more minutes pass, I start to get fidgety in my seat. Why aren’t they yelling at me? Telling me how much I suck? Shunning me for being deceitful and taking away my friend card? Their easy-going chatter is starting to frustrate me. If someone doesn’t yell at me soon, I’m going to explode!

  “So, then this punk tries to resist arrest, and I wasn’t havin’ it, I pulled out my—”

  “Is anyone gonna say it?”

  All eyes land on me. Okay, this is uncomfortable. I should have kept my mouth shut. The avoidance was a lot easier than the attention.

  “Say what?” June asks.

  Man! They’re really going to make me work for it, aren’t they? I take a deep breath and release. “That I’m a liar and a loser and I had to deceive you all by bribing a stranger and bringing him in the midst of our lives as a decoy to make myself look better and for you all to like me.”

  There’s a long pause as everyone stares at me, their expressions blank.

  And then everyone bursts into an explosion of laughter.

  “Good one, Case,” Jason laughs, then stands. “Gonna take a leak before the band goes on.”

  Mick stands as well and joins Jason.

  “Same,” Poppy says. “Gonna hit the bar for a round of shots on my way back. Everyone in?”

  Everyone agrees, and I sit in my chair dumbfounded. Did I dream up this whole thing? Am I dreaming right now, and this is my subconscious playing tricks on me? I turn to Jerry, who’s sipping on a beer, and poke him.

  “Ouch.”

  Okay, he’s real.

  “What was that for?”

  “Why aren’t any of you mad at me?”

  He shrugs. Just. Shrugs! “What’s there to be mad at? You lied, big whoop. Everyone lies.”

  “Yeah, but my lie was ruthless. Savage!”

  He offers me another shoulder shrug. “Last month, I lied to Katie about forgetting our anniversary. Told her my surprise was for the following day since I knew she would be expecting something.”

  “And was it?”

  “Hell no. Totally forgot. Work was getting so hectic, my mind wasn’t on anything but. Had to scramble to throw something together under her nose. Spent a ridiculous amount on a hotel, flowers, jewelry. Had to dip into my secret golf fund too.”

  “Did she figure it out?”

  “Nope. Was beside herself and gushing over what a great husband I am.” We both share in a laugh knowing Katie would have castrated him if she knew the truth. “So, you see, sometimes lies are necessary. My intentions were in the right place, and that’s all that matters—unlike Jason with darts.”

  Confusion lathered in curiosity pings, and my eyebrows go up. “Jason?”

  “Yeah, he lied to me and said he was okay at darts. He’s actually fantastic and took twenty bucks from me. Lying bastard.”

  I sink into my chair, chuckling into my beer. I take a sip, feeling some ease to my worries. “Thanks for making me feel like less of a jerk. I truly didn’t set out to hurt anyone by lying. I just…wanted to fit in, I guess.”

  It’s his turn to rotate to face me. “Fit in? Let’s not get crazy. If you weren’t you, we’d probably like you less. We don’t want you to fit in. You’re unique and crazy and impossibly remarkable. In your own beautiful way, of course. You’d be disappointing us more if you ever changed that.” I start to cry. “Hey, come here. Why the sad face? I promise no one’s mad.”

  “I appreciate it, but it’s not just that. It’s the way I also treated Jim. I was so horrible to him. He hadn’t done anything wrong except actually like me and want to be honest about it. I said some horrible things.”

  Jerry throws his arm over my shoulder and snuggles me to his side for comfort. “Have you tried telling him that?”

  “No, he deleted the app we met on, and it was the only way I had to contact him. Plus, I’m sure he wants nothing to do with me.”

  Jerry shrugs in agreeance. “Ouch!” He releases me, cradling his stomach. “Man, still so violent.”

  “You’re not helping my weeping heart here.”

  “Ahhh…” His lips curl into a mischievous smile. “So, your heart is weeping, is it?”

  Drats. I just let that confession slip. My mouth opens to spew more lies about being emotionless and how nothing fazes this girl, but then I realize that same mind set is what got me into this predicament in the first place. I take a deep breath knowing what I’m about to say may ruin my cool kid factor. Jerry may laugh at me and realize I’m not such a tough cookie after all.

  “Just spit it out. You look like you’re trying to pass a kidney stone or something. Which let me tell you—”

  “I really liked him!” There. I said it. “The way he saw me…no one’s ever looked at me that way before. Like he dove deep inside all my crazy and still saw something beautiful.” He saw past my insanity and still wanted to pursue whatever was happening. The way he held my hand…it was powerful, yet so gentle. He made me feel wanted and claimed, yet held me like a treasure, afraid to break me. And his kiss. It was as if he was pouring all of himself in each beautiful press of his lips against mine. He wasn’t giving me this side of him because I was paying him to. He was giving me this side of him because he wanted to show me he didn’t see a hot mess girl who had lost her way. He saw a beautiful disaster. “I messed up. I found a guy who made me feel weird and funny and weak in my knees when he kissed me, and I went and messed it all up because I suck and ruin everything good in my life!” I suck down my beer before anything else spews out of my mouth. I also hear if you hold your breath it fights against an obscene waterfall of tears about to cascade down my face.

  “Well, that was a mouthful.” Jerry leans back in his chair, taking his own big swig of beer.

  “Right? And worse, I’ll never know if we would have worked out because he’s like a ghost and I have to suffer with this empty pit in my stomach because I was really falling for him.”

  Jerry grumbles, and I turn to him. “What? What was that grumble for?”

  “Uhhh…if we’re being honest here, I have something else to confess.”

  I aim my full attention at him. “What?” My hand twitches, and he jumps.

  “Okay, crazy! Keep the violence to a minimum. Now, you can’t just be mad at only me ’cause I’m the only one in front of you. Consider that when you try to use force, okay?”

  What the hell is he talking about? “Spill,” I growl.

  “We all kept in touch with Jim.”

  “What!”

  “We had all exchanged numbers that weekend! Poppy told Mick to stay out of it, because she was on your side, but couldn’t take the lovesick puppy bullshit he was pulling and Mick ended up betraying her and calling, which, may I add, is another great story.”

  I sit up straight. “Wait, so you’ve been talking to him?”

  “More like hanging out?” He states as a question.

  “Jerry, it’s a statement not a question!”

  “Hanging out! He’s a super cool dude! Down to earth. And if you care to know, he’s not mad at you. We talked about it—ouch! Goddammit! You are crazy.”

  About to be certifiable. They’ve all stayed in touch with him? He and Jerry talked about me? My mind is spinning like a rogue roller-coaster about to fly off its track.

  “Shit, please don’t hit me again.”

  “Ugh, I’m not. What did he say?” Did he hate me? Super mad? Maybe misses me and thought I was such a great kisser he forgot how nasty Nelly I was to him? Gah! He can’t answer fast enough!

  “Well, he really liked my vinyl recor
d collection. Complimented the—”

  “About me, Jerry!”

  “That you were a huge headache.” He ducks as my eyes widen. “And that you were stubborn. And violent, which I agreed, Jesus. But he also said you were like a hidden treasure inside your crazy beautiful mind. He actually called you a beautiful disaster, but I think crazy fits—stop!”

  “Okay, sorry, but stay on course.” My heart is beating out of my chest.

  “He said close to the same thing. He was rocked by the way you two hit it off. In his own crazy way, he started making plans with a girl he just met. He liked you.”

  “Did he say how much?” I spit back.

  “We’re dudes, we don’t talk about feelings or that mushy shit.”

  I sit back in my chair in mild shock. While I’ve been at home sulking, my friends have been hanging out with the one person I would have answered if he had called. This also means he’s had access to me this whole time. If he really wanted to try to fix what I broke, he could have reached out. But he didn’t.

  I take down the rest of my beer, my mood about as sour as the taste in my mouth. I want to be mad at all my friends for betraying me. But how can I? I brought this great guy into their lives. Like a glove, he fit perfectly in our circle. I’ve never seen Mick so smitten with anyone before. I was getting worried Poppy might actually have some competition. Jason has never offered tickets to anyone, and it took a whole hour before he made a man date to take Jim to a game.

  I wave my white flag, silently admitting I can’t and have no right to be upset with my friends. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with such a great, talented, sexy, great kisser, smells amazing kind of guy?

  “Well, I’m glad you all kept in touch.” A single brow raises in disbelief. “I am! Promise. He’s a great guy. It’s not his fault how things went down. It was mine. I’m glad for you guys.” I offer him a generous smile. On the outside, I’m sure I look happy. But on the inside, my entire soul is deflating like a balloon being stabbed by the reality of my poor decisions.